Open Letter to Mr. Steve Finnell

On a few different occasions, Mr. Finnell has responded to my posts with an eager effort to promote his faith. I am not opposed to such things, however, I did not publish his replies due to the fact they were entirely tangential (at best) to the subject matter of my posts. Out of respect for Mr. Finnell's apparently earnest desire for dialogue, I am taking the time to direct a post to him. I ask that Mr. Finnell, upon reading this post, please do me the kindness of responding in the comments.

His desire for discussion upon this topic seems sincere but he seems hesitant to engage it upon my other blogs. Thus, I am breaking from my usual posting habits to touch upon this subject in this blog as a gesture of kindness and respect for his apparent discomfort to approach me elsewhere. I welcome others who would wish to join this discussion to do so in the comments as well. While this is my blog, I recognize that I am part of a larger community and that this is the digital equivalent of sitting on the front porch and talking with the neighbors.

All I ask, and I state this only for the sake of clarity, is that the discussion be conducted in a respectful tone. I give my most solemn word that I will treat all comers to this discussion with hospitality and kindness. However, if someone chooses to be offensive in their treatment of myself or others who are engaged in this discussion, I will not post their reply. I know that common courtesy is something of a rarity on the internet and it saddens me that I felt it necessary to make the aforementioned statement. That, however, is something for a different post.

In his most recent reply to one of my posts, Mr. Finnell posted the following:

IS GOD'S GRACE IRRESISTIBLE? BY STEVE FINNELL The doctrine of irresistible grace, that was promoted by John Calvin, teaches that God's grace is applied only to those to whom He has determined to save, overcoming their resistance to obeying the call of the gospel, imputing them with faith in Christ so that they might become saved. God's grace is available to all who hear the gospel. Titus 2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. God's grace is available to all men, however, most men reject the salvation offered by God. Men have a choice, grace is not irresistible. Matthew 7:13-14 "Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. Men can and do resist the Holy Spirit. Acts 7:51 "You stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy

I realize that one might feel somewhat constrained by the format of posting replies here on Blogger. I question, however, why Mr. Finnell felt it necessary to post his reply with such dense text. A few line breaks would have made it much easier to read. I ask that in future posting, that Mr. Finnell use line breaks to delineate the difference between the Bible passages he is quoting and his personal sentiments. The format that he has used thus far is very difficult to read, from a technical standpoint. It fatigues the eye and makes it confusing.

Also, ending with a dangling participle is simply bad form, Mr. Finnell. Please, refrain from doing so. If one must end a statement before completing a quote, it is accepted practice to use an ellipsis. If you are not familiar with an ellipsis, it is formed thusly: [...]. I recognize that my arguments thus far are fare more ... peevish and narrow then what one might expect at the outset of this discussion. I confess, I have times where I have played fast and loose with the rules of written communication myself.

It seems, however, that more casual attention to written communication denotes more casual concern with the subject matter. If I am not mistaken, Mr. Finnell, you consider the subject you are attempting to engage me in to be one of great importance. Additionally, it seems to me that the holy book which you are referencing would be one that you hold in high regard and would expend the extra effort to make sure that you are clearly expressing your quotations with the level of gravitas that is merited by the subject matter and source material.

Please, Mr. Finnell, in your responses to me upon this subject, take the time to make your responses easily readable. It makes it not only easier for me to understand what you are communicating but makes me more inclined to engage you upon the subject. I prefer to discuss topics of religion with individuals who are educated to a moderate extent because I come away from the conversation having learned something. It is my hope that this discussion will prove profitable to both of us and the only way that we can begin to approach this is with a clearly defined framework for communication.

Now, I express some disappointment, Mr. Finnell, that you did not identify which version of the Bible you are referencing here. There are subtle but meaningful differences in the language used in the different versions of the Bible that are on the market. I did take a moment to review a few posts on your blog. It seems that you are using the New King James Version. I do now own this version, however, I have an Authorized King James Version. I hope that the differences in the material are not so great as to hinder discussion. I ask, however, that in the future, when you are using quotations, that you note which version of the Bible you are using. I do not know if you, like myself, own multiple versions of this holy book. I would like to be able to reference the same material as you are so that I might be able to understand the quotation in its full context.

I find it curious that you open your post with a declaration. I can not tell if this declaration is from yourself or the esteemed John Calvin. (John Calvin was a very wise man who did a great deal of work to encourage the Protestant reformation and I respect his efforts highly. I would assume from your referencing of him that you are of the Calvinist denomination. If I am incorrect in this assumption, please be so kind as to share what denomination you follow. I am most curious, however, I digress. You open with the following declaration:

The doctrine of irresistible grace, that was promoted by John Calvin, teaches that God's grace is applied only to those to whom He has determined to save, overcoming their resistance to obeying the call of the gospel, imputing them with faith in Christ so that they might become saved. God's grace is available to all who hear the gospel.

If irresistible grace is applied to those whom your God has decided to save, would it not happen that I would be aware of this grace? Would it not have refashioned my beliefs or otherwise reshaped the structure of my life whereby accepting the 'call of the gospel' becomes the only logical path in my life? Additionally, Mr. Finnell, what exactly would your God be saving me from?

It is the belief of your sect that all of humanity is depraved and incapable of ethical behavior with out the intervention of your God. I question how it is that you feel so empowered to make such judgments about myself. Does not the very Bible you have quoted admonish believers to remember that such judgments are the purview of God alone? The sermon upon the Mount of Olives is a very clear lesson upon this matter. It would be the very height of hubris to make such judgments and act upon them.

Your aggressive insistence that I pay court to your efforts to proselytize to me would lead me to infer that you believe that I am amongst the worst wicked and that my salvation must be accomplished by way of your efforts in addition to those of your God. For, indeed, such aggressive efforts to persuade me away from my path bespeaks a lack of faith that your God is sufficient to change my heart upon his own efforts. Is your God omnipotent or not? If your God is omnipotent, then you have no work to do.

Indeed, if your God is omnipotent and desires me to change my ways, he would know the best way to persuade me. It would happen in a manner that I would have no choice but either accept or reject because I would see quite clearly the logical choice in the matter. There would be no fuzzy arguments about ethics, the qualities of God, or what humanity's proper relationship with God, itself, and the world should be.

Titus 2:11 For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. God's grace is available to all men, however, most men reject the salvation offered by God. Men have a choice, grace is not irresistible.

The quote above leads me to question, Mr. Finnell, if humanity has a choice to reject your God, what power does your God have? How exactly can your God save me if his will is undone by a person merely saying 'no'? I have been beset by great harm and difficulty in my 35 years upon Earth. In those times of difficulty, why did your God not stretch forth his hand and shelter me from the evil that was visited upon me? It would have won him a steadfast and unshakeable convert, I assure you. Yet, your God did no such thing, for myself or many others whom have been or are currently in such a position.

Why does your God rely upon such weak vessels as human action if he truly seeks to save the world? Could it be that those of us who have not been favored by such a kindly glance from your God are not amongst the chosen? I ask, could it be that I was destined for my heathen ways? And, if this was the case, would it not be arrogance and foolishness to attempt to persuade me to take a different path? Would this not be another manifestation of a failure to have complete faith in your God, whom your faith teaches is omnipresent, omnipotent, and all knowing?

Indeed, Mr. Finnell, is it not possible that I, a mere housewife, am placed here to serve as a mirror whereby you might examine your own faith and your efforts to convert me are you moving against the plan of your God? For, if your God has shaped all things and knows the hearts of all humanity, then I am precisely as your God has formed me and I fulfill the role that he has placed me in simply as I am. All life experiences and genetic programming that has lead me to this precise moment in time happened in accordance with your God's will, according to most Christian thought, and I am as I should be with out any action upon your part. It would be a dangerous act of will for one to oppose an omnipotent, omnipresent, all knowing being.

You would have my believe that your presence, as persistent as it is, is a manifestation of that super abundant grace and that your efforts to convert me are endorsed by this. I question, is it your God's will that you are engaged in or your own? You would be quick to declare me amongst the proud and wicked, Mr. Finnell, but what evidence have you that I am so? How is a peaceable person who deals fairly with others and abides by the laws of the land amongst the wicked? How is a person who is more concerned with the good of others then that of themselves amongst the wicked?

I practice my faith quietly. I do good work in my community where I can. I am raising my boys to be good men who respect and honor other people. I do not harm others. I even work to be ecologically sound in my work around the house and in my purchasing efforts, thereby acting as a good steward of the land for the generations that follow me. Please, I ask you, show me what evil these actions have caused? How does this place me amongst the people who are in need of salvation?

Furthermore, what exactly would I be being saved from? What of the people who died unaware of the gospel, Mr. Finnell? The unbaptized and ignorant of your faith, are they condemned as well by their accident of birth? Ah, wait, I forget, Mr. Finnell, a central tenet of your sect of Christianity is that all of humanity is depraved. Thus the infant child is somehow equally as much of an affront to the eyes of your God as he who murders and commits acts of rape. Explain to me, please Mr. Finnell, how that works. The infant child is not yet capable of moral reasoning. They act out of ignorance, in their limited capacity for action, and are not yet experienced enough to conceptualize abstract concepts like malice. The murderer has their faculties and the ability to act as a moral agent. They can consciously choose how to proceed and engage in actions deliberately, even when they choose not to consider those actions fully.

