winter

winter

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Scrambled Brainz.

Behold, I sit before the computer with all my faculties ready to do something. If I could muster enough fucks up to do it. I'm probably going to try to do some writing a bit later. But, it's a fairly accurate shot of the expression I've had most of the day.

I'm not depressed per se. I feel cranky. Minor irritations frustrate me to the point where I start to stammer. (And that is something that only happens when I am really upset.) I almost titled this post 'scream, break shit, and sleep.' That's because that is a partial list of what is going through my brain right now.

Beloved postulated that my problem is I am in a mixed episode right now. I kinda see his point and I am not pleased with this. I feel stressed out and anxious. I am struggling not to start being a shrieking harpy to the kids as they run around the apartment. It has been a difficult struggle. I am trying to look at it all and see 'positives' here. And that is just making me angrier. There is no reason for me to be so angry with everything. No one has shat in my proverbial corn flakes. But, I kinda want to scream and break shit right now.

I was feeling run down over the last week. I think a big part of the problem was my allergies, which have been particularly difficult between the pollen and the down stairs neighbor's smoking. I also have had a slow, but steady increase in my feelings of anxiety (and correlating internal hyper critical commentary). I took some Ativan earlier this evening. It makes me feel less like I'm going to explode and less like the solution to my frustration is doing something like throwing heavy objects out windows or something. I did not have a good time when I was grocery shopping. All the noise and all the people just made me really want to verbally shred the people who were moving too slowly for me and throw stuff at the heads of the people who annoyed me. Namely that one stock person who wouldn't LEAVE ME ALONE to do my shopping. They just kept turning up in every aisle I went in to get things and stopping in the middle of the aisle in my way. I was good, I didn't say anything sharp. I didn't say a word to them. But I was not a happy camper.

Just to take a brief aside, for a moment, I have to say that who ever it was at corporate that decided that having a stock person roaming the aisles with a cart full of random crap and signs taped all over it for 'free' goods that would come with signing up for a credit card, that person who came up with this idea needs to sit on a rusty rail road spike. They have advertisements about the promotion at every register (even the self-check out) and the cashiers are all told to pitch this thing. They've put some pressure on the people in customer service to promote the credit card. And we've got the greeters who promote it even as they are welcoming you to the store. Now, that was all irritating as fuck but I kinda understand that is how the business does things. I am sincerely hoping that no one's paycheck is tied in any fashion to how successful they are in getting people to sign up for the damn credit card. But, to have someone wander through out the store with a cart full of crap you could 'get for free' and harry customers is just crossing a line.

I would have objected to this if I wasn't the person that was getting followed through the store by this person. I especially object to it now because of the fact that I had someone follow me through 95% of my shopping time trying to convince me to get a damn Walmart credit card and looking pathetic when I said no. I am trying to cut the employee some slack and assume that they were following me around because I looked less intimidating than the 458 other people in the store. But this shit has me seriously questioning if I want to go back and deal with it again. Even if I didn't have social phobia and I was in a better headspace, I would not have been comfortable with this. It is harassment. And it has to fucking stop. You don't sell product harassing your clientele. You lose customers doing that shit.

Also, if you really wanted me to sign up for a credit card you'd make the 'free' products worth my time. Saving five dollars on average on a purchase that I'm generally not going to need (because I honestly don't need a goddamn frisbee and the stupid things cost less than $5, for example) is not going to persuade me. Make it something more useful like a case of motor oil, a large roast, a set of cleaning goods for the kitchen, or something, and you may have my attention. Because who the fuck is going to get a credit card to get a free frisbee on the spur of a moment? Are they going to stand there at the check out look at that 'free' 12 pack of generic soda and say 'oh, hot damn, I could really use that.' and subject themselves to a credit check to see if they could get it? Because that's kinda part of the whole 'sign up for a credit card' thing.

TL:DR - Argh. Mixed episodes suck. Shady business practices piss me off. I want to burn it all down right now. Fire cures everything.

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