Ugh!

I love my family, I really, really do. My grandmother is driving me nuts.

I am having some difficulty planning my son's first birthday party. I admit, I am a bit nervous about this. At the same time, however, I'm not looking to go nuts.

I made some phone calls and found out where I could get a free cake. I have a set of invitations and a set of thank you cards to send out. I'm in the midst of planning the decorations and everything for it. The guest list has been made and I've even resolved the potential scheduling conflict that was going to come from his birthday being the day after his cousin's. All I really need is a location.

I thought that I could get it taken care of easily by calling the village offices. There's a park just a few minutes away from here that is a place that we go to often. It's larger then our townhouse and would be a great location for a party. Unfortunately, the pavilion at the park is booked until the beginning of September. There's been some drama surrounding finding another place to hold it. My grandmother said 'yes, you can have the party here' only to change her mind about 72 hours later. Since then, I've found myself getting increasingly frustrated with the insinuation that I'm planning a party that's too complicated and just too much for my son.

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that some cake, some ice cream, and giving him the opportunity to play with his cousins while his father and I visited with his uncles, aunts, and grandparents was just right. Make the party no longer then an hour and that leaves plenty of time for him to enjoy himself without it being too long with too many people.

Seriously, I want to beat my head against a wall right now. Cake, ice cream, and family is not the same thing as renting a tent, a pony, clowns, and god knows what else. I'm thinking that this thing can be done for around $50. That's a hell of alot less then what alot of other people I know spent for their kid's first birthday.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that I can actually do this?

So, I thought I was losing my mind...

First, I need to open this blog post with two different things that make sense only to the people involved.

Stargazer, thank you so much for talking with me last night. That call helped me alot. While I'm still feeling incredibly anxious, I am not quite as ready to fly apart with it all.

Stormcrow, I'm sorry that my recent e-mails have been ... well... have like they have. I think this may help make sense of some of it.

For years, I've been terrified that I was crazy in a bad way. It's only recently (within the last 10 years) that I have begun to understand that even if I was, it's not a terrible end of the world thing. And, it wouldn't make me a bad person. It'd be like saying that the person with a bad head cold was somehow morally deficient because they caught the cold to begin with. Morally deficient people are not the only ones who get sick. Crazy in a bad way, by the way, means not able to really function.

I suppose I really should start at the beginning here. When I was a kid, I was regularly threatened with being insitutionalized by my parents, specifically my mother. This was the same woman who talked about me as though I wasn't her daughter when I didn't behave the way she wanted me to. She still does that to some extent and still even will talk about me as though I'm not even in the room. To be honest, I have always hated that and I think it is a toss up between which of those two I hate more. I was regularly accused of being a hypchrondriac, by both my parents and several others in my family. I was also reminded on a frequent basis that I was a difficult and expensive birth, that I was an investment and I had better not fuck up. The last bit of that statement was generally implied most of the time, but on occasion it was said to me by my mother.

If you're seeing a pattern here, it's not a coincidence. I found myself frequently in the position of having the blame for alot of different crap shoved on me and when blame wasn't shifted to me, I found a great deal of encouragement to blame myself for it. As a result, I lived alot of my childhood in my head. I've a fantasy novel that I'm working on that is based to a large extent on those years of retreating to inside my own head to escape the misery that I faced frequently. I feel terrible to admit it, but I was psychologically abused as a child. And I'm still struggling with the effects of it today.

So, between high levels of stress with this whole crap with our apartment, my on going anxiety over money, and dealing with a bit of depression, I kinda freaked out over the last month. I was corresponding some with a person who has dissociative identity disorder/multiple personality disorder. As he was describing his experiences, I saw alot of parallels between my own situation. Then, this whole bit of hogwash started with the new apartment. I found myself in a difficult place.

I had found myself suddenly facing the echos of my mother's bullshit with the question if I actually had another personality. I looked at the 'voice' in my head and I became terrified. Did that monster in my head of my repressed shadow-side actually have a 'life' of it's own? What of the other 'aspects' of my personality? Did my bit of minor gender identification issues (which again are due to how I was raised) actually indicate a split personality?

