Fimbul winter, is that you?

Well, we're under a winter storm warning until 6pm today. This makes week four of snowstorms. We have a fair amount of snow on the ground from the last two storms. I think we're up to a few feet. It's not quite to my knee but we're also not right in the lake effect area. My sister-in-law over in Attica has snow that's almost as tall as her youngest child. That's almost elbow deep snow.

Now, the problem isn't snow fall, unlike the folks downstate who are going to get the brunt of this storm. Nope, we have to be concerned about windchill. It's about 2pm right now and the temperatures are hovering around -5 deg Fahrenheit (-20 C). Tonight, I'm pretty sure that we're going to see temperatures below -15 deg F. I'm glad that putting up the curtain across the back door is keeping some of the cold out. We've a gap around the door that is large enough you can see daylight through it.

I have the blinds closed to keep some of the chill out of the main living area of the apartment. Still, I am awfully chilly right now. I'm sitting here at the desk with my warm slippers on over my thick socks, a blanket in my lap, and a sweater on. I'm half tempted to go get my cotton gloves (the white ones for keeping moisturizer on my hands instead of the pillows) and put them on so that my fingers aren't so chilly. I am not going to go out and do laundry at the laundromat today. It is just so cold that I think sitting at the laundromat before those big windows would be painfully cold for me, even with my wool coat on.

I am a bit stalled on my manuscript. My deadline is the 19th and I have about 60 pages to write. I have hit something of a block right now and the kids have been distracting me. With the boys being on break from school this week, I don't think I'm going to have enough mental focus to get this thing done by then. I'm kinda upset with that. I really wanted to get it done before Moura, and it seriously looks like that won't be the case. I am a bit nervous about this manuscript. I worry that it is going to come off as my attempt to peddle my own ideas and push some measure of politics onto the reader. This is the exact opposite of what I'm trying to do.

I think this is just the jitters that come with getting towards the end of this thing and getting ready to send it off to beta readers before publication. I think I'm going to quaff my hot chocolate and put on some music that is inspiring. Then I'm going to do my best to get a few more pages written. I may not be able to finish this by the 19th but I can get as close to done as I can manage. I just need to keep trying. After all, editing is where things really get polished and take shape.

Making progress slowly but surely.

Behold my workspace. Missing from this picture is my mug of instant chai that has been fueling my writing this afternoon. I am just about at what I needed my word count to be by today. I will be pushing to get another 10 pages done by the time I head to bed for the evening. That will take the pressure off of tomorrow.

Tomorrow is probably going to be a bad day for writing. The kids are home from school because of a teacher's planning day. I'd be taking them outside to run around in the snow tomorrow but the weather report is calling for bitter temperatures.

If nothing else, tomorrow may work to rest my right wrist a bit. I think I strained it a bit when I was writing things out longhand on Tuesday. Hence my compression gloves and my wrist support band. Though, a part of me laughs at the idea of my taking a break from doing stuff that uses my hands because I have a shawl I'm knitting, a scarf I'm knitting, and I want to get started on some stuff for charity. I think as I get more work in, my wrist will loosen up. That, at least, is my hope.

Long Day is Long.

I have been running like a madwoman for the last few days. It seems like Saturday and today blended into one. For one thing, the dishes seem to have been perpetual. Even with Beloved jumping in for a round, they're still not done. I am so annoyed with this. The kids have been picking up toys almost as much as they have been complaining about it. (That is to say it has been happening a lot.) I think, however, this place is clean enough that tomorrow I may actually be able to bust out the vacuum cleaner and get the floors kinda straightened up.

I am almost finished with the right front section of the Lady of the Forest shawl that I've been knitting since August. (I knit kinda slow, alright? I'm trying to get faster. And, in my defense, I was working on a ton of Yule gifts at the same time.) I casted on for a scarf to give Beloved for Yule this year. It's going to be out of the same yarn as his fingerless gloves. This will sort of match the hat that I made him last year too. I'm not going to make the mistake that I did with the last scarf I knit and just keep adding sections until I get bored. This thing will be no longer then 4 ft. I am not going to give him a Dr. Who scarf for Yule.

I have started the process of planning what I'm making people for Yule this year. In addition to his scarf, I'm going to be making him a sweater. I found the pattern in one of my magazines for a sleeveless sweater. Apparently the original pattern dates back to WWI era. I may have to make some adjustments but I am pretty sure that I won't have any trouble with that. I am seriously considering making smaller versions of it for the boys as well. Because a sweater that I don't have to make sleeves is pretty awesome.

I think I'm finally starting to come out of the lastest depressive episode. Over the last few hours, I have been feeling more like myself. Hopefully this means that I will wake up and have enough energy to get the last of those dishes done after I put the boys on the bus to school. I am slowly making progress on that manuscript I'm working on. I still don't have a title for it yet. I'm somewhat annoyed with that but I think it will resolve itself soon.

Stupid Meatsuit.

A friend of mine who is also disabled refers to her body as her meatsuit. Honestly, I didn't think much about the expression until I started feeling rotten. Then I found myself using it. Today, I want to trade my meatsuit in for a model that doesn't have bruised ribs, crippling anxiety, and depression.

I'm upset that this time last week I was relatively ok. Then I started having problems with my temper, which happens when I go into a mixed episode. Then I became indifferent to the whole world. I figured this meant that the 'fun' was over. My mixed episode lasted from Friday night to Monday morning. It was pretty much par for the course. Monday to Tuesday evening, I was pretty much apathetic. I wasn't depressed, just indifferent to everything. Again, I didn't think much of it. I haven't been sleeping well because I'm still recovering from having bruised ribs (which feels like it is taking FOREVER to heal) and when I don't sleep well I'm pretty apathetic towards the world.

Then Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling a little depressed. My mood just got worse as the day wore on. I was torn between the urge to go hide from everything, curl up in bed and sleep all day, and fury that this was happening again. The depression comes in waves. When I'm not feeling really depressed, I'm irritable and angry with the whole damn situation. I feel terrible about this.

I wanted to go out and do stuff this week. I have a huge bag of soda bottles that I wanted to take to the bottle redemption center up the road. I wanted to get the grocery shopping done today so that I didn't have to worry about it Saturday. And get all the sheets in the house to the laundromat and washed before the weekend hit. Now it is Thursday and I have none of those things. I still have bags of clean laundry sitting around the apartment from when I did laundry on Sunday, waiting to be folded and put away.

The only reason why this place isn't a complete disaster is because every night I have been having the kids pick up their toys before they go to bed. My issues are telling me that I'm a failure as a wife and mother. I can't seem to get enough rest when I try to sleep at night. I feel sore and uncomfortable because of my ribs and when I look in the mirror I feel like I'm fat and ugly, but in too much discomfort to really do anything about it. Because exercising with bruised ribs isn't such a good idea. I just feel rotten and like everything I do is wrong. And wondering what the point to taking these medications are.

That is when I have to remind myself that I'm on the antipsychotics so I don't start hearing voices telling me to do horrible things. And that the antidepressants are keeping the depression from being worse then the damn thing is right now. I just want my life back and I want to be able to have stuff not feel like it sucks so often. But I guess that is like wanting to own a piece of the moon.  Just not going to happen unless something huge happens. Which is depressing all by itself.

Cardinals in the Snow.

Right now, there are three cardinals pecking bird seed out of the snow. The sight of them warmed my heart. I'm not sure if the landlord or the town is responsible for the clearing out of the trees behind the house, but it was something that had me upset. They're just about done now and I honestly thought we were done seeing songbirds. The trio of cardinals gives me hope that I will see more birds over the next coming months.

Perhaps if the weather wasn't so awfully cold, the birds would be at the feeder more. Today, we have started the day out at 4 deg F^o and a bit of wind. The kids didn't notice it much because of how bundled up they are. Cuddle Bear's new snowpants are a bit large on him but I've discovered you can use a belt to cinch them down a bit to fit better. I am pleased with this development. Until I made this discovery this morning, I was attempting to use safety pins for this purpose. That was not working out well at all.

The neighbors at the bus stop today were remarking on how bitter the weather has been. We all agree that the wind chill is worse for the lack of the trees in back. I hope that my heating bills won't go up but I fear that they will because of that wind. I suppose one good thing to come out of this is that the back deck will have more sunlight. This means I can grow more things there. I'm not entirely thrilled with the lack of privacy that I had before.

It was something nice to be able to go outside and enjoy the day with the trees screening me from the neighbors across the way. With them gone now, you can see all the way over to Big Tree Road and the lakeside. Being situated at the north end of Conesus Lake, we get a stiff breeze off of it most of the time, most days. I suppose we'll be able to see the fireworks from the Ring of Fire next summer. The kids may enjoy that. But I'm still inclined to grumble and be upset about the loss of the trees.

All I could think as I was unfortunately forced to listen to the noise of them cutting down the trees was of how they were destroying that little ecosystem and the poor, defenseless trees. I have a fondness for trees and it always upsets me when people cut them down. This is why I prefer live yule trees. I'm thinking about growing a dwarf tree in a large pot on the back deck to sort of make up for (in some tiny, insignificant way) the loss of the other trees in back.

