Random fact about Deb: Feelings on House Plants

I love house plants. I have had them every place I have lived. Or at least attempted to. There was a while there that I couldn't keep the things alive. Then my grandmother gifted me with an unkillable plant. It's called white inch plant. That thing has not only survived extended drought periods (aka I forgot to water it for a while) but it has been slowly conquering the world. I've given cuttings of it away to pretty much everybody who will take one.

I currently have a large hanging basket with a thriving one in it. I also have one in a pot on a book shelf, one in a jar of water on a filing cabinet, and another in a pot on a window ledge in the bathroom. White inch plant is probably one of my favorite indoor house plants. My other favorite is spider plants. I have one that's been with me for twenty years now. I'm honestly not sure how it has lasted so long but it has.

My other indoor houseplant love is African violets. These are fussy little buggers and I haven't mastered the art of keeping them alive AND blooming. I keep trying, though, because they look so pretty when they're in full bloom. And it amuses me to dust my plants. My favorite African violets are the pink ones with the purple edges.

Chickpea casserole

Ingredients:
2 15 oz cans of chickpeas
1 lb bulk pork sausage
4 slices of bacon, fried crisp and crumbled
1/2 cup diced ham
1 tbsp garlic, minced
1 tsp thyme
2 tsp red pepper flakes

Step one: In a dutch oven, brown the sausage with the garlic.

Step two: Add bacon, ham, and chickpeas. Add remaining spices. Cook on medium heat, covered, for 30 minutes, stirring often.

Step three: Reduce heat to a simmer and uncover. Stir frequently.

Serve hot. This serves six people. One serving is approximately a cup and has, approximately 30 carbs.

Shoveling snow in a blizzard.

The title of this post encapsulated how I felt today. I know I got a lot of stuff done. Put together the budget for next month, got my planner ready for next year (mostly), and took care of a heap of other things. At the same time, the kitchen sink is full of dishes and I still have more stuff to do before I really get going in January.

Yesterday was a rough day for Snuggle Bug and today hasn't been much better because the little guy got over the flu just in time to get an ear infection. Thank goodness for the urgent care people being open yesterday. They were able to see him and we've got him on some antibiotics to take care of it. His ear is bothering him a bit more this evening. I'd take him back over to urgent care but they're not open right now. Since he's on antibiotics, I don't think there's much more they can do for him right now anyways. If he's not feeling better tomorrow, I will probably be taking him to see the family doctor on Wednesday just to make sure everything is ok.

Cuddle Bear has a busy Wednesday ahead of him. I'm picking him up early from school to go see Dr. C., his orthodontist. Add to this the fact that Wednesday is the first day of school after a long break, I suspect that there is going to be a lot happening there. If I can swing it, I'm going to do my best to get him back to school in time to finish out the school day. I'm not sure, though, because his school day ends an hour earlier than it did before because he's in middle school now. That makes scheduling dentist and other appointments tricky.

I am pleased to say that Beloved and both kids are over the flu. I, however, have a cold now and sound like a frog. It is exceedingly frustrating because I was going to try to do stuff but I spent a good chunk of my day Saturday in bed feeling exhausted, yesterday was almost as bad, and today I have a hellish sore throat. It was trying this morning to keep the kids from being super loud. You may have seen the commercial of the mother with a kitchen full of kids who could barely whisper and trying to get the kids ready for school.

Almond butter cookies (no sugar)

Ingredients:

2 cups no sugar added almond butter (I used chunky style.)
1 cup almond flour
1/2 cup granulated stevia for baking
2 large eggs

Mix together until uniform. Shape into walnut sized balls, place on parchment lined pan, and flatten with a fork dipped in water. (this keeps your batter from sticking to the fork.) Bake at 350 degrees F for 15 minutes.

Thinky thoughts.

Today I have learned a few things. 

First, leaving a pizza peel sitting on the stove top is a bad idea. (It only got a little scorched from sitting too close to a burner. No fire or smoke. Still OOPSIES!) 

Second, hot glue guns are superior to fabric or craft glue for making sock puppets. This time, the eyeballs are actually staying on the puppets.

Third, my biggest bump in readership over the last few months have been when I have posted something about my attempts to make low carb food and when I have posted about crafting projects.

While this blog's goal is not to get big readership numbers, it has me thinking that I should post more about the random crap that I make on a daily basis because people seem to be interested in this. And that I should do more than just note in my notebook the recipes that I have been trying out in an attempt to make low carb desserts and other foods to help me adjust to my new normal.

I need to figure out how to get pictures off of the camera so that I can post photos of the stuff I am making. Some things I can take pictures of while I'm just sitting in front of the camera on the laptop. Others, well, they don't lend themselves well to that process. According to theory, I can get them off of the camera as .jpeg images with a usb cable. I'm going to experiment with that this weekend. Because I really want to get more use out of this digital camera.

Easy morning egg cups. (Low carb.)

This has become a breakfast staple for me since developing diabetes. I love my silicone cupcake pan for making these. Because of two things: getting them out of the pan is easy as pie and clean up is a breeze. I have a few varieties that I make these in.

Version one: Sunny side up.

Break one egg into each compartment of a greased muffin tin (or of an ungreased silicone muffin pan). With a fork prick the yolk sack twice. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 30 minutes.

Version two: Scrambled

Crack six eggs into a bowl. Whisk together until well blended. Pour some into each compartment of a muffin tin prepared as per version one. Your compartment should be 2/3 full. Bake at 350 degrees F. for 30 minutes.

Version three: Fruited.

Prepare as per scrambled version. Add one or two berries to each compartment. Bake as for scrambled.

Version four: With Meat.

I've been using precooked bacon for this. Dice up the bacon fine. Then add it to the eggs prepared as per the scrambled version. Bake as for scrambled. If you want, you can do this with cooked breakfast sausage.

Version five: With Kale/Spinach

Again, prepare your eggs as per the scrambled version. Cut your veggies up fine. Sprinkle them in to your egg mixture and then bake as for scrambled.

The fruited and the vegetable versions add a minimal amount of carbs per egg cup. If you use black berries or blueberries, it is something like three carbs per egg cup when you put up to four berries in there.

Now, there is some genius out there who have made mini quiche with ham slices as the crust in this process. I've yet to try out that recipe. When I do, I'll post my thoughts on it and what I did to it. Because I can never leave a recipe that I enjoy alone, I just have to experiment with it.

Low carb meatloaf recipe

I know, the idea of meatloaf having lots of carbs sounds contradictory. However, when you look at the recipes and almost all of them call for bread crumbs or oatmeal, you find that it is going to have more carbs than you wanted in it. This is a pretty basic meatloaf recipe. I cut down the carbs even more by skipping the sauce on top of the meatloaf. Honestly, I can't see the appeal of meatloaf drowning in sauce.

Ingredients
1 lb ground beef
1/2 cup ground almonds
1 egg
1/4 cup tomato sauce (You can use ketchup here but it will have more carbs than plain tomato sauce.)
1/4 cup mustard

Mix all ingredients until uniform. Turn into a loaf pan and pat into shape. Cook in the oven at 350 degrees F. for 45 minutes to an hour. Insert a meat thermometer into your loaf to make sure it tests as well done for beef.

The ground almonds don't add a nutty flavor to the meatloaf. They do, however, help the meatloaf retain moisture. I'm not sure how, but it works. And my picky eaters can't tell the difference between this and the version with breadcrumbs.

Spinning myth or reality? I don't know.

There's an old tale that says if you don't get your spinning done by Mother's Night (or Yule, depending on who is telling the story), Dame Hulda (or is it Frigga, it depends on who is telling the story) will tangle up your yarn. I tried to get all my spinning done by Mother's Night. That's the solstice evening.

I had some yarn that I hadn't plied sitting in a bowl. Wound into two neat little balls. They looked almost cute sitting in that bowl. As I was watching my eldest shovel a quarter inch of snow off of the side walk (this was before he caught the flu) out the living room window, I decided I was going to ply those two cute little balls of yarn into one cute little skein of yarn.

I had a devil of a time plying that. Corkscrews and pigtails in the yarn as I was plying it. Balls bouncing out of the bowl and rolling across the floor. It was a mess. I normally wouldn't have had this much difficulty. Still, I was there, the day after Mother's Night with a tangled skein. I suppose I should have listened to the old tales and finished that skein the day before.

Gratitude challenge!

So, I see that I have some new readers. Hi! If you blog as well, I have a challenge for you.

I challenge you to post ten things you are grateful for from this year. They don't have to be in order. They just have to be ten things that you are thankful for. Here's my ten.

1. My husband and children.
2. Our family and friends (who are basically family by love)
3. My betta fish Aros
4. A clean living room at the end of a long day
5. Cuddle Bear making honor roll
6. Snuggle Bug's inventive stories
7. My writerly friends and their support
8. My readers and their support
9. Recipes I can have that are diabetic friendly
10. Zoodles

What's on your ten things to be thankful for this year?

Things I learned holiday baking this year.

