NaBloPoMo: Some whining.

I have stacks and stacks of old mail that I can't file and I can't throw out in the trash. My filing cabinets are full more old receipts, paid bills, and random official paperwork. Ninety nine percent of it is just junk. I feel like I need a paper shredder.

I get twitchy when the apartment is like this. It brings up bad memories and anxiety. Fortunately, I have that magic give zero fucks pill that my psychiatrist prescribed me. I took it a few minutes ago but it'll take a little bit to kick in. The time I spend being anxious and twitchy is not as long as it was before I started taking something for the anxiety.  But the anxiety is a persistent problem, even with medication.

All pervasive dread that something awful is going to happen to myself or my family is nothing fun to live with. Fear that leaving the apartment means someone is going to arbitrarily decide that I'm a danger to myself and others because I have mental illness and I'll be locked away in a dark hole with out any opportunity to see my family again keeps bubbling up. It doesn't help how this administration is running things.

So much of their bluster echoes what I was raised with and the threats that went with it. It makes minor panic attacks pop up like clouds on a sunny day, at a frequent rate and randomly. I have essentially stopped reading the news but it's all inescapable.  It's all over social media. It's the thing that all the neighbors talk about. I try to focus on what I can do and what I can change. But the anxiety and my personal history hit me like a freight train and I just sit and numb out for long periods of time.

Fear, no. Rage, yes.

 Hey y'all. I've been pretty quiet. I give my standard apology for that. (And feel kinda bad that I've got a standard apology for it, but hey, it is what it is.) Part of my problem has been a lot of stuff going on in my life and my anxiety being through the roof. More of my problem is fear that I am going to have my blogs shut down because I am not  peddling the christ-facist crap that is flying through the airwaves right now. Once I realized my problem was fear, I got spitting mad. So angry that I was ready to throw things and then I instantly calmed down realizing that there was something I could do about that.

I can write and actively resist the bullshit going on through my blogs. I can point out the facist bullshit for what it is. I am no longer a kid stuck in a household where my parents espouse crap that sounds like this while calling themselves atheists and good americans. The memories of that part of my life have been roaring back but I am doing my best to function and using my anger to push forward.

I am the same person who was ready to punch out my little brother for espousing Nazi ideology in high school. I just have a better way of expressing myself than my right fist. Though the urge to punch people is rising.

Ugh, politics.

 I must confess, I am horrified by everything going down on the political stage over the last year. At the same time, I am exhausted with it. I am sure everyone feels that way. I don't think people have realized that with an act of Congress, a stroke of a pen, and support of the Supreme Court, we are no longer a democracy. The changes that were made to the Executive branch of the government's powers (via the act of Congress) fundamentally changed the government of the United States from a democracy to a totalitarian state. These waters are unknown to us but we have to forge forward. I have hope that the Republic will be restored, but it is rather slim.

I feel betrayed by Joe Biden. Now one may ask why that is, after all I vote Democrat. He was the bulwark against which the act of Congress that changed the Executive branch's powers should have crashed. And he caved in like paper. A part of me wonders if it was spite that moved him not to veto that act. Here he was, facing the fact that Donald Trump was breathing down his neck and his own political party had jumped ship based on the smear campaign that Donald Trump was running. His vice president took up the mantle of candidate with out much apparent protest shortly before this mad bill was pushed through Congress at lightning speed by the Republicans that were swayed by the cult of personality which surrounds Donald Trump. I still think that law should never have been signed to expand the Executive branch's powers. It's all rather logical but disgusting at the same time.

Let me explain. There's been a push in the United States towards a totalitarian state since at least the Regan era. There's this book that details it (The Cult of the Presidency by Healy) but I'll try to summarize it. The educational system of the U.S. hasn't done a very good job of teaching civics and the fundamental under pinnings of the government we had before this Executive powers nonsense took hold. (I think it is only going to get worse moving forward.) As a result, people took to this idea that the PotUS was like a monarch or a dictator. This was something that has been fermenting on the Conservative front since at least the Civil War. (Yes, that long.) Language surrounding the PotUS changed and voting habits changed over the years.

People shifted to looking at the parties nominally running the government as teams in sportsball (hat tip to the Oatmeal for coming up with that expression). They rallied around their 'team' and didn't think about the long term consequences. The old tribal habits that lurk within social structures of humanity roared to the front and created a schism. The government was run by ...

No, I'm not going to detail it all out. I'm just tired and as much as I want to be an educator, I'm too busy with my cold and trying to take care of my family. If you understand what deep shit we're in here, you understand. This isn't another day at the office in the USA. We've collapsed, betrayed into the state we're in now by people who should have known better. I accept that everyone involved was fallible and probably were more focused on the moment. After all, it's only human to worry about the immediate consequences and not consider the long term effects. (And it is effect not affect, effect is a result and affect is an air you put on. Goddamnit!) It doesn't change the fact that our government is destroyed and fundamentally transformed into something repugnant.

There's a reason that George Washington refused a crown when it was offered to him. Those people who wanted him to be king linger on in their many descendants apparently. Washington believed that the government that he put together with his associates was fundamentally better than a monarchy. Now, people who are eager to bask in the light of the PotUS because they assume that it's the same thing out of ignorance and being caught in a cult of personality ... ugh. 

Maybe there's no hope right now. I don't know. I just know that life has become fundamentally more risky for my family. No one has moved yet but it's only a matter of time. So many people have told me that I was paranoid for worrying about such a thing happening in my lifetime since childhood. The same people assumed that they weren't changing the fundamental structure of the government in voting for these assholes who are in power now. They were too worried about what was in somebody's pants to stop and think long term for the generations that come after them.

NaBloPoMo Post No. 3 - Election day is my birthday?

Yep, you read that right. My mother resented (probably still does) the fact that she didn't get to go vote in her first election because she was in the hospital with me. When I missed election day because I was out of state, she called me to crow about it. I rolled my eyes and hung up, saying I had to study for a test. There was no test the next day.

That said, as a favor to me, please consider the following next week.

 

Happy Pride Month, Keep Fighting.

 Dear Reader,

I have found one method of wrapping my hair that agrees with my scalp. Wearing a cotton kerchief beneath the scarves works out pretty well. Then I wrap it rather securely, because I have a small head.

You may have noticed a theme in the colors. They're the colors for the bisexual flag. I'm not as tired as I look in this pic. I'm just exasperated with the computer's shenanigans before I was actually get it to take the pic.

The colors in the bisexual flag are purple, pink, blue, and black. I think it's fantastic. The way I wrapped this is in a double braided crown. Then I used a hair taping technique to bind the two braids together with my blue ribbon. I'm wearing my heart earrings because LOVE! The chipped stone necklaces are rose quartz, amythest, and sodalite. The pendant that you can't see on the silver chain is my Greenman pendant for Freyr. I see him as a god who approves of Pride and works behind the scenes to help the movement be successful. Another goddess (aside from Freyja who is all about this business) that I associate with Pride is Lofn, the Nordic and Germanic goddess of forbidden relationships, the one who shelters lovers that others try to pull apart and encourages them to have hope in their relationship's strength.

