Monday, August 29, 2016

Monday, just one more grueling day.

On the kids's side of things, today was just tiring. They were somewhat fussy about their meals, but they don't exactly enjoy fresh veggies. Cuddle Bear decided that the only way he was going to eat raw carrots was if they were dipped in barbecue sauce. I decided I didn't care and gave him some. Snuggle Bug ate all of my grapes. I'm a bit disappointed, but at least he decided he was going to eat something healthy.

Tomorrow, I suspect they are going to be cranky about cereal for breakfast again. I just don't know how to make donuts. If I did, I would make them for the kids. It seems to be their absolute favorite thing to eat for breakfast. I am considering buying a baking tray that looks like it makes min-bunt cakes and whipping up a bunch of them and calling it good enough.

We have loads of laundry that need put away. I look at it and feel bad about it all. Which then turns into my desperately trying to ignore them until the end of the day where I can't avoid them any more. It is a vicious cycle that eventually turns to piles of clean vs dirty laundry about the apartment. It's about as pleasant as my mood roller coaster.

My mood is still down. I'm still super anxious about everything. I'm on the hunt for a new psychiatrist and probably a new therapist. The combination of 'just think happy thoughts' and 'it's not as bad as you're saying it is.' attitudes I'm getting from the clinic has me feeling even worse. I am trying to get over this fear that a new psychiatrist would decide that I am too much of a problem client and try to shuffle me out the door on a boatload more medications rather than help me.

I have not been having good days regarding self image, unsurprisingly. I realized this evening, however, I need to start wearing my new heels if I am going to have them broken in enough so that I'm not walking around on blistered feet at K&R's wedding. I'm still quietly going "OH GODS WHAT DO I WEAR!?!" never mind the fact that Beloved helped me narrow things down to two possible options.

I am really getting tired of this social phobia telling me that whatever I pick is going to be the wrong thing.

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