MLK Day, No school.

We were going to go visit my sister-in-law today but Snuggle Bug was talking about how his stomach was bothering him. The last time he was talking about his stomach bothering him first thing in the morning, he got sick to his stomach within the first hour of being up. To say the least, I didn't want to risk that so we've stayed home. Now, we're approaching lunch time and he seems to be fine. I am a wee bit annoyed with how that worked out. Ah well, that is how life goes sometimes, I suppose.

They're still ripping out trees behind the building. They have moved to behind the abandoned house next door. I am beginning to suspect that they will be ripping out all of them up to the property line of the houses on the next road over. That makes me sad. I've a fondness for trees and wooded places. They were places of great comfort to me when I was going through some troubles in my youth. I also find it to be harmful to the environment and that distresses me as well.

The side effect of the tree cutting going on is that I hear the noise of it every day and we have more of a breeze blowing off of the lake. I also have noted the absence of the birds. My feeders are half full and have been that way since they started work out back. I fear that this is setting the tone for the year. I'm going to miss those birds.

Progress, even if it kills me.

Today I did a massive amount of writing in my therapy journal. I think that I made a few breakthroughs. I also think that I wore down a quarter of an inch of pencil this morning doing so.

I am slowly managing to wrap my head around the idea that my great aunt Jackie is dead. Her funeral was yesterday. I spent a good portion of the day feeling guilty that I couldn't be there and that there really was nothing I could do to be of comfort to anyone. My Mom is really busted up over this, as aunt Jackie was her favorite aunt. My poor cousin Eddie is stuck out in Washington (I think he's in Portland but I'm not sure.) and he wasn't able to come to pay his final respects to his mother.

It is really difficult for me to come to grips with the idea that I am allowed a life separate from my birth family. I'm working on it with my therapist but today, I didn't realize how much it bothers me when my life conflicts with the idea of filial duty. I have a feeling that my next session with my therapist is going to be a rough one. But, if a rough therapy session gets me through this period where I feel like I'm a bad person or otherwise inadequate, then I suppose it is worth it.

My ribs are still bothering me but I'm at a point now that I'm not taking Tylenol with the Aleve. I've been careful not to do much bending and stretching. I have also made a point of not picking up something heavy and remembering to do my deep breathing at least once an hour. I'm pleased that the deep breaths are not making me cough like mad. I think this means that I'm finally over the bronchitis. Now I just need to get my ribs to heal up and I'll be ready to get going full throttle on this exercise thing.

Since we have a television now and I have an exercise DVD that is a 15 minute in home work out session, I figure I could start doing this every day after the kids go to school. Make a habit out of it and I will be getting a little exercise while the weather is poor and I can't go out and do my walking. I have been having some twinges of discomfort with my back over the last few days. I think that is because of the wonky weather patterns.

When ever the weather has a major shift, my back throbs where I had the epidurals done when I had my c-section to deliver the boys. Today, it has been really uncomfortable. But, according to the weather channel, it is supposed to be near 40 deg F Saturday, which is probably why my back is bothering me. I'm just glad that it wasn't 11 deg below 0 F this morning, unlike yesterday. The neighbor's kid had a screaming melt down because she had to wait for the bus out in the weather. My kids, however, were excitedly turning the pile of snow that was left by the plow into a slide.

Echo test: Echo.. echo.. echo...

It's been a rough week on the writing front. I have gotten a lot of work in on my newest project. I'm working on a companion book to Rose Petals. It will be a day book of sorts that takes one through the Filianic calendar year. I have my outline written up to the latter portion of Winter. I am torn between being pleased with how much I have gotten done over the last week on this and a powerful sense of concern.

One may ask, why am I concerned? I have been keeping a blog on religious stuff for about three years, with the focus on how I practice the blended path of Filianism/witchcraft/heathenry. I don't post as much as I would like to but I'm working on improving that. At the same time, I am struggling with the sense that I am writing for an empty room. It is really disheartening to work so hard on a post and have it met with resounding silence.

Honestly, even if I was encountering criticism, I think I'd be pleased because I had discovered someone who were inspired to respond to me in some fashion. In my reading about how blogs make money, it seems that I have hit a fairly common point. Where other bloggers have given up, I intend to keep going. It is my hope that my blog builds readership but at the moment I have a hard time believing it will.

I suppose it doesn't help matters much that I am feeling a bit worn out and depressed. My ribs have been bothering me terribly for the last few weeks. I think that my bout of mild bronchitis bruised my ribs. I've been taking Aleve and resting. This, however, has me struggling with the feeling that I am a useless lump. (I don't know about anyone else, but when I get sick or am otherwise unwell, I feel like I need to do ALL THE THINGS and do them RIGHT NOW! And the fact that I can't rankles me powerfully.)

A part of me gets angry and bitter with the fact that I am engaged in work that I have been taught is better suited as a hobby rather then a vocation. I find myself repeating to myself all of the hurtful things that I had spat at me when I was younger ranging from the idea that I am wasting resources with my writing (cue pangs of guilt for every scrap of paper I throw away) to the thought that what I write is too 'out there' for it to be marketable. I am working with my therapist to get out of that mental trap, but damn is it hard.

Some of that anger is directed at myself for two reasons. One is the idea that I am some how doing something morally wrong by pursuing my dreams of being a professional author. The other is the towering anger that I feel at the former concept. My therapist says that I am making progress in the fact that I get angry over the first concept. I'm honestly sick and tired of feeling like what I am doing is wrong somehow, that I am being selfish to chase this dream, and that my work is wasted effort. I try not to think about it but at the end of the day, it is the specter standing at the foot of my bed.

It is hard for me to post this. A part of me says I should delete this entry and consign this to the rubbish heap of failed effort. I am actively working to resist the urgings of that part of me because that is the same place that the directive to surrender my dreams comes from. It is the same place where the urge to just give up on life comes from and where all of my negative thinking finds safe harbor. Some day, I may stumble and give up that hope which pushes me forward. Some day, I may lie down and let life pass me by. Today, however, will not be that day.

Thus it stands that I feel that I am screaming into an empty room. If I only am answered by my echo, so be it. I will simply scream louder for the sake of catharsis and making that echo turn into a roar rather then a whisper.

Repost from Facebook

As I said elsewhere tonight:

today is a strange day for freedom of speech. in France, there was a terrorist incident that resulted in the deaths of several people and the injury of more. and then there is this yahoo Kirby Delauter, in saying his name i add myself to the list of mythical offenders to his 'good name', and the way he has been verbally slapped down for his nonsense. (look him up if you want to see that trainwreck, some of the responses are glorious.)

as an author and a person with a liberal education (if you jump to conclusions about my politics based on that statement, kindly exit stage left), i cherish freedom of speech and find it vital to the proper functioning of our republic here in the USA. it pains me to see people attempting to curtail it by violence or censorship. you may say something that disgusts and offends me, but i will defend your right to say it to my last breath. because *somebody* needs to keep their principles.

as The Good Reverend Roger said (or whatever moniker he's using today): or kill me.

Tarot reading jitters.

I'm logged in over at Keen. I'm on line to do readings via the chat client there. I don't trust myself not to have a coughing fit right now for doing readings over the phone. Honestly, I am a bit nervous because it has been almost half a year since I was last logged in at Keen.

I am doing my best not to let my nerves scare me off from doing readings but it is a bit hard. I just had a quick chat session with someone and I don't think I did very well. Still, I'm going to keep this going until the kids get home from school. Then I am going to switch off from being logged in for readings via the chat client to being logged in by phone for a few hours in between doing some housework. My goal is to stay available for readings while the kids are at school.

The last several days have been somewhat rough around my house. We caught that awful flu that has been going around the neighborhood. It started Christmas with Cuddle Bear coming down with it. All the poor kid wanted to do was sleep once the afternoon hit. We figured he was just tired from spending the day running from my side of the family to Beloved's parent's house. The next day, he was just as exhausted and didn't have much interest in playing with his new toys.

Then the coughing started. Goodness did that little boy have an awful cough. By the time he was starting to feel better, I came down with it. New Year's Eve was spent sick in bed, again. Fortunately, Beloved managed only to get the sniffles from this horrendous bug and he was able to manage the kids over the last four days. I was not doing well and for a little while I was worried that it may have been turning into bronchitis.

Thankfully, I am doing much better and the kids are just about fully recovered. We've got a bit of a lingering cough, but it is nothing like what it was a few days ago. I would be doing readings by phone but I don't trust myself not to have a coughing fit while on the line. I slept most of this morning because I was still pretty exhausted but now I'm feeling pretty well.

I've been spending my afternoon trying to get things set up to make a little money with my writing and listening to music from my youth. As silly as it may sound, I've been enjoying listening to stuff like Genesis and Bananarama. I have also revisited my affection for Peter Gabriel. A lot of this music was big when I was in my early years but it has been pleasant to listen to anyways.