Lately, Beloved and I have been watching with horror the push back against Pride and the LGBTQ+ community. We've been doing what little we can. He has a pink hat with the Progress flag on it. I have a jacket with all kinds of Pride stuff on it and something for people who are in domestic abuse situations (i.e. that queer kid getting abused by there parents can talk to me and I can point them in the direction of resources that will help them).We're planning to do more activisim in a less passive way. Because if our boys tell us that they're part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum, we want to make sure it's safe for them.

Glory to Ukraine!

 The war in Ukraine broke out and I started to panic. I grabbed some embroidery materials and started stitching. I wish the war was done as fast as this sampler was. It's on 14 count Aida cloth. I have learned it doesn't lend itself well to long back-stitch with the same issues as satin stitch. That's why some of the lettering looks funky. The smudged area is where I tried to wash off some pencil marks. It's just wet. When it dried out, the smudge mostly went away.

The garden at the base of the image is hope. The light brown fence represents the troops who are defending their homes and their hopes. The dark brown field represents Ukraine's importance as an agricultural center/breadbasket for the region. The central figure is Ukraine. The sword represents their willingness to fight for their homeland. The flower represents their willingness for peace. The crown is their sovereignty. I tried to incorporate traditional Ukrainian elements into the sampler. My counted cross stitch skills are filled with fail.

My feelings on all of this is the Russian army needs to get the fuck out of Ukraine, all of Ukraine, and go home to fix their own country. Vladimir Putin needs a kick in the teeth, literally. And I'm terrified that WW3 is going to break out. So I stabbed the shit out of some fabric to make something that showed my support for Ukraine and mentally was stabbing the dictator of Russia in the eye with each stitch.

At a loss for words.

 This business in Ukraine (and I learned it isn't 'the Ukraine' but just 'Ukraine' because 'the Ukraine' was a Soviet propaganda movement to delegitimize the nation to a minor extent) is making me as nervous as a cat in a rocking-chair factory. I've been trying to focus on domestic things like cleaning up for spring and my daily routine. It's been difficult.

Now, I don't have any family in Ukraine, as far as I'm aware. The family members with all the genealogical records and I are not on speaking terms right now. Still, these people don't deserve what's happening to them. And the rest of the world is doing what little they can to oppose Russia's incursion with out setting off WWIII. I can't help it, though, I'm watching these people taking a heroic and defiant stand against the Russian army when they're clearly out gunned. It's gut wrenching.

It is terrifying the fact that we are a few footsteps away from an open conflict with Russia. I don't want a nuclear war to happen. I don't want this war in Ukraine to happen. I want Russia to close up shop and go home. The fact that they hold Chernobyl is disturbing. Especially with the reports that there's been an increase in radiation being emitted at that site. Who needs a bomb when you can just throw a nuclear powerplant (that is damaged) into chaos? It's a huge threat to eastern Europe and the various Baltic states between Europe and Russia.

I'll not be watching the State of the Union address tonight. My wrecked nerves can't handle it. I'll read about it in the news tomorrow. I'm suspicious about the Republicans and their holding the 'real' State of the Union meeting right now. Things in this country are a powder keg that no on wants to admit. They want to just sweep it under the rug and say that things are going back to normal.

Meanwhile, there's still a pandemic raging. Mask mandates are being discarded left and right for political reasons when wearing a goddamn mask is what keeps you from breathing in the exhalations of a carrier or someone who is sick with Covid. Our school district said that it is up to parents if their kids are going to keep wearing masks. Our family is going to do it because this thing, even in it's more 'mild' version could seriously fuck me up. We've got people around the world doing 'freedom convoys' and using big rigs to block traffic as part of their protest of mask and other covid safety protocols that have been instituted by various governments. These fucking morons are forgetting that we're losing over a thousand lives a day to Covid. They figure it's not happening to them or their immediate circle of associates/families/etc. so it can't be as bad as it sounds.

Donald fucking Trump is out there flapping his gums and encouraging these protests. He's also talking about how great/smart Putin is for invading Ukraine. In the process, he's been talking trash about the US. And his fan base doesn't even notice that. They're too star struck and brainwashed to believe that he's damn near the second coming of Christ rather than recognize that he's a charlatan and a general bastard. We've got people in the GOP talking along the same lines (who are members of the Trump cult). It's getting ugly.

And there isn't a damn thing I can do about any of it.

Another Black Man Murdered

 In a city north of us, a black man was murdered by police. It was covered up by the city officials. The details about the murder was brought to public light by the family of the deceased. Now there are protests happening. There was one last night. The people were peaceable but approaching the barrier that was set up around the public safety building where they were protesting. What did the police do? They shot pepper balls into the crowd.

There's another protest today. Tension is high as the mayor's made a statement that was patent bullshit and the seven officers who were involved were put on leave. I'm furious. The mayor said that when she was made aware of the murder that she was using her 'legal mind' instead of thinking about it 'as a mother or a sister.' I'm sorry, but if your 'legal mind' says that covering up a man's death at the hands of law enforcement officers, you're complicit in that death. If you don't immediately get suspicious when you're told that a person who died under police watch died of an "overdose" then you are not doing your job. Too many police brutality deaths have been attributed to "overdose" that it's laughable (as in laugh so that you're not screaming).

If I could go join the protest, I would. But there's a problem. The government is responding to peaceable protestors with violence. If they decided to drop tear-gas on the crowd and I was in it, I'd quite likely have an asthma attack, a potentially fatal one. If you can't exercise your right to peaceably assemble and demand redress of grievances, you don't have that right anymore. They've taken it away. Just like they took away that black man's right to due process by suffocating him.

When you strap on a badge and a gun, your duty is to protect and serve the community. That includes the safety of the people you arrest. That includes the safety of the people who are yelling rude things at you. If you can't handle people yelling at you, you shouldn't be in this line of work. You sure as hell can't be trusted with lethal force if you lack the self control to restrain yourself from applying it egregiously. Police officers are charged with keeping the peace. That doesn't include murdering black and brown people. That doesn't include harassing black and brown people. And that sure as hell doesn't include assaulting the people who protest your abuse of power.

"Blue lives matter" is bullshit. It's racist. You can choose to be a cop. You can't choose your skin color. No one deserves to die because they're not white enough for your tastes.

American Apartheid

 I gave a brief Twitter thread on this. I feel that it needs to be addressed more fully. I grew up in a small town in WNY. This is a state considered to be Blue and liberal. We're not as progressive as you want to think. We're not as bad as some other areas, but things aren't good. We'll put aside the town folks versus the farm folks. Because that was a thing. In the school I went to the sum total population of students who were people of color could be counted on one hand with fingers leftover.

They were treated differently than their white peers. It was assumed by many people because they were persons of color they weren't as smart as their classmates. It was assumed that the tall fellow was going to be the school basketball star. (He was indifferent to sports and more of a practical joker.) They were always regarded with suspicion by their peers. Rumors flew that they were drug dealers and that they carried weapons to school hidden on their person.