These questions have been there for a long time. In the past, I had dismissed them as foolish. Or I simply refused to look at them. I was building up to something of a crisis on this matter and I think all of the stress in these other areas came together to reveal this. Between my having difficulty sleeping and dealing with some of my PTSD issues, I found myself suddenly flailing around in terror over a new possible problem. Last night, I had a conversation with Stargazer and I found reassurance that even if I did have multiple personalities, I was ok.

She then proceeded to explain to me that I never did manifest another personalitiy in the years that we'd known each other, and that being a cranky and surly person in the morning didn't count as that either. We talked for a while. Alot of the conversation revolved around my mother, as they frequently do. I came away from the conversation on stable ground. Suddenly, it didn't feel like I was just going to fly to peices.

It also left me feeling more then saddened by things between my mother and I. It had taken me almost two years of therapy to recognize that I was abused by my parents. It's something I've been struggling with ever since that recognition came to me, almost 10 years ago. It seems like there is always something new revealed as having it's roots back in my childhood.

My massive guilt complex, the anxiety problems, and my attempts to be superwoman all go back to that. I know that I've a long standing problem with depression. While some elements of it may be neurophysical, more of it is just because of how I was raised. I realize that my fears regarding not having enough money to buy food is rooted in my childhood when we had times like that. Sure, my mother may act like my brothers and I didn't know it, but we knew when she and my father didn't eat so that we could.

I don't know how to break away from this stuff. Stargazer suggested talking to a psychologist. I don't know if we can afford that or if it's even something that'd be covered by the health insurance that my husband has thru work. It is such a struggle not to just go find a corner and cry in it when the enormity of it all hits me. At least I can say that I'm not as bad off as I was afraid I was. After all, I manage to take care of my son and our home reasonably well. And I don't have mpd/did, just a lot of bad messages to get out of my head.

You know, somedays, I'd kinda like to be wrong.

So, anyone else been following the news about that HPV vaccine? You know, the one that they've been advertising that girls who are about 13 should get and that some states are seriously contemplating mandating?

Well, here's the latest chapter in the saga:

It appears that it has a 'causal' connection to several girls and women who've received the injection getting seriously ill and a few deaths.

Perhaps it's just me, but it's pretty damn suspicious when the government starts screaming about how a brand new vaccine must be implemented. It's even more suspicious when there's a huge blitz of advertising of the same slick variety as the stuff that's designed to sell erection enhancement pills. Especially when they're using scare tactics.

I think that the FDA knew these vaccines weren't fully tested. I think that somebody bought off the FDA's approval. Yep, you heard me, folks, the FDA, who're supposed to be our safeguard against such things most likely are complicit in this bullshit. Now, here's the question...

How long before the FDA attempts to sweep this crap under the rug or some how attempt to make the complaints of these people look illegitimate in the eyes of the media?

I *so* don't like the way this looks. I've a feeling that something else equally unpleasant is on the way from the same source.

hmm... so, the gods have a sense of humor.

Why do I say this?

Because there was a rather unexpected development today. Just 15 minutes ago, I met with the landlord of where we live. She's just gotten the note and the check from last month. I hand delivered the check for this month and I've been assured that the lease agreement went in the mail today.

My suspicions regarding the previous manager getting fired were correct. At either the end of this week or the beginning of next week, maintenance will be by to look at the various issues that are problems for us. We shall see how this plays out. First order of business is to review the lease when it arrives. After that, I think we'll either be having a conversation with the owner or exchanging letters back and forth.

I hope that this will be resolved quickly and painlessly.

I still have a sense of foreboding here, though. I could see that she was a woman who was overworked and disorganized. I'm hoping that today was just one of those crazy post 3 day weekend mondays for her. I'm not entirely sure, though.

It gives me a feeling that something's off.

Where do *I* stand? I'm glad you asked...

I suppose before I launch into real discussion on the matter of politics I should try to give you a picture of where I'm coming from. Some of this you may have gleaned from my earlier posts on different topics. Other elements of this is going to be new and possibly seem contrary to what you expected. Either way, I hope this isn't going to be a boring, "Let's hear about ME" post. If it is, I apologize.

To begin, I suppose I should tell you how I was raised. Not every detail mind you, but the political climate within my home as a child should be considered because it does have some significance to my views today. My parents are registered as Independent. For a brief period of time when I was quite young, my father was registered as a Republican and my mother was registered as a Democrat. Then they became disgusted with both of the parties. I believe they've since changed their affiliation. I'm not entirely sure, as it has been a while since I discussed the matter with them.