Saturday Check In Week # 1

In the hopes of posting more frequently and consistently on here, I'm going to make a point of posting something every Saturday. It's probably going to be a recap of how the week went and with how my life goes, I'll probably be hit or miss about it. Still, I'm going to give it a shot.

We've all been sick with this horrendous bug. I spent most of yesterday and today in bed when I wasn't coughing to the point where I honestly wondered if I needed my inhaler. The kids seem to be mostly recovered from it except for a lingering cough. Beloved has had the sniffles and a headache. He has been taking care of the rest of us for the last few days. Namely, minding the kids while I have been a zombie.

I have set up a new spreadsheet to track how we spend money right now. I'm not terribly pleased with how things went last year. I feel that we spent more money then we needed to and if we get a better handle on things like how much we spend on our groceries, then perhaps we can rebuild our savings a little bit. Not in our favor is the fact that we don't have health insurance for this month.

I started out feeling pretty good about the 'Obamacare' health insurance because we could actually afford my medication. Then some things went wonky over the course of the last month and we suddenly went from having no premium to having an $850 premium over night. Frantic phone calls and my narrowly avoiding an anxiety attack resulted in us having health insurance starting next month for $50 a month. We still have to find away to cover the cost of my medications for this month but I think the GoodRX site will help a great deal with that.

I have had some problems with feeling anxious when I was awake today. I think part of this is because my nerves are a bit shot after all of that frantic last minute wrangling and part of it is I'm worried that this awful cough is developing into bronchitis. I've told Beloved that if I haven't improved by this time next week, I will schedule an appointment with the doctor. It is my hope that I will be on the other side of this bug come next Saturday. Partly because I have a social engagement that I want to attend and mostly because I really don't want to have to go see the doctor.

I don't know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow. If I am feeling well enough, I will probably be working on taking down the tree. I have a feeling that the ornaments that Beloved's sister gave us may prove too many for my box. I hope that isn't the case but I'm eying them with some suspicion. Every year, she gives us some and my box is getting very full. I am running out of places to put them. I don't think she is going to be happy next year when I tell her not to give us any ornaments.

Happy New Year!

Congratulations, world, you made it through another year. Happy New Year!

It's been busy around my place for the last few weeks. I wound up making Christmas presents up until when I went to bed on Christmas eve. We went to the celebration with my side of the family first and then to the in-law's house. At first, it was not looking like we'd be able to go out visiting people because Snuggle Bug was sick last Monday. He recovered, however, and we went off visiting. Somewhere in the course of the day Christmas day, however, Cuddle Bear started not feeling well.

Since then, we've all had a nasty cough and the boys have been really tired. They have been playing with their new LeapPad Ultras from their paternal grandparents or watching videos on the new television. We don't have the television set up to get channels, only to play videos off the playstation. (It's an older model playstation too. A PS2, to be specific.) We're treating the screen time like we were approaching computer time.

The kids earn a half hour each after a good day's behavior during the week. On the week ends, they get a bit more screen time, because it's good to let one's hair down and relax on the weekend.

We gave them a new train set but it's a bit wonky. I had some difficulty with it as I was attempting to set up whilst in a mixed episode-hypomanic. I'm going to try again a bit later today. For some reason, the engine keeps skipping off of the track. I am going to fiddle with it to see if we can keep it on this time.

My big excitement right now is the Mother Marion kick wheel that Beloved's mother gave me. It is working out really well for me right now while I can't do stuff like the 'core spinning' techniques with it yet, I am impressed with how even the thread I'm spinning has become now. It was pretty good with a drop spindle, now it's really good. My test is to see if my production is faster with this thing now then it was with a drop spindle.

Oh, and I am happy to report that the fingerless gloves I made for Beloved actually did fit him properly. My worry was unnecessary.

Working towards Yule.

Last night, I finished the last of my yarn based gifts. Now, I just have projects for myself to finish. Aside from that, I'm now at the point where I need to begin my baking. I have pre-made cookie dough sitting in the fridge right now. I just have been too lazy to bake them yet. A part of me says that if I bake them closer to Yule then the likelihood of stale cookies will be lower. More of me just doesn't want to go through the effort of baking right now.

I have been feeling  a bit unwell over the last several weeks. I think, however, that is starting to improve. I just am a bit disappointed that it took sleeping all morning yesterday and going to bed early last night to make it where I wasn't a zombie this morning. I am pleased, however, that the nightmares that had been problems for the last month and a half seem to have abated. Perhaps this aggressive push with my therapy related journal writing is helping me after all.

Right now, I'm not sure what I should write. I feel like I should be posting something more cheerful but I am honestly at a loss for words. Life has not been exactly cheerful. It has been just more of the same exhausting tedium every day. I don't know how much of that is influenced by my depressed mood state and how much is just the case of life being humdrum boring. I see people posting happy, cheerful things on their blogs and on Facebook and I wonder what I'm missing.

Of course, Facebook is a bit of a problem for me right now too. I appreciate and support people who are striving to raise awareness about their respective causes. I have reached a point, however, where seeing more images of police brutality, domestic violence, and animal cruelty is leaving me anxious and feeling somewhat triggered. (Yay, PTSD! /sarcasm) As Facebook has been my primary social interface of late, I'm reluctant to step away from it because my social interactions are heavily limited outside of the internet.

I'm not sure what to do to build my off-line presence. In my local area, there is a lot of stuff that goes on about the time that Beloved is due to get out of work. Much of it is stuff that I'm not interested in, but the few things that have caught my eye are usually enough out of the way that I would need the car. Never mind the fact that I would need someone to watch the kids. I was going to PEACE group at the church up the road for a while last spring. Then summer had them meeting at places that I couldn't get to and we fell out of the habit of attending.

I feel like there is no way for me to build relationships in my area. It is a very disheartening feeling. I suppose I could start going to one of the local churches but I am really uncomfortable with that idea. One, the churches around me are fairly conservative branches of Christianity and I really don't want to deal with the problems that would come from my pagan presence. Two, my ideology is very different from theirs and I feel like I would be inviting trouble to go when I am such of a radically different stance. Third, I don't want my children being indoctrinated into a faith that no one in the house practices and the mindset that is opposed to what Beloved and I believe. (He may be indifferent to religion, but his politics are as liberal as mine.)

I don't know what I'm going to do. I know that this weekend, my dear friends in Buffalo are celebrating Yule and I will be attending that. And the last Sunday of the month (the timing of which amuses me), a dear friend and her family in Rochester are celebrating Yule and I will be attending that. As for the rest, I think we'll be attending stuff with my side of the family and Beloved's parents next week. The kids and I will pay a flying visit to our friends up the road on Monday. Aside from that, we don't really have plans for the break.

I find myself a bit saddened that we just don't have the means to take a vacation because I would love to get away from this cold. I confess, I am a little envious of the folks who take vacations this time of year off to places like Florida or Phoenix where you're more concerned about sunburn rather then if you're wearing enough layers to stay warm. Ah well, we do what we can with what we have.

Saving a recipe from Facebook

Reportedly, this is a viking recipe.

Water
Chopped apple
Apple  leaves
Honey

Heat the apple pieces and leaves in water until boiling. Sweeten with honey and serve hot.

I'm going to try this (sans leaves) tomorrow as I am baking bread. I will report back if it is as tasty as it sounds in theory.

** Edited to Add **

I didn't have leaves but I did chop up and apple and throw it into a pot of water to boil. I think the next time I attempt this, I am going to use more apples because it was a really weakly flavored result with what I did. If I had cooking apples, I suspect it would have worked out better as well. So, my next attempt will be a ratio of 1:1 apples to water, where as I had used 1:2.

Getting ready for Yule.

Today, we decorated the Yule tree that Beloved's folks were so kind to give us. The kids were merrily singing Christmas carols with their aunt (who had stopped by after work just for this reason) as they decorated the tree. I pretty much spent my time holding the tree steady and handing people ornaments.

It was a pleasant afternoon. We baked cookies and sent my sister-in-law off with some when she left. I offered her some of the stew that I had made for dinner but apparently she had plans to eat out with her parents.

At school, the boys are getting progressively more excited for the holidays. They were thrilled with we got the tree yesterday (my father in law and my sister in law brought it over right when the boys got home from school). Baking cookies this afternoon had them talking about leaving some out for Odin. I think the biggest challenge will be keeping them from playing with the tree.

I have 90% of my Yule crafting done. I've got a train to make for Snuggle Bug and I'm going to whip together a few fancy towel toppers for my aunt and uncle. I don't know what I'm going to do for my brothers or my parents. I'm leaning towards making a dozen cookies for each and calling it done. For my eldest niece, I am going to give her some jewelery. I don't have the time to make her another hat and I honestly think she may be getting tired of handmade things. I might make the jewelery myself or I may find something in the hoard of stuff that I have left from when I was attempting to set up a business on Etsy.

