Bah, what's the point, right?

So, I've spent my day procrastinating on just about everything. Having a head cold tends to put me into moods like that. I've played with the boy and tried to mentally function, leaving a small mountain of laundry, a slightly smaller mountain of dishes, and a sizable pile of papers to be dealt with. I know that I really shouldn't be too aggravated with myself, but I can't exactly help it.

I've sat here screwing around on the computer when I could have been taking care of these things. I took a nap this morning when I could have resolved the vast majority of the dishes or the filing with out worrying about the boy needing me. And now, as he's finally fallen asleep for his second nap of the day, I just don't have the ... energy to slog thru a sink full of dishes, filing a months worth of correspondance, or folding ... alot of laundry.

Does this make me far too lazy? Or am I just feeling sick and need to give myself a break? I honestly am not entirely sure. I know that last night, as I attempted to meditate, I fell asleep and then slept just about all night on the couch. I hate getting sick, it just sucks the life right out of me. I was barely able to keep up with the boy today.

Ugh!

I hate dealing with paperwork!

So, my dear husband and I have started on the road to financial freedom!

And it's left me feeling like I'm going to die a death of a thousand paper cuts! I recognize that having hard copy of everything is going to make it easier to keep track of what is going on. We can actually prove that bills are paid and such. I know that it's easier for me to keep the numbers straight if I have them on paper in front of me when I balance the checkbook. All of these things make sense and are very practical things to keep in mind.

At the same time, I really do feel like I should just go running off into the dark screaming and gibbering like a madwoman in the face of the small mountain of papers that need to be organized, filed, and dealt with. It is intimidating but yet I know it needs done and I can't let it scare me any longer. It's not like my husband and I will only drag ourselves down if we make financial mistakes here. We now have a little boy to keep in mind.

Sure, it may sound cheezy, but we really are doing this more for the boy then ourselves at the moment. It's a miserable and frustrating thing to get all of our finances in order. It's also rather... painful to realize that you just don't have the money to go out to dinner as often as you like or to do some of those fun things you'd really love to do. We can't exactly say that our fun is more important then making sure that our son has food to eat, clothes to wear, and a safe home to live in. So, we tighten the belt and set our noses to the grindstone.

Fortunately, however, we're not required to enjoy this process. That, I think, probably would make a crazy woman out of me. Right now, however, I am actually looking forward to that sink full of baby bottles and dirty dishes. It gives me a legitimate excuse to avoid more paper cuts as I file away the papers from last month's bills.

repost from elsewhere

It seems that when I find that I am beginning to make progress and get all my ducks in a row, something just comes along to throw me off. I'm sure that y'all have days (weeks, months, years???) like this. I've had a short string of 'em and I'm just going to take a moment to vent a little bit. Please, forgive me and the fact that this isn't exactly cheerful at the moment. I'm having a little difficulty with some of this and I'm still not entirely sure how to approach it all. Who knows, maybe some one has some advice that can help me puzzle it out!

First off, the holiday season went fairly well for my family and I. It is a thing that I am most thankful for. If it hadn't, I think the last few weeks would have been impossibly hard to bear. My youngest brother is in the Army Reserves and he just shipped out for Afghanistan last week. My whole family is in a tizzy over this, especially with him talking about re-enlisting into the Marine Corps. His wife is not exactly happy but there's been some problems within their marriage, and she's hoping that this tour will scare him into acting more responsibly.

I've been having a real tough time coping with the emotional fall out of all this. I can at least say with some degree of quiet pride that I didn't get into an argument with my brother the last time I saw him, even though his egoism and casually vulgar attitudes really made me angry. Hard on the heels of this, I realized that my problem with depression has come back full force. It is rather embaressing for me to have to take antidepressants. I feel that I should be able to cope with this problem with out these things.

Unfortunately, that is not the case. So, last night, we filled the perscription on the way home and my husband reassured me that this is a legitimate medical problem. He said that if people approached postpartum depression and depression in general as a "real" medical problem, then there wouldn't be people murdering their small children because they were convinced that the babies were doomed for hell by accident of their birth. It's rather chilling to realize that I had internalized that attitude and the rather disgusting version that I had grown up with: psychological problems = attention seeking behavior.

