Thursday, January 15, 2015

Progress, even if it kills me.

Today I did a massive amount of writing in my therapy journal. I think that I made a few breakthroughs. I also think that I wore down a quarter of an inch of pencil this morning doing so.

I am slowly managing to wrap my head around the idea that my great aunt Jackie is dead. Her funeral was yesterday. I spent a good portion of the day feeling guilty that I couldn't be there and that there really was nothing I could do to be of comfort to anyone. My Mom is really busted up over this, as aunt Jackie was her favorite aunt. My poor cousin Eddie is stuck out in Washington (I think he's in Portland but I'm not sure.) and he wasn't able to come to pay his final respects to his mother.

It is really difficult for me to come to grips with the idea that I am allowed a life separate from my birth family. I'm working on it with my therapist but today, I didn't realize how much it bothers me when my life conflicts with the idea of filial duty. I have a feeling that my next session with my therapist is going to be a rough one. But, if a rough therapy session gets me through this period where I feel like I'm a bad person or otherwise inadequate, then I suppose it is worth it.

My ribs are still bothering me but I'm at a point now that I'm not taking Tylenol with the Aleve. I've been careful not to do much bending and stretching. I have also made a point of not picking up something heavy and remembering to do my deep breathing at least once an hour. I'm pleased that the deep breaths are not making me cough like mad. I think this means that I'm finally over the bronchitis. Now I just need to get my ribs to heal up and I'll be ready to get going full throttle on this exercise thing.

Since we have a television now and I have an exercise DVD that is a 15 minute in home work out session, I figure I could start doing this every day after the kids go to school. Make a habit out of it and I will be getting a little exercise while the weather is poor and I can't go out and do my walking. I have been having some twinges of discomfort with my back over the last few days. I think that is because of the wonky weather patterns.

When ever the weather has a major shift, my back throbs where I had the epidurals done when I had my c-section to deliver the boys. Today, it has been really uncomfortable. But, according to the weather channel, it is supposed to be near 40 deg F Saturday, which is probably why my back is bothering me. I'm just glad that it wasn't 11 deg below 0 F this morning, unlike yesterday. The neighbor's kid had a screaming melt down because she had to wait for the bus out in the weather. My kids, however, were excitedly turning the pile of snow that was left by the plow into a slide.

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