I was attempting to adapt old family recipes to my new life with low carbs. I learned several things in this process.

First: You can not completely swap granulated stevia for baking 1:1 for sugar in your recipe. THE PACKAGES LIE! You have to swap out half your sugar if you're going to be using granulated stevia or your cookies will not bake properly.

Second: You can sub in a good portion of almond flour into Mom's peanut butter cookie recipe and get a better result. These things stayed moist and delightful for longer than a day. Original recipe they kinda dried out pretty fast.

Third: You can replace the oatmeal in Grandma's peanut butter no-bake cookies with coconut.

Fourth: It's not a great idea to swap the sugar for stevia 1:1 in Grandma's peanut butter no-bake cookies. They don't set up properly unless you refrigerate them. At room temperature they basically turn into piles of soft, coconut filled peanut butter fudge. Still delicious, Beloved helped me take care of the evidence.

Finally, I learned that your sense of taste is 100000% improved by getting over the flu. The first batch of peanut butter cookies was made while I still had the flu. I was sure that I had messed them up horribly because they tasted utterly tasteless. I said to myself something was wrong because they had to at least taste like peanut butter. (I didn't let the family try any of those cookies because I was so sure I had messed them up.) Then I tried the recipe again after I was over the flu and I didn't feel like I was eating cardboard with nuts in it. It had actual flavor.

Holiday cheer?

So, I have to start my story off with a bit of a preface. I had the flu recently. I just got over it in time to be ready for Yule. Well, Yule came along and the guys got a gift I did not intend to give - the flu. Christmas eve, we were lucky and the family doctor was able to see my youngest (who was living up to his nickname on here, Snuggle Bug). We thought he was the only one sick with it and started making plans to do family gathering in such a manner that he could rest and his brother could go spend time with the extended family. Then Christmas day happened. Beloved and Cuddle Bear both came down with the flu.

It was Christmas day, we knew that the family doctor wasn't going to be in office. We were pretty sure that after hours care over at the next town over wasn't going to be in office either. So, the guys toughed it out until today. Now, I called the family doctor explained the situation and he made his decision whilst on the phone with me to put them on the same stuff as Snuggle Bug. It makes sense, they've all got the flu.

Christmas eve, I went into Walmart to pick up Snuggle Bug's medicine before the pharmacy closed and the place was a zoo. I expected that and planned around things being super busy. I even managed to have enough mental fortitude to handle the crowds despite my social phobia. I expected going into Walmart on Christmas eve, there's going to be a crowd of last minute shoppers and people buying goods for holiday dinner.

It was going in to Walmart today to pick up the medicine and a few things for dinner that caught me off guard. First off, about half of the Christmas stuff was already on clearance and off the shelves. I was surprised there wasn't just a heap of stuff in a big wire bin marked down to a dollar. What was left on the shelves, I watched people getting into actual shoving matches over who got the last stupid gigantic mug with bad hot cocoa mix. I saw someone mindlessly push another person aside to get to a large bin full of chocolates and half dive into the bin to start digging around for something.

These were not children doing this. This was grown adults. I was astounded. I'm not sure what was more mind boggling. The people behaving like this or the fact that half of the stuff for Valentine's day was up already. They were still playing canned Christmas music. It made the scene more surreal. If it was all in a minor chord, I would have thought I was an extra in some badly made horror movie. Holiday cheer?

Deb's December KAL scarf

It's been really busy over the last few days but I did get some knitting in after putting the kids on the bus to school. First I worked the triangles that I did last in reverse. So, take the steps from the last KAL post and do them backwards.

Then I knit twelve rows. One for each day of yule that we'll be celebrating at my house. It would have been thirteen but I ran out of yarn.

Color change was off of a small ball of red yarn, but if you have something else 'holiday' colored, go for it. I did the classic K2P2 rib for six rows until that ball of yarn ran out.

Next color change was to black for the night sky. I knit four rows and then got bored.

So then came another color change. I knit a big triangle similar to what I did before, except I had the stockinette section in the middle and two reverse stockinette sections on either side. I worked this by starting with a purl on either end of my row and then proceeded in the usual fashion, increasing my side triangles until they met in the middle. Then I knit three rows. And that ball of yarn ran out.

I took up some yellow yarn and just knit four rows. I tried it on and found it was a length to my liking and decided I was done.

Crochet apron.

Nothing fancy here. Just make a granny square roughly wide enough to go across your lap. To make it up, turn it on a corner and sew down top corner. Thread a ribbon through to tie around your neck. Then thread small lengths of ribbon through the two corners that are at your waist. Tie them in back and viola! I'd post a picture but mine is kinda funky looking because it is nothing but scrap yarn. I started out thinking I was going to make a granny square blanket and realized I didn't have enough scrap yarn to make a full sized blanket. That's when the apron idea hit me.

All that acrylic and open mesh makes it a poor choice to wear for cooking but it's just fine to wear while your cleaning and want to keep some of the dust off your clothes.

Menu Week of Dec. 17

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sun	scrambled eggs	sandwiches / leftovers	pizza
Mon	kids: school me: oatmeal, coffee	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers & ramen Me: salad	hamburgers
Tues	kids: school me: oatmeal, turkey coffee	Kids: school Hubby: out Me: salad	tacos, mexican rice, salad
Wed	kids: school me: oatmeal, nuts, turkey & coffee	Kids: school Hubby: out Me: leftovers	spaghetti & meatballs
Thurs	kids: school me: zucchini hash w/ eggs & toast & coffee	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers Me: leftovers	gen. tso chicken cauliflower rice veggie sticks & dip
Fri	kids: school me: mason jar omlette & toast & coffee	Kids: school Hubby: sandwiches & chips Me: leftovers	chicken korma cauliflower rice naan kids: ez mac
Sat	eggs, bacon & fruit	leftovers / sandwiches	roast chicken & leftovers

Deb's December KAL scarf

Hi there,

It's been busy the last couple of days. But we have found the living room floor once again and made good headway on getting the kids' room straightened out. This meant one rest day from knitting and a day that I didn't get to the computer to type up what I had done.

Sunday was a no knitting day. But Saturday I did a section of triangles. My scarf divides up neatly into four groups of ten. Yours may not. If it doesn't divide evenly into groups of ten, you may choose to just knit one big triangle. I started out planning on one big triangle but realized that with my yarn, I may not have had enough to make one that big. (Turned out to be the case, I have moved onto my next ball of yarn.)

Right side R1: Purl one, knit nine. Repeat across the row. (Alternately, purl one, knit the rest of the row.)
Wrong side R2: Purl eight, knit two. Repeat across the row. (Purl everything but the last two stitches, knit those.)
R3: P3, K7, repeat across the row. (P3, K across)
R4: K6, p4, repeat across the row. (k across, p last 4 stitches)
R5: P5, K5, repeat across the row. (P5, K across the row)
R6: k4, p6, repeat across the row. (k across, p last 6 stitches)
R7: k7, p3, repeat across the row. (p7 , K across row)
R8: P8, K 2, repeat across the row. (k across, p 8)
R9: K9, p1, repeat across row. (p9, k across row)
R10: Knit row. (continue the alternating knits and purls in the progression above until you have reached entirely across your scarf).

Today, I worked a section in this stitch that I don't see in my knitting book. I worked on the right side all knit and on the wrong side K2P2. I did this for about twenty rows. Then I hit the end of my ball of multi colored yarn. I have changed colors and knit one row for each color in my scarf (9).

Crochet miser's purse.

Interweave's Spin Off and Piecework have featured at different times a knit pattern for a miser's purse. Looking at the historical patterns, I've seen them for crochet as well. I decided that for a special somebody, I was going to use some of my handspun yarn to make them one. Because I didn't have enough to make the full sized one that I saw in the Victorian pattern book, I came up with my own  pattern.

The yarn weight I used was a ply of cobweb weight wool singles with size 10 crochet thread. It basically was size 10 crochet thread. I had two rings that are one inch in diameter. If you don't have them, you could crochet a ring that sized. It needs to be able to slide along the finished product.

Chain eight with a size H hook. Work a single crochet into each stitch. At the last stitch of the row, work three single crochet. Then work a single crochet into the back of each stitch of the chain row. At the beginning of the row, work two stitches into the first chain and slip stitch into the first stitch. Chain one. (16)

Work two stitches into the first stitch of the round. Work one single crochet into each stitch of the round until at the first of the three stitch increase at the middle of the round. work an increase into that stitch. Single crochet into the next stitch. Work an increase into the next stitch. Then single crochet into every stitch until the final stitch of the round. In the final stitch, work an increase then slip stitch into the first stitch of the round. (20)

Place marker. Begin working in the round with out slip stitching together. Single crochet into each stitch around until piece is four inches long. At the marker make a treble crochet. Chain three. Skip next stitch. Treble crochet into next stitch. single crochet into next stitch and continue around. (23)

On the next round, single crochet into the first treble crochet. Skip the first chain stitch. Single crochet into the second chain stitch. Skip the third chain stitch. Single crochet into the next treble stitch. Single crochet into the next single crochet and continue thus around.

