I tell myself lies all the time.

Let's be honest. I tell myself lies all the time. I'm going to do yoga every morning. (That's a lie, I've been lucky if I manage it twice a week right now.) I'm going to make super healthy meals for everyone and pack lunches for everybody. (That's a lie. I make reasonably healthy meals and forget to pack lunches half the time with the leftovers.) I'm going to fold all the laundry today. (That's a lie, it's just going to sit in the bag unfolded until tomorrow.)

I'm trying to break that habit. Because there are other, bigger, nastier lies that I tell myself. Lies like "I'm stupid." or "I'm worthless." Those are the more polite versions of how they manifest in my head when I am not well. There's a laundry list of others that are just as awful, if not more so. I'm not going to share them, but let it be enough to say that I've been in and out of therapy trying to deal with it for most of my adult life.

It dawned on me today, if I stopped telling myself little lies (like that laundry one) then perhaps I can stop telling myself the bigger and nastier lies (like my value lies in how much I can get done). So, I'm attempting to stop lying to myself.

It's really hard. But, I made it through today with out lying to myself and actually making an effort to do some stuff that is hard for me. (Like the promoting my books thing and being social on social media.) My goal is to accomplish a week of this. If I can get through one week with out lying to myself about little things, I'm going to get myself some kind of reward. It can't be ice cream, because diabetes. (Honestly, I can't stop thinking about chocolate ice cream right now. Thank's high blood sugar. Rant on that in the next post.) Maybe I'll get myself some stickers or something.