It is my hope that I'll do a better job handling these things, but I can't help feeling like the wind's gone out of my sails. I really wish that it were possible for me to get out into a garden and put this anxious energy to work doing something, like hoeing potatoes or something. Scrubbing out the bathroom can only be done for so long before the fumes from the cleaners make me start wheezing, sadly. That said, thanks for listening to my bit of a rant/whining about life at the moment.

I'm sorry if I happened to bring anyone down also as they read this.

Yeah, it's been a few days...

I'm not going to say how long it has been since I've written in my off-line journal. That'd be a bit longer, and it's all I'm going to admit to. At some point in time, I should probably copy what I've typed up on here into there, so that I've got a 'hard copy' record of it as well. I'm pretty sure that project will be at about the same point as the one I started to make a digital copy of my journals.

Alot has happened over the last several weeks. My darling Stargazer has lost several people in her family over a short span of time. You know that you are in the hearts and thoughts of everyone here in this house. Please, call me if there is anything we can do to be of help to you, love. If anything, I've got plenty of stupid human tricks I can compare notes with you on. I swear some of the people in this town just don't think at all!

I've been forced to admit that my youngest brother is an unrepentant asshole of the first order. His wife is on the verge of divorcing him because of his failure to stand up and act like a man. You know, uphold his end of the bargain to be a husband and a father to their three little girls. And all of this is even as he's shipped out to Afghanistan for the next year. I believe the most excruciating part of all this is the fact that I am torn between feeling like it'd be a good thing if this misogynistic bastard that shares the same genetic background that I do get's whacked in combat and feeling like my goofy little brother that helped me blow up model rockets to tick of Dad is going to die, and being terrified of that.

To say that I feel like I'm in a moral quandry is an understatement it so say one that is beyond my own masterful ability to commit such outrageous understatements. I love my family deeply. They are my own flesh and blood, and one of the few things that I feel you need to be able to count on in life. After all, if you don't have your kin behind you, you're going to be losing a lot of history and alot of support. At the same time, I find myself feeling that the ties of kinship pale in comparison to the abomination that my brother has become over the years. I don't even recognize this man.

I could add more but I don't believe I will.

I'll focus on happier things in another post. I need a little break before I get angry or upset.

Oh, dear, what do I do now?

I'm a fool. I thought that I could just strong arm my way thru something. I thought that if I did things the hard way, it would prove to make things work easier in several other areas. As usual, my stubborn streak hasn't proven enough. Now I'm not sure how to make this right, how to fix this problem.

I don't even know how I should discuss it, because I know it's going to be a huge source of frustration.

Stargazer, I love you.

Before anybody thinks something foolish, there's alot of past history here that I'm not going to bring up for the rest of the internet to know. Somethings just stay between the people who know the facts, and there will be things I mention that are going to fall in to that category.

First off, Stargazer, I love you so much that it hurts. I'm still furious with myself over how I broke your heart years ago and how close I came to losing one of the most important people in my life. I feel terribly embaressed by how much of a coward I am when it comes to telling you how important you are to me. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and not a day goes by that I don't miss you. He knows that and he feels badly for me. I think that he thinks I'm too hard on myself. I know that you'd say the same thing, and maybe you're both right.

I'm sorry but I really can't forgive myself for how stupid I was then. I got scared I didn't say anything, I didn't even realize when I was starting to dissociate. Looking back on it now, I realize that was what happened that night. It was the same thing that happened when he and I started trying to be intimate after I left that bastard who hurt me. The only difference was I wasn't having those screaming panic attacks where I started hitting myself. I've got to admit, I thank all the Gods for that small mercy. I don't know if I could have handled that. I tried for years to forget that I started to shut down when I felt your hands on my skin, but it haunts me.

Sometimes, I have nightmares of it. Where I can't feel anything and I desparately want to, because it felt so cold inside me and so... dark. There are times where, in my dreams, we're together. You hold me as I cry about my fustrations with the boy, with my husband, with my life in general. In my dreams, you help me to forgive myself, as you always have and you continue to be the calm, radiant presence at my side that you were in that moment. It scared me then and it scares me a little now that you love me.

