Monday, March 03, 2008

Sexuality, pt 2

Here's a different thing in the same topic arena.

(Perhaps I should make a label for the topics dealing with this... I'll decide later.)

I love the fact that my husband and I have a healthy and active sex life. I hate the fact that I feel limited in expressing just how happy I am with it. I hate how stress manages to get in the way of our expressing ourselves. I really don't like the fact that I need to limit my expression for the sake of the domestic comfort of the neighbors. These are the same people who seem to feel that their drunken outbursts are acceptable for me to hear thru the walls for some reason.

It offends me that I need to lead something of a double life. In public, I can't express myself in this aspect of my personality. It's not because I want to engage in indecent exposure or something else like that (though the thought of public nudity as indecent has almost always irritated me, even when I am feeling extremely body shy). No, the problem that I have is the fact that it's some how viewed as morally wrong for me to be attracted to people aside from my husband. It's even more questionable in the eyes of others for me to be attracted to people of my own gender in addition to men.

What is so wrong with bisexuality? Can some one *please* explain this to me? Seriously, this offends the hell out of me! I'm a woman who happens to be attracted to both men and women. What the hell is wrong with that? This doesn't mean that I don't love or desire my husband. This doesn't mean that I'm disloyal to him. People who assume that he and I are being disloyal on the basis of who ever we may possibly be attracted to outside of our marriage really need to get a god damn life.

This makes me angry as hell, too. Who has the right to tell me how my relationship with my husband is supposed to go? Who aside from my husband and myself has that right? Never mind the fact that our relationship is well within the norms of our own beliefs. Can some one PLEASE tell me why the rest of the town apparently has the right to sneer at me if I am not wearing my wedding ring or if I'm out and about with out my husband?

Mind you, the times where I have encountered this attitude is especially when I'm out running errands with the baby in tow. I feel disgusted and furious, as well as embaressed, by the looks that I get for being out of the house with my baby and not wearing my rings. Never mind the fact that my hands were too large for them to fit me properly for almost a full year between the pregnancy and the weight gain from the pregnancy. What am I supposed to do, apologize to every blue haired little old woman I see for the fact that I'm not wearing my wedding band and pushing a baby stroller, explaining that my husband is at work, then getting him on the phone to prove that we're married?

Do I need a signed note telling me that I can go out of the house and do things with out my husband attendant, or some other relative of mine? Please, somebody, tell me what the fuck is the issue here? I'm seriously getting sick of this small minded bullshit. And these are the people who I'm supposed to let dictate my sexual appetites and preferences? I think most of these dried up sticks are horrified by the fact that they have any distinguishable gender traits.

Quite frankly, I *like* the fact that I'm a woman. It's pretty awesome. Especially the multiple orgasm thing. It's hard as hell to keep in mind that there's nothing wrong with the fact that I'm a woman when I encounter this kind of bullshit on a semi-daily basis.

God, some people really make me angry as fuck.

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