Last week, I officially threw in the towel on that endeavor. I realized that I just didn't have the bandwidth to do that and get started with taking my writing as a career. It was either do both things poorly or sacrifice one to do the other well. As writing is my passion, the choice was naturally the Etsy shop. It may happen that some point down the road I will attempt it again. I may even attempt that Keen stuff again next year. (Social phobia has pretty much made that a no-go.)

Right now, I'm just focusing on getting through the holidays with as much grace as I can manage, even though I haven't been feeling particularly festive. I'm still feeling the loss of my grandfather. It is hard to believe that this will be the second Christmas with out him. If we can manage not to have anyone sick over the holiday, then we might make it to both my side of the family and Beloved's side of the family gatherings on Christmas day. Some of my pagan friends are planning celebrations for Yule. I want to go to that, but I'm not sure which one will fit into the schedule.

It seems to be the case with so much stuff right now. It is part of the reason why I don't exactly enjoy the holidays. It's always so busy that I feel like I can't breathe. And there feels like there is so much pressure to give just the right gift, always wear a happy face, and make other people happy. It is exhausting. Ah well, it only comes once a year, so I suppose there is that small mercy.

Earned my cup of tea!

Like the nice lady in the picture to the right, I have earned myself a cup of tea. While my mug may not be as big as hers, I am just as enthusiastic about having it. Last week, when I was grocery shopping, I bought a package of loose leaf tea. I've been making my own 'tea pods' to use in the Senseo coffee maker. Making my own pods means I can use different coffee and loose leaf tea in the Senseo. It's something I've been really enjoying.

November was a very busy month for me. I was doing National Novel Writing Month. Granted, I have written novels in other months, NaNoWriMo holds a special spot in my heart. It taught me that I can write a book in a month (One year, I manage to write two even!) and that I can produce quality work at that pace.

I started doing NaNoWriMo with Stargazer a few years after I had graduated from college. I was vaguely aware of National Blog Posting Month from Stargazer's regular updates to her Livejournal. When she mentioned NaNoWriMo, I decided to take the plunge. While she was writing Gundam Wing fanfiction, I set to work on writing the sixth version of the first book in my fantasy series. As I watched my word count numbers climb, I started getting excited. She started getting excited. It was a beautiful thing.

Now that NaNoWriMo is done, I'm taking a break from the fantasy series. So far this year, I have written three books in the series. While a part of me is itching to get to work on book six, I'm stepping away from it for a little while so that I can take a mental break from it. Now, I'm working on writing my memoirs and this is proving to be a lot more challenging then writing fiction. It strikes me as a rather contrary thing, to be honest. I don't have to do the work of creating a new world and people for it. All I am doing is recording my memories.

At the same time, this is a grueling process. Partly because I have a great deal of past trauma that I have wound up writing about. And partly because I am finding it difficult to express the 3d quality of the memories. As I am a bit of a masochist, I have decided to write this monster by hand. I started work on it on the first. As of today, I am about twelve pages in. My goal is to write three pages a day.

Honestly, I feel like it is a reasonable goal, even if life got in the way for a few days. At the same time, I am working hard on my writing in other areas of my life as well. I have resumed writing in my journal. Right now, all I can manage is one page in fifteen minutes. I feel woefully out of practice writing by hand. Still, I know that page count will go up as I get back into the swing of things. I have also resumed writing my 'morning pages' as suggested in the book The Artist's Way. I'm making my morning pages do double duty, as I am writing them in my therapy journal.

I have been letting several of my blogs languish for a while now. I want to get back to writing in them, so I am returning to my writing schedule that I had last spring. I recognize that I may not hit 100% on them, especially with the holidays going on and my finishing up my crafting work. It is, however, a goal that I want to accomplish by the end of the year. My thinking is, if I can write 50K+ in a month, I can parcel that out to different projects. It gives me the opportunity to work on different things and still keep a manuscript in the works.

I believe that I will save editing for a summer endeavor. As soon as I can manage to find the space, I will be hooking up my printer and printing off hard copies of my manuscripts. While editing on the computer is easier in some respects, I think that editing a printed copy is going to be more portable and user friendly when the kids are on break from school.

But, that is what's on my mind right now. I hope that you all are having a wonderful day. Enjoy your own cup of tea or coffee or whatever beverage strikes your fancy. I think you've earned a few minutes to kick back and relax too. :)

Nostalgia and yarn.

I've been listening to music from the 90s and the 00s this morning. I spent some of my morning trying to get this fiber I carded to work up well for some yarn. It has lots of halo to it and is proving more difficult to spin then I thought it would. I find myself wondering if I should have gone with a different method, like perhaps borrowed my Mother in Law's viking combs.

When I got frustrated with that, I set it aside and started trying to work on a snood out of this gold colored thread that I have. I kept managing to make a very airy hyperbolic shape rather then the bag shape that a snood needs to be. It got frustrating so I set that aside. Now I am posting here. I'm doing all this stuff because I am kinda mentally stuck on what to do next with Edge of Night (the working title for the manuscript I've been writing this month).

I think when I hit post for this thing, I'm going to give working on it a shot. I'm no longer working towards a specific wordcount goal. I hit that day before yesterday. Now I'm just trying to finish the story. The problem is, I'm getting tired of the way this story is unfolding.

Snowmageddon, bookwork, and life.

If you haven't been under a rock, then you have heard about the major lake effect event that took place in my neck of the woods. Folks with snow literally higher then their heads and such. Well, we are well east of that business. The hills shelter us pretty well from lake effect off of Lake Ontario, which is closer to us. If you go a few miles north of us, you'll be at a spot that gets hit with it but only a couple miles away you have us.

Where south Buffalo and the majority of Erie county got hammered with snow from that event, we got a light dusting. I'm kinda curious how much snow they got up on the Tug Hill plateau off at the eastern end of Lake Ontario. Usually, they're the ones with the huge numbers from snowstorms. I suspect that Erie county has won the snow 'rally' that goes on between different places along the lake before it even got started. I mean, there are people who got in the span of 48 hours the amount of snow they usually get over the course of the whole season.

I was kinda concerned about my sister in law. She lives off in Attica (yes, that Attica). From what she's told me, the snow wasn't over 5 feet, so I guess they didn't get hit too hard. They have all their storm supplies so they're good for waiting until everything is cleared out. There was a bit of a scare when one of her aunts was stuck on the side of the road for most of the first day of the snow event. They got out and made it to the fire department before they were completely buried by the snow. Hopefully when the road gets plowed, their car won't get any taps from the plow. I don't know how the insurance company would handle that.

I've been quiet on here because I have been pouring pretty much all of my creative effort into the book I'm writing. Last night, I finished my word count goal for the month (50 k). I'm not done writing this thing yet, however. I am only a little past half through my plot map for the book. My goal now is to finish it before the end of the month. I surprised myself yesterday by writing almost 10 k. While today is not going to be optimal for such big word counts, I am going to try to do as much as I can with what time I have today.

I have no idea how many pages or what my final word count for this thing will be. I don't think it will be over 100 k but I may be wrong. I'm still kinda amazed that I accomplished that yesterday. Before then, the most I had written in one day was 6 k. It makes me wonder if next year I can bang out a novel in a week. Crazy thought, but I almost think I can do it. That is if my mental health state lets me.

I'm writing this while the kids are eating breakfast and we're waiting for the bus. I'm going to start trying to post in the morning at about this time so that I get back into the habit of posting on here. I want to restart posting to my various blogs. I figure this one is the most mundane of them. Thus, this one will be the easiest to start posting to again. At one point, I had a schedule for when I posted to my blogs over the week and I allowed myself time to work on my manuscripts too. After the end of November, I'm going to start doing that again. Or at least, I'm going to try to.

Homespun Holidays: Valentine's Day

It is Valentine's Day and you forgot to get your sweetheart a gift. Don't buy a box of chocolates and call it a day. Take a few minutes and make this year's celebration something memoriable by adding some personal touches. A few minutes of effort goes a long way.

Write them a Love Letter
Love letters have been around for as long as there has been some form of writing. In today's world of text messages and internet memes, there is something to be said for the romance of an old fashioned pen and paper letter. Sometimes it is difficult to put down on paper what you wish to say. It is very easy to get caught up in the temptation to give up on a letter because you feel like it is poorly written. While there is something to be said for good grammar and proper spelling, the real heart of this exercise is to put down what you feel for the person you're writing.

Allow yourself to be as wordy or as brief as you wish. Sometimes a few short lines will do a better job of expressing what you feel then what a novella could. Three important things to remember about your love letter to be successful are legiblity, honesty, and emotion. When you write your letter, use your best handwriting. If this means you write out a draft and copy it over, do so. You want your beloved to beable to read your words of admiration and esteem. Honesty and emotion go hand in hand.

As awkward as it might feel to be emotionally expressive, let those feelings of love pour out on the page. The fact that you were willing to put down in black and white what you feel will mean the world to the recipient of the letter. It speaks of the high degree of trust to allow yourself to be so vulnerable with them.