Single crochet until piece is eight inches long. Bind off. Sew open end together so that it lies flat. One end will have a semi rectangular side and the opposite end will be rounded. Roll up pouch and slide rings on.

To use the miser's purse, slide both rings to one side of the hole and insert coins on one side. Then slide both rings to the opposite side of the hole, insert coins of a different denomination on the opposite side. The addition of the coins will keep the rings on the purse. To keep the coins in the purse, slide the rings until they meet their respective ends where the coins are.

Deb's December KAL scarf project.

Today was a day of knitting and rest.

Section one, stockinette for 10 rows.

Section two, calculate the largest single digit divisor for your project. (Mine was 5.) Alternate knit and purl sections of that number, like you're making ribbing for that number of rows. Then switch to make the ribbing with reversed for another set of that number of rows. (Yeah, it's basket weave or box stitch depending on how many you do. It just looks cool.)

Deb's December KAL scarf project.

Knit 12 rows today, because you're busy and you need something simple and easy. ♥

Research, yeah, that's what it is.

I've been working on recreating Civil War era patterns. The hood I made this week is similar to a bonnet that I saw in a Civil War era pattern book. That bonnet was knitted. I'm still not at the stage of making circular flat items or flat items that begin in the center with knitting so I knew that bonnet wasn't going to work for me as of this moment.  So, I sat down and started fiddling around with some holiday yarn. I was bored. I was sick and not up to doing a whole lot so I made this really simple hood pattern (posted down feed about two posts earlier, complete with pics).

I have also made my own 'bosom friend' based off of designs I had seen in Civil War era pattern books. Where the sparkly glittery yarn of the bonnet isn't something that would pass for a period era item, the tie-shawl most definitely would. It has the added bonus of being made from handspun wool. Now, I didn't spin the wool, my mother-in-law did. But still, it is handspun wool. Beautifully dyed in shades of brown and russet, the color of late autumn leaves on the ground.

Why am I doing this? Well, partly because I want to eventually make my own entire knitted/crochet ensemble. I have sewn my own medieval gown with some help from my auntie Adrian. That I stitched by hand. I may not have made the fabric, but we cut and pieced it together in an afternoon. In a bout of insomnia, I stitched the thing together for a full 24 hours by hand. It made for wonderful LARP costuming. I loved the characters I played wearing it. I plan on eventually playing another character where I get to wear that again.

My current LARP character is from the Victorian period. This is concurrent with the American Civil War period as best I can recall. So, when I realized I had an excuse to start making these beautiful patterns that I had been admiring for years, I whipped out my yarn and crochet hooks. I am going to eventually knit the underskirt that I've been admiring. I will also eventually figure out how to knit stockings.

My plan is to show up at spinning guild dressed in costume a few times a year. This year, it is going to be the medieval costume with one of my distaffs in hand. I haven't decided which guild meeting it is going to be, but my nerdy butt is going to be there spinning like someone from the 10th century dressed like it. And then I'm going to show up dressed as my Civil War era character, with knitting or crochet in tow. Because I think that 2019 is going to be the year I celebrate my weirdness.

Looking for suggestions.

I'm thinning out my cookbook collection to replace some of the less used ones with diabetic friendly cookbooks. James W. has already suggested the South Beach Diet cookbook. I've signed a copy out from the library and am going to record a few of the recipes in my notebook. I'm wondering if anyone has any other suggestions.

I am still working on adapting old favorite recipes to my new normal. Today, I'm going to attempt to make no bake peanut butter cookies with stevia instead of sugar and dessicated unsweetened coconut flakes instead of oatmeal. It is my hope that it will be at least as good if not better than the original. I'm still planning on doing some serious holiday baking with regular sugar. I just have to go out and buy some special for the purpose. It feels weird saying that.

I'm slowly making in roads on learning recipes using almond flour in place of white flour. The almond bread recipe tastes a lot like french toast. I've decided the next time I make it I'm adding a little vanilla extract and some stevia to the loaf so that it really does taste like the fancy version of french toast and have that as a breakfast treat. I found some zero calorie/zero carbs maple syrup replacement that actually tastes kinda good. I used it on my oatmeal the other day.

I'm not going to go full keto diet because my doctor has strongly advised me against it. But I am finding that the keto snacks help me keep my blood sugar under control. A lot of those keto snacks are things like ham rolled up around a cheese stick or pickle. But I am finding that I want things like cookies once in a while. So I'm trying out those keto cookie recipes I find online. Some have worked out ok, like the one I just posted. Others came out really badly - I am not going to post those or the link to the original recipe. For the record, the original recipe was worse than my adapted version, and both were pretty horrible.

Low carb peanut butter cookies.

This recipe makes a half dozen medium sized or a dozen SMALL cookies.

1 cup chunky peanut butter (low/no sugar added preferred)
1 cup granulated stevia (or other sugar replacement, like Splenda for baking)
1 large egg

Cream together the peanut butter and the stevia. Add egg and mix well. With damp hands, roll into walnut sized (or hazel nut sized) balls. Place on parchment lined cookie sheet and with a damp fork press flat. Bake at 350 deg F for 15 minutes. Check if your cookies are small after 10 minutes, they should be golden and look dry on top.

It didn't pass the kid's test for yummy but it did pass Beloved's. So, I've got cookies I can make for him and I that are low carb and actually kinda tasty.

Deb's December KAL scarf project.

I was sleeping a lot yesterday. When I was awake I did get some knitting in. But I'll be honest, I was pretty brain fried. That meant six rows of knit stitch and then six rows of purl stitch, basically 12 rows of garter stitch. Today, I did seed stitch for six rows and got bored. So I did another six rows of stockinette. Seed stitch looks kinda nice but it got boring pretty fast. I'd do better if I didn't have to look at what I was doing, I'm sure. But I can't knit blind yet. I'm thinking about doing a cable of some kind next, because I'm getting to the light colored portion of the colorway. You can't see cables very well on dark colored yarn. I'll let you know what I decide on tomorrow.

Crochet square pillow cover.

Make a granny square double the size of your pillow. Sew into an envelope shape. Place pillow form inside. Secure remaining flap with a button.


I have made this, it is ok. It isn't working so well with the rectangular pillow I have. I'm going to get a square pillow form and use that next. I have a pile of small granny squares I am going to sew together into a rectangular pillow cover for that one. Just make a square twice the size of your pillow. Fold it in half and sew up the narrow ends. Slip your pillow form into the 'envelope' and then secure the open end with buttons or sew shut.

Crochet hood pattern.

Using sport weight yarn and size h hook, chain three.

Make twelve double crochet stitches into the first loop of the chain. Slip stitch to third chain stitch at beginning of round. Chain three. (12)

Use double crochet stitches for the remainder of pattern. Increase in every stitch. Slip stitch to beginning of round. Chain three. (24)

Increase in first stitch. Double crochet (DC). *Increase in next stitch. Double crochet in next stitch.* Repeat * for remaining stitches. End on double crochet. Slip stitch to beginning of round. Chain three. (36)

Increase in first stitch. DC into next two stitches. *Increase in next stitch. DC into next two stitches.* Repeat * for remaining stitches. End on double crochet. Slip stitch to beginning of round. Chain three. (48)

Increase in first stitch. DC into next three stitches. *Increase in next stitch. DC into next three stitches.* Repeat for remaining stitches. End on DC. Slip stitch to beginning of round. Chain three. (60)

Stop working in rounds now. DC into each stitch. DO NOT SLIP STITCH TO BEGINNING OF ROW. Chain 3, turn.

Increase 1 DC in turning chain. DC into each stitch. At final stitch of row, work increase. Chain three, turn. (62)

Increase 1 DC in turning chain. DC into each stitch. At final stitch of row, work increase. Chain three, turn. (64)

Repeat above row until row is 80 stitches. Bind off. Add ties or button to secure flaps beneath chin.

Side view

Front view

Rear view

Deb's December KAL scarf project.

So, I'm feeling awful enough that I cancelled the kid's dentist appointment so I wasn't patient zero for an influenza outbreak in Pittsford. I like those people at that office too much to subject them to this.

(Pittsford Pediatric Dentistry are awesome and work really well with kids who have all kinds of things going on in their lives. They even have therapy dogs come in on a bi-weekly basis to help the kiddos out. I admit, however, I feel old looking at the games they have for the kids to play and saying 'hey, I played that when I was your age.' but the controllers for Pacman are styled like the x-box controllers so I can't really show the boys how to play it. I'm sure they'll figure it out, though.)

After my nap, I got some lunch and did some knitting. I took the smallest non zero digit of my age and used that for the basis of a rib pattern. Then I rolled a die to see how many rows I was going to work. Turned out to be a 4x4 rib for 6 rows. To finish out the block of ten rows for today, I am doing broken stockinette stitch for four rows.