It scares me even more that one day, you could slip out of my life forever and I'd have never done this. I'd have never told you how I feel about you, even today, and all that I'd have left was bittersweet memories.

I do love you, darling. I love you so very, very much. I'm sorry that I hurt you and if there was some way that I could take all of that back, the distance that came from my idiot pride and my foolish fears to the badly phrased bullshit things I said, I would. I never wanted to hurt you and I still hate myself to this very day for it. I do think I failed you. I tried to love you as you deserved to be loved but I couldn't do it right. Maybe I was too broken at that time, maybe I was just too scared to believe in myself. I don't know.

But I can't find the words to say how much I love you, Stargazer. I'm sorry that I've been so far away. Please forgive me for it, love. I was afraid that I'd hurt you again by being stupid.

Bah, who needs sleep, right?

Or at least, that's how my darling son feels at this moment. He's throwing one monster of a temper tantrum at the moment because it's still nap time. I feel relieved that he's feeling well enough to be showing that he does have a temper like I do, but I'm mildly irritated that he has decided that he really isn't tired (never mind his yawning and rubbing of the eyes).

Ah.. wait! He did finally fall asleep.

It seems to be how nap time has gone since he caught his cold. Here's hoping that now that he's getting over it, my boy will not be so cranky when it's time to sleep. I can't be entirely sure, though, as he has started teething. We'll see how this unfolds, I suppose.

Happy New Year!

Or what ever. :P

I'm feeling a bit apathetic. I think all of that effort making thing for people burned me out some. I'm a little bit ticked off with the post office.

They keep losing my mail. It's be one thing if it got lost because it was stuck to another piece of mail. But, that's not the case, as I learned recently from one of the folks who work there. Apparently, one of the staff there refuses to wear his glasses. He feels it makes him look old.

It also makes him send my mail off to the other side of town. My name is not Vanessa. My husband's name is not Vanessa. And our son isn't named that either. We have a post office box! And one last thing, just because this woman's last name as two 'L's in it, like ours does, it does not mean that we're interchangeable.

As a result of the vanity of one (if not more) of the postal service employees here in town, we're late on paying the bills on a semi-regular basis. If I'm lucky, letters sent to me will actually reach me. I'm still wondering if a package that was sent up shortly after the boy was born didn't reach me because it went over to this woman's house.

Honestly, people, would you please read the address on the packages and letters!

Sorry, I'm a little bit ... aggravated. I spent all day on the phone making sure we had car insurance and that we didn't have a laundry list of problems because this happened again. Once in a while, I can understand, even accept. Every few months, like clockwork, is just insane.

Happy Holidays!

Well, the boy, hubby, and I survived yet another holiday gathering with my side of the family. Generally, things went well. My parents surprised the living daylights out of me by giving me a sewing machine. It was a complete surprise. As my mother needs hers back, I suppose it can be short of nothing but awesome that my sister in law and I were given sewing machines. My grandparents and extended family all seemed to be doing well.

Even though I feel some anger and a measure of resentment towards my grandmother and one of my aunts, I do wish them well. I'm trying to root out the anger and resentment, so that the last few years that I have with my grandmother still walking the earth won't be filled with that. I won't go father along that line of thought because it just gets depressing.

Tonight, we have a big get together at my husband's grandmother's house. I'm hoping it all goes well. I'd be posting up some kind of cute christmas/yule picture of my son, but I don't have the foggiest clue how to do that. So... I've searched the interwebz and found this for your pleasure! Happy Holidays!

Wow, I made him laugh!

You know, I realize that telling jokes to an infant is kinda pointless. At the same time, I was beginning to get a little desperate for trying to find away to make him laugh. Prior to last night, my little boy had only laughed once for me. That was while we played a quick game of peek-a-boo at the doctor's office as I was getting him ready to go home, about a month ago.

Oh, but last night did we have a winner! I made him laugh pretty good, just at the wrong time. Him laughing is good, spitting up while laughing is not so good. We were playing on his mat and I tapped a ball that was suspended over his face. It brushed against his cheek as I said "kaboom" and he giggled. I did it again and he laughed. We spent about 5 minutes this way until he got sick. Next time, I think I'll wait longer then 20 minutes after he has a bottle to play that way again.


