Why I blog (and other musings).

Recently, my parents, husband, and I had an interesting conversation about blogging. First off, she hadn't heard of the term blog or blogging before. Secondly, she didn't comprehend why a person would:

1. Post in a blog
2. Read a blog
3. Comment on another person's blog

To her, the whole thing smacked of gossip and was generally just disgusting to her. She felt horrified that I'd use a blog to rant about work frustrations. I haven't told her that this blog has grown to include my musings on my relationships with her and my life in general. She also thought that it was a sign of social decay, substituting contact via the internet with contact via the phone or verbal conversation. That somehow, this was going to make the other people you interact with less real.

She doesn't have a high opinion of message boards either, in case you were wondering.

It all made for a difficult conversation because her perspective was quite different from the one held by my husband and I. It was not simply her different perspective but also the fact that our perspective was so alien to her that she simply could not begin to attempt any form of viewing the topic from our angle. This made explaining why I blog and use message boards difficult, to say the least. It all got me thinking about the question: why do I blog?

I've got to be honest, I don't really think I have that many readers. I may be horribly wrong, and if I am, I apologize to anyone whom I just offended. This is not some attempt at free-lance journalism. If it was, I would not have it posted up for anyone to read for free. I would be trying to get paid for this work.

In some respects, it is a release for some of the emotional and social pressures I experience during the day. I'm rather homebound this time of year so the vast majority of my socialization is thru the internet right now. Wild winter weather and an infant child doesn't exactly mix that well, especially if you're planning to go and do something with out a second vehicle while your spouse is at work. It just doesn't do so great, trust me. I've tried and decided that when the temperature (or wind chill) is below 30, I'm not taking the baby outside. Sure, it may be robbing him of some precious outside time, but I'm not going to subject my boy to frost bite just so that I can get my socialization fix by gossiping with the ladies down at the post office, a quarter of a mile away. Sorry, but I have a little bit more of a conscience then that.

It's rather difficult to be in a position where your social life is limited to your spouse, child, and phone calls to family. Having the internet makes it alot easier to deal with being in this position, I don't feel quite so caged in. Sure, I get restless (who wouldn't if they're indoors 24 hours a day most days?) but I don't feel quite so trapped. I think that's a good thing for a person who is coping with postpartum depression and is prone to having problems with depression to begin with.

The other reason why I blog is because it is a writing exercise that helps keep me mentally sharp. I've abandoned several of my other pursuits from when I was younger. Partly because I don't have the time to teach myself linear algebra and higher levels of calculus to finally develop my theories and partly because I just don't have the patience for that level of frustration right now. I still love theoretical physics. I think it is just one of the coolest things out there, but I simply don't have the time to play with that right now. Perhaps when my son is older and at school, I don't know.

My writing, however, I have hung on to with a rather dogged determination. Writing is a part of my identity. I recognize that it is the tool by which I cope with my anxieties and can progress down the path of healing from the various psychological traumas that I have experienced in my nearly 30 years on this earth. Writing is also something that I find a deep sense of satisfaction in. It is something that has been a part of my life since I was a small child and able to put together a sentence on paper. It is an inheritance from my beloved Great-Grandmother Hazel (whom has been a powerful influence in my life even today, some 20 years after her death) and also something that is uniquely mine.

If it were possible, I think that I would probably publish my writing for profit. Right now, however, I'm trying to work past a guilt complex over using my talents to earn money. I'm still a bit edgy on the matter of plying my skills in divination for profit. As I become comfortable in this (probably in a few more months), I will begin (again) to try to make money with my writing. It helps, I suppose, to have many, many supportive friends and readers. I have lost count the number of people who have given me constructive feedback and pats on the back to encourage me. That kind of support is valuable beyond any measure or words that I can say.

So, in all of this rambling, I return back to the question of : why do I blog?

I suppose I can summarize it all in this:

I blog because I am a writer. The exercise of writing in a blog that is available to the general public to read serves to make me more comfortable in writing for myself. It also helps to express the various feelings and thoughts that I have off line. Blogging is a tool by which I learn more about myself and the world around, as such, I will become a better writer.

It's not like I do so because it's easy. Goodness knows, if it was easy, I'd probably not be doing it. I have a habit of doing just about everything the hard way. It is, however, rewarding.