I was taught that the rights explicitly protected by the Constitution are vital to the health and well being of the nation. I was also taught that there are various other rights that are implicitly accepted and we need to use our explicitly stated rights to vigilantly defend them. What is an example of this? Well, the Fourteenth Amendment protects our right to due process. The Roe vs. Wade decision falls under the protections of this amendment. This is because it protects our privacy which was violated in this case by a violation of due process (the privacy matter could make it possible that it also that this decision is under the auspices of the Fourth Amendment as well).

Now, one may ask, how is this an example of using an explicitly stated and protected right to defend an implicitly accepted one? Well, this is a clear case of the First Amendment being applied to defend an undefined right (the right to privacy). The act of demanding redress of grievances is protected by the First Amendment and that is precisely what happened by the plaintiff in the case of Roe vs. Wade.

If the plaintiff in this case had not exercised their right to demand redress of grievances and appealed to the Supreme Court, the implicit right to privacy regarding one's body would never have been upheld by the Supreme Court's decision to overturn the initial findings in the case which argued that abortion was illegal. Now, I won't get into the abortion debate at this time, because it'll take me far afield from the main topic of this post. I may do so at a later time, however.

On some issues, I could be described as a conservative. I strongly uphold that minimal government involvement in the daily affairs of the people is best. To put it bluntly, I believe that the role of the federal government is to regulate interstate commerce and to preserve the nation at large in the face of foreign threats, by taking action that is approved of and supported by the people. I believe that the best economic policy the federal government can take is a laissez-faire one, allowing the market to adjust according to it's internal forces. On other issues, I could be described as a liberal. I believe individual freedoms is vital to the well being of the nation. In this respect, I am a classical liberal. I also believe that all people in the nation have the right to adequate education and to live with out fear of discrimination. This could place me as a social liberal.

I believe that the Second Amendment is specifically talking about the right of individuals to own and bear arms. This right is vital for the people to maintain their liberty and the prevention of tyranny. One may ask why and my response is relatively simple. If you look at the Declaration of Independence, you find that the framers of this document upheld that the people have the right to change and/or abolish their government if it become oppressive. The right of the people to bear arms ensures that if the people can not change and/or abolish their government by peaceable means when it becomes oppressive that it is then required to do so by force.

I am opposed to the current military engagement in Iraq. I believe it is empire building, that the war is illegal, and it is unjust. I also believe that the current administration has sanctioned war crimes, including but not limited to the torture of prisoners of war, the abuse of non-combatants, and the establishment of concentration camps. I am infuriated by the President's suspension of habeus corpus and I fully support the calls for his impeachment. I also believe that the President should be tried for treason on the grounds of his actions and the actions of those who operate under his auspices are directly injurious to the rights (explicit and implicit) of the people of the United States and actively undermine the nation's well being.

Some people may insist that my beliefs and feelings on this matter make me a traitor to this nation or an apologist for the 'terrorists.' If anyone says that, I'd like to contend that they are fools. Yes, my words may be argued as encouraging insurrection and sedition. If that is the case, it is because it is the only way that the efforts of the people who founded this nation can live on. I was raised to have a keen understanding of why the Revolutionary War occurred.

As the proud descendent of people who fought in the Revolutionary War, I know what the word patriot means. I get angry when I see it bandied about and put as equal with the term nationalist. I get angry when it is thrown about as a synonym for a veteran or active member of the military. I am made especially angry when the political pundits throw the term around for any person who agrees with their views or use it for other propagandists. Some may say that I hate this nation because of my political views.

Nothing can be further from the truth. I love this place. It is my home. My roots run deep here and I want to see the nation prosper and flourish. That, however, can not happen if we tolerate tyranny. Facisim is a form of tyranny and I believe that is what is in the midst of being insituted here. I am obligated to oppose it not only on the basis that it is opposed to what the ideological principles that lead to the founding of the nation but on the basis of my family's own history.

Aside from my being the descendant of a true Patriot, I am also the descendant of people who left Germany to escape the facisim of the Third Reich. Opposition to such things is demanded of me by my blood, you could say. I am deeply troubled by the changes that have been coming over the country in the last decade. I do not wish to see another civil war happen in this nation. At the same time, if that is the only way to preven the nation from becoming a different version of the Third Reich, then so be it.

