I feel almost ready to SCREAM!

I absolutely hate going thru the bills. I recognize it is a necessary evil. Unfortunately, it is something that just must be done. As I've spent multiple hours dealing with this headache, I feel almost ready to spontaneously combust or scream. I'm honestly not sure which. And to think, some time over the next week, the budget for next month needs made and the check register gets to be compared to the bank statement. Oh how much joy and rapture will this be, indeed.

It doesn't help that the pile of bills and mail that I just went thru had been sitting for months. Fortunately, most of the bills are paid. Those that are awaiting payment and filing are now in a nice, neat little stack next to my desk. I still feel on the verge of a complete freak out because I've been sorting and filing old medical bills and expenses. Right now, I can feel my hands beginning to tremble and I'm torn between being cranky as hell and just whimpering in anxiety.

It's a huge mess. I'll admit it. Between the mountain of medical bills related to the year that I didn't really have a job and had many lung problems and the bills all relating to the health needs I've had over the past three years, I think the amount of debt in this front is probably equal to the amount I owe on my student loans. I honestly don't know, which is part of what has me freaking out right now. I have no damn clue how much money I owe people.

It makes trying to get the financial picture settled out scary as hell. I really do wish that I had my husband's constitution. It seems like the man never gets sick. When he gets a cold, it's the sniffles where as I am sick in bed for a week with a sinus infection and a cough that the neighbors hear thru the wall. Now, I am finding myself dreading things like when cold and flu season comes because I don't know if the baby is going to take after me or my husband. I don't know if I'm going to be horribly ill at some point and be absolutely useless for taking care of the baby. It's ... it's rather terrifying because I don't know what to do right now.

I'm doing my best to remain healthy. We've got good health insurance. I try to keep our home relatively clean and make sure that we eat healthy. It feels like the rest is just up to the fates. After all, who knows when my ovaries will decide it's time to have a grapefruit sized cyst or if my lungs just feel that it's a ducky idea to not function quite right because of my allergies. Here's hoping that my anxiety attacks don't start coming back as I handle things with the money around here. Gods, I hate dealing with this crap.