You would have me embrace your faith on the basis of a few quotes. Within those quotes are a thinly veiled threat of punishment if I do not make the 'right' choice and an insult against my person. If such tactics were undertaken at any other juncture, what ever decision I made would be under duress and not of my own free will, if I had felt sufficiently threatened by the threat of punishment. If I were to choose conversion under those circumstances, I did not choose it of my own free will but to avoid punishment. As such, by being forced into such a choice, I didn't make a choice but rather complied with those who were forcing me into the situation out of a sense of self preservation, much like a man who is being robbed at gunpoint would hand over his wallet rather then being shot. The man does not know if the gun is loaded and is forced to operate on the assumption that it is and complies for the sake of his well being.

You, Mr. Finnell, have placed me in this position. Your God seeks a conversion via free will. Your efforts, however, have placed me in a position where said conversion would not be of my free will. Thus, you are undermining God and engaging in a dangerous game, sir. And all of this is with out any consideration for the question of the existence of other Gods and the possible role they play in this scenario.

I ask you, sir, why do you threaten as part of your efforts to convert? The gospel is supposed to be about good news (as that is the root of the term gospel even) and making the world aware of God's love of humanity. One does not persuade a person with threats. That is terrorizing them. Indeed, one could argue that it is psychological and emotional blackmail to do so. I am made of sterner stuff and do not take kindly to such efforts. I will, however, overlook your thinly veiled threats if you would engaged me by way of reason. Persuade me, Mr. Finnell. Tell me what good your God has done for you and the world. Explain to me why your God would permit the evils that happened to me and turned a deaf ear when I appealed for aid.

It was not your God that delivered me from evil, by the way. It was my Gods that helped me to endure it and defend myself from it when it came again in my life. I place low value upon a 'savior' who refuses to rescue a child from a dangerous situation.

Another Tuesday come and gone.

Today was Snuggle Bug's birthday. We didn't have cake and presents because we'll be doing a combined party for him and Cuddle Bear in about a week and a half. Still, I sent him into preschool with a fistful of lollipops to share with his friends and teachers. He was told happy birthday by everybody in the house and given lots of hugs. Snuggle Bug was his usual cheerful and mischievous self. I don't think the lack of cake and presents made too huge of a impression on him.

The boys decided to be contrary this afternoon. It was a difficult afternoon for me. I am trying to adapt my parenting approach from one based in behaviorism to one that is closer to being child lead. Today was day one of this transition. The boys seemed to be of the opinion that this made everything free reign. Their favorite activity was jumping on the couch. I firmly told them that they were not allowed to do it because it was unsafe and it damages the couch. This turned into the boys jumping on the couch and then stopping to tell me that they shouldn't do it because it was bad for the couch.

I am apprehensive over how the next few weeks of this are going to go. I decided to transition to a more child lead approach because the behaviorism one just wasn't getting any real progress. I'm not saying that the boys are poorly behaved. When we're out in public or they are around unfamiliar people, they behave very well. I've had quite a few people comment favorably on this. But things like spankings for potentially dangerous misbehavior and time-out are not working out that well for me.

I thing out of the three of us, I was the one who had the hardest time this afternoon. It was exhausting to keep redirecting them. When it was time to clean up, Snuggle Bug had a melt down and lay on the couch screaming for a few minutes. He was absolutely furious that I wasn't letting him play while his brother and I were picking up. I confess, I did try bribing the boys to cooperate.

It did nothing to motivate them. I think that I need to make clean up a daily activity rather then a weekly one. I am wondering if I made the afternoon more structured for the boys that I would have less problems with melt downs and misbehavior. Currently, it is pretty unstructured. Every thing that I have been reading, it seems that kids with autism benefit from structured activities.

I have about a month before school starts. Between now and then, I am going to reintroduce the 3:00 snack time followed by 'homework' time. Right now, I think I'm just going to have the boys work on coloring pages and maybe have Cuddle Bear do some reading. My thinking is if we have that hour set up as time to sit at the table and work on things, then perhaps it will make homework an easier thing.

Aside from this stuff, I am pleased to report that I finished my plying. All that I have left to do is wet it and set the twist. Then I can use it to finish up the crochet Wingspan shawl I am making. Which I will then over-dye with green so that the different yarns are at least in the same color family. The merino-bamboo fiber that my MiL gave me a few weeks ago has been sitting on the back deck in jars with dye. I'm attempting to solar dye the stuff.

I figure it has been enough time for the colors to seep in. Now I am going to wash the fiber and dry it. Hopefully, the colors set and I will be able to spin up some lush and lofty yarns. One jar has red dye. One jar has a mixture of orange and yellow dye. The third jar has blue. Of the three colors, I am most interested in seeing how the blue and the red come out. I figure if the dye doesn't take for these, I can always spin up the fiber and dye the skein with a bottle of Rit dye. I'm hoping that I don't have to do that, however. We'll see, I suppose.

Fine weather for ducks.

From Here

It rained hard today. So hard that the end of my street by the fire department was flooded. It made walking to Cheergirl's tutoring session an adventure that Cuddle Bear loved. Cheergirl (this may be a new moniker for her, because I don't remember if I had one before or what it was) has been a friend of Cuddle Bear's since he was in the Head Start program a few years ago. Her little brother, Hot Rod, and Snuggle Bug go to Head Start together and will be starting Kindergarten this fall. It looks like they're not going to be in the same class room but I think that is to the benefit of the teaching staff to be honest.

Put Hot Rod and Snuggle Bug in the same room and mischief ensues. They're thick as thieves, as my Grandma K. would say. The boys were off at Head Start today and Cuddle Bear and I were off to Cheergirl's house for her tutoring session. As I tutor Cheergirl in math and english, Cuddle Bear usually plays with her family's cats or is busily showing off for Lily (Cheergirl and Hot Rod's mom) what he can do on the playground, when the weather is nice. During the last few weeks, Cuddle Bear got to play with Cheergirl's half brother, D. and he was real pleased with that.

But, I digress, Cuddle Bear and I were on our way down to do our tutoring/play session. We do this Monday, Wednesday, and Friday over the last month now. (I can't believe it has been a whole month already. Where has this summer gone to?) At first Cuddle Bear was really excited by the fact that he got to carry an umbrella just for himself. Then we crossed the street and he noticed the water running in the ditch.

He decided that was awesome and proceeded to tell me all the reasons why he loved the water. By this time, we had reached the parking lot of the railroad line/lumber yard. There was a LOT of standing water. I foolishly thought it was just a series of really big puddles and that it wouldn't be so bad. Oh, how wrong I was! We splashed through water up to our ankles to the train tracks. Then, as we crossed the tracks, the water came up about an inch higher.

Much to my dismay, what I thought was a series of big puddles was a large flooded swath of the road. It went from the edge of the treeline of the property by the rail line down to across from the firehouse. It was close to 50 yards wide from east to west and around 25 yards wide at its widest point from north to south. We started to traverse this and the water kept getting deeper and deeper. As we were walking, I noticed that there was a bit of a current to everything.

Deciding that we were a quarter of the way to Cheergirl's house, I continued on but did my level best to remain at the edges of the surprise pond. We carefully wound up on the street for a few yards (fortunately with no traffic in sight for a good long ways). It was as we were making our way back to the sidewalk where it emerged from the muddy water that I stepped into a low spot and had water up to my right knee. Cold water and shorts does not mix well. The fates were in my favor, however, because Cuddle Bear was in the ankle deep water

The rest of our walk to Cheergirl's house wasn't as bad. It was a bit breezy, however, and I think I felt every puff. It was when we were going past the runoff ditch that went behind Cheergirl's apartment complex that things got a bit interesting again. The water was again ankle deep and moving at a pretty good clip. I had Cuddle Bear keep a firm hold on me and I kept a firm hold on his wrist when we crossed it. The street was pretty well flooded. When we got to Cheergirl's townhouse, the property groundskeeper was going around telling people to move their valuables up from their basements because basements had started flooding.

I guess we got about a dozen math flashcards down before the guy got to their place. Then tutoring was put on hold to emergency move stuff up out of their basement. I was happy to help because I didn't want Lily to sprain her ankle again. She sprained it pretty bad about two months ago and only recently been declared healthy. It was then that I discovered that I am a pretender to the crown of doll collecting. Helping Lily and Cheergirl move boxes, I found that Lily has a fantastic collection of porcelain dolls. I am not ashamed to say that I envied a few of them, especially the one in the lavender Victorian dress. It was a really splendid doll and even had the box still.

As we were winding down from the fast bit of cardio (and I was quietly thanking the gods that my knees weren't complaining too badly from the stairs), Lily looked up how the weather was effecting the area. That was when we learned about the next town over having a section of road washed out due to the flooding and a good portion of the western part of town (ironically beside the same rail line that starts down the road from me) was getting evacuated because of it. I was impressed with this and decided that perhaps a tactical retreat homeward was the best option.

