Mixed Episodes suck. They make my brain even more screwy and unpredictable than when I am manic. I have the restlessness of my hypomanic episodes and the down mood state of my depressive episodes. I feel like I'm ready to crawl out of my skin. At the same time, I feel like I must DO SOMETHING and I can't focus enough to do anything. Except for the one thing I find I can hyperfocus on and then if I get interrupted I get super angry/irritated.
I'm generally grouchy and sullen. Except for when I start to rant. I mentally rehearse arguments and perseverate on things that bother me. I just feel awful. I sleep poorly and find myself more prone to nightmares. I'm dissatisfied with everything. I can't stop moving but I am not motivated to do something, unless it is that thing I hyperfocused on to.
Music helps. White noise helps. But I don't know what to do about the rest of it. I feel my brain winding up, my thoughts getting faster at the same time my response to the world becomes muted. I feel it happening now. So, I am taking a few steps back away from the internet so I don't say or do something stupid. I've learned that mixed episodes are almost as bad as manic episodes for my putting my foot in my mouth.
I hate bipolar.
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