winter

winter

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #30

I'm finally at the end of the month and I finally have my post count up to where I wanted it to be. Yay! In other news, discussing stuff regarding Cuddle Bear's foray into schooling is so stressful. I understand Beloved getting hot under the collar over it. It was hard, but I managed not to 'catch' his stress. I kept focusing on trying to clarify what he was upset over and trying to clarify where I was coming from. I'm still feeling pretty wound up, but I'm not angry or otherwise feeling poorly.

I guess that's a win, right?

NaBloPoMo Post #29

Random nonsense goes here. I'm doing the lazy man's way out and making a paragraph stand for a blog post. I'm also having a hard time getting my thoughts to slow down long enough to type them up. I type pretty fast, as it is, so I think it may be time for my medication. At least I'm no longer on the verge of a panic attack. But my brain is whirling around faster and faster. I don't like it when I get like this.

But, this is why I have medication.

NaBloPoMo Post #28

So, I am a little past half way finished with my list of Yule projects. I still need to figure out how to get pictures off of the digital camera so I can put together that photo album for my MiL. I hope to pin my husband down tonight and get him to show me what I must do, this way I'm not stuck bothering him a lot later on. I need to go out shopping for two items.

I want to give Snuggle Bug two puzzles for yule. So, I am going to have to hit up the store where I got the one for a second. Then the puzzle box will be full of puzzles again. Which I am sure both kids will enjoy. I also need to go out and buy him a sweater. I know that he has several that were passed down from his big brother but I really feel that I need to get him another. Because quite a few of the hand-me-down sweaters are getting small around the neckline. I want him to be able to actually use them. If I'm lucky, I may manage to find him a hoodie with Cookie Monster on it. Because, Snuggle Bug LOVES Cookie Monster.

I'm at the point now where I am about to start work on two stuffed animals. I also have a hat left to make. It's a tough decision but I think I'm going to finish the hat first because it will be fairly quick to do. Then I can get the animals done and be ready except for wrapping stuff up. And if I work at it diligently, I can be at the point where all of that is taken care of before Yule even.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #27

I have a lot of stuff put aside for doing scrapbook pages and collages. I should probably get my hands on it and actually start putting these pages together. I think that will serve as my 'Artist Date' this week. I'll take some time Sunday afternoon. That'll be my reward for getting through the week.

If I do a page a week, I should get caught up after a little bit. Or perhaps I'll do two pages. I don't know. But I am not going to get ahead of myself and try to make myself do too much. I want to take as steady and reasonable of a process as I can manage. All of this reminds me, I need to print off pictures of the boys for the photo album that we're going to be giving my MiL for Yule this year. I don't know how we're going to get that done.

I think we'll probably be ordering prints via Wally World. I suspect, however, that will be one of the last things that we require from anywhere for presents. Again, I need to go through the pile of stuff. I should probably start wrapping things now instead of doing it all in a mad rush for the last few days before Yule.

NaBloPoMo Post #26

Well, I'm three posts behind where I wanted to be. I will probably ramble on about politics or something else later on this evening to get my post count caught up. I'm almost finished with NaBloPoMo. As I look back over the month, I am glad I didn't take on NaNoWriMo. I think it would have made getting ready for Yule a nightmare and just stressed me out horribly. So, I suppose I made the right decision this year.

Maybe next year I'll do NaNoWriMo. I'm not going to leave major work on Yule gifts until October next year. That was just foolish of me.

Monday, November 28, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #25

Ahh, Pakistan. I'd just like to say that I called this one coming a mile away. There's this little thing called sovereignty. When one country ignores it and does what ever the hell they want in another country, the other country is going to get pissed. Now, I'm still trying to figure out why the fuck we thought it was a good idea to take a shit in the sandbox of another NUCLEAR capable nation.

We got Osama Bin Laden, whoopie. And the Taliban is running around doing bad shit, then hiding in Pakistan.

Seriously, that part of the world is a goddamn power keg and it's not going to turn out pretty if we keep trying to boot stomp our way around there.

Of course, reading about this stuff just makes me cranky. Maybe I should go back to reading about happy fun things. Our government is run by idiots. I'm genuinely convinced of this.