Cue the mile trudge back home through the same conditions. Cuddle Bear was six kinds of excited and happy with the whole walk. I was a bit more cranky because I was cold and concerned that the flooding might prompt Head Start to send the kids home early. We got home, changed into dry clothes, and ate lunch. Then I tried to call Head Start's transportation office to make arrangements for Snuggle Bug to get dropped off at home rather then at Lily's place. I was curtly informed that such arrangements needed to be made a day in advance, at minimum, and then the woman I was talking to hung up on me. I get that she was probably having a rough day with the weather being what it was. I wasn't exactly impressed (and honestly a bit annoyed) with her lack of customer service skills, however.

So, we make the trek back to Lily's place a bit later. It was a huge relief to find that the massive pool had diminished to a series of large puddles that were a quarter of an inch to an inch deep. We still had to go around one very large pool, where the poor guy living by the lumber yard had his whole lawn flooded and about a hundred feet of sidewalk submerged as well. We were most of the way to Lily's place when we came by the spot that the runoff ditch was spilling into the street.

I was honestly surprised to find a fish laying on the sidewalk. I wasn't sure if it was alive at first when Cuddle Bear pointed it out. Then I leaned down and saw the poor thing's gills flapping. As I didn't know where the nearest body of water was, aside from the lake that was a quarter of a mile away, I felt a bit bad leaving the fish there on the sidewalk. When I saw Lily I mentioned the fish and asked if there was a pond nearby. She stated that there were two. One was at the western end of the runoff ditch on a bit of a rise and then there was one on the eastern end, across the street.

We walked back and I picked up the fish. It was so stunned and unwell that it didn't do anything other then flap its gills when I picked it up. I tossed it into the pond across the street. It made a pretty hefty splash. I couldn't tell what became of the fish after it hit the water. I'd like to think that it recovered because I didn't see it on the surface of the water when we passed by later after Snuggle Bug and Hot Rod's bus had dropped them off.

Snuggle Bug and Cuddle Bear had lots of fun jumping in the small puddles on the way home. We did a little bit of listening to random music on the internet before I set the boys up with some videos on Youtube while I did some dishes and made dinner. We had hamburgers, cheese crackers, and salad for dinner. Cuddle Bear just about had a meltdown when I put the salad on his plate. I told him, however, that he had to eat at least one bite of it before he could get more crackers. To his credit, he didn't take a single piece of lettuce and declare that is one bite.

Snuggle Bug surprised me and ate all of his salad, cheering after each bite that he loved salad. I think I am going to have to hang onto this particular variety of salad dressing because the salad wasn't any different from the ones I have made before. The dressing was Kraft's Red Bell Pepper Italian dressing. I think I am going to have to stock that in my cupboard now. I wasn't terribly impressed with the pretzel rolls that I had gotten when I went grocery shopping at Aldi's last Saturday. I didn't think they were bad but they didn't go well with the burger or the grilled portobello mushroom. I had planned on saving the mushroom for my lunch tomorrow but I was too hungry to pass it up.

Fortunately, I have more of those big, tasty mushrooms in the fridge. I can still zap one in the microwave and have it tomorrow for lunch. I haven't been posting pictures of the salads that I would have been making for myself of late because of two things. One: the software to upload the pictures from the camera to the computer hasn't been installed yet. Two: I have been eating sandwiches and soup rather then salads. I'm still doing alright for keeping breakfast meat free. My lunches, however, have been featuring more cold cuts then I want. Today, though, I manged to go vegan until dinner time. I'm not planning to do the vegan thing every day but once in a while isn't too bad of an idea.

Today, I walked 4 miles. Tomorrow, Snuggle Bug gets dropped off at home. I think it will be an inside day again. I am going to try to get some exercise in by way of housework tomorrow. My living room is literally a train wreck. The boys set up a monstrously huge train track through out the living room and it is in pieces now. Between that and matchbox cars, I don't think I need to fear any ninjas breaking into my home. We have lots and lots of caltrops for them to step on. Thank goodness the legos are regulated to being table toys.

Gardening, kids, and nonsense.

From Here

I am pleased to report that my strawberry bush has produced more very sweet strawberries. I have learned what variety of strawberry that I am growing here. It is an alpine strawberry plant. Apparently it is supposed to have diminutive berries. I have to say, out of all the strawberries that I have had over the years, these are the sweetest.

I am torn between mild disappointment that the plant isn't producing enough to make strawberry tarts with it and sheer joy that I have strawberries that I've grown myself. I'm trending towards joy, just so you know. Amusingly, the boys will not touch them. They view the plant with great suspicion because the fruit looks very little like what we get from the store.

My Mother in law gave me some southernwood cuttings when I saw her recently. She was watching Cuddle Bear for me as I had some appointments to attend to. When I got back from seeing my psychiatrist, she had some cuttings for me. I have planted them in some soil and gave them a good long drink. I also planted the geranium cutting she gave me. She has this wonderful geranium that has blooms that are such a dark red that they are almost purple. I've been lusting after the plant for a few months now.

Tutoring today went fairly well. I wasn't able to locate a dictionary for the girl, but we didn't need it today. I am going to dig through my old pile of books to see if I happen to have one kicking around. If I have a paperback dictionary just sitting on the shelf, I'm going to give it to her. I have an unabridged dictionary sitting on the shelf right now. If I need to look anything up (or murder someone) I have a very effective tool for that with out even needing to go online. I brought down the math flashcard that Cuddle Bear isn't quite ready for. We did some work with them. I'm going to let them borrow the cards until school starts. According to theory, if she works on those flashcards, she will get a bit stronger with her mathematics and have an easier time with the other stuff.

It's been really interesting and rather confusing how she is so hit or miss with her mathematics skills. Some things she does well with repeatedly. Others, she really struggles and needs to be coached through the problems. My friend (the girl's mom) is talking about getting her tested to see what learning disorders she might be dealing with. When she asked me what I thought, I said that I could only see good things coming from the testing. Because they've got really good health insurance through the state, I know that a full battery of tests would be covered, as this is showing up in other areas and has my friend concerned that there is some kind of developmental or other problem at play. I really hope that they can get it figured out and a plan for how to work with it all.

Snuggle Bug has adjusted well to the new summer schedule at Headstart. He apparently has been telling his teachers quite excitedly about how he gets to play at his friends' house often. They've written a note asking who it is that he is talking about. I'll be letting them know in a note tomorrow. I am just amused that Snuggle Bug is having such a wonderful time with it all. It seems to have made it easier for him to get into the swing of things after having almost two weeks off.

Cuddle Bear has been having a lot of fun playing with his friend when she is done with our tutoring sessions. His big thing right now has been the pole on the playground at her apartment complex. Cuddle Bug has been talking about this thing non-stop since last Wednesday. Wednesday was when he figured out how to use it. Now he wants to bring down a fireman's hat and pretend that he is Fireman Sam. I'm happy that he is enjoying it and even more so that he has developed the upper body strength to use it. Last summer, he wouldn't have been able to do so. It makes me optimistic that he is continuing to make good progress on strengthening his body through play.

I made the mistake of looking at the other mommy blogger's posts. For a few minutes, I felt poorly about my blog's lack of pictures and its rather unprofessional lay out. Then I took a mental step back and considered the situation. I am investing my efforts into things like making yule gifts and managing my disability. I am very busy with two autistic boys who are very full of energy. While these other mommy bloggers may have blogs that look professional and polished, they are not exactly dealing with the workload that I am. Perhaps when school starts up again, I may tweak the lay out of the blog and who knows, maybe I'll manage to get some more pictures up on here.

I don't need to be doing the same thing that these women are. My home and family has different needs. It is more important that I focus my efforts on meeting those needs then trying to make my blog look as shiny and pretty as those other mommy bloggers have theirs looking. I'm not out there doing a boatload of DIY crafts and stuff to make my home look pretty or follow the latest trends. And, now that I think about it, I am rather happy not following trends. It is better to pursue my own authentic vision of life then that which is out there for the trendy people. It's not that I've got anything against following trends, but I'm far more healthy when I consult my inner sense of things compared to when I am trying to keep up with trends.

I may just swear off looking at those mommy blogs. Or start looking for the mommy blogs that are more like my own. Where the biggest triumphs of the day are things like mastering a new crochet technique (Today I'm learning how to make a sock from the cuff down. I'm working on turning the heel right now, it doesn't look quite right but I'm trying.) or keeping the kids from having massive meltdowns because they wanted to go get ice cream when we didn't have the funds for it. I'm going to try to update this thing more often.

After all, there may be another mommy looking for a realistic mommy blogger just like me.

Celebrating Independence day is optional.

It has been a few years now since I have felt the pull to celebrate the 4th of July. It is less a matter of not enjoying fireworks and barbecues and more that I feel a deep sense of disconnect with the folks around me who get whipped up into a patriotic fervor. It's not that I don't love my country. It's not that I'm not proud of the good that we have done as a nation. And it is most definitely that I don't appreciate the sacrifices that have been made so that we might live in relative freedom compared to the rest of the world.

I appreciate all of these things. I enjoy a good fireworks show as much, if not a little bit more, then the next gal. Family barbecues are often the highlights of the summer. My problem, however, is that I can't blithely celebrate all of these things while there is so much that is very, very wrong in this country. Celebrating our 'freedom' while our nation has one of the highest incarcaration rates in the world strikes me as a sick irony. We're tied with Seychelles for the number one position on that list. When people cheer about USA being number one at something, I highly doubt this is what they have in mind.

