Saturday, April 18, 2015

Garden disappointment.

It looks like we're finally past the danger of frost. I had hoped that I would be doing some gardening by now but this is not the case. It is not that the new landlord is averse to the idea. He thinks it is a pretty good one and that I am more then welcome to pursue it (as long as he doesn't have to put any money in on it). My disappointment rests in the fact that where I had planned to put in a flower bed was a great deal of poorly buried trash. In the midst of getting rid of all that trash, the potting soil I had put down there was thrown away as well.

A part of me wants to just throw in the towel on any sort of gardening this year. I think, however, that it is my illness talking. I am currently in the waning phase of a depressive episode and it has my view on the world skewed towards the negative. I have been getting short with the kids and being upset by small annoyances far more then I would if I was in a more reasonable state of mind. This has me on the whole feeling upset with myself and the world. It also has me making a negative forecast for the future. A thing which I am trying very hard not to do.

I tell myself that this too shall pass but it feels like empty words. It has been difficult this go on the depression merry-go-round but not as hard as it has been other times. I honestly think that the medication adjustment that was made back in February is still effective right now because I am not caught in a crushing sense of despair. I'm just cranky and ill humored right now. And I am getting less so as the time passes.

I have my second Filianic oriented book out now. It was kinda hard to get that one done. I am of mixed feelings about the final result. I know that it is a book that may prove useful to others who follow the Filianic faith. There is an utter dearth of books that look at the devotional aspects of this faith. While I know that Filianism does not have a large populace following it, I know that people who are drawn to it find themselves at a loss for what to do when they engage in worship.

I have a radio (webcast? radio? I honestly don't know what the best description for this is) interview coming up in a few weeks. I'll be discussing the book and providing some in depth information about Filianism based on the research and study that I have done over the last several years. I feel a little bit out of my depth right now but I am going to make a point of putting together a document that covers the history and current state of Filianism. I will be publishing it on my religion blog at about the same time as when the interview will be happening. I feel a little nervous about this but I know that my ability to put together a research paper is solid and I can just start from there on the rest.

I don't really know what more I should add right now. I haven't been feeling up for being social of late. I would have gone to the spinning guild's meeting today but the prospect of dealing with a large group of people made my stomach do flipflops. I did, however, make a point of working on spinning some of the dyed roving that is part of a guild wide project. I am approximately a quarter of the way through the bag. I haven't decided if I am going to ply this stuff on itself or with something else. I started out trying to use the kick spindle but I got very frustrated with it. So I went to my trusty top whorl drop spindle and did that whilst pacing the front walk as I minded the kids outside today.

I suppose that finishes off what I have to say for today. I'll try to post something else in the near future. I can't keep letting life get the best of me and keep me from posting on here.

No comments: