It's been a long week ... 9 days long!?!

 I try to set modest goals for myself. Then I get swamped with stupid problems and stupider situations. It is all very vexing and I rather hate it. But that gets turned inward because of conditioning and shit, which turns into my cycling between feeling like a failure and feeling useless. It all together is rather awful. I kinda hate my parents for fucking with my brain like they did for the entire time I lived under their roof.

Anyways, it looks like my FiL is having health problems. He's an older man, it's not that surprising. Nor is it terribly surprising that he's been doing his best to ignore it and push everyone away. That's him being old school 'manly' and suffering in stoic silence, alone. In other words, stupid. How do I know this is stupid? Because I was trained into doing that kind of thing by my parents (who didn't want to be inconvenienced by a child crying because they were sick). I won't go into details about that process, let it be enough to say it was barbaric and cruel. I'm still dealing with the fall out from that.

If you're sick, you get help. You don't sit there and say that you are tougher than your illness, whatever it may be. It's senseless to do that instead of managing your illness and, depending on what it is, getting medical assistance when you need it. It comes from a toxic and archaic attitude that seems to be on the rise with the increase of 'conservative values'. I put that in quotes because most of the conservatively aligned people I know will go to the doctor and get antibiotics when they have an infection. They're not anti-science or anti-medicine. I may abhor their political views, but they're not what's on the rise here.

But that's a subject for a different day. Right now, I'm just really annoyed that my FiL's stubborn streak may put me in the position of having to reschedule my dentist appointment again. I have a pretty strong feeling if he got some help when he was beginning to have these ailments he sort of complains/be bitchy about, he would be doing much better and would necessarily have to under go this procedure he has coming up. 

However, I'm a woman with multiple chronic health conditions, what the hell do I know about managing my illness? *rolls eyes hard* And, yes, that was pretty much his response when I suggested he talk to his doctor. Adding insult to injury, he mansplained chronic illness to me with all of his biases and prejudice in place. I was good, I didn't punch him.