In the picture above, we're playing 'binky-tag'. Obviously, you can see he enjoys it. This little monster will spit out his pacifier to have you put it back in for him to spit out again for what feels like hours. It's good that he enjoys it, because it makes the whole drama less maddening. Seeing that huge smile on that little face... well, it suddenly makes 'binky-tag' more fun for the grown-up involved too.

My little boy still hates baths. He does, however, love playing with the towel. Just the other night, he was trying to pull it up over his head and kick it off. To say the least, I found it to be the cutest thing to watch. The thing that I am really astounded by, however, is how fast he's growing. That picture up there is a little over a month old. He's grown much more since then. It's jaw-dropping to realize that this cute little outfit just won't fit him now. While he doesn't like playtime on his belly, he's getting better about it. I figure if we keep at it, he'll stop screaming when I put him down on his belly to go wash dishes or make myself a cup of tea.

He's been hitting several of the milestones for his age fairly well. Even so, I can't help but feel a little worry that he hasn't figured out how to roll over yet. I know that it may be a bit early for me to worry about that, but it's a mild source of anxiety. I also find myself wondering what on earth I'll do about getting this more more socialization. I realize that with the cold weather, I can't exactly walk down to the library with him. A 15 minute stroller ride in the middle of winter just isn't the same as a 15 minute stroller ride in the middle of autumn.

That said, I've got to admit things are going really well. Now, I just need to figure out how to make him laugh more often and we'll be set.

ack...

I've been trying to get back into the swing of that tarot reading by phone thing I was doing shortly before my son was born. I admit, I do feel anxious that things are not going to pick back up. I've been trying to redirect my nervous energy into doing things that are productive towards this venture. I feel, however, that my efforts are not going to be enough.

I hate the holiday season because this time of year the feeling of not having enough money is somewhat impossible to avoid. It's a terrible feeling and it is one that I'm all too familiar with. I can't help but feel angry when I find it implied that my efforts are not going to be good enough because I didn't buy the gifts I'm giving from the store. It is something that I can't avoid because it's shouted at me from every media outlet on the face of the earth this time of year.

Heck, I can't even get away from it on the computer. I get pop-up ads spamming me with offers to buy the latest gizmo or gadget for the people in my family. I find that I feel guilty at times because I can't afford to go buy something. I have this terrible suspicion that my husband's cousin is going to turn up her nose at the purse and cell phone cozy that I made for her. I have a fear that everyone who gets these hand made gifts this year is going to be disappointed because their hearts were set on something else.

Wretched doesn't begin to describe how it feels. And in the midst of flailing about with my worries over things like if people are going to like what I give them, I find I get into a panic over the bills and if I can cut any more corners in the budget to possibly make it easier to pay off the various expenses we accumulated over the last year. It really does feel like no matter how hard we try, we just sink farther into the financial quicksand each year.

And think, this is me on anti-depressants right now!

I hate this time of year on a semi-regular basis for so many more reasons then having to listen to Bing Crosby so many times my eyes bleed. I've got to admit, if I am forced to listen to christmas/holiday music for a full 24 hours, I may possibly go into a homicidal rampage. Why, you ask? Because that stuff is enough to create brain aneurysms and are a form of torture more inhumane then being forced to suffer thru Barney for a full 24 hours. (And let me tell you, that right there is a sadistic hell that I do not wish upon my worst enemies!) Christmas/holiday music tell us to cheer up and that we're going to get everything we want. It tells us that everyone is all wrapped up in this confectionery state of bliss and similar rot.

It's surfeit to cover up the disgusting truths of the world.

Ok, I'm going to stop before this rant gets more depressing or more cranky, which ever would happen first.

I also reiterate my ban on perkiness!

Slowly making progress... I think.

I've been gradually working on getting the christmas presents done for my six nieces. I have five done. The last proves to be the one requiring the most work. I'm crocheting a chess board. I've made 32 white granny squares. I now need to make 32 dark blue granny squares. The bag for holding the chess pieces is finished, though I've discovered that the extra chess pieces are missing 4 white pawns, a white knight, and a black rook. I think I'm going to need to go buy a cheapie chess set and scavenge the pieces out of it.

