My blood sugar has been running high today despite my best efforts. It could be because this home schooling / distance learning stuff has me stressed out. It could be that my body is generally just being difficult because of the medication change that happened a few months back and we can't go back to that combo pill of metformin and agloptin because the manufacturer is still out of stock on that dosage. All I know is that this is a source of high irritation and frustration right now.
I spent most of my morning exhausted and struggling to stay awake. I generally failed. Why? Not because I didn't get a full night of sleep but because my blood sugar was high. Here it is in the middle of the afternoon and I am several hours behind schedule. I am frustrated with the kids because they spent most of the morning on cat videos instead of school work because I was unconscious. Now, one has caught up on his work but the other is insisting that his work is "too hard" when I know if I asked him to list out the steps to make one of his lego creations he'd be able to do it. All he has to do is write out the steps for how to make a pb&j sandwich but apparently it's too boring/hard to do it.
I'm frustrated because I hit this wall with so many assignments. I'm tired. Some of this being tired is the stupid diabetes. Some of this being tired is because I just want him to do the rather simple tasks he's been given with out fighting me. I know that distance learning sucks. I did it back in the late 90s when it was beginning to be a thing. The tech they have now is superior and more responsive. It helps a lot. But they just have times where they don't want to do the work because they're at home instead of not being at school.
Meanwhile, I am here having my blood sugars swinging back and forth between high and normal. They're not going dangerously high, but they're high enough that I get sleepy often. I struggle to have the energy to keep up with the housework. I struggle to have the energy to keep up with this distance learning stuff. Gods only know that I have a lot of my own stuff on the back burner because of the distance learning whilst in a crisis happening.
It'd be easier if I didn't have the diabetes messing up my day. I know my problems today were set up by the burger I ate last night, which while within my carb load was apparently too high. I hate the fact that I am going to have to go back to batch cooking everything I'm going to eat during the week. The school is trying to help out with meals, but I've come to realize that my condition is such that I have to make all my own stuff. I'm just stuck with this situation. I can't eat 'normal' bread. I have to limit the amount of anything carb in a fairly big way or my body says 'fuck you' and I go to sleep.
I'm angry and I'm sad. And there's nothing I can do about it except all of this pain in the ass extra work to prep meals for the week on days where I don't have time for it. I just don't have the time to do all this prep work and it's a struggle to get it done even to a partial extent because Sundays get eaten up by familial things. Chores, laundry, and just a pile of other stuff that needs to be done gets to eat Saturdays. Then, next thing I know, it is Monday and I am too busy with the home schooling stuff to be cooking for the week. I just get to a point where I want to say 'fuck it, I'll eat normal food' but I can't because this exhausted business happens if I even have a little bit of it.
So, in all sincerity, fuck diabetes with a chain saw.
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