So, I'm going to ramble on the topic of politics.

Ok, I haven't said much about politics here. I think, however, I am going to start blogging some on that topic. After all, this is my soapbox here on the internet and I have a captive audience. [insert evil laughter here] So, I figure, why not give y'all a taste of what's on my mind when it comes to this topic as well. I recognize, there are going to be people who oppose what I say and even be disgusted and/or insulted by my perspectives on various political issues.

That is perfectly fine by me because I know that there are issues and viewpoints that I will feel the same way about. I promise, I will do my best to be inoffensive in language and respectful of everyone. Flames that are vulgar will be deleted. Flames that are ad hominem attacks are also going to be deleted. It doesn't matter if they're directed at myself or at others who are posting comments. Hitting below the belt is just unsportsmanlike and has no real grounds in any kind of debate.

On the matter of politics, I will do my best to make sure that any discussion that pops up in the comments along this line of topic is open. I recognize that people are going to want to attempt to dictate to me how I should reply to issues and possibly get offended when I don't follow their lead. I'd like to remind people that this is my blog.

If you have a response that it longer than three to four sentences, please blog about it on your blog and provide the link to mine. When you do blog about it, post a link to my blog, so that your readers can follow the whole story. If I have a response that is longer then three or four sentences, I too shall blog about it and either specifically reference your comment with a link to my blog entry that the comment is attached to or reference your blog reply/rebuttle with a link.

I feel that it is only fair to attribute things to their proper sources.

All of this said, I hope that you enjoy this line of discussion. I have a feeling it is going to get lively.

A little politics with my morning coffee.

This is reposted from a forum that I'm a part of.

Well, I found this entertaining and interesting. It appears that the Senator is educated to some extent about his own faith. It also appears that the evangelist minister whom is getting referred to in this article by CNN isn't that well educated.

I think this is going to be an interesting little sidebar to the rest of the matters being highlighted this election. I also suspect that the evangelical christian voting bloc may find themselves forced to either support McCain or be unrepresented this presidential election.

I must say that the comparison between Al Sharpton and James Dobson to be quite entertaining. I also think it is quite telling of Senator Obama to make that comparison. Sharpton and Dobson are at seemingly opposite ideological ends of the evangelical christian movement, or at least in the more aggressive (possibly militant) part of the movement. And yet, putting them side by side in his speech points out that they're two different versions of the same political animal.

I figure any day now, I'll start getting spammed with how Obama is a 'false' christian and a servant of the DEBIL because he isn't slavishly obeying the calls to heel by the loudest voices of the more militant element of the evangelical christian movement. I look at this and I am inclined to say that Senator Obama is a moderate christian who focuses on the New Testament teachings, specifically the Sermon on the Mount.

Ever notice that those christians who focus upon expressing their faith in a reserved manner and are in some political power are decried by those who are more militant in their expression as either not doing enough or being false in their beliefs? It's enough to make you wonder if they're practicing two entirely different faiths that are united only by certain elements of mythos and ritual.

Looking at this on the whole, I think that McCain is going to 'sell out' and court the evangelical christian voting bloc. I suspect that it may be the only way that he could possibly manage to oppose Obama's popularity. After all, the machine of the evangelical christian voting bloc is a huge part of what is pushing the pro-America propaganda and highly nationalist/burgeoning facist pedagogy over the last several years. I also think that as that little machine begins to chug out a spew of racist garbage and bullshit accusations with respect to Obama, it will become suddenly alot easier to spot how pervasive that influence is in the population.

Who knows, this may even serve as a way to find the weak points in the propaganda machine. Wouldn't that be nice?

fie on it!

I'll admit it. This whole business with the apartment has me feeling somewhat depressed.

I don't know what to do about it.

Seriously, I hate this.

Well, I don't know what to do.

I sit here in front of the computer torn with this debate and no one seems to be able to give me any advice on how to proceed.

What do I do here in the face of this mess we're dealing with? Specifically, do I continue to unpack or do I try to rearrange boxes in a fashion that we can tolerate?

I can't stand this.

I really do want to unpack and get us settled in here but I don't know if that would be wise because we may be moving in a month or two.

What on earth do I do now?

This is so upsetting.