Then an exchange student from South Africa arrived. Everyone wanted to impress him. They put on their 'company manners' and began treating the black students a bit better. As soon as the fascinating and exotic exchange student left, they went back to their racist garbage. On the rare occasion there was a physical altercation, it was assumed that the black student started it. The fetishization of the exchange student was disgusting. The popular kids clique tried to get him to like them but he preferred to mingle among the entire student population. They warned him that the black students were trouble. He ignored them and reguarly spent time talking with them. I think that is where he went from being somewhat gregarious towards everyone to slectively being polite to some and actually friendly towards others in the school (like the weirdos).

The events of September 11, 2001 happened and the racism came out in full force against the black students. Ones with names that sounded vaguely Arabic were openly called 'sand niggers' and accused of being supporters of the Taliban. Ones who didn't have Arabic sounding names got the same treatment. There was verbal and physical harassment. This all happened in a small town that was supposedly one of the better places in the county because it was home to a SUNY campus. Social pressures in that town pushed people of color to form their own groups out of a need to have safety in numbers. It didn't just happen among the kids in the high school, it happened every where.

If you were at a diner and the majority of the population in the diner was white (which it typically was) a black person would come in and a bubble of silence and suspicion would follow them as they moved through the building. It didn't matter if it was an employee coming to work or if it was a customer. All people of color were regarded with suspicion.  I remember working for a time at a farm supply store in the area. I was told to regard the Hispanic customers with suspicion because they'd try to get goods for free or would supposedly reach into the till if I had my back turned. Migrant workers from the farms around the town were treated like prospective criminals. I refused to participate in that garbage.

The people who were the problem customers were never the Hispanic customers. It was the young gun white farm boys who thought they could flirt/intimidate me into giving them a 'deal.' It was the middle aged white customers who said sexually harassing comments at me. Never did I have a single problem with harassment from people of color. 

Years later, I lived in a different town. All that racism was right on display. They called the gas station owned by a Pakistani immigrant "the Hindu Hut" and spread rumors about how dishonest they were in their buisness dealings. When a Hispanic owned and operated restaraunt opened up in the next town over, rumors went flying that they were staffed with illegal immigrants, paying everyone under the table, and serving food that went against health code regulations. I have neighbors that fling around the word 'nigger' when talking about anyone with more color to their skin than they have. There are a small legion of people who embrace the confederate flag as their 'heritage' and are very vocal about how black people don't belong in their community because they shouldn't bring their crack addict friends and their drug deals into the community. They say that they should stay up in the 'ghetto' where they 'belong'. 

And this is in western New York, which is supposedly a place where you can life a life of opportunity regardless of your skin color. They say that segregation ended with the civil rights movement. That's not true, it just became more subtle. They say that discrimination against people of color ended with the civil rights movement. That's not true. They'll come up with bullshit reasons to refuse to give you a job or just throw your resume right in the trash. I've watched it in action as I was working in retail and people who were of color applied for work. They want people of color to 'know their place' and that place is supposed to be at the bottom of the social ladder.

I didn't meet my first person of color teacher until I was at college. I didn't meet my first person of color administrator or person of official authority until I went to college out of state in a big city. There's lots of smart and well educated people of color who could be working in education but all too often discrimination regulates them to menial labor. That's just one area of many where I have seen discrimination in action. We are not half so enlightened as we would like to claim we are.

People want to lionize Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. while at the same time sanitizing him and whitewashing his message. They want to up hold him as the peaceful protestor who became a martyr. They forget that he said "Riots are the language of the unheard." People say that the riots that happen around now are because people are bored from being under the confines of COVID-19. No, that's not why it's happening. It's happening because they are being systemically murdered under the color of law becaue of the color of their skin. It's happening because they are being systemically denied justice because of the color of their skin. It's happening because they live in constant threat of their lives and livelihood because of the color of their skin.

No one should die because of the color of their skin. No one should have to justify why they need to stay alive. There is no meritocracy that says the more good deeds you do, the more you are allowed to live. Black Lives Matter is a human rights issue. I, for one, support the movement and regret that I can not do more for them.

Christian Privilege is Persecution?

 There's a thing trending on Twitter right now "Christianity Will Have Power." I wrote a thirteen segement Twitter rant about it that Twitter nuked from orbit. Well, Twitter has no power here. I'm angry. I am angry as a mother of two children who are getting stealth indoctrinated into Christianity when we're not a Christian family. I'm angry as a woman who has been persecuted for her religion for two thirds of her life, upto and including physical violence against me for my beliefs. I am angry as a citizen of the United States of America where there is separation between church and state.

The last time Christianity didn't have power in the US of A was during the pre-colonial period. Since then, they've been pushing their religious agenda and persecuting people of other faiths across the continent. Some people will point at my statement as being anti-American. Hate to put it to you this way, bucko, but it's the truth. And if the truth makes me anti-American, so be it.

The last time Christianity was persecuted in earnest was during the Roman Empire. That happened right up until it became fashionable inorder to prevent slave rebellions and was made the state religion in an effort to keep the wealthy Christians in line so that the Empire didn't collapse as quickly. Christianity has a bloody history going back to the beginning of its insitution as a state religion. The Council of Nicea actively encouraged the execution and erasure of "heretical" variants of Christianity. The operations that were engaged in were so complete that historians only find fragments of the more populated groups in texts referencing the 'problems' they created. Modern Christians have no idea about the purge of non-approved Christian sects performed by the Council of Nicea.

Your bible is a political document intended to enforce the power of the early Christian church that eventually became the Catholic church. It is cherry picked from the writings of the different variant groups of Christianity that arose during the house church era (when the actual persecution was going on). Ever iteration after is a political document intended to perpetuate the views and positions of the authors of that version. There is no one true Bible. Hate to break that to you, but history says so.

As a political document that was intended to enforce an agenda of the superiority of the Church insitution (which the Roman Emperor was heavily influencing at the time it was developed, thus being supported by proxy through this document), it laid the ground work for the construction of the Catholic church. Now, some may say "what about the Eastern Orthodox and Russian Orthodox Christians?" Well, that split came with the split of the Roman Empire into two (Eastern Orthodox Christianity being centered in Byzantium and Catholic Christianity being centered in Rome). The migration of Eastern Orthodox Christianity into the region that eventually became Russia gave rise to the Russian Orthodox version of Christianity. They operate off of a political document similar to the Catholic Church's verion of the Bible, intended to support the power structure of the new overculture of Christianity.

I could continue my crash course in the history of Christianity but I digress from my point. The Evangelical Christian movement (aka the Moral Majority) have been working since at least the 1970s to turn the United States of America into a theocracic oligchary with only nominal nods to the democratic republic that it began as. Because of the blind eye turned to this movement due to the fact that so many people in the United States are nominally Christian, they missed the growth of more radical elements. This would be the Dominionist Christians. They are the equivalent to the sub-sect of Islam that seeks to see the day of judgment promised in their holy book and would wage war with the entire world until all are brought to kneel to their god. Guess what the Dominionists are seeking, the exact same thing. They're starting here in the USA because they're our homegrown branch of extremists.

