Life Ramblings.

New hair.

So, life's been busy. The kids went back to school last month and I've been spinning in circles doing everything but spinning right now. I have started working on my NaNoWriMo project already because I'm drafting it out by hand. I feel absolutely zero guilt for starting early. Because I know that November is going to be kinda nuts.

I mean, the kids have a week long break in the middle of the month and a few days off to go with it. I'm pretty sure it's going to make me go even more grey.

The depression thing is somewhat improved. It's weird. I am no longer at that state of numb/ready to start sobbing at the drop of a hat. At the same time, I'm not feeling well. On a scale of one to ten, with one being severely depressed and ten being manic, I'm around a five. With troublesome thoughts bothering me and increase migraines. I am pretty sure the migraines is because of the higher dosage of the antidepressant and the fact that the weather has been swinging back and forth between seasonable and stupid. I'm upright and functional, so I guess that is a win. The real question is if the seasonal affective disorder is going to rear its head and screw everything up.

I am right now not thrilled with the fact that I've had to cut my hair short out of necessity. I am now having eczema issues on my ears. This means my hair being against my ears itches terribly. And I have to make sure that I wear the RIGHT scarves or I'm ready to rip the thing off my head because it makes my ears bother me. I'm still trying to convince myself that it is perfectly acceptable to moisturize the tops of my ears. My skin has been getting drier. I've been attempting to deny it and act like it is not an issue but it really is a thing. And I think it is directly tied to the diabetes.

Next week I have my appointment with my family doctor to see how I am doing with the diabetes thing. My average fasting blood sugars have dropped into the upper end of the normal range. I'm not sure if he wants me to get them lower or not. I am still struggling to figure out what foods are ok for me to eat. It pains me to say that pasta and I are going to have to part ways. Even an appropriate serving of pasta makes my blood sugar spike. This makes me very sad because pasta is my favorite food in the whole world. And zucchini noodles are just not the same as spaghetti.

I am slowly assembling a small cookbook of collected recipes for managing my diabetes stuff and still have the rest of the family able to eat normalish. Because I've hit the point that preparing three meals every meal is too much. I'm now down to two because the kids are picky and Beloved is doing his best to eat what I do. I have a large stockpile of pasta that I am going to pretty much be cooking for Beloved and the kids. It makes me kinda sad that I can't enjoy it but at least they get to.

I'm struggling to adjust to my new normal. I look in the mirror and the reflection just doesn't look right. I went grey over the course of a few months and didn't realize how much of my hair had gone grey until I got it cut. I've had my hair get thinner over the last several months. I'm trying not to listen to my anxiety telling me that I'm going to suffer from female pattern baldness. My pants size has gone down, which I suppose is good, but the number on the scale hasn't moved. I tell myself that I'm building muscle as quickly as I'm losing inches. It feels like a lie.

Daily exercise is a challenge. I'm probably going to blog on here more bitching about stuff like walking in the damn snow. I will post some about the recipes that I try. There may be some weirdness too that I'm not posting on my other blogs.