NaBloPoMo Post #24

I've been following the news about Syria for a little while now. The UN has finally grown a pair of balls and called the Syrian government on their atrocious treatment of protesters. I think it's because the Arab League has put on their ass kicking boots and are not tolerating Syria's bullshit. Between sanctions and ultimatums, I think they're getting ready to take action if there is no change to the situation.

For my part, I'm rather disgusted that the USA hasn't taken a more decisive stance on the matter. There was an initial statement and then pussy footing around. And I hold Hillary Clinton in even more contempt then I had before because she called this toothless response 'smart power.' I question, Madam Secretary, where is your outrage over the brutal violence against peaceful protesters?

Last I recall, your husband took a stand against similar brutality that was going on in Kosovo. Oh, wait... that was a war. Never mind, we apparently only will act when we feel we have the moral high ground in the event of a ...

Wait? What? Oh yeah... Iraq. Wasn't that where Saddam Hussein was brutalizing his people? We didn't turn a blind eye to that ... well, not over the last few years of his ...

Oops... I guess the US record on human rights is kinda shitty on that front. How many people died because we failed to put on our big kid pants and stood up for what was right?

Let's see, we've got:

Darfur
Somalia
Iraq
Kosovo
Stalin's Russia
Kim Il Sung's North Korea

And that's just the beginning of the list. And we've a place of honor... we're on that list of genocides for Nixon's fun in Vietnam.

The next time some asshat tells me that we have the moral high ground in international politics, I may just beat them to death with a dictionary... like the unabridged one, which if you drop it out a 2nd story window on to someone it'll cause severe injuries because it weighs several pounds.

Good on the Arab League. US, let's get our heads out of our asses and get our shit together.

NaBloPoMo Post #23

I'm way behind on my blogging for the month. I feel a little frustrated with that, to be honest. Of course, as I look back over my last few blog posts I feel a bit embarrassed by them. A paragraph is a bit wimpy, so says the part of my brain that has been insisting that I should have taken on NaNoWriMo this year. I'm working on not being calculatingly critical.

Oh, hells, a paragraph is better then nothing, right? Maybe I'll come up with some other random thoughts to post next. Stargazer did NaBloPoMo and had some entries that were a single sentence. If she did it, so can I.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #22

I feel worn out. Not physically but emotionally. I think it's just from my hormones being all over the place due to my menses but I'm not entirely sure. A part of me says there's no point to blogging if no one is reading. I've been doing my best to tell that part to shut up, with little success.n

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #21

Short post. Leg hurts. Stomach aches and I've felt cold all day. Blargh.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #20

It's been a long day today. And yet, here I am at the end of the day more awake then I was in the early part of the day. I don't know why. Perhaps it's just an off moment. Perhaps there's something else at play. Either way, I'm not looking forward to all the work of tomorrow.

I tell myself that I am blessing my home and cleaning a holy place, thus serving my gods and helping my family. Cleaning, however, continues to be drudgery. Some day, I'll change my relationship with it. If I keep telling myself these positive things, I should change my mindset on this, right?

NaBloPoMo Post #19

And now for a bit of fiction...


The Priestess walked the halls of the temple beyond the partition of the sanctuary. Cradling a hot cup of tea with honey in it, she proceeded at a stately pace, meditating on her role as head of the order. It was unprecedented that she dropped part of her title during informal interactions. It was equally unprecedented that the High Priestess of the order would work intimately with her junior priestesses. It had earned her the informal title of "Blessed Mother".

On this morning, she was tired and watching the honey colored light slid through the archways to glow in vibrant pools on the marble flagstones. She walked through these pools, half expecting to feel its warmth catch upon her voluminous skirts like water. From one end of the colonnade to the other, she walked. A pair of acolytes knelt near the midpoint of the passage, scrubbing the stones with wide, soft bristled brushes beside a bucket of cold water. The priestess knew they were watching her from the corners of their eyes.