Who is it that is pushing that all who claim to be Christian pledge their support *cough*fealty*cough* to the sitting president? All those Dominionist Christians. Who is encouraging them to do this? Why his orangeness himself. What is the end result of this push if they are successful? The elimination of the division of church and state. The establishment of a state religion. It won't be generic Christianity as we see it in the overculture. It will be Dominionist Christianity.

These are the people who have told me that I am equivalent to a child molester because I am a witch. These are the people who have spat on me and called me satan's whore when I was a mere 13 years old and just figuring out what the hell the word religion meant because I was raised by atheists. It is this community that practices bleach enemas on their children who have mental imparements because they were told it would 'cure' them by their pastors. They slavishly obey their pastors. They engage in child marriages to older men. Girls young as 12 are being married off to men twice their age. They engage in rehoming unruly children. They bomb women's health centers and declare that a woman has no bodily autonomy. For these people, the Republic of Gilead is an ideal, not a warning.

They wear the cloak of Christianity and claim to be persecuted for the sake of advancing their power. They wear the claim as a badge of honor. But none of them have truly been persecuted. When was the last time you heard of a megachurch getting burned down? When was the last time you learned of legislation against them practicing core elements of their faith? The claim that the COVID19 restrictions on gathering is religious oppression is bullshit. 

And yet, so many "Christians" claim they are persecuted where I cannot practice my holy rites in fear of being fined or possibly imprisoned. They claim that they're not allowed to preach their faith, but can harass me with impunity when I walk down the street. 

To Hel with Christianity if that is the Christianity that you are trying to force down my throat. I know people who practice what Jesus of Nazereth taught. That is not it. May Loki show all of you what he finds funny. May Skadi bring you the rewards for all the ill you of sown.

I am exhausted. And horrified.

 I feel like I didn't sleep at all last night. I just feel exhausted and I have no idea why. My brain was insisting it was Saturday when I woke up to take my morning medication. So, with out much in the way of qualms, I laid down on the couch and fell back asleep. I woke up again as the kids were demanding food telling me it was 8:30 am and Beloved was getting ready for work. I was confused and then remembered it was Friday.

My back is feeling somewhat better than it was yesterday, which is an improvement over how I was feeling on Sunday. I have a pretty arrangement of bruises in the middle of my back and scattered about the rest from all the random crap I landed on. I think I figured out what was in the middle of the rug where I hit. A plastic dinosaur. With spikes on it. I resisted the temptation to throw it the hell away after I found it. I handed it to the resident dinosaur fan (Snuggle Bug) and told him to put it away in a tone that came out a bit harsher than I intended. He was about to ask why and pile it up with the Transformers that he was playing with and changed his mind when he saw the look on my face. I apparently looked angry. I was, with the stupid dinosaur and the whole situation. 

Yesterday was a day of near misses. I kept tripping over my own feet and barely missing falling over stuff. I could say that I kept having near misses with flashbacks too. I kept feeling myself beginning to fade out of the situation and then I would ground myself, partly by making a point to sit in a hard backed chair so that I would feel the sting of the bruise on my back. Not the healthiest method of grounding, I will confess, but it was effective. The bruising across my back was part of the reason why I kept almost having flashbacks because it's pretty much all in the region where mom broke a dozen wooden spoons about my head and shoulders when I was around Snuggle Bug's age. (Speaking of Snuggle Bug's age, when the hell did my baby turn into a pre-teen? Oh, yeah, he turned 11 last week. I'm doomed.)

I kept having near misses with panic attacks regarding the kids going back to school. I know it is the beginning of August and they're still getting everything sorted out. The pictures that came out of the school down in Georgia scared the shit out of me. The school's reaction to the students who shared the pictures made me angry. We're in the middle of a pandemic and these kids have no social distancing measures in place for hallway passing. The number wearing masks I could count on one hand out of at least a group of thirty or so in that picture. At least one school in Florida is shut down because of COVID19 after opening for less than a week. 

We're in the process of trying to source masks for the kids to wear to school. We're discussing decontamination procedure for when they get home from school. We are quietly struggling with enormous anxiety over how the school is going to handle social distancing on the buses because they're not designed to keep kids 6 ft. apart. Rumor has it that they're going to have students sit together by family. That's ok if you have a small family like we do, but what about the families in the district that have single children or more than three kids. (One family my friend knows has seven kids. Gods only know how they're keeping up with all of them. That must take a ton of organization and coffee. I'm struggling with two.)

The school is giving us the option of staying home and doing distance learning for the semester but we've discussed it. I simply can't handle it. I'm getting frayed at the edges. It's effecting my mental health in bad ways. As much as we don't want to do it because of the fact that I am in the high risk pool if I catch this thing, we are sending the kids to school for face to face learning. There's the negative effect hitting me on the psychological front that is pushing us towards this decision. There's the fact that I simply can't provide the two very different levels and styles of educational support that both kids need, that they will get from face to face instruction. And there is the fact that the kids need the socialization with their peers for more than an hour. It's more than "they need to be with their friends" both kids have some socialization cues that they're missing and they can only learn them from experience. We've tried teaching them, but we can only do so much. They need to go back to school for their counseling to help them develop the skills to handle social situations and learn appropriate ways to socialize. They need to go back to school to get the occupational therapy that we can't provide.

There's a whole list of reasons why my boys need to go back to school and it's longer than my list of reasons why I need them to go back to school. I am afraid that this is going to get one of us sick. Not because we're not following safety precautions but because I have watched my neighbors become increasingly lax about following personal safety precautions. I'm thankful that Snuggle Bug seems to have grown out of his asthma problem. At the same time, it can put him in the same risk pool as me. It's scary. I'd make our own cloth masks but I can't get the tension fixed on my sewing machine and, honestly, I'm not as good at using a sewing machine as I am with hand sewing. And the prospect of hand sewing bias tape is hell.

I'm horrified by the way people are pushing so hard to put some of our most vulnerable population at risk for this disease based upon the false assumption that it doesn't effect kids as dangerously as it does adults. I've been following the data since April. It is as lethal to children as it is to adults. Especially if they have a preexisting condition. I get angry when someone says "It's not as bad as polio." The numbers say that it is exactly as bad as polio except that 1/3 number is dead instead of paralyzed. And I'm worried about flu season because there is a variant of the swine flu brewing in Asia that has the potential to be as bad as the Spanish Flu pandemic. Which is thus named because Spain was a neutral party during WWI and only place reporting on it, not because it originated there. It started out in an army base in Kansas. But no body mentions that bit of history.

Not quite right in the head...