I can not in good conscience celebrate the military when the military does such a poor job of taking care of veterans. The VA is infamous for the poor quality of their hospitals and of their poor quality of service to the veterans. When there are veterans dying as they are waiting for assistance from the hospital and that this is reported in news story, after news story, after news story, there is something terribly wrong with this picture. This is not something to celebrate. This is something to get angry over and demand to be fixed.

I can not in good conscience celebrate the 'freedom' of the nation when rulings are made that strip liberties away from the people and encourage discriminatory practices by the Supreme Court. Rulings like the most recent one on the Hobby Lobby case, the one a few years back regarding eminent domain, or the other one from recent past wherein portions of the restrictions on how spending was used in an election were struck down. I can not look at these things and say that my nation respects my freedom and rights with these kinds of decisions.

The Hobby Lobby case has established that one's employer may pressure their employees against medical treatments that the employer finds distasteful. One might say that I am blowing this out of proportion because it is merely telling them that they can choose not to consume health insurance options that permit contraceptives (in this specific case) but they have always had that option. The case establishes that it is in principle tolerable and legal to discriminate against women who use contraceptives, regardless of the cause and medical need for said use. I said something about this a few days ago. You may want to take a peek at it to get my full opinion on the implications of that ruling.

The eminent domain ruling has essentially ended private property ownership, when it comes to land. It has created a situation where a business can, on the promise of creating more tax revenue for the municipality, take your property under color of law. It may not be the business itself taking the land, but the end result is just that. There's a reason why many people hate Walmart. It is because since this ruling, Walmart has been utilizing this legal process of ejecting people from their property on a regular basis. The only reason why no one has really heard much about it in the news is because the business is big and brings in a considerable amount of money, compared to the private property owners who are getting shafted. Also, the law hasn't been used to force people out of their houses, for the most part.

No, people losing their homes have been a result of financial bubbles collapsing and shady business practices in the banking world. Another thing that I can not say makes the 4th worth celebrating. The 'American Dream' is to own your own home, have a vehicle, and a reasonably secure job that you can retire from once you've become old enough that you're not particularly apt at it any more. That dream is not a reality for most of the nation. Most of us are going to be working until we're well into our 'Golden Years' and I don't expect Social Security to provide much of a safety net.

According to theory, on paper, my family is middle class. Functionally, we're at the bottom of the middle class spectrum. We have health insurance through charity programs because we can't afford it otherwise. We've used up most of our savings on medication to manage my health problems. We are mired in debt because we did what we were encouraged to when we finished high school: went to college. There are people who have college degrees who are working multiple minimum wage jobs to keep a roof over their head. Why? Because the jobs that we were promised before we went to college aren't there.

The nation is living paycheck to paycheck. In some cases, they're hanging in the best they can until they get their benefits check at the beginning of the month. I can not celebrate this. I don't celebrate Independence Day because there's too many things wrong with this country. I don't feel that I or the rest of us have the right to rest on the laurels collected by others and perform in public rituals of mental masturbation, ignoring the work that needs done.

Between the unjust wars that we have entered into and the plight of the nation becoming clear to me, I simply can not celebrate the nation in that unanimous orgy of fireworks, hot dogs, and beer that so many of my countrymen do. It is the same as spitting in the face of my neighbors who count themselves lucky if they can afford those hot dogs this week. I refuse to do that.

The Hobby Lobby Fiasco

As I am sure most of you are aware, we are on the verge of Independence day here in the good ol' US of A. It is darkly ironic that there is less liberty in this nation this week then there was before it. Now, some of you are going to tell me that the Supreme Court decision with respect to the Hobby Lobby case doesn't strip anyone of their rights, but rather grants liberties. If you honestly believe that poppycock, I think you need to stop reading my blog right now.

Seriously, we are at entirely different cultural mindsets and you're going to find yourself majorly vexed by what I post along any sort of cultural, political, or social topics. You might find Ann Coulter more to your liking. Follow that link and enjoy, because I promise you what I am about to say is going to send you in to an apoplectic fit.

Several people with law degrees and who make a living of studying the law and writing about it have said things that I don't have the verbage to. I don't have a law degree. I have a slightly better understanding of Constitutional law then your average lay person because it was a hobby of Beloved's for several years (the better part of a decade, wherein he seriously considered if he wanted to go to law school). I'm going to apply that bit of knowledge and a keen sense of historical trends to what I am witnessing here.

Part one: Granting corporate 'persons' religious exemptions from existing laws because of 'sincerely held beliefs.'

I have had a problem with corporations being regarded as 'persons' ever since junior high school, where I first encountered the concept. Extending to these businesses rights and privileges that have been the purview of individuals is wrong. It is a blatant act to disregard the anti-trust legislation on the books and should not be permitted to continue. Additionally, the religious exemption sets up a condition where this new legal loophole can be exploited to undermine all of the civil rights work that has been done in this country.

Today, a business such as Hobby Lobby can state that they will not fund health insurance coverage that includes contraceptives and abortifacients due to 'sincerely held religious beliefs.' Tomorrow, a business will deny an African American person service for the same claimed reason. There will be people who are denied services on the basis of their appearance, creed, gender, and disability status all for the sake of 'sincerely held religious beliefs.' You may think I am painting an extreme secenario here but there are places in the United States where people believe that a person falling ill with cancer is a sign of (their) god's judgment against that person. There are places in this country where if you are anything other then Caucasian, you will get harassed just walking down the street. And let us not forget the numbers of people who deem that women who are 'immodestly' dressed are clearly deserving of sexual assault, with out any clear determination of what is appropriately 'modest' dress.

The granting of the religious exemption sets a dangerous precedent that opens up the complete unraveling of the gains of the civil rights movement. Sure, they're not making laws that are saying that women aren't allowed to vote or that 'colored' people should use separate bathroom facilities. They don't have to when such attitudes can be imposed by businesses with out fear of repercussions. All they need to do is cry that they were motivated by their religious beliefs. The precedent has now been established that this is a viable way to escape just punishment for denying the civil liberties of others.

Part two: Ruling on contraceptives and abortifacients while not establishing a position when a fetus becomes a person.

Shame on the Supreme Court on this one. It is as egregious if not more so then what I first addressed. They will claim that they can't make a judgment on when personhood begins in pregnancy but then make this kind of ruling, implying that personhood begins at conception. If they're going to reverse Roe V Wade, they should gird their loins and just do it already. Because they have already made their decision as to when personhood begins, they just haven't said it directly. And I think that is due to cowardice. It is my understanding that only a coward will hem, haw, and do their damndest to not say what they want to say, whilst implying it every step of the way. I'd have some shred of respect for the justices who supported this decision if they had the courage to say 'we believe that personhood begins at conception' rather then put that 'decision' in the hands of the corporations (and the plaintiff of this case most assuredly believes it begins at conception which leads one to believe that must be the Court's position as well).

Part three: Ruling on insurance coverage for valid medical procedures that treat an array of conditions afflicting only people who are biologically female, but socially and culturally affects all women.

This is even more of an outrage then the first two points. It makes me so angry that I feel physically ill. It has taken me some time to process this all and I still am so angry that I can hardly speak. Women are not second class citizens. We make up approximately half of the population. Persons who are born female are no less deserving of potentially LIFE SAVING treatment of their conditions.

People wave their hands and go 'it's only birth control' but these medications help women like myself manage their conditions that can have potentially lethal implications. A ruptured ovarian cyst can have fatal results. Menstrual irregularity is not something to joke about. It can result in a woman bleeding to death if something goes severely wrong. By the way, the medical procedure commonly known as abortion (dialition and cutterage) was what was used to stop my best friend from bleeding to death due to her menstrual problems.

To say that people who are not medical doctors or the patient (or the patient's legal representitive) have any kind of say in what sort of medical treatment they have is beyond the pale. There is irresponsible, reckless, and then this, for which my vast lexicon of insult fails me. Allowing someone who doesn't have any sort of stake in the patient's welfare to have even a remote influence on their treatment is disgusting. To give ground to people who are hostile against the patient on the basis of the treatment they are getting is dangerous and stupid.

There is a reason why back alley abortions had to be stopped. Women were dying. There is a reason why women who suffer from ectopic pregnancy stand a better chance of living today then they did during the 1800s. It's not just because we have better medication. It's also due to treatments like abortifacient medication and the abortion procedures. To declare that these lifesaving treatments are subject to public opinion is wrong.

A woman should be able to get medical treatment for conditions regarding her reproductive system with out any one batting a proverbial eyelash over it. We don't go around shunning people who get appendectomies. We don't shame people with high blood pressure. We certainly don't go around telling people with brain cancer that they're morally deficient. Any medical condition should be treated with the same kind of indifference that we give to broken bones and appendectomies, at the very least. At best, with the kind of compassion that we extend to the person with brain cancer.

And another thing, people who make decisions for women or female gendered persons on the basis of their appearance had better be doing it with that person's consent. Body autonomy is for all people, not just cis-men. The fact that this ruling allows a corporation like Hobby Lobby to pressure their female staff to approach their medical care in a certain fashion is morally reprehensible. A woman or a female gendered person should not be discriminated against on the basis of their body parts or appearance. This ruling allows that type of discrimination.