I think I'm near the halfway point of the ball of yarn. That means I should be getting close to half done with this scarf. It is coming out a bit shorter than I anticipated. So I am likely going to start using scrap yarn when I finish up this ball. I want it long enough to wrap comfortably around my neck and wide enough to cover my face little bit too. This has been a struggle for me in making scarves. They either come out wide enough and too short or long enough but not wide enough. This is what I get for not making gauge swatches.

Deb's December KAL scarf project.

After the last few days, I've been still feeling under the weather but forgetting to post what I've done thus far.

After the garter stitch, I knit six rows of 1x1 ribbing and then six rows of moss stitch. (I originally planned on 12 rows of moss stitch but screwed up at first and couldn't figure out why.)

After the moss stitch, I did twelve rows of slip stitch color stripes. I used white yarn with my rainbow varigated main color.

I then knit ten rows in the main color.

Tomorrow, I'll post what I wind up doing while I'm waiting at Cuddle Bear's dentist appointment.

I'm a little angry.

So I went on a rant. I'm sick with the flu. I'm tired. But I am so angry that I can't sleep. I'm so angry that I feel extra nauseated. I am going to try to get some rest. But, if you want to see my thoughts on the recent attempt to recreate the Satanic Panic as a Lokean panic, the place of transgender people in Filianism/Déanism, or whatever the hell else I went off about (I'm sure there was one more thing I just can't remember it), click the link. The language is strongly worded, vulgar even. Absolutely not safe for children.

Get your ham at Aldi's.

Right now, they've got some pretty good ham stocked. Not all of them are huge. I picked up one and made it for dinner last night. Nice and flavorful with out having to have some kind of glaze added to it. There's a good amount left over from last night that I'm probably going to throw into a pot of lentil soup tonight. The Aldi's near me also has boneless turkey breasts. I'm sticking that on the shopping list next week, because I don't want to commit to an enormous turkey for four people. Boneless turkey breasts can be cut up and used a whole bunch of ways. We still get the goodness of turkey with out 50000 days of eating turkey.

But, back to the ham, the smoked carving ham is really excellent. I didn't cook it quite as how the package directed which I think it why it was a little tough to carve. But I am completely going to do that again when I have the opportunity.

Deb's December KAL Scarf Project.

Today, we're just going to be lazy and do garter stitch until we get bored with it. I don't know about the rest of you, but it looks like I've caught a virus and this constant headache is making math harder than usual. Interesting tidbit about this self striping yarn I'm using, when I hit a color change point, the color of the yarn changes. The color runs are pretty long.

Holiday complications.

I'm coming down the home stretch of getting projects done. I'm now at the point where I have to sew up the binding on one blanket. Aside from that, I have to do my holiday baking. There's a short list of things to buy for the 12 days of Yule I'm going to do with the kids again this year. I'm going to start Christmas day. They get their big present then. After that it will be little things like sweets and matchbox cars or something similar. It's not going to be thirteen matchbox cars or whatever.

I'm going to have some challenges this year in finding things that are both useful and still holiday related. I'm thinking about the stocking stuffers like pencils and fancy erasers. The boys are still working on sketchbooks and Doug's sort of journaling. I'm also going to be giving them a few joint gifts. The complication here is the fact that we're trying to get things out of the house that we don't need. Buying a bunch of random dollar store toys is just going to make more of a mess. So I'm thinking about things like a package of socks (because they go through socks like nobody's business) as a gag gift one day, new mittens and other small but practical things.

I'm also going to crochet them their own snowflakes. I will also take some of the gobs of white yarn I have and make 'snowballs' for them to fool around with. Basically large pompoms that they can mess around with in the house. I'm just stumped on what else to do. I'm leaning towards cookies.

Menu for Week of 12/2/18

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sun	scrambled eggs	sandwiches / leftovers	pizza
Mon	kids: school me: oatmeal, coffee	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers & ramen Me: salad	peanut noodles
Tues	kids: school me: oatmeal, turkey coffee	Kids: school Hubby: out Me: salad	spaghetti & meatballs / ez-mac for kids
Wed	kids: school me: oatmeal, nuts, turkey & coffee	Kids: school Hubby: out Me: leftovers	ham, mashed potatoes/mashed cauliflower & salad
Thurs	kids: school me: zucchini hash w/ eggs & toast & coffee	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers Me: leftovers	gen. tso chicken cauliflower rice veggie sticks & dip
Fri	kids: school me: mason jar omlette & toast & coffee	Kids: school Hubby: sandwiches & chips Me: leftovers	chicken korma cauliflower rice naan kids: ez mac
Sat	eggs, bacon & fruit	leftovers / sandwiches	roast chicken & leftovers

Deb's December Knit Along Scarf Project.

Day 1: Cast on the same number of stitches as your age. Knit the same number of rows as in your household.

Day 2: Stockinette stitch the same number of rows as years of your oldest friendship/relationship

Day 3: Change color. Reverse stockinette stitch the same number of rows as holiday items you have up for decorations. (You don't have to count all the ornaments on the tree unless you want to.)

Day 4: Basket weave stitch ( https://www.dummies.com/crafts/knitting/designs-patterns/how-to-knit-basketweave-stitch/ ) for as many rows until you get bored of it.

Day 5: Change color. Reverse stockinette stitch for the same number of chairs in your house.


I'll add more to this over the next several days. I'm currently working on day two, day three is going to be one row. Then I'm going to do two repeats of basket weave stitch before I'm on to today's stitching.

Theoretically, I'll have a scarf by the end of this. I am cheating on the color changing because my yarn is self striping. I think I have enough in the ball to get a whole scarf out of it. If not, I'll start using up my yarn hoard. Red Heart SuperSaver has this awesome colorway called favorite stripes. I used it for my Pride scarf that I made this summer. I loved the way it worked up as Tunisian crochet, so I had to give knitting it a shot. And because the colors change, I'm not getting too bored with the stockinette section.

Thoughts on NaBloPoMo & NaNoWriMo 2018

I think that I spent more time trying to solve problems than I did writing. I think that I also spent more time focused on trying to make time to write than I did writing this year. Having a break from school in the middle of the month didn't help me this year but starting early in October did. I am pleased with the amount of work I have gotten done on the book writing side of things. I'm not as pleased with the blogging situation.

I have gotten a bit better about blogging more regularly but it is still a challenge. Note the flurry of posts in an attempt to make post count on several days. I think solving that is going to be hard because my schedule over the next month is pretty busy. I have holiday crafting to finish up. I have holiday baking to do. I also have some written projects to finish up over the month. My goal is to start 2019 with all of my ongoing projects as of this moment finished.

That means finishing up book seven of the Umbrel Chronicles. That means finishing up the ritual book I am at the beginning of writing. And there is the business of getting books three and four up on KDP after I finish making sense of the way their merger with CreateSpace worked out. I think I have everything done correctly. I'm just not sure. I am considering finding ways to semi-automate the blog writing process. I have a lot of work on my other blogs that I want to back up. That is a project for next year (and probably a new couple of thumbdrives).

I would have hit 30 posts of stupid shit yesterday but I went out to LARP in Buffalo with some good friends of mine. It's a fun game where I get to dress up and pretend to be a monster and do horrible things to horrible people. We all regularly do things like break the fourth wall and drop awful puns. Staying in character is challenging.  It's a fun group.

My character is named Angela. She is a poet from the Victorian period. I have almost everything I need to dress up in Victorian period dress. I am probably going to acquire a few props to make the character a bit more rounded out costume wise. With my short hair, I keep my head covered. She is dressed in full mourning dress because vampires are goth as fuck. She has acquired a 'cane' which is going to be a regular prop as well as a reason why I have my cane with me in character. The character's cane right now is a length of rebar. She's going to be negotiating with another character the price of having a metal cane of similar weight and such made.

I'll try to find away to get a picture of myself in full costume before I head out next session (which is at the end of this month). Beloved gets a chuckle out of my ribbon garters to hold up my knee socks. Since I lost weight, the knee socks don't stay up quite right. So, I asked myself what did they do before elastic socks. Garters was the first thing that came to mind. I'm going to actually knit myself a pair based off of the Victorian era pattern in Goodey's book that's been uploaded.  I've started making Victorian era crochet patterns. I am rather pleased with how the shawls have worked out.

When I go to spinning guild, I'll be bringing the brown 'bosom friend' that I made with yarn from my mother-in-law's spinning. It came out fantastically and is a period accurate work, even though the pattern was of my own design. It is a nice and cozy wool shawl that wraps around and ties at the back, leaving my arms free to do things aside from hold the shawl closed and I don't need pins. I'm also going to bring the two shoeboxes worth of washcloths that I have made in the hopes that someone will buy some of them.

Mitered square washcloth - crochet

Chain two.

Three single crochet into first chain. Chain one.

One single crochet into each of first two stitches. Three single crochet into third stitch. One single crochet into each of next stitches. Chain one.

One single crochet into each of first three stitches. Three single crochet into fourth stitch. One single crochet into each of next stitches until end of row. Chain one.

One single crochet into each of first four stitches. Three single crochet into fifth stitch. One single crochet into each of next stitches until end of row.