I was ambushed on FB by a video of an ambush. I could theoretically track it down but I don't think it would do my brain much good to do it. There's enough videos of this going down, I'm fairly sure that just a search string of "BLM police ambush" would bring it up. There was a black couple driving in their car away from where the principle activity of the protest was going on. They were going away. Neither of them were doing anything of particular suspicion except driving while black. Their car windows were up. The driver's intent was on navigating traffic as the passenger was staring ahead, presumably looking out for pedestrians because there was a lot of foot traffic.

A police officer in riot gear walks up to the passenger side door and starts banging on the window. The passenger looks over, clearly alarmed. The driver is doing their best to keep driving despite the distraction. In a matter of seconds, they swarmed the car. A pole weapon of some sort was used to puncture the tires of the car on the passenger side. They attempted to force open the doors of the car (which leads me to believe they were locked, it looked like a newer model car and those auto lock the doors once you go above 5 miles an hour and won't unlock until the car is put into park, regardless of if you slow back down below the threshold). Then they broke the window on the passenger side and reached in to wrench open the door. As they did this, they broke open the window on the driver's side. The passenger was dragged bodily from the car and thrown to the ground. The driver of the car was tazered multiple times from multiple angles. I couldn't watch the rest of the video.

The majority of the "officers" engaged in the activity here were not clearly marked as police. The only reason why I knew the one who walked up to the car and started hammering on the window with his fist was a police officer was because he was accompanied by a police officer in tactical gear carrying a round style riot shield with the word police clearly printed in bright yellow across the back of his vest. The rest of them, gods only know who they were. But they were carrying weapons. They ambushed this car in traffic leading away from the protest and dragged these citizens out.

I don't know where this happened except it was somewhere within the United States. I would assume Portland, WA because that's where the majority of this bullshit has been happening. The sight of it, however, looked like it could have been downtown of the city just north of us here, of any city in the country. These people were not being violent. They were not breaking the law. They weren't given the opportunity to "obey the police." They were ambushed and violently assaulted under color of law by unmarked agents of the government. Because they were black and in the wrong place.

Witnessing this brutality second hand triggered my ptsd to some extent. I got a little spacey and had a hard time thinking clearly. It brought up memories of my parents brutalizing my brothers and I was helpless to stop them. I am a bit more oriented in the present. I am saddened that my trauma won't let me act in some fashion to stop this. I am terrified what this means for people who would be branded political dissidents. I have the luxury of being fairly inobtrusive because I am a white, middle aged woman. I have over the years moved from wearing my fancy headcoverings to just a bandanna. It helps me blend in better. It keeps me from having people slow down and give me dirty/threatening looks when I'm out taking a walk. I dress relatively conservatively. That with the bandanna has people assuming that I am one of the local more conservative Christian mothers.

I, however, am not what they assume. I don't know when they're going to start coming for people who are mentally ill. I don't know when they're going to start coming for the people who oppose Trump and his party. I don't know when they're going to start coming for the people with autism and other disorders. But I have studied history. I have watched this since the inception of the Department of Homeland Security. They're going to come for us. They were just biding their time until the people who fought against fascism were dying off.

The Boomer generation will write this off as a mad woman's ramblings. They'll call me a "snowflake" or something else stupid. Now is not the time to try to reason with them. It is clear that they have been duped (willfully or not) into thinking that fascism will bring back what they consider their golden era of their youth. Now is the time to pour sand into the gears. Now is the time to lose paperwork. Now is the time to sabotage the machine. Until someone comes and puts them down. 

Of course this has to happen in the midst of a pandemic. Gods help us.

Obligatory COVID-19 post (part 2)

New York state is still under the PAUSE order until June 13. The Finger Lakes region and Central New York are in phase one of reopening. That means manufacturing and related businesses are going to be opening up once they have proper safety protocols in place. The recent decision by the Governor to allow businesses like construction to resume with proper safety protocol measures has lead to an increase in traffic along my street because we're just up the road from a lumber yard / hardware store. I'm honestly not sure how well this is going to go.

Since the decision to allow my region to initiate phase one of reopening, I have noticed my neighbors have relaxed their personal safety measures. A lot less people are wearing masks and they are not as vigilant about social distancing. It's being enforced to some extent by retailers (although I have not yet heard of stores refusing service to people who arrive with out a mask yet). I am concerned that my community naively believes the danger has passed.

Our death statistics in my county are low. Part of this is because we're not a heavily populated county like what you find downstate. Part of this is because when PAUSE went into effect, people were relatively ok about following safety protocols (unlike people in some neighboring regions who were holding block parties as soon as PAUSE went into effect). I've been monitoring the situation with the infection rate, recovery rate, and death rate for my region. It's deceptively positive. Deaths in our county are in the single digits. Recovery is around 70 people versus the 100 or so who have caught this (making the total 170 infected, excluding the 7 deceased). It's dangerously deceptive numbers when you compare them to the state's over all percentages.

There are neighbors using our local statistics to justify relaxing safety measures because they have decided it isn't that bad. It is horrifying and nerve wracking for me. I have had people telling me that it's not as polio. That's been the worst thing they can think of and I sat down and looked up the death statistics for polio. This is exactly as lethal as polio. Instead of having to worry about paralysis, you have to worry about unknown laundry list of possible long term complications to the heart and other vital organs, if you're lucky enough not to be reinfected. If you're reinfected, you are even more likely to have the fatal complications.

The WHO says that there's a good chance that COVID-19 is not going to go away. While there's a lot of desperate research going on to find a vaccine, there's a lot of shady politics that I fear is going to get in the way of the distribution of a vaccine when it is found. I fear that the US is going to continue to lead in the number of cases and deaths. When you have people screaming that they're being oppressed because they're told to wear a goddamn mask for THEIR safety and the safety of the community, there's something broken about the system. When you have these people showing up with weapons to protest and their legislature decides not to hold session because of the sheer volume of them, there's something seriously wrong. That's not peaceably assembling to demand redress of grievances. That's a riot waiting to happen. And it's been encouraged by the goddamn PRESIDENT.

I honestly don't think the US is going to survive COVID-19. Not because of a great dying (though I believe that will happen as bad policy decisions are made and people take reckless risks because they're ill informed or just morons) but because the fault lines in the nation are laid bare by the gaps in basic necessities. And I think this is going to stress them to the point that the US is going to collapse. And I don't know how we're going to get through it.

Tide Pods and other noxious things.

I promised you a rant on the Tide pod challenge. It is part of the reason why I have been avoiding social media. There has been quite a few people posting memes about this. I recognize gallows humor. It stopped being funny a while ago, but the memes keep happening. The kids keep doing this and dying. It sickens me to see people laughing about children dying due to social pressure. That's what's driving the Tide pod challenge and a lot of the other assinine challenges out there. Similar things went on when I was that age. It didn't spread as quickly but it was still a thing and people did stupidly dangerous things to prove they were part of the crowd.

