winter

winter

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Stumbling around toys and stuff.

The apartment is something of a pit of chaos right now. It's not as bad as it was yesterday afternoon but it is still not as tidy as I'd like it to be. I'm looking at everything and feeling the itch to start pitching stuff again. I recognize that the urge to organize and such is part of my entering into a hypomanic phase. Honestly, however, I think we could benefit from a purge of broken toys. There's just enough of them that I get irritated by them. The question is how to manage it with out the kids having massive meltdowns over it.

The laundry seems to have taken on a life of its own and declared the living room to be its domain. I just haven't had the energy to fold all five loads right now. I keep telling myself that I'll get it taken care of tomorrow. And then it is the end of the next day and I haven't done anything about it. Today, I folded one load and put it away. So, we're no longer at six loads of laundry in the living room. I don't think, however, that counts as much progress on that front.

I've been struggling with writing for the last few weeks. I stare at the screen and my mind just goes blank. I get the same problem with my journals. It is a really awful feeling, especially for someone who hopes to make some money via their writing. I have been spending some time editing. Book two of the fantasy series is off at beta readers right now. My goal is to have all of my ducks in a row to self publish this by the end of July. As my beta readers are making their way through the manuscript, I have been flailing over what to do for a cover. It hasn't been very pretty.

My mental health hasn't been the best. I want to say that I'm finished with this recent depressive episode. I don't know, however, if that is 100% accurate. My difficulty sleeping has come back somewhat and I've been making up the difference with naps in the morning. I'd like to say that it has improved the situation but, honestly, I don't think it is. I am attempting to not worry about stuff and not sit here and complain about how unfair it is. I still have a lot of anxiety and anger, however, roiling around in my gut that I just can't seem to get out. (Because of the difficulty in writing, which is also extending into drawing/painting right now too.)

I'm not seeing my therapist as often as I was before. I just kinda feel that I'm treading water right now. The medications help even out my moods, I suppose. But I keep having more unpleasantness welling up when I sit down to look at it. I am not even phased by it. I look at it, sigh, and then continue on with my day. It's, to some extent, become like another ache or pain. My knees haven't been happy with the weather, so the aches and pains have been regular. Hopefully, the return to the regimen of gulcosamine will resolve that.

Gardening stuff is a mixed bag. I have some seeds that I want to sow but I need a bit of work done to get the pots I am going to put them into ready. I picked up a few plants at the farm market just up the road. I purchased a bunch of herbs (apple mint, chocolate mint, and dead nettle). I potted up the mints and put the dead nettle into the flowerbed in the front yard by the steps. I had to cover everything because of the potential for frost tonight. My biggest concern is that my miniature rosebushes will not survive the night.

I will be very disappointed if they die. It's bad enough that I can't just plant them in the yard and I basically have to treat them as annuals. If I can't get them to make it through the season, I will be quite sad. I'm hoping that they will take well to being potted. I divided them and put them into pots last week, they look a bit bedraggled. I would love it if they bloomed. I am thinking about keeping one of the pots indoors in the back hallway over the winter so that I can keep at least one plant but I don't think that is a realistic option. Ah well, such is life.

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