So, after a few weeks of contemplating and mulling over what response should be given to the attempted shredding of that religious text I spearheaded work on and carefully edited, I typed something up yesterday and posted it on my other blog. People are coming out of the woodwork on Twitter to voice their objections, which really is only proving my point. I'm not planning on responding to comments on the post or the Twitter link to the post. I did my best not to let on that I was offended by the implication that I was a simpleton who couldn't understand English. I did my best to make clear that the changes were to move the text so that it was easier to read and open it up to a larger audience. And I did my best to explain that the changes were made because I wanted it to be more accessible.
I also explained that the gap between the Independent Filianic community and the Orthodox Filianic community is wide enough that there are things happening in each community that the other isn't aware of, and it's on them to go figure out what's happening in the Independent Filianic community because I'm not their spokesperson, leader, or figurehead. I also made clear that I took on the role of publishing and copywriting the text to preserve the anonymity of the others who were instrumental in this new version of the holy texts because I knew that it was going to piss off the whole Orthodox community. I explained that I was putting my proverbial shield between the people who helped create this new version and the haters because I had seen how ugly the internet could get. Unlike some of these gentle souls, I give zero fucks about what the Orthodox community thinks of me.
At first, I was upset. I confess, at first I did give a fuck about that. The person who tried to completely shred the work that took about half a year to clean up and fix (and implied that I didn't understand English) was someone I had some respect for and a semi-cordial working relationship with. I now realize that they were treating me with 'company manners' instead of being genuine. That kind of duplicity is shit I don't have time for. I'm not going to bother to respond to the comments. If they go so far as to directly contacting me, I may respond. Otherwise, I don't have time to deal with every person who is going to nitpick each word choice and such.
If they hate it so much, call it fanfiction and move on. I explained the role of copyright (which is a thing that people got highly offended by) and said if they didn't like what I and the team had done with the text, maybe they should have copywritten their work. They're pissed off because they don't have free immediate access to it via .pdf or something similar. And I don't care. If you want access, buy a copy. Then the book is yours to burn as you see fit. I've had work stolen and republished by book piracy sites via .pdf on self-publishing sites. I'm leery about slapping up a .pdf to go around the world.
I've made good on my oath to take all proceeds from the work and put it towards charity. I'm not profiting at all off of this book. I'm taking the amount that I have raised with it out of the royalty check that came in the mail and using it to buy yarn for the preemie hats I've started making again. My goal is to make 100 preemie hats this year. The year before Covid-19 arrived on the scene, I had made 50. I didn't make any during 2020 because I was so busy with so much other stuff. So, to make up for the fact that I didn't make any last year, I set the goal of 100 hats. I have 3 done so far. I picked up the yarn last week.
I have decided that the Orthodox community being pissy is free advertising. I think it is part of the reason why all of my other books are selling. (Which is where the majority of the royalty check lies.) Maybe some of them will come around to see that what I've overseen is a good thing. Maybe they won't and they'll go back to lurking in their dark corners of the internet as the Independent community grows and gets more active. I was careful in my research to back up what others were presenting in sources tied to the Orthodox community. It's been entertaining to find links back to documents that would have supported things that we said leading to 404 errors. I suspect intellectual dishonesty and cowardice out of the parties responsible for removing those documents. I'm going to let all of this be judged by our actions.
For my part, I've presented two reasoned arguments for changes and refrained from name calling. I did put forth some questions like "If the Orthodox community is going to enforce an orthodox perspective, who determines what that perspective is? What about the plurality of perspectives within your own community? Who has the authority to dictate what is correct and where does that authority derive from?" I advised they should form their own version of the Council of Nicaea and hash it out before they start declaring us Independents to be mangling the holy texts and heretical.
I still feel the pull to be involved here. I still know that the goddess I oathed my service to decades ago is this goddess. I am still going to be writing texts and doing my best to give assistance to others who are struggling along their faith path (regardless of the fact they may not share mine). I know that I am doing the work that I have been called to. I have decided to let the politics happen on its own. That's Déa's business to worry about. I'll step into the mess when I see something obviously wrong (like the tolerance and encouragement of TERFs in the community). Otherwise, I'm just going to keep working like I did in the beginning, in relative silence and with my focus on the gods. My readers will find me as they did in the beginning and will spread the word to others, as they did in the beginning.
I'm not going to worry about community. I'm just going to write and do my thing. Writing to my audience was how I wound up in this block. I got tired and frustrated trying to predict what they were looking for. So, I'm going to stop doing that across all my blogs. I'm just going to write what seems logical, feels right, and/or is relevant to the topic of the day. I am not writing these books with the hope of making money. It was very nice to get a royalty check. It would be nice to get another one soon, but I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to produce the work and let the gods sort it out.
It is both liberating and disappointing to return to this position. I enjoyed the interplay between myself and others. It was a euphoric feeling to see my Twitter posts getting shared. I felt like I was making a difference and bringing some measure of light to the world through them. I know, now, that I am making a difference and bringing some measure of light to this world through my posts. But I don't need the feedback and popularity to do it. I can do it by just being myself and writing what I write. I had a brief moment of being one of the 'cool kids' and mistook it for acceptance. I realized, however, that it wasn't acceptance but my being used after they were so quick to turn on me the moment I stepped outside of their defined box.
I never said that I was an Orthodox Filianist. I have always said that I am an Independent one and one of the weirdest ones they're going to encounter. Apparently, they forgot that. So, all of their upset is really their own fault. I warned them at the beginning and reiterated it as I have gone along. So, I'm just going to keep doing my thing and trust that my audience will find me, like it did in the beginning.
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