However, those stupidly dangerous things weren't lethal. Those stupidly dangerous things weren't being broadcasted for the whole world to watch. This would be like watching a group of kids playing russian roulette with an actual firearm, not a nerf gun, and when the likes for the feed hits a critical number, they load another bullet for the lulz. I carefully monitor my children's access to the internet to keep them away from this kind of garbage because they are the kids who'd be pressured into it due to how much they want to be friends with everybody. How many other children don't have parents who are able to do this for them? What of that number have died or been severely injured due to stuff like the Tide pod challenge? I'd lay odds that a good number of the dead and injured due to this meme are ones that their parents thought that Youtube was harmless.

The Tide pod challenge isn't the only thing that bothers me about popular memes right now. There's some stupid ones out there. That's not really a problem as much of an annoyance. But the memes that make fun of people with autism or treats people with mental disability as though they are subhuman really, really bother me. They dehumanize these people. Progressive dehumanization or othering of an already vulnerable part of the population is a step towards greater oppression of said group. If it was acceptable, I'm sure that such memes would be posted about African Americans by people who seem to think that Donald Trump^* is a good person based on what I've seen said by that segment of the population with respect to former President Obama.

We are living in times where Immigrations and Customs Enforcement are stopping Amtrack trains outside of Syracuse (a city that is known for salt potatoes and their basketball for the most part) and demanding to see papers proving citizenship. They're waiting at schools and places of employment to pick up potential illegal immigrants. Families are making plans for what to do if parents are picked up while kids are at school. There is an underground railroad smuggling people out of the United States to points elsewhere to seek asylum.

And yet, we should be happy with our bread and circuses. We should laugh as children are pressured to kill themselves. We should shrug off one child calling ICE on another as a prank or youthful indiscretion. (That one ended well, thank gods, the child who had ICE called on them and their family were not harassed because they had the good fortune of having all of their paperwork in hand. And the child who did that call got expelled for it.) We should look away when transgendered people are murdered for the mere offense of living. We should be hyped up about the winter olympics but not offended by the fact that school shootings are in double digits already.

If my anger and concerns about such things makes me a helicopter parent, then I'm not that fun/annoying news helicopter that's telling you about rush hour traffic. I'm the armored assault helicopter that's air support for my troops on the ground. I haven't figured out how to deal with it all yet, but if someone comes at my kids, they're going down. School yard fights happen and that is why we're teaching them how to finish a fight if it starts but to never start one. The other side of things, adults fucking around causing my children problems, I will find away to destroy them utterly. Once I thought I could count on the community to help. Now, I find my people and we fight for each other because the bonds of community have broken.

If they hadn't broken, this mess wouldn't be here. We'd be taking care of each other and nobody's babies would be dying because someone told them they had to eat poison to be popular.

Yarn stuff # 2!

I haven't gotten much spinning done this week. Or at least, not of the producing yarn variety. I have been getting a lot of things done right now. This is good, but my time for fiber arts has been reduced. I aim to rectify this as soon as I get the other projects (like putting together a budget for this month and finishing setting up my writing outlines for the month) done.

I sat down with some yarn and a crochet hook. I backwards engineered a bonnet pattern, sort of. The first attempt came out pretty cute. It is about toddler sized. I used baby sport weight yarn remnants I had kicking around in my work basket. I haven't written up the pattern yet. Or should I say, I haven't typed it up yet. I have it noted down in my notebook. It is a step farther along than what I have been doing in other projects.

I am in the search of a good (free) gnome hat pattern. I've seen a few on Ravelry. They're ok. But they're not quite what I need. I may wind up just coming up with one on my own. Who knows how that is going to work out.

In other news, have you seen this thing that is trending? If you look up 'knitter's are ...' on Google, one of the top auto-fill suggestions is 'knitter's are ruining America.' I proudly claim this title. Below is a picture of my engaged in this dastardly activity. (I'm making a baby sweater for a friend of mine. Pattern to come when completed.)

Beware of me and my pointy sticks and sturdy string.

White Rose of Resistance.

With the rising tide of Nazi sympathizers and their ilk, I have taken up the practice of wearing a white rose as a symbol of resistance. The White Rose Society was a resistance organization based out of Munich formed by a group of students from that university. They distributed anti-Nazi pamphlets and engaged in acts of defiance. One of the defining traits of the White Rose Society was that they were intellectuals. They came together to resist the ultra-nationalistic propaganda and the oppressive practices of the state.

I am presently contemplating making these roses and selling them on Etsy for the cost of production and shipping. If I do so, I will include a note about the White Rose Society. If I happen to sell them for a higher cost than shipping and production, I will likely be donating the profits to programs that are threatened by the increasingly draconian propositions coming out of DC right now. This would include but not be limited to: Planned Parenthood, The Trevor Project, and the Southern Poverty Law Center, as well as local programs in my region.

As you may be able to tell, these are crochet items. I give the pattern below for free. share it as you see fit or make what you wish with them. The base pattern for the flower can be made more 'full' if you add more rings of petals. I am using sport weight acrylic yarn. The flowers I crochet with a size G crochet hook (4 mm). The leaves were made using a size H hook (5 mm). This pattern is written up in US terms. I may at some point this week come back and post a video tutorial how to make these. I'm not decided right now. After assembling the flower and the leaves, I stitched the entire affair to a safety pin with a flat back. This works better to keep the flower facing the correct direction and it doesn't shift as much when it is being worn.

White Rose of Resistance Pin

Materials Needed

Size G & Size H crochet hooks
Safety Pin with flat back
Large eye yarn needle (I used a steel one because I prefer it. Plastic can also be an option.)

Small quantity of white yarn, sport weight acrylic
Small quantity of green yarn, sport weight acryic

The Blossom

With the size G hook and the white yarn, make a slip knot and insert your hook in to the loop. Chain 3. Make a half double crochet into the third chain from the hook. Repeat 14 times. (15 stitches in total) Slip stitch into the top of the chain at the beginning of the round.

Chain one. [Half double crochet into the first stitch. Double crochet into the first stitch. Triple crochet into the first stitch. Chain one. Triple crochet into the second stitch. Double crochet into the second stitch. Half double crochet into the second stitch. Slip stitch into the third stitch]*.  Repeat * four times. Slip stitch into first stitch of the round (5 petals, 40 stitches).

Slip stitch two stitches along the FIRST ROUND (you will be approximately at the center of the first petal on the round before it). [Chain four. Slip stitch at the point that is approximately at the center of the next petal in the first round.]* Repeat * four times (5 chain loops, 25 stitches). Slip stitch into the first stitch of the round.

Chain one. [Half double crochet into the first loop twice. Double crochet into the first loop. Triple crochet into the first loop. Chain one. Triple crochet into the first loop. Double crochet into the first loop. Half double crochet into the first loop twice. Slip stitch into the join to first round.]* Repeat 4 times. (5 petals, 50 st)

Slip stitch two stitches along the FIRST ROUND (you will be approximately at the center of the first peal of the round). [Chain five. Slip stitch at the point that is approximately center of the next peal in the first round.]* Repeat * four times. Slip stitch into the first stitch of the round. (5 loops, 30 stitches)

Chain one. [Half double crochet into the first loop twice. Double crochet into the first loop twice. Triple crochet into the loop. Chain one. Triple crochet into the loop. Double crochet into the loop twice. Half double crochet into the loop twice. Slip stitch into the join to the first round.]* Repeat 4 times. Slip stitch into the first stitch of the round. (5 petals, 60 stitches)

Fasten off. Leave a tail of yarn 6 inches long. Make 1 blossom.