I rather hate it.

Baby Books.

So, I decided that I was going to give my son books. I firmly believe that a grasp of language, and written counts as much as oral, as well as a grasp of basic mathematics are needed for children to succeed as adults. I recognize that giving him books when he's a baby is probably a bit over ambitious and maybe even a little silly. Still, I've been getting him books and I read to him everyday.

I plan on teaching him to read with these books and some flashcards when he's around three. Sure, some people may say that it's a bit much to be teaching a three year old how to read, but that was what my parents did with my brothers and I. We turned out not half bad, so I'm going to be doing it with my boy. As I've been getting him books, I found that I really wanted him to have the Little Golden Books that I loved as a kid.

I didn't expect it to be quite so much effort. Now, I have not, mind you, been looking at garage sales and such. I thought I could just walk into a book store or a used book store and grab a few copies easily. That has not proven the case. The older books are collectors items and can be quite expensive if I'm getting them in good condition. I, of course, feel that I need to have the books in good condition to help my boy learn how to read and to have them for when he grows up.

I rather regret giving away my favorite picture books when I turned 13. Since then, I've been having a devil of a time replacing them. My favorite rendition of Sleeping Beauty has been the hardest to replace. I suppose that should have warned me that I'd have a hard time finding the Little Golden Books that I wanted, but I thought that those were more popular and should be easy to locate. As a result of my search, I've found some of them. I'm still looking for the rest.



This was my second most favorite book from my childhood. The illustrations are ones that I absolutely adore and I can't help but smile everytime I see them. I think the one that is my favorite in this book is the illustration depicting Scuffy with the cows and the washer-women. It's just barely ahead of the image of saw-mill and the rainbow. Those two pictures are just burned into my brain and filled with warm and happy feelings for me.



The story of the puppies always charmed me. It also reminds me of my brothers and I sneaking out of the backyard to run around the farm. It was at about this time in our lives that we read this little book countless times. When I hold this book, among the memories that come to mind is the feeling of climbing over the wire fence and jumping into the long grass on the other side, with that wild rush of freedom and excitement that came from the landing. It's a feeling like nothing else and a part of me wishes there was some way for my adult self to recapture that feeling
again.



Another book that I love for the illustrations, I think this is my number three favorite of the Little Golden Books that my paternal Grandparents had read to us. (They still have these books, which are enjoyed by a third generation. These books were read to my father as a boy, myself as a girl, and now to my nieces. I'm surprised the bindings haven't fallen off.) The story here is such an uplifting one. I'm glad that I found it again because when I have days that I feel badly about my appearance, I can now read it again and feel better. The message in this charming story has always warmed my heart and done wonders for my self-esteem.

I'm still looking for the other books, but I hope that my little boy grows up to find these books as heart warming as I did.

Hmm...

Life is beginning to hand me interesting little things again.

As I said a few nights ago, the gods are up to something. Fortunately today, it was a downpour (my poor little rosebush and my strawberry plant desperately needed it) and a surprisingly affectionate husband after a long and difficult day at work. And, as odd as it may sound, I think I needed that in the face of all of this stress going on with our new place and what not.

I still can't help feeling anxious about it all, but for lack of any better expression, I now feel somewhat comforted. Heck, even the baby waking up to smile at me as I put a blanket over him to keep him warm in spite of a cool breeze served to bring me comfort when I've been feeling anxious today.

If I was only able to get Stormcrow on the phone. I love the sound of his laugh and it'd be good to talk to him. Ah well, I'll hopefully catch him on the phone soon. He's a smart guy and I think he may have a few ideas that could help hubby and I find our way out of this mess. Right now, I think we can use all the ideas we can get.

On a slightly different note, I think I may have found a new witch to correspond with. I've read a little bit of her blog and I've got to say that Carol of the Woods seems to be some one that I'd love to share a cup of tea and a sunny afternoon with. Warmth just pours out of her writing style and I think that's just lovely. It all just reminds me that I do need to actively make myself open up and seek some new friends. Perhaps we'll correspond, perhaps I'll just admire her blog. Either way, I'm delighted to have met her in some fashion via the interwebz.

i blame stargazer...

Though I admit, it was almost funny at times. I got alot of links to books.

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
A: Deborah needs some help with #9 (And that would be...?)