Make a Play List
Shakespeare once said "Music be the food of love." Music has a very strong emotional pull for humanity. You have several options for when you produce a play list for your beloved. One is to put one together of music that reminds you of them. Another option is to assemble a play list of music that evokes special times from your relationship. An example of this would be a play list that included the song that was playing when you met, the song that you shared your first dance to, and the music from your children's first birthday parties.

Love Coupons
If you have a stack of blank notecards and a pen, you can make a quick and simple Valentine's Day gift that can add some smolder to your special day. On one side of the card, write down something special that you could do for your sweetheart. Decorate the otherside with hearts and then wait for them to take you up on your offers.

Imagination means that the sky is the limit with these 'coupons'. You can list anything from a nice relaxing foot rub to picking up household chores they hate to do to more intimate things.

Stick Figure Lovestory Comic
Just because you're not an artist doesn't mean that you can't make a creative little comic to celebrate your love. By using the most basic of stick figures, you can tell the story of your relationship by drawing out the major events that lead up to the present day. Speech bubbles that capture memorable statements and thoughts can help make the story more detailed. If your stick figures are colored in with various colored markers, it will add to the naive look of this simple gift. For extra sentimentality, put your comic into an inexpensive frame and give it to your beloved wrapped up in fancy paper.

Read Poetry to them
There is an amazing number of love poems that have been written. Indeed, works from antiquity into the modern day that address virtually all forms of love are available. Pick two or three that you feel best describe the tone and nature of your relationship. It is always a wonderful touch to have the poems printed out for them to read along with you.
Valentine's Day is a wonderful holiday for celebrating love in all of its many forms. A few minutes of time and a little creativity, it is possible to take even the most mundane of potential gifts and elevate it to something truly special.

Snow Queen

The snow fell thickly in the darkening night,
Over head, shone the Moon, cold and bright.
The frosty wind sighs and icles gleam,
Jack Frost strides about, herald of the Snow Queen.
Woman of frozen beauty with rainments white,
She drives her chariot in on that snowy night.
Blizzard's call and her eagles' cry rattle the lock,
Waking a boy-child with the Midnight clock.

Woe, oh, woe to you, little man-kin!
Heed not her siren call, for you shall be taken.
But sorrow heaps upon sorrow,
For the little wee man shall be home no more on the 'morrow.
The Snow Queen holds the boy in her thrall.
Trappe in her glittering, enchanted hall,
Bound by fascination and the pain of heartbreak,
The child Kay resides in a snow castle by an icy lake.

The boy left his mother's loving arms
To follow that cold Queen and her charms.
Forsaking friends and family in ensorcelled bitterness,
Kay wandered the white wilderness,
Hoping for the Snow Queen to wake
And from noisome happiness this child take.

Fair weather friends thought little of his loss,
A lesson to those who think gold in so much dross.
In their minds they cared for him but scarcely a bit
Casually wounding one who loved him to the quick.

In Springtide, little Gret would play
And gather the early blooms with young Kay.
With Summer's call, the children dance and sing
Playing in the blessed faery ring.
The Snow Queen stole away young Kay but last night.

Good Ladies, dear and sweet,
Blessed faery maids sought little Gret where she weeps.
Silvered, starry voices chime and sing
Speaking of Kay and Gret's sorrowing.
Bestowing blessings and thru magic's might
The Faery maids lift Gret alight,
They name the dear girl friend,
and cry for her to wend
Away thru the bitter snow and icy night
To free the boy whom she crowned faery knight,
To pluck from his heart the thorns of cold misery,
For this would melt the Queen's hold surely.

3/23/11

Homespun Holidays: Birthdays

Ah, birthdays! As children, we often anticipate a fantastic party. The part of the birthday that we focused on the most, however, were the presents, right? When we get older, we often feel a desire to revisit the wonderful fun of our childhood birthday parties at the same time we rebel against the idea of getting older. From age 2 to 92, there are a few simple rules to keep in mind with birthday presents:

• The gift is from you to the recipient. Don't hesitate to put your unique twist on it.
• The best gifts truly are from the heart.
• Gifts that are practical as well as fun/beautiful will always be well received.

In the case of a young child, the birthday gift that is heavily focused upon the practical is not going to be enjoyed immediately. It may even provoke some anger. Gifts that are toys or related to the currently popular trend for the age group can draw the ire of parents. Gift giving to children can be a fine line to walk, but success is not entirely impossible!

If the child has a favorite activity, it is possible to incorporate this into the gift. For example, my eldest child loves trucks. He has enough toy trucks in the living room that walking from one side to the other can be potentially lethal in the middle of the night if they're not all put away at the end of the day. His birthday is coming up and there is a very real need to have a better method of putting his toys away.
A little glue, a few magazines, and a range of different sized shoe boxes are all that is needed to make an excellent gift for him in the course of an afternoon. Cut out pictures of cars and trucks, as well as construction related signs, to fix on the boxes and you have a fantastic storage solution. It also makes for a bright and colorful addition to his room. With a few pages of paper, a hole punch, more car pictures, glue, and some string, it's possible to make a flip book of cars to slip into one of the boxes.

Now, this may sound to be a fine gift for a toddler, but older children may be offended by this simplistic gift. The same creativity applied to a slightly more sophisticated version brings the gift into the school age realm. An old tool box that has been cleaned up, primed, and repainted in the child's favorite color can make an excellent place to store school supplies, craft materials, or the odds and ends that are treasured possessions of the child in question. A large piece of plywood can be transformed into a place to hang hats and sweaters, even as it is continuing the theme of the child's favorite interests.

My eldest neice loves the color pink and has started learning to cook. She is one of the infamously fickle 'tweens' who are nearly impossible to shop for. Here, it's good to encourage the learning of a life long skill (cooking) even as we acknowledge her tastes. Cutting out and sewing an apron from an old flat sheet is simply a start. Taking the fabric and tie-dying it adds dimension to it. This can then be further enhanced with iron-on embellishments, fabric paints, or sewing on interesting buttons. The excess fabric from the sheet, dyed to match the apron, can then be used to cover an inexpensive note book which will be a cooking journal.

The concept of a matched set of cooking gear is one that can be applied for teens and adults. The same can be said for gardening or similar activities. In this case, the apron and journal set could possibly be expanded to include matching hot mitts or hot pads by cutting out and sewing the excess fabric around some batting or an old towel cut to size. When the person's interests fall outside of the home or simply can not be accommodated in such a simple fashion, the challenge then turns to finding something that connects you to them.

I believe the best example that I can think of to solving this dilemma can be found in the gift that my husband gave his mother for her birthday this year. It was the gift of his time. My husband volunteered to help her with her gardening this summer. His mother is an avid gardener with arthritic knees. To say the least, she was delighted by the offer and next month will be putting him to work planting a rosebush. This type of gift is perhaps one of the best to give when viewed in the light of the economy.

Giving your time and effort doesn't just have to be in the way of giving your friends and family free labor. It can also reach into frivolous and silly things. I had given one of my nieces the gift of my being her personal storyteller for a month. It taxed my imagination to come up with a month's worth of stories about pigs, but it is something that she deeply appreciated. The trick in giving the gift of your time is to make sure it is done in a way that you can carry out the commitment. Scheduling and knowing your limitations is always important.

Most of all, however, taking the opportunity to tell the birthday person how much you love and celebrate them is vital. While you may feel that taking your 96 year old grandmother out for ice cream on Sunday afternoon is the most foolish gift you could give and that it should have been that fantastic massaging chair that was well outside of your price range, I assure you that your grandmother will be happier with spending time with you. Birthdays are about celebrating the person and expressing your good wishes for the up coming year.

Homespun Holidays: Mother's Day

Ah, we all love Mom! She's done so very much for us that we love to express our appreciation. Sometimes, however, Mom is the hardest person to shop for. If your Mom is anything like my Mother-In-Law, her answer to the question 'What would you like?' is usually 'Oh, nothing. I'm just happy with you doing so well!' Don't let that answer fool you, because Mom loves to get pampered and be surprised with gifts. Mother's Day, her birthday, or Christmas, these ideas can help you put together one of the best surprises for Mom this year with no need to go to the store and buy something.

From the Kids

We may remember giving Mom a fistful of dasies from the front yard or covering the refridgerator with artwork in Mom's honor. These time honored gifts of appreciation from children are going to always have a special place in Mom's heart. Sometimes, we want to get children into the spirit of giving Mom a nice surprise but it's hard to pick what the best thing is because of the age of the child in question. Using that fantastic natural creativity and imagination, kids can do some truly amazing things that will be cherished for years.

Babies, Toddlers, and Pre-schoolers

The youngest member of the family doesn't need to be kept out of the fun of surprising Mom. Very young babies lack the motor control and coordination to do any art work, but with a little help a lovely gift can be put together. A dab of non-toxic water washable paint can be spread across the baby's hand (or foot) before being pressed to a sheet of paper. That hand (or foot) print can be framed when dry with a printed poem devoted to the special bond between Mother and baby.