The Leaves

With the green yarn and size H hook, make a slip knot and insert the hook through the loop. Chain six. Single crochet into the second chain from the hook. Half double crochet into next stitch. Double crochet into the next two stitches. Work six double crochet into final stitch. Work along the back of the foundation chain, one double crochet into the next two stitches. Half double crochet into the next stitch. Slip stitch into single crochet. Fasten off. Weave in ends. Make 2 leaves,

Assembly

Cross leaves a the base with the center lines at a 90 degree angle to each other. (Base of the leaf is the end with the 6 stitches.) With long tail from blossom, sew leaves together and onto the blossom on the wrong side of the blossom. Make stitches even and small. Do not stitch through the entire blossom, only pick up the back loop facing the wrong side of the blossom. Stitch safety pin to center back of the blossom with remaining length of yarn. Fasten off and weave ends.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

NOTES:

1. Slip stitching into the first round will not be very noticeable on the front of the blossom if you are using a solid color.

2. The sections where the petals are made, the stitches for the petals need to be in each loop.

3. This is theoretically washing machine safe if you do so on delicate and your stitches are done tightly. I would wash it by hand.

Snowflake.

So, they'll call me a 'special snowflake' with scorn in their voice. They'll imply that I am someone who demands to be handled with exquisite care and sheltered from the harsh reality of the world. They'll say that I am over emotional. Some will even insist that my 'delicate nature' is due to my gender presentation. You want to call me a snowflake, go ahead.

I would like to remind you, though, snow is lethal. The ice it is made of will suck the heat out of you and leave you helpless. It will steal your breath, rendering you voiceless. You will die from the cold and think that you are overly warm, hastening your demise with your confused deeds. You will in your last moments, hide like a feral animal, utterly divested of your dignity. Snow can kill you and you will not realize you are dying.

From Wikipedia

Ah, but some would say that the snowflake is simply a weak thing that can be destroyed with warm breath and warded against with proper precautions. You are a fool to assume this is the case, though, because the snow does not come only in ice. It also comes in stone. And the stone is not something weak and fragile. Oh, it is beautiful. It is also born from the fires at the core of the earth. Snowflake obsidion can be fashioned in to razor sharp blades. Many a person has died from crude weapons fashioned from a hunk of raw stone. A higher number has perished from weapons made with skill and deliberate action.

The other thing you must remember about snowflakes is that there is never only one. They always come in significant numbers. And they're silent until they reach a point that you are unable to do anything about the danger posed by the weight of their presence. Call me a snowflake. Know that I am coming and there is an avalanche at my back coming for you as well.

A Sunny Spot on the Wall.

Perhaps you are familiar with Margaret Atwood's novel A Handmaid's Tale. If you are not, I strongly advise you read it. Consider as you do so that it was written in 1985, a little over thirty years ago. Also, consider how closely those themes run to that which is espoused by the supporters of Donald Trump. The parallels are fundamentally disturbing. I could devote a whole post to this, an analysis of the book, and how it seems that people have taken it as an instruction manual. (I feel as though similar arguments can be made regarding George Orwell's 1984.) This, however, is not the purpose of my post this evening.

I have spent my day attempting to make sense of the apparent madness that is unfurling. Yes, some would argue that I am presenting a hysterical (in a decidedly unfunny sense) picture of things. Many who would decry my position as hysteria would have declared a woman who was of a mind to exercise her rights as suffering from hysteria back when it was considered a legitimate diagnosis. I pay them little heed but I do give them a small bit of time in my thoughts, to consider them scornfully and with great loathing. Given a casual assessment of what has been reported via social media alone, there has been a stark uptick in violence in both word and deed on the basis of racism, sexism, and xenophobia. I have not seen much in the way of reports of such things against people who are disabled but I would not be surprised by this.

This behavior does not behoove us as the descendants of statesmen such as the ones who ironed out the principles that lead to the development of the Consitution of the United States. Or does it? Thomas Jefferson, famed for penning the cherished Declaration of Independence, argued that a white man was of greater value than a black man, specifically slaves. It was known as the 3/5ths compromise. It is a shameful chapter in the history of this nation, among many. Just because our ancestors (both ideological and literal) behaved in a manner that denied the humanity of their fellow people and promoted hatred against them, it does not mean that we can do so as well.

We are supposed to improve upon what was done by they who came before us. The Civil Rights act of 1866 was supposed to rectify the gross errors of our government and people. The Civil Rights act of 1964 was supposed to rectify yet more of those gross errors. This is but one example of how we were supposed to improve and propel our nation towards a more just place wherein all citizens enjoy the protections and liberties explicit and implicit that came by virtue of being part of this nation. And yet, what have we done in electing Donald Trump? We have taken a step backwards.

Still, perhaps we were not as forward thinking as we wished to tell ourselves and present ourselves to the world at large. Donald Trump tapped into a deep vein of hatred that runs through this nation. I can not say this is a great nation. I have not been able to say that for over a decade now. And I think that when I said it when I was younger, it was out of ignorance and believing the pretty stories we told ourselves about how good we are. I suppose one good thing to come out of the horrendous train wreck that has been this election cycle is that the seething, putrid wash of hatred that was fermenting beneath the surface has been revealed.

It has revealed how brother has turned against brother and the way that people wish ill upon others for merely existing. Some are concerned that we are a heartbeat away from a civil war. Others are afraid that the country is headed to ruin, with the likelihood of greater warfare happening within months of Donald Trump being sworn into office. In the meantime, no less than eleven people committed suicide within the last 24 hours with fear that they would have been murdered because of their status as part of the LGBT+ community. And this is only what I am aware of through my relatively small social circle. Gods only know what the final tally will be when sunrise comes tomorrow. I have lost count of how many people relating how they have been harassed and threatened with violence on the basis of their beliefs, their apparent racial background, and their gender presentation. This is but the tip of the iceberg that the good ship America has run into.

I will not attempt auguries to divine what manner of disaster awaits us. My heart can not stand that. I have spent my day feeling sick and horrified. I have been afraid for friends of mine who have moved from being in an abstract position of danger to one of real danger because Donald Trump's ascension has emboldened the people who threaten them. I sit here and question what I can do to oppose this rising tide of fascism. Do not let anyone tell you that this mess is something different. It is perhaps by the perversity of the Divine's humor that the election was decided upon the 78th anniversary of Kristallnacht.