The dark haired woman stopped near the two younger women. The pair remained steadfastly focused on their task despite the silent presence behind them. "Rise and come with me," she said quietly. The acolytes looked at each other. "Floors always need cleaning. It will keep. Now, come with me," the High Priestess of Yulara prompted gently. The pair kneeling before her looked at each other. One resumed scrubbing as the other stood.

With a small gesture of benediction, the priestess turned and began walking again. "Your sister is still too troubled by the world," the priestess said to her young shadow, "Come, walk by my side, not behind me. We are sisters in our service to the gods." Reluctantly, the acolyte walked to the left of the head of her order. The young woman's short hair shone like spun gold in the morning's light as they walked out into the courtyard.

"My dear, do you know why your sister failed to accept my invitation?" the black clad woman asked. The acolyte chewed her lower lip, unsure what the correct answer was and thus remained silent. The Blessed Mother looked over and smiled indulgently. "The wise choose silence when unsure how to respond, you have done well," she said before taking a sip of her tea.

The pair walked to a bench sheltered by a pair of thin trees with silvery green leaves. The brilliant sunlight bathed the courtyard with blinding beauty. It caught in the tresses of the Blessed Mother and made the touch of gray in her hair silver. "Sit, my child," she said, gesturing beside herself on the bench. Obediently, the young woman sat with her hands folded in her lap. The Blessed Mother looked over at the younger woman.

Her blond hair had been cut short as a sign that she was reborn upon her entry into the order. Unlike other maidens under her care, the Blessed Mother noted this young woman maintained the short hairstyle. Her white robes were pristine beneath her dingy gray work smock. The Blessed Mother remembered herself as a maiden of the order, struggling to maintain the pure white of her own robes.

"Tell me, my Daughter," she said, "What is your heart's dearest wish?" The maiden looked over, surprise in her eyes. "You've not taken the vow of silence," the priestess said with a rich chuckle, "So speak, child." The young woman looked at her hands.

"I wish to serve the gods," answered the acolyte, "As you do, Blessed Mother." The priestess smiled, hearing the undertones of the young woman's answer.

"That requires a great deal of study and sacrifice," she said.

"I know. I am willing to do what I must," the acolyte.

The priestess nodded. "Very well. Return to your chores. Take the vow of silence for one year. Then we shall speak again of this," the older woman said, "If you are truly ready for the sacrifices you must make, a year of silence will be a simple thing."

Friday, November 18, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #18

Random thought: the Duggars are having their 20th child. For some reason, it disturbs me that they've had 20 children. It's not that I begrudge anyone the joy of having kids. It's not that I have an issue with people not using contraceptives in their marital bed. I'd be one huge hypocrite if I got up on the soap box over that.

The thing that disturbed me was the quote from Michelle Duggar:
It feels more natural to be pregnant than not.
I just sat there and went 'Good Goddess preserve me from that mindset!' Honestly, I can't see myself enduring morning sickness and all the other discomforts of pregnancy 20 times. I lack the words to express how much I do not EVER want to experience that. Three time, maybe. 20 times? Hel no!

Good luck to the Duggars. I think all y'all are nuts. But, there's gotta be some crazies in the world to make it go 'round, right?

NaBloPoMo Post #17

I am just done for today. My nerves have been having me twisted up in knots. My therapy session sucked. And the kids were getting into everything this evening.

Can we stop the world so I can get off and take a break for a second? I think it's time for me to be doing some knitting or something.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #16

A few days ago another person introduced me to the concept of free form crochet. Looking at the images that come up when I did a search, I am intrigued by the idea. I like the prospect of having absolute control over the fabric and I like the prospect of using my yarn like I would paint on a canvas.

The little bit of three dimensional stuff that I've done, the things I really enjoyed were where I just started crocheting and adding as I went along. I suspect that I will take to this style of crochet like a duck to water. First, however, I have to finish the stuff for yule.

NaBloPoMo Post #15

So I am feeling like I am making a fool out of myself with this Policy Council stuff. I just finished the rough draft for the letter asking for more participation from parents. I sent it out to some other council members to get some feed back before I finish tweaking it. I feel like I wrote up a really pathetic letter.

At the same time, it has literally been years since I've had to do much in the way of official correspondence. I still don't feel comfortable about this.