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
A: Who does Deborah Messing look like? (Herself.)

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search:
A: Deborah Says Play! (Title for a kid's book.)

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search:
A: What Deborah wants (Title of a play.)

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search:
A: Deborah does navel-gazing. (Blog title, and so not me.)

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
A: Honk if you hate me (Title of a book.)

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search:
A: Deborah asks for prayer (from a political forum no less.)

Q: Type in "[your name] goes" in Google search:
A: Deborah goes to Dover (Another book title.)

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search:
A: Deborah likes to play computer, tennis & watch tv ! (well, nix the tennis and the tv, you might beginning to get somewhere.)

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search:
A: Deborah eats slowly too; there is something hypnotizing about her grandmother's movements that makes her try to lift the spoon at the same time... (Novel excerpt and wtf?)

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search:
A: I love the white taylored shirt cover-up that Deborah wears to the beach party (I'm fashionable? When the hell did that happen?)

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search:
A: Deborah was arrested for driving under the influence. Deborah was arrested for 1st degree forgery for having her license number altered. (Two things that will happen on a cold day in hell. I'm too boring for any of that to happen.)

random internet foolishness

53 As a 1930s wife, I am Average Take the test!

I suppose I need to invest in a few new aprons and stop walking around in my stocking feet now. :)

I'm beginning to hate this place...

Yeah, I admit it. I'm beginning to hate this place that we've moved into. I could try to keep lying to myself and say "Oh, this feeling will pass. I really am just stressed out and that's it, seriously!" If that was even remotely believeable, however, I should be off somewhere selling impossible things for incredible amounts of money, making the concept of selling ice to eskimos look like child's play. No, I'll admit it, I am beginning to hate this place.

The neighbors irritate me. I do my best not to allow myself to be irritated but I can't exactly help the way their screaming arguments in the middle of the afternoon set my teeth on edge. And I do rather feel disgusted by how they find it appropriate to leave the bag of garbage sitting on the front yard until it is dragged down to the dumpster. It'd be one thing if it was in a garbage can of some sort.

It's not, however, and I am daily amazed by the fact that a raccoon or something hasn't strewn their garbage across the parking lot and the yard. I'm horrified by the fact that they're willing to let their infant children play where the garbage bag sat and there are remnants of the garbage still in the lawn. I hope to god this doesn't make me an elitist snob or something insane like that. I work very hard not to be a bitch like that.

The carpet is in the midst of coming apart. My son can't play on the floor unless I've put something down for him to play on. Otherwise, he's pulling up chunks of lint and putting them in his mouth. To put it lightly, this is not acceptable and I'm more then a little upset with this. Each day that passes, the angrier I get with that minor fact because you can't walk across the room with out lifting up the nap of the rug and having lint balls left in your wake. Nothing I can do will resolve this problem, it's going to happen until the rug is bare or it gets replaced. Neither of which I don't think we'll be here for.

I have been doing my best to clean this place up. It was filthy when we moved in. The manager had told me months before we moved in that it was going to have the carpets replaced, damage repaired, and everything cleaned up. That didn't happen. I have cleaned out black mold in the kitchen cupboards, picked up nails left in the rug, and I've yet to get all of the soap scum off of the tub and shower surround. The owner of the complex appears to be of a mind to jerk us around and it's making me angrier by the minute when I think about it.

I do my best not to think about how they're attempting to screw us. But, when I look around here and I see the degree of disaster around me, I really want to go burn things down. I hate the process of moving. I hate the process of searching for a new place to live. I really, really hate the fact that we're forced to do so again after having been living here for barely a full two weeks. Somebody please tell me, what god did I piss off?

I'd love to know. Because, I really can't think of any reason why we've got an asshole running the show here trying to scam money out of us and attempting to strong arm us into doing what they want. And all the while, we're supposed to shut up and accept what pittance of responsibility they decide to accept in the maintenance of this place? I'm sorry, but I've got enough of my pride where I'll fix my own damn problems if the solution is within my abilities and they can't be bothered to help us out. And I'll be enough of a bitch to send them the goddamn bill for it too.

Thank god they took care of that problem with the drain in the bathroom sink.

