Exercise means progress, right?

I just finished doing my little Yourself Fitness dvd from McDonald's. (Random side note: I kinda regret that I didn't get the other ones in the set. I am thinking about hunting down the rest of the set so that I have 'em all to rotate through.) I am torn between pleased that I did 15 minutes of exercise and disappointed that I am so out of shape that it was real work. I want to be healthier. I am struggling with this sense of shame that I'm no where near the shape I was in before I had Cuddle Bug.

I have decided that I am going to do that little 15 minute work out every day. The first few days of it are going to be murder, but I think it'll be worth it. This is something that I can do with the kids even. So, when they have their days off (like on the weekend or during this break coming up next week) we'll still get some exercise in them. Today, I was not pleased that it took me so long to get to doing any sort of exercise today.

I don't feel quite as stiff in the legs as I did this morning. I think it's because I got that bit of exercise in. Oddly enough, it is equally difficult to get the exercise in as it is to stick to my healthy diet. I am having a real struggle cutting sugar out of my diet. I thought that limiting the amount of coffee I drink (along with the sugar loaded creamer that tastes so good), that perhaps I would just cut down on sugar too. Then I realized how much sugar I put into my tea.

I want to set a good example for the kids. I want to get them to where they can eat stuff that is naturally sweet and truly enjoy it. I really do think that is why they love bananas. I want to get my self off of the sugar kick and cut out as much in the way of processed food as I can from our diets. It is not just that I want us to all be eating healthier. I also have noticed that as we cut out processed foods and I make more meals the old fashioned way, we are spending less on our food budget.

I am still trying to get that completely hammered out. (I learned the hard way that Tops markets is not my friend on that front. They proved to be one of the most expensive places to get groceries in the area last week. And that was with coupons.) I am seriously considering going back to shopping at Save-A-Lot in Lima. They were good to my budget and the service has always been excellent.

With my effort to cut out boxed foods, I need a less expensive source for things like meat and fresh veggies. My menu planning has helped some with controlling the food expenses but not enough. I also need to find a way to cut waste out of our food budget. I have a bag of salad sitting in the fridge that we need to eat tonight or it's going to have to be pitched. I have a tray of veggies waiting to go into the soup pot. And that doesn't count the partial bag of potatoes that I have sitting in there either.

I had a few 'misses' with the menu thing. I am apparently the only person in the whole house who will eat sauerkraut or cabbage. As a result, I wound up throwing away half a head of cabbage. Beloved and I are also the only ones who will touch corned beef. The boys really did not like it. It was not to the point of their response to the asparagus last night (where they tried scraping it off their tongues after taking a tiny nibble), but it was clear how they felt about it.

I don't feel like I am making progress. I clean up the house and then it gets dirty again. I clean up dishes, cook food, and have to wash dishes again. I know that it's a spiral that I'm moving on. That things just seem to be the same all the time, but that I am actually making forward progress. It is hard to really feel that, though. When I have mornings that I am just so exhausted that I take a nap after I put the kids on the bus to school, days that I feel like I'm utterly useless, or something else equally disheartening running through my mind, it is really hard to keep that forward progress in mind.

The thing that helps me keep moving is when Beloved tells me that he's pleased with what I've gotten done. When he tells me that he's proud of me and that I am vital to his success. When my boys are making huge strides with what their learning at school, in how they interact with other children, and in their life skills progress, that helps me too. Because I can see that what I am doing is making a difference.

It's hard being a stay at home mom because sometimes the differences made in the course of the day are so subtle that you will miss them.