NaBloPoMo 20/30

Hrm. I can pull off ten posts in two days. It will all be stupid shit, but I can do it. I suppose I should apologize for random stupid memes and such. But, this has been the theme of my blog when I'm not ranting about things.

Speaking of ranting, I am going to make it official, I should make a list of where I put things and staple it to my forehead when I am manic. I've been going through this massive pile of papers and I'm finding things I 'filed' when I was manic from four years ago. Some of them were kinda important. I'm really frustrated with this. Then I look around and think about how I was doing four and five years ago. I was a lot less stable.

So, I'm trying not to be mad at Past Deb for the problems created for Present Deb while trying not to create problems for Future Deb. Seriously, I'm kinda afraid to look in the filing cabinet to see what is in there right now. Also, I am left wondering what's the expiration date on how long you hold on to old bills. We've got some going back to our first apartment and I'm pretty sure I don't need to hold on to them. (Those will likely be added to the bonfire at the in-law's place for security sake).

I'm recognizing that I have some of the mental itchiness of "THIS IS NOT RIGHT, I MUST FIX IT NOW!" that comes with my being manic. I don't think I'm leading into a manic episode because this is entirely the wrong time of year for it. But, life's got a habit of getting weird. I'm just glad that my depression is not so bad that I can't function. Perhaps this is a mixed episode.

But, I'm still highly annoyed with what Past Deb did whilst manic. Next I'll be finding canned goods organized and buried in the project room or something. They'll be very tidy and such, in a box where I put them to be out of the way or something. Organizing makes the mental itchies go away. Making lists helps some but organizing things is what really does it. Because I'm not staring at the pantry going "THIS IS ALL WRONG!" I don't think I'm going manic right now. It'd be easier of I took the time to write down where I put things. Because then I could find them. But I don't slow down and do that. Because I feel like I have to fix everything. It's so frustrating.