I don't know if I will need to make plans to hide friends from some manner of governmental oppression. I don't know if I should carefully consider how to present as something I am not to ensure the safety of my children. I don't know where this leads. I only know that nothing good comes of this. I know this in my bones. I fear for the future. People who are dear to me have tried to assure me that the apathy that has run rampant through this country will insulate us from the greater dangers that lie about us. I question this assertion. When not even a full day after this man has won the race people are having their very lives threatened with impunity, I suspect that apathy will not save us. If anything, it will be further damnation.

I do know this, I will find away to stand against this. I will find away to resist the hatred. And, when the day is done, I will do my best to ensure that my children and the generations that come after them live in a nation that is closer to being more just and humane. Or at least die trying. Because sometimes, the war that is fought is in our hearts and minds, not with guns and forces of might. I will not be silenced.

So, save me a sunny spot on the wall. And I am sure we will have good company to hang in chains with if all things truly go to hell.

Indigenous People's Day.

I spend my day trying to figure out my new small sewing machine. I picked it up at Aldi's last weekend. It is the Easy At Home Mini Sewing machine. Upon inspection, it is surprisingly robust for its petite size. It seems to work well with most of the generic bobbins I have kicking around here. It also looks like it will take generic standard sized sewing machine needles.

I wasn't impressed with the needle threader. But it is a style of needle threader that I generally dislike. Unfortunately, it is the only one that will fit through the eye of the needle. My vision is such, now, that even with my glasses threading that is hard.

I took the boys out to the park this afternoon. Snuggle Bug picked flowers and gave them to Gregg the pizza guy over at Pizza Pauls (the pizza shop that is right next to the park). I brought my spinning with me. As the boys played on the swings and then played freeze tag with the other kids their age that were present, I did some spinning on my petite turkish spindle. I charmed people with my work and explained how it worked to the curious. I will say, spinning on a suspended spindle is a lot easier to carry with me when I am out and about. I even was spinning as I stopped in the hardware store to see if they had full spectrum light bulbs. (I think I will need to take a trip up to the city to get some. It is my hope that if I set up some lighting with full spectrum light bulbs, perhaps I will have a reduction in the severity of my depression symptoms over the next several months.

I did not do much for activism today. I wanted to do something for the oppressed peoples, especially the oppressed indigenous peoples, but my day got sucked up with domestic tasks and all that went into keeping the boys out of trouble today. Beloved and I, over the weekend, did our best to explain why Columbus Day was not something we celebrated or acknowledged in our house because Christopher Columbus did some awful things to the people that he met when he came to the Americas.

Cuddle Bear was having a hard time trying to understand it. Beloved was doing his best to explain that it was stuff to horrible for him to describe right now because Cuddle Bear wasn't old enough to understand, and, quite frankly, we didn't want him to have nightmares of invaders bursting into our home, killing us, and enslaving him. So, we just said Christopher Columbus was a man who did very bad things and we don't celebrate him. I'm pretty sure that there are going to be a number of discussions and angry conversations with the kids at school.

Who knows how the teachers are going to take it. We even had a discussion, briefly, with the boys why we don't support zoos. (Animal cruelty is not something we condone in even the remotest sense.)

A question.

So, I'm looking around on Facebook and I see people posting these memes about how a person who has committed a crime previously are essentially worthless people. I see memes posted about how if you have ever been charged with something (including things as paltry as parking tickets or jaywalking apparently) that you deserve what ever violence is meted out to you by law enforcement (or people who present as some kind of law enforcement lite - ie private security firms with weapons). I see people talking about how violence on the part of protestors negate their complaint and 'never solves anything'. I see people posting stuff about how if a person has been accused of a crime, not even charged, that if it falls into a certain category they should be executed.

At the same time, however, I see the same people posting things about how we should reject the demands of others to limit our self expression. I see them posting stuff about how they would tool someone up for looking at their significant other in a fashion that they disapprove of (as in the poster, not their partner). I see them posting things about how they have the right to reform the government by force and they need to stockpile munitions in the event of that necessity. I see them posting things about how we need to get all the details about the violence that is done before passing any sort of judgement when the perpetrators are doing so under color of law. I see them posting things about how much they admire the civil rights activists from the 60s and that the activists of today are nothing like those people.

It makes me sick.

Do you support seeing the just application of the law of the land? If someone is accused of something, are they innocent until proven guilty? Is law enforcement to be held accountable for when they break the law themselves? Do people have the rights that are secured for them by the Constitution of the United States as citizens of the nation or not?

If you answered yes to all of the above, why in the name of anything holy or decent do you say that these people who are being killed by the police deserve it? We are protected against unreasonable force and unreasonable search and seizure. We are protected in our rights to free expression and to peaceably assemble and demand redress from the government for our grievances. There's a long list of other things here that we're protected on the basis of judicial precedent even.

Let us not forget the international laws that are supposed to protect us on the basis of simple human rights.

We are a nation of laws. We are not ruled by pedagogy and popularity contests. We are not ruled by a dynasty of monarchs, dictators, or similar figures. Our opinions and feelings on things come second to the rule of law. And when the rule of law is wrong, we are supposed to come together and make changes to it as a people, via a representative system.

Even then, our individual preferences are second to the needs of the people. Or at least, that is how it is supposed to work.

And yet, we have black and other minorities being gunned down in the street by law enforcement (and law enforcement wannabes) because the people with their finger on the trigger are scared. We have families that have lived in this nation for generations being harassed and told to 'go home' by others because they don't fit the white-christian-productive citizen trope. We have a towns and cities with water that is undrinkable because of rampant pollution and government failure to ensure the safety of this most vital of resources.

I am the one who is said that they're wrong because I look at all of this and say it is not right. I'm sorry, but being poor is not a crime. Being black, latino, gay, or of any other stripe of minority is not a crime. Being disabled is not a crime. Not understanding what law enforcement is saying to you is not a crime. My list of things that are not crimes could get very, very long. I think, however, you get the picture.

Stop punishing people for not fitting your stereotype. Stop saying that their problems don't matter because it doesn't disturb your comfortable bubble. Stop saying that these people some how deserve the on going, systematic atrocities being done to them by people who are supposed to be upholding the rule of law. Having a badge and a gun doesn't automatically make you a hero or judge, jury, and executioner.

I am not going to hold up the law enforcement officers as automatic heroes because they're law enforcement. Yes, they do incredibly hard work for the community. Yes, they function under a considerable amount of strain and are called on to make decisions that can cause life or death for others in the community. Because they are in that position, they should beheld to a higher standard. If you are in law enforcement, your rules of engagement should be no less demanding than those for the military. Indeed, I would argue that they should be more so because you are dealing with civilian lives at all times. Even the 'bad guy with a gun' is a civilian. Last time I checked, civilians rated higher than enemies on the list of people to keep alive since armed conflict began, especially when they are the civilians in YOUR OWN NATION.

So, to boil this all down to that single question:

If you are going to claim that you are a 'patriot' and a 'real American', why are you refusing to demand that all of these people have their Constitutional rights protected? Why are you silent and complacent with all of these egregious abuses happening all around?

The 'no true Scotsman' argument isn't going to fly here, folks. Just to let you know.