It is a bad precedent and a shameful ruling by the majority of the Supreme Court. I am deeply concerned as to how the nation will proceed forward. If this 'corporate theocracy' that some other bloggers I know of are talking about is truly forming, then I suspect that we, as a nation, are in a great deal of trouble.

So out of shape. Ugh!

I got out last night and went to character creation for a new LARP I'm going to be playing in. It is based off of the Dresden Files' universe. I have created yet another LARP character that is a cognate for myself. This one is a bit more of a direct cognate then the others I have played. It is my hope that I don't find myself having the stress of reality bleeding into the character's 'life'.

I just got back from taking a walk with a couple of light hand weights. It wasn't a long walk. And yet I came back with a sheen of sweat. I think I need to make a point of walking with those weights every day rather then when I think of it. My weight is currently holding around 190 lbs. That is about 40 lbs over where I want to be. I hope to manage to drop a good amount of that weight by the end of the summer. This means a bit of exercise every day that I am able to do it.

I have been bad about sticking to my vegetarian breakfast and lunch routine over the last few weeks. With the beginning of summer here, however, there are going to be a lot more fresh veggies available. The farm markets will be starting up soon. My hope is to get stuff to do things like make homemade strawberry jam and such. My fermented cucumber pickles were a loss. I'm not terribly busted up about that because my sauerkraut is a success.

I plan to put up another batch of cucumber pickles next month. I am seriously considering getting the things together to do a waterbath canned version. While fermented pickles are dead simple to make, the vinegar ones sure are tasty too. I am sad to report that my gardening efforts have not been filled with success. I hope to make up for this by way of purchasing produce on the cheap to preserve.

I am looking forward to doing tutoring with Cuddle Bear's friend this summer. I have missed the work of educating in a more formal aspect. She is something of a problem student and it will require a bit of planning, but I think it may go well. I'm going to apply FLYLady's approach to the problem. We start up with the tutoring when Snuggle Bug starts up his summer session of preschool. The plan is to bring Cuddle Bear down and he gets to do some school work with his friend's mom while I do school work with his friend.

We'll see how well that works out.

Random Latin quote & thoughts.

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam.
~ translation from Latin ~
I'll either find a way or make one.
~ Anon.

This seems to be my motto. Maybe I will embroider it on a sampler. I have been busy at work with some non-fiction writing. It is pre-writing for the next Camp Nano project I'll be doing. I haven't decided if I am going to attempt to publish it or not. After years of people telling me that I really should write down my memoirs, I'm going to do it. I'm not entirely pleased with what I'm writing at the moment but I am still getting used to writing non-fiction.

I have been trying to get some more spinning done. Unfortunately, my most recent distaff wasn't working very well with the fiber that I have. I will be transitioning to using a different one. I had forgotten how much faster I was at spinning with a distaff. I am optimistic that I will have enough spun to finish up this crochet version of that popular Wingspan shawl before the end of the summer. I had to give the fiber that was a blend of Merino wool and Angora back to my Mother-in-law. I had progressed from getting itchy while handling it to having my sinuses bother me to starting to wheeze a little while working with it. I was really disappointed with having to return it to her because the color really was fantastic and it would have gone perfectly with this shawl that I'm working on.

I have been having an interesting time with my handcrafts. My half hearted shawl from knitted squares makes me think I'll just have a huge pile of washcloths when I get done with this. I'm still not decided on how I'll piece it together or anything else like that. I'm an eighth of the way through my book of patterns. I hate to say this, but I am a little bit bored with knitting right now. If I let it, the boredom may result in this thing not getting done by the end of the summer, as I had initially planned. My crochet socks are working up well. I have one 90% done. The second is almost half finished. Since I am making them with afterthought heels, I am waiting to work on the heel of the first sock until I finish the main part of the second sock. This way, if I have to use different yarn to make the heels, I can do that.

I have been thinking about making snowflakes again. There is that giant snowflake that can be used as a shawl that I have been thinking about making. I have also been thinking about doing one or two from the Snowcatcher blog with worsted weight yarn and large hooks, rather then thread weight and tiny crochet hooks. I keep trying to work up my courage to make lace but I just can't bring myself to do it yet. I am, however, looking at a lot of it and admiring how pretty it is.

Rambling post about nothing.

I haven't posted in here a few days. Nothing momentous has happened in that time. I just forgot to post. I will try to post more often going forward. I know I keep saying that and then I forget again.

I am making progress in getting my mental health stuff taken care of. I will be applying for disability again. I think that I may be able to get it this time. I feel a bit apprehensive about the process but I think that my most recent bout of severe depression served as a wake up call to me. I can't just go about ignoring when I have something wrong or assuming that it will just get better on its own. My will may be strong but the flesh is weak, and that includes my brain chemistry stuff.

I got back on the FLYwagon. The living room is cleaner then it has been in a little over a month. It's kinda funny. I literally had to use a shovel (a toy one, that is) to clean up some of the toys. Between having some difficulty reaching into the space where stuff was accumulated and there being such a large volume of stuff, the toy snow shovel turned out to be really useful. It was, however, a very odd experience.

I have finished the blanket for Moo. I am making good progress on the one for Sophia. It has gotten large enough, however, to be just plain awkward to work on. The recent heat hasn't exactly been friendly towards working on this big ol' thing either. I have been using a small box to hold the blanket up off my lap so I don't overheat quite so much. It seems to be working out well, with the exception of the corners of the box catching the blanket from time to time.

The sparrows nesting in the overhang above the stoop have mixed feelings about all this time the kids have been spending outside. The male sparrow get all puffed up and chirps agitatedly at us. The female, however, has no qualms about going to the feeder or even hopping on the ground when we're out there. She won't do it when the boys are near the feeder or the end of the walkway by the house, but if they're a good six feet away, she will hop on the ground from time to time. I think she, at least, has decided that we're not a threat to her or her young.

Beloved has been talking about learning what the names of the birds that we have visiting our feeders are. Today, I have seen a few cardinals, three or four starlings, and the sparrows. A male and a female Baltimore Oriole have been pretty frequent visitors over the last few weeks. It makes me wonder if they are nesting nearby.

The suet feeder seems to be more popular then the seed one. We go through a block of suet every few days. Fortunately, the suet is fairly inexpensive. The net bag of Easter grass that I put up just didn't get touched by the birds when they were busy making nests. It just confirms that the stuff is abhorrent. I briefly contemplated attempting to spin it and then cast the thought aside, along with the stuff. I do think, however, that next spring, I will put up another suet feeder cage but for a little while it will be filled with cut ends of yarn from my projects. I saw someone else had done this for the birds to use in their nesting supplies with some success.

It is amazing the things you will find on Pinterest. Just today, I was looking at ideas for how to live in a tiny house. The tiny house movement just amazes me. I know that if we moved into one, we simply wouldn't have space for all our books and that would be... painful to part with. I think, however, that I can use some of those tricks to make things like my kitchen more efficient. Some of the ideas were really useful in managing all the kids' toys.

I am seriously thinking about acquiring some underbed storage for the kids room and for my room. Beloved and I have a lot of stuff just piled up in our room because we have no where to put it. I think if I put the bed upon risers and put some storage stuff under there, it would make it easier to finally put everything away in there. The project room  on the other hand...

Well, I think I need to do a complete overhaul of how I have things put away in there. I have tons of kid stuff just littering the floor. Then there is all of my project stuff. Some of it, I haven't touched in months. I did, however, get out my stuff and did some painting last weekend. When Beloved has the software for the camera updated on here, I will try to snap a few pictures and share them. I am not entirely sure what more to add. I suppose this means my post has come to a conclusion. I'll try to come up with something more interesting next time.

Random latin quote for the day.

This comes from Claudian.

Armat spina rosas, mella tegunt apes.

Translation:

Thorns arm the rose, bees conceal their honey. 

Challenges and chances.

I wish I could report that my lack of posting was due to something fun. Unfortunately, I had been struggling over the last three months with depression. It seems that one of my medications stopped working properly and I wound up in the hospital for a bout a week as the good doctors and nurses sorted that out. I have been home for a few days busily trying to catch up on all the things that got missed or forgotten in that fog of depression. Writing pretty much anything was a struggle, let alone regularly blogging.

On my new medication regimen, I am feeling much better. I have had some ups and downs over the last few days but nothing like what it was before I went into the hospital. I am somewhat overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things that I let slip by. Fortunately, Beloved has been totally awesome and caught things like the car insurance bill that I forgot while I was away. I am still trying not to over do it, but it is frustrating. A part of me wants to say that since I am no longer as horribly depressed, I obviously am well enough to jump right back into my usual routine.

I try that and then I come away exhausted, upset, and generally disheartened. FLYLady's methods have been helpful to me. I didn't realize how much I had moved away from using them during my more serious period of illness until I looked at my little journal and noticed that none of the appointments of the last two and a half months had been written in there. It rather shook me to see that. I am, however, recommitting myself to the program.

