Saturday, March 01, 2008


Have you ever found yourself so distracted by an idea that it manages to creep into your thoughts on a semi-regular basis? It makes me wonder, is that how obsessions begin? I kinda doubt that I'm obsessing over anything, because it isn't like this idea has taken over my world. Over the last several weeks, however, I'm finding myself quite distracted by the idea that my antidepressants are not working as well as they should be.

It was somewhat amusing that when this idea was really looking like it was turning into a sources of distress there was a big news article about it. I'm not entirely sure how to approach this, though. Not taking them makes these rather ugly thought surge up in roaring volume and I find myself so... listless that I just can't keep up with myself, let alone running a household and caring for the boy. Depression scares the hell out of me, so I want to take every possible route in fending off the beast that I can in good conscience.

That said, I'm finding the anxiety is building again and the thoughts are beginning to creep thru the barrier of numbness and drug induced apathy. I don't know what to do, though. In the past, when I was struggling with rather intense depression and was taking antidepressants, I went thru about four different drugs over the course of as many months. The only one that worked for any period of time is the one that I'm currently on. Even then, I wasn't fully alleviated of my symptoms. It just took the edge off enough so that I could function.

I had something else to add but I forgot what it was. So much for that, but such is life with a kid in the house.

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