A little creativity can also turn foot prints into butterflies and hand prints into turkeys with a few strokes of the brush or gluing on a few snips of colored paper. This creates a special work of art that not only honors Mom but is a precious keepsake of a fleeting time of life. Older babies (1 to 2 years old) can take more independent action with art supplies. Large crayons and finger paints, when supervised, can provide a great deal of entertainment. With any art activity at this age, it is most likely going to be messy and you need to make sure that the child doesn't ingest their art supplies.

Toddlers and preschoolers (3 - 4 years old) have enough skill to begin making their own artistic masterpeices. This is where a little bit extra effort can make the special gift drawing stand out from the myriad that have taken over the refridgerator. Purchasing an inexpensive picture frame, decorating it, and placing the drawing into the frame elevates that picture out of the pile and into the something special category. Making a batch of salt-dough and baking it to give the sculpture of your budding Michelangelo permanence. Artistic efforts of the littlest ones need not be the only gift available from them. Having the child pick out their favorite picture of themselves with their mother and a frame is also an excellent option.

School Age Children

School age children are generally more independent and self-reliant than their younger counterparts. The benefits of this fact far out weigh the fustrations that come along with this fact, especially in the gift giving department. Take time to talk to your child about the special occasion for Mom, because their ideas may be far better then any of the suggestions here. If you and your child are at a loss for ideas, consider the following:

• Mommy Time Coupons - Take a stack of 3x5 cards (or colored paper cut to size), colorful markers, a hole punch, and a length of string. Punch several cards and tie together. On each card, write: This card entitles the bearer to ______ minutes of Mommy Time to be used at any time. Fill in on the blank a length of time that seems reasonable. 15 to 30 minutes seems to be popular with the school age children that I know. Mommy Time is a special block of time that Mom can have un-interrupted.
• Flower Cookies - Using a basic recipe for sugar cookies and a tulip shaped cookie cutter, make a dozen cookies. Frost with brightly colored frosting and wrap with clear plastic wrap. Secure the plastic wrap on the back/unfrosted side of the cookie with a small peice of freezer tape. Tape a popsicle stick to the back of the cookie. Gather the cookie flowers together and place in Mom's favorite coffee cup for presentation.
• Dinner Delight # 1 - Have the child help in preparing Mom's favorite meal for dinner and setting the table. When the meal is finished, have the child help with clean up. The more effort the child put into helping cook, the less they should do on clean up this way they don't feel like they're getting all of the burden.
• Dinner Delight # 2 - Have the child help plan and prepare a special dinner for Mom.
• Special Helper Coupons - Similar to the Mommy Time coupons, the Special Helper coupons are for the child to give Mom the gift of their time and effort. On the coupons write: This card entitles the bearer to 1 Special Helper to be used at any time. Similar coupons can be made for household chores that the child can complete on their own but are not usually part of their assigned tasks.

Teens and Adult Children

Teenagers want to take on the world like the young adults they are. The gifts they give to show their appreciation of Mom should reflect this. While it may not be possible to go out and buy Mom a stunning diamond tennis bracelet, there are plenty of options available. In giving jewlery or any other very personalized gift, like perfume, it is important to keep the tastes of the person recieving the gift in mind. If Mom hates the color yellow with a passion, getting her something that is yellow may not be the best idea. The same holds true for clothing (setting aside the challenge of making sure it's something that would fit right).

A good option is to choose something that reminds the giver of the person who is recieving the gift in a flattering way. It truly is the thought that counts in gift giving, not the price tag. Homemade gifts are almost always near the top of the list of favorite gifts recieved. Consider the many simple and quickly assembled gift ideas available in your home. A special pillowcase with a unique design drawn on to it with fabric marker is just as lovely as a batch of decadent homemade brownies.

Many times, the biggest and best gift that can be given to Mom is a heartfelt letter telling her how much she is loved and how thankful you are for her. It may not be half as fancy as the two dozen roses in a crystal vase or the luxurious weekend away at a stylish spa, but it will be something that she will treasure. Hand delivered or sent by mail, the letter describing your love for Mom and some of your favorite memories featuring her from your childhood will make you a gift giving hero.

Unexpected Blessings

I should have known, I should have expected it.
Yet, here we are
You're in my life
And the world has turned around
Hand to hold
Will you be shy or bold?
Courage in your blood
Beauty in your bones
And  a head full of wits
How shall you grow?
Time are hard again
Yet you've come
Answered my deepest prayers
Answering fear with fecudancy
Reminding me
I am the strength of the Earth
How shall I come to know you?
Welcome, little one,
The world is hard and cold
But you'll always have my hand to hold.

From 2008, shortly after I learned I was pregnant with Snuggle Bug.

Homespun Holidays: Gifts for the Gourmet

With the holiday season beginning at Thanksgiving, it can be a little hair-raising to see what gifts are touted for the gourmet cooks in our lives. The various gadgets and wondrous cooking devices that strangely resemble Medieval torture devices to the untrained eye are usually priced high enough that they may as well be equipment for making a poor soul suffer unspeakable agony. Fortunately, however, there are a few simple gifts that are always well received by any cook, gourmet or not.

Flavored Vinegars & Oils

For the cost of a few pretty bottles and herbs, it is possible to put together a gift that appears to be far more expensive and is virtually effortless. When making flavored vinegars or oils, it is best to allow them to cure in a separate jar before bottling. This eliminates mess and allows you to strain your liquids before bottling, thus ensuring a clear fluid in the bottle 90% of the time. Prior to making any of the following items, be sure that all of your equipment is scrupulously clean.

Rosemary Vinegar

Rosemary is one of those lovely potted herbs that are available for sale just about everywhere right now because it is popular to use for a live Christmas tree. Make sure that you are getting Rosemary, if you're choosing to use sprigs of fresh Rosemary from the plant itself. (I highly suggest this as the bush is wonderfully fragrant and an excellent investment if you do any herbal gardening!) If you are not purchasing the plant, it is possible to buy sprigs of Rosemary from the grocery store's produce section in most large grocery stores. Failing this, take a small steel tea ball and put one to two pinches of whole dried Rosemary leaves in it.

Fill a 2 quart jar with white vinegar and place two sprigs of Rosemary in (or your tea ball). Cover with the lid and place in a cool dark location until shortly before Christmas eve. (Roughly 1 month.) At this time, retrieve the vinegar and pour it into a bowl. Strain the herbs out of the liquid and discard. Pour your vinegar into your cleaned and sterilized bottles, cap, and seal with a bit of wax dripped on top.

Attach your label with a ribbon and you've finished the gift. Fine bottles to use for giving flavored vinegars are wine bottles. Make sure, however, that you have cleaned and sterilized the bottle, as well as removed the label. A sprig of dried Rosemary can be added to the vinegar at the time of bottling for decorative purposes or tied to the label.

Chili Oil

Chili oil is quite versatile and can be a wonderful accompaniment to many savory winter dishes. Make sure that the dried chilies that you choose are well cleaned and not too hot for the person you're giving this gift to. In a cleaned and sterilized 2 quart jar, place two chilies. If you would like for the chili flavor to be even stronger, add three. Cover tightly and place in a cool, dark place for two weeks at minimum. As with bottling the Rosemary vinegar, strain the chilies out and discard. Keeping the chilies in the oil will add greater amount of the volatile oils within the chilies (the sources of the flavor) to the oil and make the flavor more pronounced.

Bottle, cap, and seal as with the Rosemary vinegar. Thread a chili onto the ribbon affixing the label to your flavored oil.

Chili HoHo

This is a Colonial style vinegar and is quite potent. Completely fill a clean bottle dried pequin chilies. Then pour in enough white vinegar to cover the chilies. Cover and place in a cool, dark place for at least two weeks, shaking occasionally. Once the liquid has taken on a rich red color, you are now ready to seal and label your gift. This can be made using gin, sherry, or vodka in place of vinegar. Be sure to warn the gourmet cook receiving this gift that it should be used sparingly. As the Chili HoHo is used, more vinegar or alcohol can be added.

Spice Sachets

A square of cheesecloth, a length of butcher's twine, and some of the spices in your kitchen leads to a basket full of additions to soups, stews, and roasts that will make your chef smile in appreciation. Using dried whole herbs rather then powdered is best. Given below are some spice mixtures for you to use.

Boquet Garni

• Basil
• Parsley
• Thyme
• Bay
• Tarragon
• Peppercorn

Italian

• Rosemary
• Basil
• Marjoram
• Thyme
• Oregano

Equipment Boquet

Every cook knows the value of a good wooden spoon. We also know that eventually, our favorite wooden spoon is going to break, our rubber tipped spatula will look like it was used by a poodle puppy for teething, and the wire whisk is going to rust. As such, buying the cook in your life a few good quality wooden spoons, a spatula, and one or two other commonly used cooking implements will be appreciated. Tied together with a pretty ribbon and given in an inexpensive vase, large jar, or pretty and inexpensive oversized mug not only gives them replacements for when their cherished tools are used up but a place to keep them.