One single crochet into each of stitches until middle of row. At middle of row, three single crochet into that stitch. Single crochet into each stitch until end of row. Chain one.

Repeat above row until of desired size. Bind off after final stitch of final row and weave in ends.

NaBloPoMo 27/30

Reminder for myself:

• set up planner for December
• set up planner for January
• set up bullet journal for writing for 2019
• finish bk 7 by 12/31/18
• review proof copy of Garlands of Grace when it comes in

I've got point one half finished. I've got point four around half finished (theoretically). I'm waiting for my proof copy to arrive in the mail so I can review it. I'm still on the hunt for the best way to manage my mental health logging. I've tried the bullet journal system for two years now. It's pretty hit or miss. The bullet journal system seems to be working alright for my daily planner and my writing notebook.

I've set up the weekly planner for January. Now I just have to set up the daily planner for January. I'm expecting the last two weeks of December to be chaos. I'm finding that it is easier to log my daily record of my mental state in my daily planner and then copy that into the bullet journal for my mental health stuff. It leads me to think that my daily planner is a better place to keep my daily notes, especially since I have started writing a blurb about how the day has gone. The bullet journal setup that I have been using hasn't given me the space to write more than a sentence. I'm still ironing out my daily bullet journal set up.

I was using one with checkboxes on the back to track stuff like if I was exercising and such. I kinda want to get back to habit tracking but I feel like my daily planner isn't working well for that. 

NaBloPoMo 26/30

My morning journal session is almost complete. I think it's pretty fitting that I should have written three pages in my journal and I did three posts here. Plus a meme.

I don't know if I can hit the final four. I'm not sure what more to add. I'm struggling with writing on multiple fronts right now. Yay seasonal affective disorder. I also am in the middle of making stuff for yule. The kids' sweaters are done except for having a design sewn on to them. I'm going to put one of the star motifs I made on CuddleBear's one and a red granny square canted at an angle on SnuggleBug's. Mainly because they asked for a design on them after I had finished making them and had them try it on. CuddleBear's probably going to out grow his sweater this season but SnuggleBug may actually have his last until next year.

I am hoping to convince Beloved to wear the sweater vest I made him at some point. He has enough sweaters that he keeps forgetting it is in the closet. I gave him his now gigantic blanket early. We had a chuckle about how it was bigger than I was tall. I have some jewelry to make. I need to repair a few pairs of earrings and I want to bead something pretty for a friend of mine. My list of things to make for the year is almost complete.

The things left on the list are things I wanted to make for myself. I think that they're going to roll over to next year's projects. I wish the camera was working right so that I could show you pictures of the stuff I have been making.

NaBloPoMo 25/30 Meme Edition

Don't worry, it's just Freddie. He might take exception to being called toxic however.

NaBloPoMo 24/30

Egg 'muffin' cups are not exactly my best friend right now. But they're becoming a pretty solid part of my morning diet again. This time, I'm trying to make them more quiche like. For the first time ever, I tried the crustless quiche that Tops had on sale. At 6 carbs and only 2 minutes in the microwave, it was a solid breakfast win. Between that and a slice of banana bread, I had reasonable breakfast with plenty of protein to go with the carbs. Then I did my math and realized I short changed myself 10 points of carbs so I ate a cookie.

This is how my diet has been going. Attempt to figure out the math of what I'm going to eat before I eat it. Eat, recheck my math and if I am low go have something more. I am getting better about the mathematics side of carb counting, I guess. Buying a set of pretty measuring cups that look like bowls help me feel less horrible about eating only a cup of chili for dinner because I'm using a bowl instead of a measuring cup. (Also, if they come out with a set of dishes with the blue and white design on the 1/4 cup measuring cup from the Pioneer Woman set of measuring cups/bowls, I might be compelled to buy them. Because it is really pretty.)

I have been attempting to use a blended keto recipes and non-keto recipes way forward to manage my blood sugar. I'm having reasonably good results with it. My fasting blood sugar, when I actually stick with my diet, is solidly in the upper part of the normal range. I am trying to get myself back to eating 30 to 35 carbs per meal because I have noticed that at 40 to 45 carbs per meal, my fasting blood sugar is slowly creeping up higher.

I think the solution here is to be more strict in my measurement of what I eat. For about two months now, I have been trying to estimate and eat according to that. I thought that I had a reasonably good grasp on how much serving portions are. Now, I'm not so sure. So, I am going to attempt to go back to strict measurements and such again as I was doing back in April. I don't know if I am going to lose more weight. I'm not trying to lose my weight as much as I'm trying to get my fasting blood sugar down about ten to twenty points. Bouncing between 201 and 178 for my fasting reading is stressing me out. From what I have been reading, those are better numbers to have after eating, not as fasting numbers.

I think I may have to schedule an appointment with a dietician. Because internet wisdom has not been my friend. And I learned the hard way that the full ketogenic diet is bad for me. I didn't get into ketosis but I got an earful from my doctor and the care coordinator about how attempting the ketogenic diet was dangerous for me because of the diabetes. Add to that the fact that I don't have a gall bladder to help me process the fat and cholesterol is not my friend right now, I just can't do the full ketogenic diet.

What is really frustrating, however, is the diabetic friendly recipes and cookbooks talk about these wonderful recipes. With carbohydrate numbers that are too high per serving for me to have anything else. It's making me somewhat depressed and frustrated. It is bad enough that I had to give up my comfort foods because they make my blood sugar spike. It's bad enough that I have had to give up my 'treat' foods because they make my blood sugar spike and the replacements are just about as bad.

The whole thing makes me feel like the thing I should do is starve myself. I know that's a terrible life decision, having done that in high school for a number of reasons. As I said in my last post, it is something I need to work through and resolve/process or whatever. This diabetes business is as hard if not harder on me than the bipolar because food has always been a big PTSD trigger for me. And all this year, this trigger has been right in my face. It's been exhausting.

NaBloPoMo 23/30

I'm going to use my morning free writing/journal writing session time for blogging. This might become a thing. Beloved may be annoyed with the heap of notebooks going unused if it does. I don't know. I'm not very awake right now. I don't feel fantastic at the moment. My stomach is in knots. I am pretty sure this is hormonal. For some reason, I have gone from not having my menses whilst on the Norethidrone dosage to having them again. A part of me says I should probably call my gynocologist and ask if this is normal. The rest of me is too surprised by the novelty of having regular menses.

I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. It screws with everything because my hormones are completely out of order. Hence the fact that I'm on birth control. It was the reason why I was prediabetic for most of my adult life. I'm highly annoyed that no one told me that I was prediabetic. I'd have made these dietary changes much earlier and possibly avoided the diabetes diagnosis or at least prolonged it until later in my life. But, one of the 'fun' side effects of PCOS is insulin resistance.

It is the reason why my body's insulin doesn't work properly and hasn't worked properly since puberty if not before then. I am finding that as I move back towards the limited diet that I had as a kid that was almost vegetarian, the better my blood sugar numbers are. The thing that frustrates me is how the fact that I've got a part of me that screams I need food when my blood sugar is high just as loudly as when it screams at me I need food when my blood sugar is low. It's very frustrating and confusing. I can't listen to my body's cues to tell when I need to eat because my body can't make up its messaging situation so that it gives me accurate information.

I've come to loathe my glucose meter. I appreciate the help it provides me. At the same time, it feels like a weight that I can't put aside. If I'm feeling like I'm starving, I check my blood sugar. Is it too high? Often, the answer is yes because I am apparently highly reactive to sugar and carbohydrates. If I feel like I'm in the beginnings of a panic attack, I check my blood sugar. Why? Because that's what some of the mental side effects of low blood sugar feels like for me. I start to feel like I'm having a panic attack for no reason.

This sucks too because I have a panic disorder. One that is slowly getting worse. As such, I am left questioning if I'm having a legitimate panic attack or if my blood sugar is too low. Depending on how bad I am off, my hands may be shaking horribly (because that's what they do when I have a panic attack) and using my glucose meter is kinda hard then. If it is because my blood sugar is low, I eat and after a few minutes the symptoms improve. If I'm having a legit panic attack, eating doesn't help. In fact, I panic over eating because of the shit I went through growing up. So, low blood sugar and panic may equate to my having the PTSD telling me that I'm not allowed to eat anything. That's where I need the reality check that Beloved provides me.

It's happened a few times now over the year that my blood sugar got low and I used the meter. I then wasn't going to eat something fast acting because my PTSD was telling me that I COULD NOT DO THAT. That's where he basically demanded I go eat a piece of candy along with the sandwich I was having because the number of carbs was not quite as important as how quickly they hit my system. I still am struggling to grasp that concept. Carb counting and anxiety means I am increasingly becoming more rigid in what I am eating and how I do it. It's a problem in the making. I know I should talk to my therapist about it, but I have no therapist right now because they retired from the practice.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about my anxiety issues. I suppose for now, I am going to attempt self-therapy by way of Walden Pond method - journaling EVERYTHING. It's not going to go online. I may post about breakthroughs or something, but a lot of this stuff is just awful and I don't want to subject others to it.