Gods, I really really want to wing a brick thru the car window of the owner's nice little new looking leased sedan the next time I see it in front of the office and to have a conversation with that former manager who we were talking to when we signed the lease. Yep, a conversation including a nice baseball bat. My thoughts are tending towards the aluminum one rather then the wood one. After all, wood is relatively soft compared to metal.

Hmm...

So, I'm in an interesting position. I'm not exactly a big fan of our new neighbors. I'll admit it, the initial impression that they were 'ok' is progressively getting tainted with each fight I hear thru the wall, the stream of random people coming to the door, and a myriad of other little things. I'm doing my best not to be judgemental, but it's not exactly easy. Today, as I was getting back from my walk, I paused to see if I could meet up with the manager.

The same manager who has been conspiciously absent from the premises of the apartment complex we moved into for a while now. According to the other residents it's been almost a month now and they've been unable to reach her by phone for two months. I know that for the past week since we moved in, I have had to call the owner of the complex to get a maintenance guy to come over and kill the hornets nest outside my son's bedroom window and resolve an existing drain problem. Again, I'm doing my best not to let the situation be colored by emotion or false impressions. Moving in to a place that had mold of some sort growing in the cupboards and needs a fair amount of cleaning, when I was told prior to our moving in that it was going to be cleaned, however, is making it difficult to do.

Sooo... in the midst of all this, I've been trying to get ahold of the manager to find out just what my husband and I are supposed to do about our storage unit. The storage unit assigned to us had some one elses stuff in it. That makes things a little difficult to put our things in there. As I was going to talk to the manager, however, I met up with the person who had their stuff in our unit. I then heard an interesting story about the entire situation.

That story kinda made me a little wary but it was having the big guy who lives across the complex from me (who was helping his signifigant other put some of their stuff into storage) offer to talk to the neighbors if they caused problems that made me uneasy. According to reputation, the neighbors are drug dealers and users. I generally don't have a problem with other people's recreational habits. I do my best to make the drug use of others a non-issue when it doesn't directly impact me or my own. After all, what they do to their body is their business and I've no grounds to tell them otherwise.

It was hearing about how they had been moved from one side of the complex to here on the basis of multiple complaints from their neighbors that made me mentally say 'oh? this is an interesting development.' Now, as my son is napping (theoretically napping, he's in his crib with the fan blowing on him and playing in actuallity), I sit here and I wonder just what to do. On one hand, it really isn't my concern just what these people do to or with themselves. At the same time, I've been warned multiple times over the last week that these people are a potential problem, specifically the male half of the equasion.

I've been doing my best to keep the advice of my Father in mind here. Keep my eyes open, my ears open, and my mouth shut. But I really don't know what to do with the information I'm learning. I've been told these things about the one set of neighbors immediately next to us, specifically warned that they get into loud fights and have called the police on each other multiple times, for example.

I'm finding out increasing evidence about the manager's tendancy to avoid complicated situations. To the extent where it looks like she won't come to work in order to avoid dealing with upset residents who have a genuine complaint (like that only one of the three washing machines work) and will actively avoid being available to contact by phone. I look at all of it and I see a situation where ... well... I have a bad feeling that I'm not going to be making any friends soon.

You see, unlike alot of these other people who just sigh and laydown when their legitimate complaints are ignored, I tend to stand up and start forcing the situation to get resolved. I suspect that may make me a trouble maker and several social/political enemies here. I don't like being in that situation, it's always a headache. But I can't help the burgeoning feeling of anger at this whole mess that we've seemingly landed in.

I'm trying, I'm really trying not to view it this way, but there's an increasing pile of material that's pointing it in the direction of actually being that kind of a mess. I so don't want to have to deal with an outside mess ontop of all of the domestic concerns and craziness that comes with raising a kid.

from teh interwebz

Leave a comment and tell me something you dislike about me that you would not normally tell me. In return I will:

A) tell you why I friended you,
B) associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.,
C) tell you something I like about you,
D) tell you a memory I have of you,
E) ask something I've always wanted to know about you,
F) tell you my favorite user pic of yours,
G) in return, you must post this in your LJ, but only if you want to.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

yeah, it's not LiveJournal and I don't exactly have a friends list going on, but I'm curious.

:)

We're almost done...

Well, sort of. We've got the boy's room taken care of. As soon as hubby has stuff hooked up for us to upload pictures to the interwebz, I'll post some of 'em up. I've actually found the floor around here beneath the boxes. I'm even beginning to find something of a kitchen around here.