A Cooking Journal

One of my most treasured possessions is my cooking journal. It's different from a mere cookbook because I not only have recipes in there but also menus, shopping lists, and my notes as to what food allergies my family has. Nothing is more helpful then knowing what your neice will absolutely always refuse or that your sister-in-law is deathly allergic to shellfish when you are planning a dinner.

If you choose, it is possible to make the cooking journal a little more wonderful then a tab-divided notebook. With a little bit of time and creativity, the journal can be made to look more like a scrap book with pictures and pretty details. If you choose to take more of a scrap book approach, I highly advise you go the distance with it. Purchase page protector sleeves and use either an actuall scrap book or a three ring binder to hold it all together.

I, personally, would opt for the binder because it will be less expensive then trying to locate a pretty and yet durable scrap book cover. If you wish to personalize the cover, use a three ring binder with pockets on the covers and bindings which will allow you to add your own artwork to it. The sleeve protectors will make it easy to keep the cooking journal/scrap book in good condition as well as they're incredibly easy to wipe spills off of.

Your Own Cookbook

If you are like me, half of the family clamors for about half of the recipies that you have made. Make a list of those recipies and sit down at the computer, folks! You've got the makings of a quick and easy cookbook. Type up the recipies, throw in a few cute pictures from clip art, and fire up the printer. Binding them with staples is the easiest thing in the world and your gift can be done in an hour. If you have decided to give some one a cooking journal, it is possible to add your cookbook to it by simply punching the pages and slipping them into the binder.

Reject the Holiday Hype

    I suppose I should warn you, I don't like having holiday advertising everywhere. It's not so much that I hate the holidays as it is that I hate the hype. Last I checked, the Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving was as much of a myth as the Tooth Fairy. Oh, that post-card perfect Christmas, complete with everyone dressed in red velvet with white trim? That's not real except for as a picture, so don't get sucked into it either.

     I'm not sure why everyone is bombarded with demands from advertising campaigns everywhere that we buy mass produced garbage... erm, truck loads of the latest toys for the children who are even remotely in our lives. I'm not sure why there's something assumed to be wrong in your relationship if your significant other doesn't give you some exotic and incredibly expensive gift. If you're a woman, you're supposed to be draped in diamonds and other precious gemstones, wearing cashmere and generally looking like something out of a high end luxury catalog. If you're a man, you're supposed to have all of the fabulous and fascinating gadgets available this season.

     I don't know about you, but these unwritten rules and the laundry list of others that get thrown at us every year by the advertising campaigns are crazy. Actually, crazy isn't the right term and the one which comes to mind as I sit here writing this is far too vulgar to use, so we'll have to just leave that there. I find it incredibly demeaning to see this high consumerist and spoiled self-entitlement attitude being promoted everywhere you turn.

     This year, we are getting a reprieve, so I can't say it's as bad as it usually is. There is one good thing that has come out of the insanity of the current economic crisis and the political ugliness of the campaigns leading up to the election earlier this month, they didn't start bombarding us immediately after Columbus Day with advertising. With Thanksgiving coming up, however, we're hearing the ads singing the praises of spending like it is going out of style for 'Black Friday' creeping up.

     As we move into the holiday season, folks, let's do our best not to get sucked into the hype. Don't feel guilty if you can't afford that deluxe widget for that overpriced thingamajig that you gave the guy in your life. The same item that has sat on the shelf in it's original packaging ever since it got unwrapped on his birthday. Don't assume that you need to give the kids those outlandishly expensive toys that need forty billion batteries and about eight different sizes.

     The whole hype is a scam. Your holidays are perfect as they are because you put love into them. You may not have the 'perfect' family portrait or a pile of gifts that reaches up to hip height in the middle of the room. That's ok. Your Thanksgiving turkey may be a little bit over cooked and the stuffing on the dry side. This doesn't matter. What matters is you are with the ones you love and that you celebrate the bonds of family and friendship, not the image of the holidays that gets forced down our throats by the advertising campaigns.

(I originally posted this back in 2008. I think it still is relevant.)

Homespun Holidays: Gifts from the Kitchen

    Isn't the kitchen a wonderful place during the holidays? Filled with the wonderful scents of baked goodies, fantastic dinners, and (at least around my place) about half of your guests who want to visit while you're cooking. (If you're evil like I am, you may even put a few of them to work too!) The kitchen need not only be the place where food is prepared, dishes and pots washed, and the staging area for all holiday gatherings in your home. If you simply can not afford to go out and buy all the gifts you wish to give, you can make them in between cooking up a storm in there.
 
     Some of these projects may require a bit of time, but the results have always proven worth it for me. If you have small children, you will find that some of these projects are ones that you can do with them. Please, please take the time to do so if you can. Among my most cherished memories from my childhood are the memories of making Christmas presents for my extended family. This may also be true for the children in your life.

Salt Clay Ornaments & Baskets

     If you have ever used the play-clay that's out on the market you already know how to use salt clay. There are quite a few variations to this wonderful kitchen creation. The recipe that I am giving you is for baking in your oven however if you add a few tablespoons of cooking oil it can be stored in an air tight container and used for play-clay for several weeks.

     In a large mixing bowl, combine two cups of plain flour, one cup of salt, and two cups of water. Mix this together until a stiff dough is formed. Turn this salt clay out onto a counter top or other flat surface and knead a few times. Once the dough is smooth, you are ready to begin making your ornaments.

     Roll out your salt clay until it is roughly a 1/4 of an inch to a 1/2 inch thick. Thicker then this and your ornaments will crack as they bake in the oven. Using cookie cutters, cut out your desired ornaments. With a pencil, poke a hole where you wish to hang your ornament. Then place the ornaments upon a foil lined cookie tray, making sure they are not touching. If your ornaments are a 1/2 inch thick, you will want to prick them all over with a fork to ensure even drying when they bake.

     Heat your oven to 300 degrees Fahrenheit. Bake for one hour or until the ornaments are golden colored and hard. Remove the ornaments to a cooling rack to allow them to cool enough that they can be handled comfortably. Then paint, spray with varnish (Hair spray can be used in a pinch!), and, when everything is dry, thread a ribbon or a length of yarn thru the hole you made with your pencil. Your ornament is now ready for hanging up or giving.

      If you wish, spices can be added to the salt clay to scent it or food coloring can be added to give the clay itself color. The use of food coloring to color the salt clay is not very effective if you are making ornaments as it fades significantly upon baking. When using salt clay with children, keep an eye out as to how much they may try to eat. While salt clay is non-toxic, it will still give your child a stomach ache if they eat it. (Though I don't know why they'd eat it because it tastes horrid.)

     If you have bowls that are oven safe, they work quite well for the next project. Take your salt clay and cut it into several narrow strips. Then coat the out side of a bread pan (or a bowl) with non-stick spray. Place strips of salt clay over the pan's widest portion on the bottom. Weave thru them a sufficent number of strips of salt clay to allow space for weaving along the narrower dimension of the pan.

     Taking the remaining strips of salt clay, weave around the bread pan until it is covered. When you require strips of greater length then what you have available, it is possible to join two strips of salt clay with a small amount of water and a little kneading. Once the bread pan is covered with salt clay, bake in the oven for an hour or until golden colored and hard. As with the ornaments, this basket can be painted and covered in varnish.

Cookies in a Jar

     Everyone loves cookies. While it may be wonderful to give a tin full of home made cookies as a gift, not everyone has the time to bake them. Here is where a little bit of recycling and a little bit of cooking collide. Take a two quart glass jar and clean it well. (Depending upon the brand of spaghetti sauce you buy, it is possible that you have canning jars in disguise! If you don't have one, canning jars are incredibly inexpensive and available at most grocery stores.) It is a very good idea to soak the label off of your jar while you are cleaning it.

     Measure out the dry ingredients to make a single batch of your favorite or most popular type of cookie. Layer them in your clean and dry jar. Screw the top onto the jar. Cut out a small piece of scrap fabric (or a piece of wrapping paper, but fabric works better) large enough to cover the top of the jar and part of the sides. On a 3 x 5 index card with a hole punched in the corner, write the complete recipe down. With a length of butcher's twine, tie the fabric to the top of the jar, slip the recipe card onto the twine, and then tie with a pretty bow.

     The same principle for Cookies in a Jar can be used for Soup in a Jar. Instead of the dry components for a batch of cookies, fill the jar with an assortment of dried beans sorted by color and then attach a recipe card with directions for how to make bean soup. It is a good idea to layer the beans by color but if you desire a more mottled appearance, don't sort them but rather fill the jar with the beans at random. Always check your dried beans to make sure that your beans are free of stones.