NaBloPoMo 22/30

Attempting to crochet snowflakes to use as gift tags is not going so well because of the fact that the patterns I keep finding have errors in them. One came out a mangled lacy mess. I suppose it qualifies as one of those enormous snowflakes that is a cluster of smaller ones, like what you get in a blizzard. Either way, I'm not exactly enthralled with this. But here's some patterns that I found that actually work.

This list from The Spruce. I'm pretty sure they tested the patterns before linking to them.

EVERYTHING from Snowcatcher. Seriously, their blog is amazing.

This list from Craftsy is pretty good. Again, like The Spruce, I'm pretty sure they tested them before linking.

I'm seriously getting frustrated trying to make snowflakes right now. So I am going to go with the granny star. I can make anything granny relatively quickly. And stars are a novel twist on snowflakes that are everywhere right now. *glares at the front yard*

NaBloPoMo 21/30 meme edition

Yep, still going to write the 10 posts over the next 2 days. Here's a stupid one for you.

And one more:

These make me crack up every time I see them. Little fluffy serial killers that purr. Cats are awesome.

NaBloPoMo 20/30

Hrm. I can pull off ten posts in two days. It will all be stupid shit, but I can do it. I suppose I should apologize for random stupid memes and such. But, this has been the theme of my blog when I'm not ranting about things.

Speaking of ranting, I am going to make it official, I should make a list of where I put things and staple it to my forehead when I am manic. I've been going through this massive pile of papers and I'm finding things I 'filed' when I was manic from four years ago. Some of them were kinda important. I'm really frustrated with this. Then I look around and think about how I was doing four and five years ago. I was a lot less stable.

So, I'm trying not to be mad at Past Deb for the problems created for Present Deb while trying not to create problems for Future Deb. Seriously, I'm kinda afraid to look in the filing cabinet to see what is in there right now. Also, I am left wondering what's the expiration date on how long you hold on to old bills. We've got some going back to our first apartment and I'm pretty sure I don't need to hold on to them. (Those will likely be added to the bonfire at the in-law's place for security sake).

I'm recognizing that I have some of the mental itchiness of "THIS IS NOT RIGHT, I MUST FIX IT NOW!" that comes with my being manic. I don't think I'm leading into a manic episode because this is entirely the wrong time of year for it. But, life's got a habit of getting weird. I'm just glad that my depression is not so bad that I can't function. Perhaps this is a mixed episode.

But, I'm still highly annoyed with what Past Deb did whilst manic. Next I'll be finding canned goods organized and buried in the project room or something. They'll be very tidy and such, in a box where I put them to be out of the way or something. Organizing makes the mental itchies go away. Making lists helps some but organizing things is what really does it. Because I'm not staring at the pantry going "THIS IS ALL WRONG!" I don't think I'm going manic right now. It'd be easier of I took the time to write down where I put things. Because then I could find them. But I don't slow down and do that. Because I feel like I have to fix everything. It's so frustrating.

NaBloPoMo 19/30

In a fit of manic cleaning over the summer, I threw away the pen barrels for my very favorite pens, convinced that the nibs were lost and gone forever. I found them the next day. Which was the day after garbage pick up. I was looking on the internet for a lark to see if I could buy a replacement. I found the set for around $20. I was half tempted to buy it but then I said to myself an entirely new pen costs approximately $7.00 and will still use the ink cartridges I have.

Is it odd that I am going to ask to get a pen for yule? Is it equally odd that I'm going to ask for a package of stickers? I don't know anymore. I could jerryrig my pen nib into working with the cartridge. It's just messy and unpleasant. Just buying the pen barrel is silly at $20, but I keep thinking about how much I preferred that style of pen. The new version has a window cut into it and feels awkward in my hand.

I could always brush up on my hand lettering skills and just start writing with a dip pen.

It'd be nice to have a good fountain pen with a super narrow nib on it again. I prefer them SO much to ball point pens. At the same time, with the cheap paper in my notebooks, the fountain pens bleed through pretty intensely. Ugh.

/rambling

P.S. - I'm avoiding my children by writing with my headphones on because they're upset with me for making them put their laundry away.

NaBloPoMo 18/30

Banana Bread.

4 medium, over ripe bananas - mashed well
3 cups almond flour
6 eggs
handful dark chocolate chips
1 tsp cinnamon

Combine together until uniform. Bake in a parchment lined paper at 350 degrees for an hour. Cool 15 minutes in the pan.

It makes a very dense loaf. It tastes like someone made french toast out of banana bread. According to theory it is around 20 carbs per slice. I adapted someone else's recipe and omitted all the sugar, because bananas have tons of carbs.

NaBloPoMo 17/30

In the waning days of NaNoWriMo of the two-thousand and eighteenth year of the common era, I had lost my mind. One novel sitting half finished, at best, I began another. I thought with hubris that I could finish the first by the end of the month but the day of turkeys laid me low. My children thought me a mad woman. My husband knew it to be so. After all, we have children and I'm a writer.

I have written nearly two thousand words upon this new venture. I have piles of dishes wanting washing. I have mail and correspondence awaiting sorting. And yet, I still want to write instead of these most important daily tasks. I confess my ignorance of the human soul. It must be pure madness that moves me to write this.

/dramalogue

NaBloPoMo 16/30

I could theoretically manage fourteen posts in the next couple days. I'm not sure if I have the emotional energy for it right now. Seasonal affective disorder is stomping on me right now. And, honestly, I don't know if I'd have anything particularly worthy to say. If I had a cat, I'd post funny cat pictures, but I haven't a cat. And the camera situation is finicky right now, so I can't really do stuff like pictures of my latest foray into gluten free, low carb cooking. I'm not eating gluten free food by choice, it just happens that all of the low carb recipes are gluten free.

I'll probably post something else a little later. Right now I'm going to attempt to bang out a few hundred words on my novel. But first, tea.

NaBloPoMo 15/30

The last two weeks have been rough. I've been struggling to focus on getting things done and then trying to do ALL THE THINGS at the SAME TIME. To say the least, it hasn't worked out so great. I've made good progress on the writing projects. The crafting projects are gradually coming along. The apartment is kinda a mess but the kids had most of last week off. As a result, my living room looks like a toy factory exploded in here or something.

I finished the second prayer book that I was working on for the Filianic/Déanic community. I got the editing done and now I'm waiting on my proof to arrive in the mail. In the meantime, I've been trying to finish book seven of the Umbrel Chronicles of Evandar (the fantasy series that I've been writing). It went completely off the rails and my plot map is all but useless now because characters did random things. I'm trying to trust in the story and just write. It's been hard, though. I had things I wanted to accomplish in this book and now they're all up in the air.

I also finished after three years the psychic's handbook that I've been working on. I'm leaving editing that for until January. December is going to be my big push to finish gifts. I'm about half there. I'm also going to use writing time in December to get back to my journal writing. My seasonal affective disorder is making itself known along with my anxiety issues. Last night, I just about had a panic attack over misplacing my daily planner supplies.

I'm still trying to figure out why my anxiety is so ratcheted up right now. A part of me says there is some kind of anniversary date of some trauma, I just can't manage to get a good grasp on it. As Beloved would say, "Your brain is protecting you from something." That, however, has side effects of my struggling to concentrate and get things done. It would help if I had a therapist to work with right now, but the one I was seeing retired from the practice.

I feel like I am some kind of ultimate test or something for my therapists. I've lost count how many I've gone through because they were uncomfortable with what I was processing. At least in this case, the therapist left the practice because her dream job opened up (working with kids in special education). But, I am left wondering if I'm just not going to find a therapist who can handle working with me and I just have to work this out by myself. It is really beginning to look that way. Having been in some form of therapy for most of my adult life, I've got a good layman's grasp of how it works. It's just a lot easier when you're working with someone else to process really ugly things.

NaBloPoMo ??? / 30

I am mightily vexed with my writing. This is my characters right now.

I had a plot that was detailed and organized.

It is now useless.

*flails*

NaBloPoMo 13/30

So, here's a NaNoWriMo update for you. I finished the prayer book I was writing at the beginning of the month. Just a few days ago, I finished the psychic's handbook that I had been struggling with for the last three years. The prayer book I started back in October because I anticipated this month having plenty of disruptions. My estimate of disruptions versus writing time appears to have been accurate. That said, I'm still making reasonably good progress on my current project.

I have picked up book seven to finish it (hopefully) this month. I'm sitting at 22k right now. That's a little shy of half of the word count goal for NaNoWriMo purposes. I'm not aiming for that, however, because at 22k, I am on chapter three. This thing is going to be a monster when it is done. My characters are being a pain in the butt and I'm having a mild conniption fit over the fact that my plot has basically thrown itself out the window.

Still, I am averaging around 2k words a day on the project. This is good. And I'm not too far behind on my blogging goals either across three blogs. I'm hunting through my cookbook to find a good recipe to slap up on my new blog. I am in the process of organizing all of my stuff on my remaining witchy blog. It's a slow going process that I peck at when I am taking a break from my writing and my chores.