In other news, I have a bad feeling that I'm going to be voted in as secretary for the upcoming year. My gut is telling me that the fact that I take notes and I actually typed them up after the last meeting is a sign that I'll be doing it more.

Of course, this could be a good thing for when I want to get involved in other activism type of things, I suppose. And I could put it on my resume. I just am quietly worrying that I have just made a fool out of myself.

I hate it when I get like this.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #14

Long day. Between mood swings and the kids acting up, I'm just worn out. I did some crochet but I'm just going to say its enough for now. At least I remembered to post today. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I can get two posts in and be only one behind where I am date wise.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #13

You know you go to a fast food restaurant a little too often when the staff comment on how nice your new hair cut looks. And one of the wittier people in the back calls out that they missed you when you weren't in on your usual day.

I think I need to find a new place to pick up food while I'm doing laundry on Sundays.

Monday, November 14, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #12

Well, I am making progress on Yule gifts. I've got the body done for a little amigurumi rabbit. The head is started. I'm still not entirely sure how I am going to make the ears. This is going to require a little research. I also took a break to make a pocket black hole. :)

Saturday, November 12, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #11

A part of me says it's cheating to call the knitting pattern I posted earlier a contribution to my NaBloPoMo count, but I'm not letting that bit of perfectionism stop me any more then it stopped me in finishing the knitted mitts. I honestly didn't expect to get them done before Thanksgiving. I'm glad that I did.

Now I have the other small projects to do, which should work up pretty fast. Tonight, I am going to LARP out in Buffalo. I'll be bringing the lace scarf that I'm knitting for someone who may be currently reading this blog. I'll also be bringing the neon orange frog that I crochet last summer for another friend. I'm pretty sure she'll get a huge kick out of it.

I am considering bringing the small crochet bunny that I am working on. I finished the body. I'm just now starting the head. I'm a little stumped as to how to make the ears but I am sure I will find something somewhere that will give me a few pointers.

Rocker Chick's Fingerless Gloves

YARN:
Color A: 1 ball black RHSS
Color B: 1 ball candy print RHSS

NEEDLES:
size 10 us

Cast on 42 stitches in color A.
R1: Knit in color A
R2: Purl in color A
R3: *Knit 2 st in color A (English method), carry color B across back of fabric (WS). Knit 2 st in color B (Continental method), carry color A across back of fabric. * Repeat *10x. Knit 2 st in color A (English).
R4: *Purl 2 in color A (English method), carry color B across front (WS). Purl 2 in color B (Continental method), carry color A across front (WS).* Repeat * 10 x. Purl 2 st in color A (English)

R 3 & R 4 make pattern. Continue until 6 in long. Knit 1 row in color A. Purl 1 row in color A. Bind off knit wise.

Seam tog R & L edges of fabric, leave 1 in open at 2 in from cast off edge. Seam tog R & L edge of fabric 1 in from cast off edge to cast off edge.

Friday, November 11, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #9

I'm slowly making progress on my knitting. The kids are in bed as Hubby is out with a friend. The sounds of gregorian chant isn't relaxing me like it usually does. I feel cold, alone, and generally upset. I'm pretty sure it's due to my mood going through swings. I started out the day ok but then with in the last few hours... well, this happened.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #8

Well, I've gotten most of the kitchen clean. The living room is a bit of a mess but that'll be easy to take care of. My goal of having each room of the apartment 15 minutes from clean is looking pretty realistic (except for my project room, but we won't talk about that LOL). As I find interesting new gadgets to help me be more efficient in cleaning, it gets easier to be less stressed by a given task. I am seriously considering buying a few of the FLYLady tools.

All of those positive reviews has my curiosity aroused. Something that would work better then what I've got now is always something I'm looking for. Currently, I have one of those dish scrubbers that keep a bit of soap in the handle. I suspect I may wear out the sponge before I use up the soap, however. It did a beautiful job on one of my pots that I had accidentally burned something in. It doesn't seem to be scratching up the every day dishes either. I think it may have been a smart buy.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #7

I may make two 'extra' posts over the next couple of days so that my post number corresponds with the date. I'm undecided on that. But, let's move on to what I briefly hinted at yesterday. I went out to the Policy Council meeting for my Cuddle Bear's preschool. I almost turned around and came back home three times on my way there (the third being right in the parking lot). I told myself that I needed to do this, if not for myself then for my kids.

