I am displeased.

 I have been diagnosed with the beginnings of glaucoma. It doesn't help that my optic nerve is already thin. Like significantly so because I was on oxygen as an infant. Being born preemie didn't do me any favors. So, I now have eye drops to lower my eye pressure. Put the effects of the eye drops together with the effects of the antibiotic I'm on for a uti and I am dizzy and unable to operate heavy machinery. Fortunately, I take the eye drops at night. I am exceedingly frustrated. I figured it was just a matter of time but I thought I had more time than this.

Hormones are making me miserable. They're messing with my sleep and my appetite. Now, you'd figure with the cocktail of medications that I am on to help me sleep and the CPAP making sure that I'm breathing properly through the night, I'd be sleeping like a rock. The problem is the night sweats. And the hot flashes during the day. I have heard rumors that this symptom of perimenopause can last months or it can last years. All I know is that it's really irritating waking up in a pool of your own sweat.

The other thing my hormones are messing with is my mental state. I am irritable, to put it lightly. I am more forgetful than usual (which is seriously not a good thing). And my mood goes from ok to moderately depressed like some hyperactive toddler who has discovered light switches. I don't have rapid cycling bipolar, but my hormones didn't get the memo. I am this tired, irritable, fog of misery trying really hard to resemble a sane human because my teenagers are going through puberty and deserve a sane mother.

Did I mention that my anxiety is up? I'm twitching because of it. And I'm anxious over everything. I can't take my anxiety pill as often as I probably should because I fall asleep when I take it. So, my anxiety being high makes my irritability hair trigger. My focus is garbage because my anxiety clouds my mind. I try to meditate. It turns into a running monologue of what I'm worrying about. And I can't focus on my crafts to quiet my mind because of that running monologue.

Second puberty < Second breakfast

I got irritated with my thin hair and bald spot. The gal at the salon who does my hair was a little surprised when I said hack it all off. I explained that my hair was irritating me and looked like a picket fence with gaps in it because of how it was thinning, she tried not to giggle at my description. 

She wasn't comfortable shaving it all the way down at first. She took it down super low. It just made the thinning spots even more obvious. So I had her cut all of it off.

I'll be saving money on shampoo now.