NaBloPoMo 12/30

I honestly didn't realize the wonder that was low fat greek yogurt mixed with pudding. Two cups of low fat greek yogurt plus one box of sugar free, low fat chocolate pudding equals basically chocolate cheesecake mix. I made this last night in a fit of frustration to use up both the yogurt sitting in the fridge and the pudding mix because I kept forgetting to make it.

I had enough self restraint not to eat all of it. I'm going to look for a variety of sugar free pudding mix that uses stevia or possibly try to find a way to recreate this with stuff I have in the pantry. Because it was amazing. Maybe some of these 'diet' recipes aren't so bad after all.

NaBloPoMo 11/30 Meme edition

my children right now. one of them just farted at his father.

NaBloPoMo 10/30

Fennel is only 6 carbs per cup. I didn't realize this. That said, I have started experimenting with it.

Today, I made a salad. One apple was sliced fine, the fennel was cut into length wise strips, and I added bell pepper strips. I tossed it all with balsamic dressing and some diced swiss cheese. It came out looking kinda pretty. It tasted pretty good to me. I've yet to see how Beloved feels about it.

Dinner tonight is steak and salad. I was going to make potatoes but I forgot. Since I'm on a low carb diet, though, I suppose not having mashed potatoes is a good thing. I kinda miss them but mashed cauliflower is pretty good.

NaBloPoMo 9/30

The last several days have not gone as I planned. At the same time, however, I finished up several projects. Including the psychic's handbook that I had been working on for the last three years. Writing non-fiction at significant length was hard up until I realized 'hey, you keep a blog about this stuff. your research is already done. just reshuffle some of the material and stick it in the book.' I'm reminded of someone I know who cited their own paper for a final thesis paper. I have a feeling they'll find the fact that I did this amusing.

Last Friday, I had a sick kid home from school who seemed to make a miraculous recovery once he got home in many ways. He still has a pretty nasty cold but the chamomile tea cured his stomach issues. Saturday was nothing but chores until the kids finally went to bed. Then Beloved and I watched Deadpool. It was hilarious. We agreed that the movie stayed true to the comic book. We also got a real kick out of Stan Lee as a dj in a strip club. Sunday was another day of chores. The kids had off from school yesterday so I didn't get much writing time because they were bickering constantly.

Beloved's blanket that looks like melted crayons now has a black border. The thing is officially larger than I am tall. If he wants it bigger, I'm handing him a crochet hook and a ball of yarn. Cuddle Bear's sweater is almost done. I have the front and the back panel's done. I just have to sew them together. Then I'm going to put sleeves on it. Snuggle Bug's sweater is done. I'm leaving it sleeveless because I have a feeling that's how he'll be most comfortable. He keeps pushing up his shirt sleeves when he is wearing long sleeved shirts right now.

NaBloPoMo 8/30

I had fennel for the first time today. Despite what people claim, it did not taste like liquorice to me. It was sweet and a hint of anise to it. But it was not the syrupy overly sugary sweetness of liquorice. I'm going to attempt to actually cook with it next. Today it was just added raw to a salad. I saved the upper part of the bulb with the fronds to throw into the next pot of stock I am going to make. I've had fennel seeds as part of a dish and they were pretty mildly flavored. Anise is a bit stronger.

It may be that my tastes are changing, however, because of this low carb diet that I'm on. My migraine aura hunger has changed to peanut butter instead of straight up sugary snacks. The slice of cake that I had the other day (with the frosting carefully scraped off) tasted to me like it was made out of pure sugar. I am slowly switching to drinking my coffee and tea black. This is not by choice but because creamer has too many carbs for the portion that I would require to flavor it enough for my taste. And cream is just too fatty for me because I don't have a gall bladder. So I can't process fats very well.

To be honest, however, I have always had issues processing fatty foods because my gall bladder didn't work right to begin with. So, I haven't really been one for stuff with a lot of fat to it. Deep fried butter is just repulsive to me. I may treat myself to deep fried pickles but now it's only one or two instead of the whole appetizer from the bbq place up the road. I'm in the process of cutting out salt from my diet as well. Thus, when I occasionally have a goldfish cracker, I am struck by how incredibly salty they are. I guess I am eating healthier food.

It's just a pain because I have to batch cook stuff if I want to have food I can just grab and go. Because the stuff you can grab and go off the shelf is usually way too many carbs for me. It's hard and it makes me frustrated. At the same time, however, I am exploring new foods and getting better at cooking them. I am also finding myself getting reacquainted with some old favorites through a different way of serving and cooking them.

I am somewhat nervous about thanksgiving. I am going to plan on bringing a dish I know will be friendly to me in carbs and a dessert that will be equally so. The trick is figuring out what to make. Good thing I've got access to cookbooks and the internet.

NaBloPoMo 7/30

Some real content for this post. It is my birthday today. I'm officially an adult now because I'm 40. I still want to go dye my hair wild colors, so I can't say that I'm completely out of that 'phase'. And because I'm going grey, the wild colors will take better, I suspect. I'm looking around at my life right now and I'm not sure how to feel.

I thought that at 40, I would be somewhere teaching physics or english. I thought that at 40, I would have a decent start on a writing career. Have a few big book sales to my name and maybe be recognized in a few national markets. I'm not at either of those points.

I thought that at 40, I would have a side job/hobby of doing psychic stuff and make enough money to pay for my other hobbies. I thought that at 40, I would be healthy and beautiful like I was at 20. Because the baby weight comes off, right? That side job/hobby didn't quite work out. And the healthy part is not quite working as I thought it was because of the fact I'm disabled and now diabetic. But I'm beautiful like I am at 40.

I never thought that I'd see 40. I was told as a kid that I was going to die before I hit 30. I was seriously mindfucked on that one. I had a little crisis a little while back going "The diabetes, that's what's going to kill me." I had a panic going into giving birth with each kids, one more so than the other, that I was going to die while in labor. I got over those panic moments.

I spent the last ten years spinning in circles when I wasn't focused on the kids. Now that they're older and getting more independent, I'm going to start pouring my energy into myself and where I want to be in ten years. Because at 50, I don't want to have the regrets I do right now about not reaching out to people over the years and losing friendships through neglect. At 50, I want to have a solid start on that writing career. Even if it means I am writing porn to support my writing other topics. (I don't think I'm that great at writing porn, but it seems to sell even if it is badly written.)

So, happy birthday to me. Fuck you to all the shit that tried to break me over the last 40 years. And welcome to all the stuff that's going to help me accomplish my dreams over the next.

NaBloPoMo 6/30

Because I thought this was pretty, I'm sharing it with you. I may just make it my desktop background to motivate me while writing.

Photo by Ylanite Koppens from Pexels

This one is my current background.

I found it on Pexels.com too. I forget who took the photo. But it lends great ambiance for writing medieval horror.

NaBloPoMo 5/30 MEME EDITION! CAPSLOCK IS COOL NOW.

NaBloPoMo 4/30

I'm a day behind because yesterday was super busy. I don't have anything exciting really to relate. Today was just a day of writing. Actually, there is one exciting thing. The book I started back in October just got finished. So, draft one is complete. It is a novella, barely. Considering that I am not really strong on writing long form nonfiction in one shot, I'm pretty pleased.

I'm just tired because it has been a long day. The kids were a bit cranky today. I'm not sure what got into them. But by the time Beloved got home, they had those moods turned right around. It always seems to work out that way.

Something, something, kids, they said. Something, something fun, they said. LOL

NaBloPoMo 3/30

Ten percent of the way through the month, right? I've got lots of time to finish presents, write, and stuff.

Yet, I spent most of my day cooking and cleaning. Making up for the time I spent not doing some of that  over the last two days. I think I need to work on my time management skills or something. Thank gods for the fact that Beloved was able to get a roasted chicken and we had stuff like frozen mashed cauliflower and peas for dinner. Still, there's an epic pile of pots to be washed from my batch cooking things for next week.

And I'm not done yet. I still have breakfast stuff and lunch stuff to work on for me. But, going to FoodLink with JH was a great idea. Now I've got fixings for making banana bread muffins, blueberry muffins, and gazpacho. And I successfully navigated a crowd with two bored children with out a panic attack or a meltdown for myself or the kids.

My next mission is to figure out how I'm going to turn this butternut squash that was practically thrown at me into something Beloved will find tasty and to figure out how to make sugar free, low carb lemon curd. If I can pull off the latter, that will be a gigantic thing. That means I can make lemon pie for thanksgiving.

NaBloPoMo 2/30 Meme edition

Me right now with my book:

NaBloPoMo 1/30

I'm going to attempt National Blog Posting Month along side National Novel Writing Month this year. Blog posts are going to be short. But I'm going to try to get back into the habit of daily blogging on top of things like getting back into the habit of doing yoga twice a day. I'm hoping that daily blogging will be less uncomfortable than the yoga is right now.