I'll add more later, but right now I just wanted to let y'all know we've moved and are surviving.

Happy Birthday!

The person who's birthday is today will get the joke. :)

random stupidity from the internet.

I'm taking a break from packing and I've just got to post this because it made me crack up...

When Vin Diesel put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it."

Worst Wannabe Italian Restaurant Ever!

Restaurant: Biaggi's

Service: Excellent.

Wine: Ok. (They had my favorite wine, so I can't really mark 'em down for that and the selection of others was pretty good. Not too pricey either.)

Bread: Good/Ok. (The garlic bread was actually focaccia and rather excellent. There just wasn't enough of it in my opinion. The remainder of the bread basket was made up of what was untoasted bread for bruchetta. Not terribly tasty or exciting.)

Food: Terrible. I had a ceasar salad, the fettuccini with lobster, and a slice of their lemon tower cake.

The ceasar salad was passable at best. I don't know what is up with their house ceasar dressing but the flavor of anchovies overpowered the rest of the dressing. It would have almost been alright if it wasn't for the fact that their home made croutons consisted of toasted hunks of bread too big to bite easily and too hard to spear with a fork. On the plus side of the column, the lettuce wasn't wilted and they did put a generous serving of grated parmesan on top.

The fettuccini with lobster... well, that was a disaster of a mistake for me to order. One thing that I am is a pasta fanatic. I really do love well prepaired pasta and I enjoy trying new pasta dishes. I've had fettuccini before in various different dishes. Last I checked, it wasn't supposed to be like eating half dried out glue or a congealed block on the plate. The lobster... well, if I have food poisioning within the next 48 hours, we'll know the cause of it. I'm fairly sure that they use pre-cooked lobster, however. It was cold in the middle of the large peices and on the whole it was like eating torn up bits of a wet sponge that had been used to wash dishes that were once in contact with some sort of seafood.

The only redeeming part of this dish was the mushrooms tasted like mushrooms. They didn't go so far as to use the portabella mushrooms or even the baby 'bella ones. Nope, these were sauteed cheapie generic white mushrooms. I think, however, the most disappointing part of the dish was the alfredo sauce. Alfreado sauce is supposed to have some vauge resembelance of flavor, isn't it? This stuff didn't have any hint of flavor at all. The sauce was incredibly thin and I suspect not properly made to begin with. I figure this is another pre-cooked item and they probably poured it out of a jar. Even so, if I wanted my sauce to be thin, I'd just have told them to drizzel cream over it all. That'd even be thicker then the sauce that I had on my pasta, which was cold when the plate came out.

The lemon tower cake, thank the gods, wasn't a complete loss after the main entree of the night. The frosting was a butter cream frosting with far too much butter in it with an ungodly amount of whipped cream on the side. The cake itself, however, was excellent. This almost made up for the failure that was the rest of the meal. I suppose I was spoiled as a child by my Great-Aunt Eileen and her cakes. When you have real Italian lemon cake, however, you can't go back to this wet-sponge sawdust flavored monstrosity that is generally supposed to pass for an Italian lemon cake.

I did have a little demitasse of expresso. I was plesantly surprised that they got that right as well.

Seriously, it took everything I had in me not to demand that the manager bring out the cook so that I could upbraid both of them. The presentation of the food was lacking. This was compounded by the fact that it was generally unplatable. I think the only saving grace of the night was the excellent service of the wait staff. They were prompt and courteous. We left a generous tip for that because we really appreciated it. It made what could have been a nightmarish experience bearable.

Now, one may be wondering why I'd upbraid the manager and the cook. The manager would get it because I'm fairly sure the man would have taken offense to my reaction to the food. And I know the cook would have been embaressed and offended when I plainly laid out just how everything was screwed up. This place bragged that they had an excellent cook. They failed to back up that claim. When a farm girl from the middle of nowhere in Upstate NY knows how to make a better veal parmesan then a graduate of a culinary insitute, I think it's appropriate to light a few fires under a few asses.

I didn't, however, because I didn't want to embaress my husband as we were out to celebrate his birthday. The poor man was in the same boat I was in and too polite to rake 'em over the open coals either. At least his cup of coffee was decent and his chocolate cake was good.