A strict bedtime has become a necessity. With my new medication regimen, I find that I need to be in bed by 9:30 or 9:45 at the latest or I have a very hard time waking up in the morning. The nurses at the hospital said that the side effects that cause such morning sluggishness will wear off as I acclimate to the new medicine I'm on. I am optimistic, however, that I will find myself able to go through life with less extreme ups and downs now because of it. The other antidepressants that I have been on are not typically prescribed for someone with bipolar (which is one diagnosis among many that I have now). This one, however, is one of the most frequently prescribed ones for people like me.

I have returned to reading some every day. During the hardest portion of my latest severe depressive episode, I had a hard time concentrating to read a paragraph, let alone a page. It may sound silly, but I missed reading books while I was ill. I knew that I was on the mend when I sat down and read the rather cheezy romance novel that was kicking around the hospital wing I was in and finished it in an afternoon. I was more then a little bit amused by the nurses' general expressions of shock.

I'm currently reading the first book in the Harry Potter series. I'm about halfway through it. I have come to the conclusion that the thing which would cure Draco Malfoy's snottiness would be a spanking and getting grounded. I'm told that this character becomes more tolerable as the series continues. I hope so, because I wouldn't want to start throwing books at the wall. I've seen two of the movies. I can say in all honesty, the movie portrayal that Alan Rickman did of Professor Snape is dead on target.

I have started work on my gardening projects for the spring/summer. While I'm not one hundred percent convinced that we're past the danger of frost, I still sowed some seed yesterday. I planted seeds for lettuce, nasturtium, a day lily variant, and a few other things that I can't recall right now. I have a box of shade seed mix to spread out front where there is a big barren spot beside the front steps. On the box, it says that it is good for places that get one to four hours of sunlight in the day. I think this particular spot gets one hour of sunlight, two at most.

My reclaimed firepit that is getting turned into a circular-ish bed is currently a bit stalled. I have some gardening fabric that I put down to block weeds. I need to cover it with soil before I can even begin to think about planting anything there. My plan is to put down the old soil from a few big pots over the fabric. I want to then put a layer of mulch over it before covering with fresh bagged soil. That spot gets a lot of sunlight.

I don't think a rose bush will do well in that spot because it doesn't get quite enough sun to call it full sun. I will, however, plant things like marigold, phlox, and a few other things that tolerate that kind of lighting. I have a tiny little shepherd's crook in the middle of the bed. My plan is to take a twig and make a little set of windchimes to hang there with the remains of two broken windchimes. If by some wild chance I can somehow afford that lantern styled stand for in the middle of that spot, I will replace the shepherd crook with that and make it into something of an outdoor little shrine for me to pray at while I garden.

I am picking up the non-fiction manuscript that I was working on in April. My goal is to finish it by the end of the summer. I think I can accomplish it within that time frame. Right now, I'm approximately a quarter of the way done. When I am finished writing the prose for the manuscript, I will be breaking out my art supplies to draw some illustrations for it. Because I don't want to go through the expense of color printing, I think they're going to be just basic black pen and ink.

When I'm not working on the non-fiction manuscript, I will be doing some background work on book three of the Umbrel Chronicles of Evandar. I wanted to have this book have more 'light' in it but true to the themes of the story-lines, the story just gets progressively darker. I felt badly about this at first but then I realized that it really was necessary within the larger story arc of the series. The first trilogy of the series talks about how the heroine of the series is orphaned and a failed attempt to restore her to her rightful place. The second trilogy talks about life under the rule of the usurper and how the heroine grows into womanhood as a Robin Hood-esque outlaw. While aware of her birthright, the heroine is more focused on the needs of the people around her and struggles with her identity, trying to determine as all young people do, just who she is.

The third trilogy is the first to really focus on the heroine's actions as an adult. This trio of books talks about how she embarks on a war to reclaim her throne, the sacrifices that are made to do so, and the actions of the gods in the characters' lives. After this comes the fourth trilogy that describes the remainder of this war, as well as the beginnings of a larger war between the gods. It ends with the heroine winning her victory and a suggestion that perhaps all shall be well, though dark things are brooding in the periphery that speaks of the next part of the series.

I haven't decided what I'm going to call that collection of books, because they will not take place within the kingdom of Evandar. I want to keep the suggestion of shadows, darkness, and nightfall in place. The greater story arc of the series, including the prequel trilogy that is named the Penumbral Chronicle of Evandar, speaks of a war between the gods. The god of evil, suffering, and sorrow seeks to reclaim the goddess of life as his own. In a previous time, the first great war happened and the demigods, who are children of the god of evil and the god of honor, storms, and good by the goddess of life, fought this war and dragged humanity into it. The forces of good triumphed over those of evil and the demigods of evil were banished in to the 'outer darkness' or 'the void' as some would call it. The god of evil was bound but his followers eventually found a way to remove those bindings.

With the removal of the bindings, the god of evil plotted how to bring down the god of good and reclaim the goddess of life. Thus, the events of the Penumbral Chronicle and the Umbrel Chronicles of Evandar have their foundation in the machinations of the god of evil. There is, however, hope that is embodied within the heroine of the Umbrel Chronicles, who is the last begotten child of the god of good, though even she doesn't fully comprehend what this means until the latter portion of the series unfolds. The second great war arises from the ashes of the heroine's war to reclaim her birthright.

Actions of those who supported the usurper, who is a follower of the god of evil, work to unleash the demigods who are the children of the god of evil. Then, the heroine must hold her kingdom together as her husband embarks in a divinely appointed quest to summon the reclusive demigods of good back into the world. That quest takes a heavy toll on the heros of that story but in the end, the succeed in bringing the good demigods back. Then the story of the war between the gods unfurls. It ends with the forces of good triumphing at a steep price, an almost Pyrrhic victory of sorts.

I have all of the books outlined in a notebook. There's 21 books in the series. And I have ideas for other stories to write within that world. At times, I get intimidated by the daunting task of writing these stories down. But then I realize that if I don't write them, nothing will come of them and I will still be left with the need to write them. Writing these books is less of a matter of trying to reach fame, though it'd be nice, and more of getting the story out of my head so that I can move on to other things.

As I am working on my non-fiction writing, I keep feeling the pull to write the fiction. I try to scratch that itch by writing in different genres. It make work for a temporary fix but I keep coming back to this truly epic story. I have been attempting to write this series for 20 years. I have a massive pile of notebooks of background material. I have sketchbooks with maps and similar details drawn out. For each thing I write down, three more reveal themselves as needing to be written. All of this stuff started out as a little story that I lived in my head as a child. So, in some manifestations, I have been working on this series for thirty years.

I honestly don't know if I'm going to manage to write it all down. It is, something, however, that I'm going to attempt to do over the years. Writing two books a year is a good start. Who knows, maybe somewhere I'll stumble onto an professional editor who will help me polish these things up and I'll get a publication contract or something.

Never enough spoons.

I knew that I was pushing my proverbial spoons to the limit with this Camp Nanowrimo project. I didn't realize just how much so until today hit. I have 15k to write to meet my goal of finishing by the end of tomorrow. I have resigned myself to not fulfilling that. The kids were especially bad today and we had to send them to bed with out dinner.

Jumping on the couch, running around the house screaming, getting into fights, and generally refusing to listen to the parental units makes this happen. Beloved and I are not pleased with this development. I am trying to stay optimistic that this is just the weather and that as soon as the weather clears up and the boys can run around outside again this will improve. This is my hope.

I have a ton of housework to catch up on. I tried to find something in our bedroom today and had a shock. Not that I literally shocked myself (though I wouldn't have been surprised with how much static electricity has been in the air today, despite the humidity and rain). A necklace that I was convinced had gone missing for good just appeared at the bottom of a pile of laundry. I was most upset with the disapperance of this necklace because it was made from the garnet that was part of my promise ring that Beloved gave me when were were dating. The diamonds that were on either side of it got put into the engagement ring. After a hospital stay last year, it seemed that the necklace had vanished from the face of the earth.

Finding them today was one of the bright points of my day. The other bright point was spending time with my MiL and my SiL. My MiL and I did some spinning while Beloved's sister told us all about the production of Phantom of the Opera that she went to a little while back. It sounds like they did a nice job of it. A part of me is curious what changes may have been made compared to the run that I saw up at the Pantages theater in Toronto many years ago.

I feel a bit ... cranky right now. I'm trying to unwind. I've noticed that Beloved giving the boys a stern talking to has resulted in absolute silence from them while they're laying in bed right now. I just need to calm down now. Perhaps I'll go fold that mountain of laundry that is on the bed. Most of it is mine, after all.

Break time!

I'm making good progress on this manuscript. I am just finishing up the section discussing the interpretations of the major arcana. I expect that the minor arcana will move along faster. My word count is pretty good for the fact that I had lost a week of time. Today, I am at an average of one thousand six hundred and something words. I am going to try to bump that number up a bit. This way I get myself to where I have to write about a thousands words a day to finish this thing by the end of the month.

I am a little over a quarter of the way finished with the manuscript by NaNoWriMo standards. Considering how challenging this thing has been, when I hit 50k, I may just call it done. I am pleased with the fact that my research into tarot is finally getting put to use, though. It's one thing to be just reading the cards. It is so entirely and utterly different to be writing about how to read them.