There's big doings happening at the school right now. Cuddle Bear made honor roll for the first marking quarter. We're all really proud of him. He is more interested in pretending to be a cat and watching videos of angry cats today. Snuggle Bug's report card hasn't come in yet. I have a feeling it will be more good news.

Cuddle Bear's been very busy in tech class. He's brought home a bird feeder, a pumpkin basket, and a bird house. Honestly, I was surprised the pumpkin on the basket wasn't painted blue. But the blue painted pumpkin he brought home last week I suppose made up for that. It was our Halloween decoration.

Snuggle Bug has been making increasingly more complex lego creations. Just today, he figured out how to make a lego car that could survive being made to do a back flip by flicking the end of the car. He's been telling me all the facts he has been learning about crayfish in school right now. I'm hoping that he'll remember them tomorrow when he takes his big test.

Aside from blogging and working on a couple of novels (in sequence, not at the same time this time), I am working on yule gifts. I've been adding to Beloved's big ol' melty crayon blanket that I crochet for him a few years back. He asked for that to be made a little bigger, so I am. I searched high and low, every yarn store I could get to in my area, but I couldn't find that yarn I used. So, it is getting a border of black. The black really makes the clashing colors of the main blanket stand out. He's lucky I love him so much. I loathe this color combo in the main part of the blanket.

(Guess which is is favorite blanket? Yep, the loudest one in the house.)

1k the lazy way.

Image from Pexels.com

Behold the skulls of my ... um.. I've got nothing.

Well, I've got a cool picture of skulls, so that counts right?

Headache, go away.

Dear Reader,

I had a migraine this morning. It sucked. It sucked the life out of me for most of the day. It was stupid luck that I was awake when the landlord stopped by to fix the light in the entryway and replace the battery in the smoke detector that has been chirping for a while. Did I mention that the smoke detector is 8 ft in the air, at least. They didn't advertise high ceilings in the apartment, but the back hallway and the bathroom have high ceilings. High enough that you need a real ladder for a 6ft tall man to reach the ceiling and replace the stupid battery in the stupid smoke detector but it takes forever because there is TWO smoke detectors and you have to test both to figure out which one is the one that actually works.

One used to be hardwired in and has been left in place because there is a hole in the ceiling there. Of course that one doesn't work. And the other was a pain to deal with because you had to use a screwdriver to open it up and get into the guts of it to replace a 9 volt battery. It was annoying. Can you tell I am annoyed with the affair? The landlord was bemused with it all. That only added to my irritation. It was the fact that he had the gall to ask if there was anything else to be fixed while he was there. I was so gob smacked I didn't rattle off the list of the door frame that's coming apart in the kids room, the sink that gurgles loudly when ever a quantity of water goes down the drain ANYWHERE in the building, or the electrical outlet that is getting loose again.

I just stared at him in disbelief as he walked out cheerfully, as if he were some kind of minor hero. I loathe this man. He didn't even notice the door slamming behind him. The front door that has one of those hinges that is supposed to keep it from slamming, slammed because it is broken. According to theory, he has painters working on sprucing up the interior of the building and there will be contractors coming in to fix the hole in the entryway ceiling. I suspect hell will freeze over first.

I have had a headache all day. It makes me a little grumpy. But not as grumpy as that made me.

A bit of rambling thoughts.

Dear Reader,

I have been having some trouble with a manuscript, again. I'm not going to shove it into a proverbial drawer and forget about it, but I am mildly vexed with the thing. At the same time, I am realizing the problem is not the manuscript. The problem is how I am viewing things. Mostly myself, to be honest.

I have a pretty severe case of imposter syndrome. I feel like I'm a fraud because I am not selling books and I'm not out there hustling my work to make money. I feel like I'm a fraud because I spend most days struggling with therapy writing and doing things to try to make my brain work properly instead of engaging in the Great Work. The running joke when I was a kid was that I was going to write the next great american novel. The joke wasn't funny to me. I didn't care if it was the next great american novel, but the idea of writing as my purpose in life was very strong.

I spend less time "writing" than I did when I was in my twenties. I feel guilty about that. I pulled off college, full time work, and working on a novel all at the same time. I feel like I should be able to churn out that level of effort now. And I feel like a fraud because I can't, because I'm disabled and I have two children who keep me busy. I have times where I feel like I'm walking a high wire act with out a net and have a bout of emotional vertigo. That's when I feel like a fraud.

Who am I to by writing about home economics? I'm just a housewife, not a professional. Who am I to be writing erotica? I've only had three lovers in my life.  Who am I to be writing recipes? I'm no award winning chef.

The list of it all goes on and on. So, I get into this state where I am all a quiver with anxiety and my mind is racing with this back and forth between what I described above and a very indignant part of me that says with enough research, creativity, and time, I can write damn near anything on any topic.

But, tonight, I feel like a fraud and the castigating side of the argument is louder. I've talked about this stuff in therapy. It all boils down to the sheer volume of emotional abuse that I had to put up with in the past. All of the cutting remarks and backhanded "critiques" that were made just churned up with my anxiety into a hell broth for my brain. Throw in a bit of seasonal affective disorder on top of it, I basically sit and stew with anxiety for hours until I'm exhausted or angry, if not both.

It's really frustrating. Because I know that scumbag brain is lying to me. I can point out all the damn lies line for line. But my anxiety goes "But what if...?" and I'm off to the races. I'm going to start writing down counter arguments for this litany of how I'm not qualified for anything. I have plenty of notebooks. And when scumbag brain gets going, I'm going to recite the counter arguments kinda like medieval people recited prayers against temptation when things got hard. Who knows if it will help or not.

Dairy free cookie dough bites.

1 c almond flour
1/4 c granulated stevia sweetener for baking
1/4 c almond milk
dash of vanilla extract
handful dark chocolate chips

Mix together until a soft dough forms. Shape into walnut sized balls. Chill in the fridge until firm.

Goes excellently with tea. I've been experimenting with ratios of spices in this too. A generous amount of cinnamon and nutmeg gives you something like a snickerdoodle cookie dough. According to the source recipe (which uses cream instead of almond milk) this has around 3.5 carbs per serving which is theoretically three balls.

Life Ramblings.

New hair.

So, life's been busy. The kids went back to school last month and I've been spinning in circles doing everything but spinning right now. I have started working on my NaNoWriMo project already because I'm drafting it out by hand. I feel absolutely zero guilt for starting early. Because I know that November is going to be kinda nuts.

I mean, the kids have a week long break in the middle of the month and a few days off to go with it. I'm pretty sure it's going to make me go even more grey.

The depression thing is somewhat improved. It's weird. I am no longer at that state of numb/ready to start sobbing at the drop of a hat. At the same time, I'm not feeling well. On a scale of one to ten, with one being severely depressed and ten being manic, I'm around a five. With troublesome thoughts bothering me and increase migraines. I am pretty sure the migraines is because of the higher dosage of the antidepressant and the fact that the weather has been swinging back and forth between seasonable and stupid. I'm upright and functional, so I guess that is a win. The real question is if the seasonal affective disorder is going to rear its head and screw everything up.

I am right now not thrilled with the fact that I've had to cut my hair short out of necessity. I am now having eczema issues on my ears. This means my hair being against my ears itches terribly. And I have to make sure that I wear the RIGHT scarves or I'm ready to rip the thing off my head because it makes my ears bother me. I'm still trying to convince myself that it is perfectly acceptable to moisturize the tops of my ears. My skin has been getting drier. I've been attempting to deny it and act like it is not an issue but it really is a thing. And I think it is directly tied to the diabetes.

Next week I have my appointment with my family doctor to see how I am doing with the diabetes thing. My average fasting blood sugars have dropped into the upper end of the normal range. I'm not sure if he wants me to get them lower or not. I am still struggling to figure out what foods are ok for me to eat. It pains me to say that pasta and I are going to have to part ways. Even an appropriate serving of pasta makes my blood sugar spike. This makes me very sad because pasta is my favorite food in the whole world. And zucchini noodles are just not the same as spaghetti.

I am slowly assembling a small cookbook of collected recipes for managing my diabetes stuff and still have the rest of the family able to eat normalish. Because I've hit the point that preparing three meals every meal is too much. I'm now down to two because the kids are picky and Beloved is doing his best to eat what I do. I have a large stockpile of pasta that I am going to pretty much be cooking for Beloved and the kids. It makes me kinda sad that I can't enjoy it but at least they get to.

I'm struggling to adjust to my new normal. I look in the mirror and the reflection just doesn't look right. I went grey over the course of a few months and didn't realize how much of my hair had gone grey until I got it cut. I've had my hair get thinner over the last several months. I'm trying not to listen to my anxiety telling me that I'm going to suffer from female pattern baldness. My pants size has gone down, which I suppose is good, but the number on the scale hasn't moved. I tell myself that I'm building muscle as quickly as I'm losing inches. It feels like a lie.

Daily exercise is a challenge. I'm probably going to blog on here more bitching about stuff like walking in the damn snow. I will post some about the recipes that I try. There may be some weirdness too that I'm not posting on my other blogs.