I walked in and put on a sunny smile, but on the inside I was a nervous wreck. I wasn't so nervous that my body was hating me but I was on edge. The folks there were actually quite pleasant and generally laid back in attitude. It relieved me that all I really had to do by way of introducing myself was state who I was and how I was connected to Head Start. I was also glad that I didn't over prepare and bring in a copy of my resume. Beloved talked me out of it, thankfully. Things could have been quite awkward otherwise.

I got a chuckle out of the WTF reaction there was to the budget report. It disappointed me but didn't surprise me very much that the program was operating at a deficit. As fundraisers got briefly discussed it became quite clear that one of the biggest problems was getting parents to participate. I suspect this is going to be a theme through out the year. I volunteered to help write the letter requesting additional participation from parents. I think that was the second hardest thing I did yesterday.

Thinking about it, I am getting butterflies in my stomach and my hands are a little shakey. A part of me is screaming that this whole affair is a bad idea. I think I can push through it, however.

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #6

Three sentences and then I'm off to bed. Holy crap, I actually did something uncomfortable and came out unscathed. More details tomorrow because I'm tired right now.

Saturday, November 05, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #5

I finished one of Rocker Chick's gauntlets. I am in the midst of casting on the second and finding that I'm actually feeling optimistic about this. I think the youtube videos helped me out a fair amount. I'm still not half as good at knitting and purling in the continental style but I can actually do it now. A few thousand more rows of doing this and I may even get *that* figured out. Thank goodness that the gauntlets are not *that* long. :D

Friday, November 04, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #4

I haven't much to say this evening. I'm finding that working on Rocker Chick's Yule gift is getting maddening. I am coming to hate knitting in the Continental method. I especially dislike purling with that technique. It is very frustrating and I feel utterly clumsy doing it. I have set the project aside. I'll take it up tomorrow. Perhaps the blessing of daylight will help make this easier. A sour part of me doubts it. :P

Thursday, November 03, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #3

My prompt for today was:

Can you listen to music and write? What kind of music did you listen to today?

I regularly listen to music as I am writing. It helps me to focus on what I am working on. When I am writing fiction, the music helps me to come up with scenes and characters. When I am working on non-fiction, the music helps me to put aside enough of my anxiety that I can actually write sentences with out compulsively checking for errors immediately after I finish. This makes my work flow a lot more smoothly. Today, I am listening to Gregorian Chant.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #2

I'm sitting here at the end of the day unsure what to write in here. I have to do at least a paragraph or my conscience will gnaw at me. So, two sentences in and on the third, I still have no great brainstorm. Perhaps tomorrow will bring better inspiration.

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

NaBloPoMo Post #1

So, it's officially November and the beginning of NaBloPoMo. (And NaNoWriMo, but I'm not participating in that this year.) Their prompt question for the day is:
What do you enjoy about writing?
I'm not really sure if I should run with that question or the writing prompt from The Artist's Way which is:
List three old enemies of your creative self worth. Please be as specific as possible in doing this exercise. Your historic monsters are the building blocks of your core negative beliefs. [...] It is always necessary to acknowledge creative injuries and grieve them. Otherwise, they become creative scar tissue and block your growth.

I'm not really sure where to begin with either of these. I haven't done my morning pages yet and feel a bit foggy at the moment. But I don't want to forget to write in here. I may just journal the writing prompt from The Artist's Way and try to come up with at least a paragraph for the other prompt.

I suppose what I enjoy the most about writing is the cathartic qualities it holds for me. Like my artwork, writing helps get some of the fears and doubts out of me. It can help me to clarify just what is bothering me. Which then allows me to process and work through it. Writing helps me to figure out how I am going to live with something unpleasant or to plan for something happy in the future. It is probably one of the most versatile tools I have at hand for coping with the world at large.