On the whole, I think that writing non-fiction agrees with me. I just think that I picked a project that was boatloads harder then what I should have done for my first long non-fiction piece. But, I tend to do that when I am working on stuff. I'll pick the hard thing first and then go about wondering why it's so bloody hard. Kinda ridiculous of me, but it seems to be a habit of mine.

I've been doing well sticking to my diet. I allowed myself a cheat day today. Breakfast was vegetarian but I had the other half of my delicious sub from last night for lunch today. Dinner tonight is going to be pizza. I need to scrounge around in the kitchen to see if I have any packets of yeast kicking around. I don't think just the one pizza shell is going to be enough for my boys. If I don't have any yeast, I'm not entirely sure what I'll be doing to compensate.

Maybe I'll make the pizza for Beloved and I. Then give the boys their favorite thing for dinner: pizza sandwiches. I suppose you could say that they're still getting pizza, just in a different format. I made pork chops for dinner Wednesday night. The kids flat out refused to touch it. I tried cutting them up into chunks and giving them ketchup to dip it in, but no dice. I am pretty sure that they're not going to like it next week when I make pork chops again. The true horrors of it all will be that I'm going to do the same thing I did this week if they refuse to touch it. I'll just make 'em have it again for dinner the next day.

I will not tolerate them refusing to even try something just because it isn't their favorite food in the whole world. My kitchen is not a restaurant. And yes, the boys have been hearing that phrase a fair amount over the last few days. Fortunately, however, tonight is pizza night so they shouldn't get too up in arms over this.

Oh boy!

I just read the weather forecast and they're calling for it to get into the high 60s tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to this. It looks like we just might be done with the white stuff after all. I know the boys are going to want to play outside when they get home from school today. I'm going to get out my gardening gloves and pull some of the dead plant matter out of that spot I'm trying to reclaim for a flowerbed while they run around the yard for a while today.

If I can manage it, I will get the old soil from my plantings last year down and the plastic sheeting that I bought at the store over it all tomorrow before the rain moves in. Between ripping up the old, dead weeds and putting down the soil, I should have a reasonably good base to start planting things in when the weather gets consistently above the mid 40s. I am now at the point where I am starting to actively plan what I want to start planting and such.

I am really hoping to grow some of those miniature sweet peppers that I have been really enjoying from the store. I'd like to get some flowers going too. As fun as it was to grow peas last year, I think I am going to put down something else where I have that long narrow planter and trellis. I'm thinking about Morning Glory.

Slowly making progress.

I am working on a manuscript about how to be psychic. It's actually a combination workbook and instruction manual. I didn't get much done on it last week. Today, however, I got about 3k words written and finished the second chapter. If I can manage to get myself caught up to about where I wanted to be for my total word count by the end of the week, I will be pleased. The target word count per day is 1.5k. I figure if I manage to do 3k everyday this week, I should get myself caught up just in time for the kids to go on break and throw a monkey wrench into my word count.

It's ok, however, because I'm planning to write at night during those days. My blogging may become more choppy but I don't expect that to be a terrible problem. As long as I make a point of posting at least one paragraph, I will be pleased. That blanket I've been working on has just been sitting off to the side over the last several days. Rather then writing when the kids are on break, I will be doing spinning and crochet.

I figure between that and my writing, I should have enough stuff to keep me out of trouble for a little while. I keep telling myself that today is the first day of the rest of my life. If I keep an optimistic face forward, the rest will fall in line, right?

Camp NaNoWriMo

It's April. The folks at NaNoWriMo are doing another 'write a book in a month' challenge. They're calling it Camp NaNoWriMo. I am participating. Instead of a fiction book, which I did every NaNoWriMo for the last few years, I am writing a non-fiction work.

The working title is A Psychic's Handbook. I will probably give it a different title when it is done. I'm a little over 2k words in. Most of the time I would have been writing over the last few days, I have been busy with other things. Today, I have been journaling and dealing with the kids. I figure after my shower, if the kids are not watching videos, I will do some work on my manuscript and try to get 1k written today.

DIY Turkish Spindles.

I whipped up a pair of ertaz Turkish spindles. One is made with two sets of chopsticks and a dowel. The other is using four barbecue skewers for the arms of the spindle. I haven't started spinning anything on the set made with the chopsticks. I think I'm going to give it a whirl (pun intended) tomorrow when I take a break from my writing.

I am currently spinning a bit of silk on the bbq skewer one. My goodness is this thing light. The stuff that I am making with the silk would definitely be declared to be frog hair by my Mother-in-Law. I honestly have no idea how many yards I have made thus far. My little ball of thread is almost the size of a large marble. The spindle is still terribly light for that bit of thread. My best guess is the weight of the thread is approximately equivalent to fishing line, at best. This is my first time spinning silk and my first time using this spindle.

I am fairly certain that I can not go any finer then I am right now. I will be plying this because I don't think it would have the tensile strength to be used alone for anything. I was kinda thinking that it would be nifty to make a wedding ring shawl. It looks like I am going to have the materials to make one from wool and one from silk now.

All I need to do now is find a pattern I like and finish spinning up this silk.

Proselytizing for Dummies.

I recently had a comment submitted to this blog that was a blatant attempt at proselytizing. I don't generally take issue with such things, as I have family who work as ministers and are active in their churches. Proselytizing is just part of the territory when you have relatives who are engaged in such things. I try to view it with a sense of good humor.

I deleted the comment in question, however, not because it was offensive. As far as proselytizing goes, it was one of the most polite versions I have encountered. The problem, however, was two fold. First, it was completely unrelated to what I had posted. If you are going to try to hook me on a conversation regarding religion, that's awesome. Religion is one of my favorite subjects to discuss. I have two blogs dedicated to the subject. The problem is when your comment is a complete non sequitor in relation to the blog entry you are replying to, I am not going to give you the time of day. It makes it fairly evident that you are just spamming me and didn't bother to take the time to even read what I had posted.

Please, if you want to try to sell me on your religious belief system (or anything else for that matter) try to keep it related to the topic at hand. If the conversation shifts to something else in the course of discussion, that's fine. It's natural for a conversation to progress in that fashion. If you're particularly skilled at the art of conversation, you can even manage to control where the discussion goes and present your arguments in such a manner that I might even agree with you on a few of them or at the very least entertain the thought.

My second problem with that proselytizing comment was the fact that it was a dense wall of text and scarcely legible. I have a few habitual typos that I make. I try very hard not to do so. If I am misspelling something, I do my best to make it on purpose and make it clear that I am doing so. Additionally, I attempt to use proper grammar for the sake of making it easier for my readers to comprehend what I am saying. I recognize that my readers are not necessarily going to hold to this convention. However, if you want me to seriously consider what you have to say, please present your arguments in a fashion that I can actually read them.

If you really want me to pay attention to proselytizing efforts, you will definitely get it if you post on either of my religion oriented blogs. I'll even write a post quoting and responding directly to your comment. I actually invite anyone who is interested in such a discussion to do so. Links to my other blogs are at the right. Take a moment to give them a quick look and consider what I have presented there. You may or may not wish to continue with such efforts upon reading. Either way, I've said my piece and done my blog entry for today.

Rambling post about nothing.

I have decided to make an effort to post in here daily. Yes, I know, I have mentioned this before. After about a week or so, something comes up and it falls flat. I'm making another push to accomplish this goal, however. I feel like what I have to say is useless blather right now.

Currently, I have started reading the Gunslinger from Stephen King. I attempted reading the Dark Tower series years ago. I got completely repulsed by his description of a bear and put the book down not even a full chapter into it. I don't even remember which book it was. I have decided to try reading it again. I'm taking an approach that I can learn from his books why he is so successful and then apply that knowledge to my own writing efforts.

I remember somebody saying to me ages ago that an author who stops reading the market they write for is a fool. Since I have been writing fantasy and horror (because, really, these fantasy novels have turned into really grim stories that I can't avoid calling horror), I figured that I would sit down and read King's the Dark Tower series. He's a master of writing horror. I enjoyed Eyes of the Dragon (and sincerely wish that he would write a sequel so we find out what happened after Flagg ran off, but I guess that's where the Stand comes into play).

I am flailing about a bit with my writing at the moment. I feel like what I have been producing is garbage. I tell myself to just put it all down on paper and then go back to edit it later. It has been a struggle, however, getting the work down on paper. Having my computer die didn't help things much on that matter either. I have a stack of paper that is the beginnings of another Filianic work sitting on the desk. I don't know if I want to write out the rest of it long hand or convert what I have done into type.

Indecisiveness is my super power. Just ask Beloved what happens when you put a restaurant menu in front of me.

Techno-necromancy, crochet, and the saga of no computer.

A little over a week ago, my computer died. Apparently the motherboard decided to expire in a most grievous fashion and it seriously looked like there were other problems as well. My Beloved husband did some sort of computer techno-necromancy. A few new parts and approximately a week's worth of work later, I not only have a functioning computer now but all of my writing and the photos of the kids were saved. It was an enormous relief. I honestly think I would have cried if my five novels had vanished into the aether.

I did a prodigious amount of crochet over the last several days. I completed three shawls and I have approximately an eighth of this large blanket that I am crocheting for Moo left. I expect that I'll finish the blanket this week. I also have fashioned myself a new spindle. It is a turkish style spindle made from a bit of doweling, a few rubber bands, and wooden barbecue skewers. It is shockingly light.