I have the aprons for my brother-in-law's girls done. They're getting some kitchen toys and aprons. As they've been starting to learn how to cook, I've decided to give something that encourages it. The hats for my youngest brother's children are done. I still need to finish piecing together and sewing the small quilt that I started for my son. The boy has a small army of blankets, but I wanted to make him a quilt, too. I'm about a third of the way finished with the piecing together of the squares of fabric.

I made the multicolored blanket that my husband wanted. I now want to make him something else for christmas. He knows about the blanket, I want to give him something that will be a nice surprise. I'm not entirely sure what it will be yet, but I'll figure something out. I finished the crocheted shawl from my husband's grandmother, as I learned that the woman doesn't exactly like the one she has right now. I still need to sew up the cell phone cozy and the purse that I made for my husband's cousin.

Aside from the quilt that I'm making for my son, I believe that I'm also going to make him a toy. I'm just not sure what to make. I've a few different options, as it stands I'm leaning towards a teddy bear or a lion. I'm not entirely sure which I prefer. I do still need to cut out, piece together, and sew the doll for my youngest niece. I'm fairly certain that I'll have the sewing done by the end of this week. I may even have the last bit of stitching that I need to do on the baby blanket for my son finished as well. This was a blanket that I started quite some time ago and I didn't get it completed until now. I just don't like how the last bit of stitching came out, so I am probably going to pull it out and resew it.

I have the gift for my sister-in-law finished. I'm giving her some orange scented bath salts, a bottle of apple-pie scented bubble bath, and (if I can manage it) some lavender infused white wine. I've been debating what to give my mother this year and I think that we're going to do like we had discussed when we got the portraits done of the boy. We'll need some cheapie picture frames, but it'll make a wonderful gift for the grandparents!

I was hoping to beable to get some photo books made by christmas of the wedding pictures. It doesn't appear that it will work out that way this year. I still want to get that done, so it may be a matter of printing things up at home and binding them at Kinkos or something. I'm not sure. I will be making a cover for the little cooking journal that I'll be giving my other sister-in-law for christmas.

So, I guess I am making progress. It just doesn't feel like it when I'm in the middle of working on stuff. It feels like I'm slogging my way thru needlecraft hell.

That said, I wonder what I should surprise my husband with...

Blah.

My husband's asleep right now. The boy is taking a nap. Some would figure that I'd be thrilled because I get some time to myself. Instead, I just feel bored and lonely. Kinda dopey, I suppose, but I do. Perhaps I'll do some cleaning to entertain myself. Cheezy free games in the internet just don't hold the usual amusement/brain cell killing value.

I'm making alot of progress on getting christmas presents done. I have a purse and a cellphone cozy to sew together. I've been crocheting the squares for a chess board for my eldest niece. I believe we have enough loose chess pieces kicking around here to make two full sets and a partial. I've finished the hats for my other brother's kids. I even got two bibs done for the 7 month old. I'm debating if I should make her a little placemat for the table. If I have time after I get the chess board done, I might do that.

I'm at a loss for what to make for my son. I'm getting aggrivated working on this little crib quilt. I don't think it'll be done in time for christmas. I may sew him a nice little outfit with some of the fabric I have kicking around here. I still have two little aprons to make for my husband's brother's kids. The girls are starting to learn about cooking from their parents, so I'm going to give them some play pots and a pair of aprons. Maybe I'll make some child sized pot holders too, I don't know.

I finished the blanket my husband wanted for christmas, but I really don't feel it is a good gift for him. I want to do something different, something... unexpected and nicer. I will figure it out eventually. In the meantime, however, I think I'll work on getting some cleaning done in the living room. Maybe I'll balance the checkbook after I wash the dishes in the kitchen. I don't know, because that quilt still needs pieced together and the remaining squares need crocheted for that chessboard. I'll figure it out eventually, I suppose.

hmm...

I think I'll just put together another blog to chronicle some of the adventures surrounding this boy of mine.

I'm not entirely sure, though. Something to debate while I try to connive my husband into hooking up the printer so we can print off some of the pictures for the scrap book. :)

Overzelous... no, not really.