Kitchen Devil

     One of the little things that has proven amazingly popular in my gift giving experience is a kitchen devil. I know this sounds like a funny name for a bit of string with dried chilies attached, but who am I to argue with tradition. Some people like to use just dried chilies while others also add small bundles of cinnamon sticks to the string as well. If you are giving a kitchen devil as a gift, it can be paired with a jar of kidney beans and a recipe for chilli. When doing anything with chilies, be careful not to touch your face and make sure you wash your hands.
     The active agent in chili peppers is the basis of that pepper spray used to chase away muggers, wild animals, and charging drunks. Even though your peppers are dried, the oils are still present and they should be handled with care. There is a wide range of chili peppers that can be used in making a kitchen devil. The variety that I have found most popular are the jalapeno peppers. They are also more mild then some of the other peppers available and generally less expensive as well. Make sure that the person receiving the kitchen devil is aware that they should hang it away from the stove, the sink, or other places where a great deal of moisture is present. This helps preserve the kitchen devil longer.

Homespun Holidays: Gifts

It is almost time for the holiday madness to begin. Some people will start putting up their decorations as soon as the last of the trick-or-treaters leave and others will wait for the day immediately before their celebrations. With a little bit of planning and a little bit of effort, it is possible to avoid a large amount of the anxiety for which the holiday season has become infamous for. My family are a bit tight on money this year, like many others in the face of the economic 'crisis' that is often talked about in the news today. Between bills, basic needs, and the financial obligations that come with parenthood, there isn't much money left over for holiday spending.

Fortunately, however, it doesn't need to take a lot of money. One of the biggest sources of anxiety is the matter of gifts, especially gifts for children. Using inexpensive materials, it is possible to make gifts for the children in your life with the amount of effort being quite simple. Stopping in any craft store, it is possible to put together a small basket for scrapbooking for under thirty dollars. It is also possible to obtain the materials to make gifts for more people for the same amount of money. The question is how much work you wish to put in to it. Given below are three craft ideas that use common household objects in an innovative fashion to produce a lovely holiday gift.

Personalized Picture Frame

This picture frame is decorated with a process known as decoupage. This process can be used to decorate just about anything that the glue will stick to. If you desire, you can add bits of fabric, rickrack, beads, and other materials. It is best to leave the addition of 3-D objects such as beads until the final layer of images is completed. If you don't wish to use hair spray to seal your frame, there are commercial sealants for use on paintings. This will also work well, though it will cost more then the generic can of hair spray in your bathroom.
Items Needed:

1. 1 inexpensive medium sized picture frame with a moderately wide, unfinished wooden molding
2. An array of magazines with photos
3. Scissors
4. Liquid white glue (also known as school glue, not to be confused with rubber cement)
5. Paintbrush
6. Small container of water
7. A can of hair spray

The first step in this project is to select pictures from your magazine that remind you of the person whom you are making this frame for. Depending on how you wish to present the frame, it is possible to use small or medium pictures for this project. One can use portions of pictures for this project and no harm will be done. This is a creative work and your artistic discretion is paramount.

In your container of water, mix your glue and water together until it resembles skim milk in appearance. Disassemble your picture frame, placing the backing, glass, and any matting material aside. Using your paint brush, apply a thin layer of the glue mixture to your frame's molding. Assemble the first layer of images on your frame. Allow the glue mixture to dry. Usually, this is for an hour if you used a thin coat. A thicker coating of the glue mixtures requires a longer period of time.

Once the frame is dry, apply another coat of the glue mixture over the paper. This needs to be a thin coat to prevent weakening the paper or otherwise degrading your images selected from something such as having the ink from printing them run. When the frame is dry, apply a third coat of the glue mixture and assemble your next layer of images. Allow this to dry. Continue the layering process until your frame is covered in the selected images. With each layer, add another hour of drying time prior to adding more to it.

When your layering is finished and dry, spray heavily with the hair spray. Set aside and allow to dry. The hair spray works to seal the glued images to the frame and help resist atmospheric moisture, prolonging the life of your gift. Upon completion, re-assemble the frame and insert any picture you wish to give. If no picture is to be given, just the frame, wrap the frame lightly with tissue paper and place into your gift bag.

Yarn Dollies

Nothing says homespun more then classic children's toys. Yarn Dollies are definitely one of the oldest and easiest children's toys to make. There are countless variations appropriate for different ages. Dolls can be used by children of either gender (Because that's what those action figures really are!) and are wonderful tools for development because they encourage imaginary play.
Items Needed:

1. 1 skein of yarn
2. Ruler and a pencil
3. Scissors
4. Cardboard

Determine how long you desire for the doll your making should be. With your ruler and pencil, mark off this length on your cardboard. Cut your cardboard to this dimension. Take your skein of yarn and wrap it once around the cardboard. Tie a square knot to secure the loose end and then wrap your yarn about the cardboard 100 times. This determines the thickness of your doll. If you desire thicker or thinner, adjust the number of times you wrap your yarn accordingly. Tie a square knot to secure your final wrap of the yarn and cut free from the skein.

Cut a length of yarn from your skein long enough for you to be able to tie around the wrapped yarn. Pick one edge of the cardboard and tie your yarn together into a bundle there. Secure this with a square knot. If you desire to have your yarn remain looped, fold your length of cardboard enough to remove the tension on your loops of yarn. This will allow you to slip your yarn free from the cardboard. With a second length of yarn, tie another knot about the bundle of yarn roughly an inch down from the knot holding your looped yarn in a bundle. This forms the head of your doll.

Divide your yarn bundle into four separate smaller bundles. The two bundles to the outside of the arrangement need to be tied close to the lower knot forming the head with a separate length of yarn for each. A third of the way to the ends of these bundles, the bundle needs secured here as well. This roughly forms the arms. The arms then have the excess yarn cut off after the lower knot. Additional lengths of yarn can be knotted to secure the arms additionally, but this is not required.

At roughly the same distance from the head of your doll as the ends of the doll's arms are, secure the two inner bundles together. This forms the body of the doll. The legs are then formed in the same fashion as the arms. If you desire for the doll to have a 'dress' the legs need not be divided and secured. If you are so inclined the arms, body, and legs can be braided prior to knotting. If you are giving this doll to a young child, the braiding is a good idea as it helps prevent the child from accidentally pulling the doll apart and eating some of the yarn.

Tin Can Tea Light Lantern

This project is slightly more difficult and oriented towards an adult or teenager construction. I've done this project several times in the past and I have had favorable reactions. I strongly advise that when constructing this project, hold the can still with a pair of blocks or something else that is safer then your knees. If a vise is available, use it but be careful not to crush your can. Use caution! The designs best suited for punching are geometric. Think about the star patterns on the old steel and aluminum colanders, they are great sources of ideas!

Items Needed:

1. 1 empty 10 oz steel can, washed, dried, and label removed
2. Masking tape
3. Pattern template
4. Hammer and 1 ten penny nail
5. 4 in length of steel wire and pliers
6. Safety glasses and leather workman's gloves

With your masking tape, secure your pattern template to your can. Using the hammer and nail, carefully punch holes into your can as indicated on the template. Take care to avoid punching the nail completely through the can. As you work, the can will deform slightly. This is to be expected and using your gloves, you can return the can to it's proper shape with some gentle pressure. If the can has sharp edges at the opening, carefully tap the rim until the edges are blunted and turned inwards.

If a hanging hook is desired, a length of wire can be cut to form it. Taking a pair of pliers, bend an end of the wire into a button hook shape and slip through a hole near the top of the can. Secure the end of the wire by twisting it around the length left free. Make sure the sharp end of the wire is pointing down into the can, if possible threaded through the coils created by wrapping the wire. Repeat this at the opposite side of the can in a hole at approximately the same place. This will give your tin can lantern a bucket like appearance.

Use this lantern with care because metal conducts heat. Painting the lantern is not a good idea because the heat from the candle can potentially scorch the paint. It is wise to make sure that the wire used for the hanging hook is of the same material as the lantern itself. If you have an aluminum can, do not use steel wire. Aluminum encourages the corrosion of steel in the presence of moisture and you will eventually develop rust streaks down the aluminum.

Poem: Precipice

Standing on an edge of glass
Wind screaming in my face
Is it tears or blood running down my cheek?
Dizzying space beyond
A butterfly of hope
A mirage of courage
Is it my dreams or my pride I chase?
Empty air above
Devastation below
Or is it freedom before me?


I'm beginning the process of transferring my work from Triond to here. Here's a poem I wrote about risk taking. From 2008.

NaNoWriMo vs NaBloPoMo (round 1! FIGHT!)

Two literary heavy weights are squaring off. On the right, we have National Blog Posting Month. On the left, we have National Novel Writing Month. Originally, I had the wild idea of doing both this year. Then life happened. I now have just over a week worth of blog posts to make if I want to get on target for NaBloPoMo. On the other hand, I'm almost half finished with my manuscript for National Novel Writing Month.

It makes me think that perhaps I'll just finish the manuscript and then blog the remainder of the month. Then do the post every day for the month of December. Because November doesn't have to be the only month of the year for either of those challenges. Oh, and for the curious, I'm working on book five of the fantasy series that I'm writing. I've officially crossed into the territory of writing a series of books now. Once I finish this, I'll have 15 more books to write and the series will be finished.