I have started using it to spin some of the silk that my mother in law gave me a little while back. I honestly have no idea how many yards I have spun on this wee little thing. I am finding it absolutely delightful to use, though the fact that it is so light does make it a bit challenging to get it to continue spinning long enough for me to draft out the fiber. I expect that this minor problem will improve as my ball of thread gets larger. The thread that is resulting from this spindle is literally the weight of sewing thread.

I am clearly going to have to ply this in order to use it for knitting with. I am more then confident that I will accomplish my goal of spinning up thread I can use for embroidery. As I figure out how to become more consistent with the silk thread, I expect that I will manage to spin up stuff that is the weight that I want it to be for embroidery. I am terribly excited by this because this means that I am a step closer to my goal of making a 10th century dress entirely from hand (spinning the fiber, weaving the fabric, sewing and embellishing it).

I have started knitting a shawl for my Finger Lakes shawl collection. Unlike the other shawls, this one is going to be knit in modular pieces that are then stitched together. I am stealing the idea of this shawl I saw a while back. It was a triangular shawl made up of little tiny squares (or was it diamonds, I don't remember exactly now) that were stitched together. I have a book of knitting stitches. I have decided that I am going to knit one six inch square (approximately) for each stitch sample in the book.

A six inch square is exactly 20 stitches wide and 25 rows long with the yarn and needles that I am using. While my cone of yarn is not exactly small enough to go into my purse, the project will not require an enormous bag to be carried places with me. Working on this huge crochet blanket, I have decided that I needed a project that worked up faster and was easier to carry around.

Another thing that fills that need is the preemie baby hats that I have been crocheting for the last week. When I was at the spinning guild meeting this month, the call was put out by one of the ladies who works at the Golisano Children's hospital up in Rochester for hats. Apparently they have a shortage of hats for the preemies. In the last of the yarn that was donated to me for my blanket project last year, I found a ball of baby yarn. I have been using that and a terribly simple crochet pattern to make these tiny hats.

I had an eerie moment yesterday. I crochet my seventh hat and a chill went down my spine. I made the exact number of hats that I had for the children that I lost in early pregnancy. I was naming them as I worked on the hats. As such there is a hat for each child that I would have had before I had the boys.

• Alexander  (1995)
• Jane (1999)
• Sarah (2001)
• Elizabeth (2001)
• William (2002)
• Gregory (2003)
• Daniel (2004)

My memory insists that there are two more but I honestly am not sure because the time period that my brain insists this happened is a blur due to my psychological difficulties. It feels bad to say that, like I should remember each and every pregnancy that happened. Never mind the fact that with most of them, I didn't realize I was until the miscarriage happened. (It was during the first trimester. I would have thought it was merely a late period except for the fact that there were clots of blood and a tiny pink form approximately the size of a pencil eraser each time. The one that happened in 2001, there were two.)

Snowmageddon 2014!!!1!

Today was a snow day. Oh boy was it a snow day!

The kids were bouncing off the walls crazy. They settled down for a little while in the afternoon. It was basically long enough for me to have a cup of tea to settle my nerves and then they were back at it. I confess, I kinda hope it's still pretty bad tomorrow this way hubby can be home with me and stuff.

Partly because I feel it would be fantastic to have reinforcements. Partly because I want him to have a day to relax. And partly because I just want to hang out with him. So... I guess I'm rooting for Skadi to lay a big fat one on us. C'mon, give us a big jotun sized kiss! <3 br="">

I seriously didn't expect this.

My little book has not only gotten a glowing review. (And I have had the splendid opportunity to speak directly with the person who did the review. They were every bit as charming as their writing declared them to be!) Not only have people been talking about it and recommending it to others as a useful thing.

No, I was utterly gobsmacked and amazed when I discovered (quite by accident) that it was being listed as "Additional Reading" on a wikipedia entry that is being generated right now for Filianism. I am speechless with shock and delight.

It was my intent that my little book prove helpful and serve to make the lives of the readers a little more peaceful. This goes so far beyond what I anticipated.

Ugh.

Image from Here

I was having a good afternoon, then the boys started fighting and my right side started to hurt. It had been feeling a bit achey for a few days now and I figured that I had picked something up the wrong way. Now, I feel like someone has landed a solid punch in the area of my right ovary. I deduce that I had a minor ovarian cyst that just popped.

I am on one hand thankful that it popped now when it was fairly small. Having lived through having an ovarian cyst the size of a small orange, I really don't care to repeat the experience. At the same time, however, I don't enjoy feeling like I have been randomly punched in the side. Some days, I think I am going to reincarnate as a male to avoid the experience and then I realize that with how my luck goes on those days, I'd probably come back as a male seahorse.

March Beer Tasting: Great Lakes Brewery's Conway's Irish Ale

I had two different beers but only one of them is getting mention. The reason why is because I only had a mouthful of the Shocktop Chocolate Wheat. It just hit me entirely the wrong way and I poured the rest down the drain. Some may say it was a waste of good beer and such but, honestly, I can't say I mourned the loss all that much.

Now, Conway's Irish Ale was an entirely different story. I was enjoying it by itself but I think it is another one that would go with a nice hearty meal. It has a lovely color, as you can see in that pic to the right. I found the flavor was improved by chilling it.

All in all, it was a delightful bit of alcohol. It had a refreshing hit on the palate and the hops didn't overpower the other flavors in the ale. On the whole, I think I would have this one again. Possibly when I make colcannon and corned beef for St. Patrick's day.

Morning chores and a challenge.

From Here

Since getting the kids to pick up their toys yesterday reduced my chores for today, I am now focused on a project that I put aside. Before I got to play, however, I cleaned up the kitchen. Now, I am processing my first bit of raw fleece.

When I was given the fleece as the Genesee Valley Handspinners Guild meeting last month, I remarked to my lovely Mother-in-Law that I had no clue where to begin. She kindly offered that she would be happy to help and I bravely said that I would muddle along and call her if I found myself well and truly confused. The fleece was greasy with lanolin and smelled of ... well, sheep.

Uncertain where to begin, I did what any good person would do. I went to the oracle of Google and did a search on how to process fleece. Many sites popped up and I clicked the first non-Youtube link that I saw. After doing some reading, I learned the following:

1. In addition to lanolin, there is sheep sweat, bits of grass, dirt, and sheep dung that will be found in fleece. (I looked my bit of fleece over and didn't find any large bits so I'm hopeful that I don't have much in the way of sheep dung to worry about.)
2. You must use really HOT water to rinse and wash your fleece. Tepid or cool water will not be sufficient to soften and liquify the lanolin and strip it off of the fibers.
3. Shampoo will not work to clean off fleece because it will not remove the waxy lanolin. Dish soap or laundry soap are a more effective option.
4. You can not use Oxyclean or similar products to clean your fleece. They contain enzymes that react with proteins and will dissolve your fiber along with the lanolin.
5. You must be very gentle in agitating your fleece, if at all. Anything substantial will cause your fleece to felt.

While brand-name dish soap was recommended, I decided to use the generic stuff that I have in the kitchen. I'm going to wash this with the dish soap however many times I need to until the water runs clear. Drying it will be a touch challenging because I don't know how well it will work out on my drying rack. Once I have this stuff clean and dry, I am going to card it with my handcards and I think I'm going to spin it on my Ashford student spindle.

Once I have the fiber spun up, I am thinking I should actually knit something with it. I honestly don't know how much yarn I will get out of this, though. I may wind up only making a small swatch with it all. That would be ok, though, because I'm going to start knitting and crocheting gauge swatches. I figure as I start a new project, I will get into the habit of doing this. After I get a decent sized pile of swatches together, I'll stitch them together into something. Oh, I forgot to note, but the breed of sheep that this is from (and pictured above) is Cotswold.

Just another Monday.

I have a few minutes free to post right now. Soon, my eldest will be home from school. My youngest just got home and is happily wandering around the living room with toys in hand. In a little while, I'll be directing the boys in picking up their toys and then letting them dust and run the electric sweeper over the floor. Monday is chore day in FLYLady's world and I try to keep that practice up myself.

I have a sink full of dishes to wash, approximately six loads of laundry to put away, and gods only know what is in that pile of papers sitting on the table. Most days, I would be on the verge of panic over this. Right now, however, I'm busy being thankful for these things.

The sink full of dishes tells me that we have enough food to eat and the means to prepare it safely. The laundry tells me that I have clothes for my family to wear and be warm and safe from the weather. The papers tell me that I have things that I am important enough to have paperwork over. And the mess around the living room with the toys scattered about, it tells me that my great dream of being a mother is truly realized.

On the whole, I am looking around and seeing the blessings around me rather then the work to be done. I must admit, this feels pretty damn good after struggling with depressive episodes for the last little while.

Long day is long.

I have gotten a considerable amount of stuff done today. I'm pleased with this. I am not pleased with the fact that my knees have been bothering me ALL day. The aleve I took earlier helped some but it has not been a pleasant day on that front.

Beloved is a wonderful, wonderful man. He not only helped me out by carrying the umpteen million bags of laundry out to the car but he managed to get the kids to pick up most of the apartment too. I so completely win at life right now!