Here's some pictures from the summer and from last month. I suppose my husband did get a little happy with the camera, but the trade off was some spectacular pictures. I've been making things for the boy since I found out I was pregnant. Here's some of the photos to show what I made.

The first is from when I was 8 months pregnant. In the picture is two sweaters I made and a pair of booties. The blue sweater and booties are the ones that he wore in the hospital (because they made the maternity wing so cold that a meat locker would seem tropical in comparison).

Next is the sweater that I insist looks like melted crayons. My husband begged me first to make the sweater and then to make him a blanket from this yarn. I still have a partial skein of that yarn. It's being used for some snow hats for my brother's daughters. I don't think I'll be able to get away from it! This picture is of the sweater in progress.



Now, I struggled with this yarn. I had several different patterns that I attempted. Because of how this yarn was dyed, none of them came out not looking hideous. To say the least my husband, who loves to try to blind me with the color combinations he comes up with, was quite entertained.

Finally, my mother gave me the pattern for this sweater. I made a few mistakes working on it, but even so, it didn't look completely ugly when it was done.


This is the completed sweater. All it's missing is the crayon box stuck to it! :)



There is one more picture that I'd like to share. This is of the red sweater set that I made. I put my little boy in this outfit for his first trip to the library. He may not be old enough for a library card, but it doesn't mean he can't go over there and look around.



This was to be his coming home outfit but the weather was far too warm. I had a back up outfit also, which was used for his portrait that went out with his birth announcements to family and friends. It was too hot for the back up outfit too! It was so hot that day that he was wearing the onesie that I had for him and a pair of soft mitts with stars on them.

Somedays, I really do hate computers.

Sorry if it's impossible to read either of the last two posts. For some reason, the fonts are acting funny and I can't get this thing to do what I wanted it to. Oh well, the computer wins, again. :(

Maybe, I should have my husband fix it for me.

>:)

Speaking of the boy...

It is so hard to believe that my little boy is now three months old. He's already grown out of most of the clothes that I made for him while I was pregnant and the outfit that he wore for his first picture. I'm not getting all teary-eyed, but I am wondering where the time went.

Today, he finally tried solid food for the first time. He's of a mixed opinion. The boy can't decide if he hates the texture of solid food or enjoys the taste. It was cute to watch him alternate between the rice and his bottle. He decided very quickly that after he had a little bite of his cereal he wanted to wash it down with formula.

He's doing alot better about spending time on his belly. He's actually playing a little bit when I put him down on his belly, rather then scream for ten minutes and fall asleep every time. He still isn't very happy about bath time. I figure he'll decide at some point that it's not ritual torture and actually enjoy the experience. Until then, I just have to listen to him scream while I wash him.

I do have to say, I did have a little success the other day. He played in the tub for about 5 minutes. Splashed me some, kicked his feet, cooed, and then started screaming. Maybe we need to try some play time in the tub, get out his rubber ducky and the fishies for him to just sit in there and play in the water, perhaps. I'm not sure. Maybe I'll try giving him a bubble bath, because he does love bubbles.

I've been getting one heck of a work out for my lungs. Between singing to him and blowing bubbles, I don't think my lungs have seen this much work since I was in high school choir. He hasn't figured out how to roll over yet, but he's trying. The sitting part isn't quite figured out yet either. It's more like he's propped up and keeping his head steady. But he's making progress, and that's a good thing. The boy just loves playing peek-a-boo. I made him giggle for the first time just last week by playing peek-a-boo with him.

And of course the little monster has now refused to laugh since then. Instead, he just smiles, sticks out his tounge, and blows raspberries at me. I'll make him laugh again some how. I want his father to hear him laugh and I want that little boy to laugh alot. All of that said, I guess we're all doing well. Even if he's throwing a temper-tantrum because he doesn't want to be in bed right now. Here's another picture of him, just because he's *so* cute.

Ugh, I hate the holiday shopping season.

I just need to get this off my chest...

Will you people knock it off with the stupid behavior!?!?!

Just because the holidays are coming doesn't mean you have a free pass to be rude and obnoxious!

Ok, I think I can proceed forward with out exploding.

I think.

I went to the store last night to purchase a few things that I needed for the baby. I encountered a madhouse and the inmates were running the asylum! Maybe it's just me, but I didn't think that it was good form to be running thru the store with the cart out in front of you at arms length when you're clearly over the age of 9 and the aisles have more then one person in them at a given time. Perhaps it's just me, but I think that can qualify as a bad idea!

My opinion, however, matters as much as... well, I just won't complete that statement because it's more then a little bit rude. Those of you who have witnessed my occasional forays into vulgarity would have found my completed sentiment to be far more offensive then past statements. So, let's just say that my opinion on this matter is not shared by the general population of shoppers at this time of year, apparently.

I can say in all honesty, there is precious little on this earth that can prove more offensive then the holiday shopper when you have the very item they are seeking. Especially when you have just purchased the last of the store's inventory of said item and are walking out of the store as they are entering. I swear, I thought I was going to get mugged over a baby seat! Never mind the fact that the store in the plaza across the street have many, many more of the exact same item for about $10 more. Never mind the fact that the next shipment of them was going to be in tonight!

No, I was apparently deserving of the vile looks of hatred and the malignant comments as I walked past. I actually had some one insinuate that I had stolen the item. I don't generally want to slap complete strangers, but that made my hand twitch and I wanted that woman to send a post card from next week as to what the weather was like. What is it with people this time of year?

Is it really that hard to use the simplest of manners and a little bit of courtesy? A few more "please" and "thank-you"s would probably work alot better then shoving the woman with a baby in her cart out of your way! Granted, that didn't happen to me. It happened to a little Hispanic woman who looked like she was about to burst out into tears just like her infant daughter. It makes me furious to see this kind of stuff.

Sure, you're busy and you have alot of people to shop for. You have a tight time frame and a tighter budget. It doesn't excuse your acting like a moron. It doesn't excuse bad behavior from your children, spouse, mother-in-law, or anybody else that's with you because you're shopping for the perfect present. It's not the things that matter, you idiots!

It's the People that matter.






Yeah, I really do hate this time of year. Thank god, I didn't have to go shopping on Black Friday. I may have actually lost my cool and decked some one for trying to trample me and the boy.

Stealing computer time again!

As I have the time, I am going to post here quickly. Things are going fairly well here. I'm thankful for it and thankful for the fact that I've a husband who is very supportive of me. I may whine and complain about how he doesn't do the dishes as often as I'd like and how he doesn't vacume the floor in the living room more often then every three months, but I do deeply appreciate what he does for me and our son.

Housework is the usual endless nightmare. I don't think I'm ever going to get this place fully clean. It seems like once I make progress thirty new things pop up to be washed, put away, or otherwise dealt with. It's lead to my deciding to never wash dishes or put laundry away before I go to sleep. I've had a few nightmares of the ever increasing pile of dishes to wash and the endless basket of laundry only to wake up to finding there's a sink full of the dishes from dinner the night before and the other half of the baby's laundry waiting to be taken care of. I'm glad that we didn't go with cloth diapers, because I'd have lost my marbles if I had to fold and put away those too.

I've sent out the majority of the birth announcements last week. I've a few more to stick in the mail. But I'm pretty much done. I just need to remember to finish the last 10 and mail them. I'm going to try to send them out with the bills that need paid this week. Here's hoping that I can make it that far. I am not looking forward to balancing the checkbook. It seems like there's always more bills to be paid then there is funds to pay them. I'm pretty sure that it's just my emotional response to it all, but it really sucks, even if I'm not taking an entirely accurate view of the picture.

I do, however, now have the opportunity to post a picture of my son and I. My husband has uploaded pictures to the computer and shown me how to get to them. So, with out any further ado, here's a picture of me and the baby. :)

stealing computer time

Well, I'm inhaling my lunch and trying to steal a bit of time on the computer before the kid wakes up from his nap. As his fussing at the moment proves, I'm not entirely successful. I now am faced with a choice, do I go eat my soup or do I pick up the baby?

Since I know he's going to fuss loud and as long as he can get away with it, I suppose I'll pick him up and bring him into the living room to play while I eat. Maybe I'll get lucky and he won't scream too much then.

So much for an interesting post. :P