Yay, it's the holiday season.

 I've just finished the first three of the projects on my list. I'm not at a good headspace because I'm depressed and Thanksgiving took a toll on me. It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that the meal was two hours late (thank goodness I had enough sense to bring an emergency snack in case that happened) and the fact that politics came up. 

Once they started on the topic, they didn't stop. It just got progressively worse to sit and listen to them downplay my concerns about Covid-19. The people at dinner were vehemently anti-mask. They decried the Governor as a "medical tyrant" and compared the Covid-19 pandemic to the flu, making a point of saying it was nothing like the Spanish Flu pandemic. The real burn came when someone talked piteously about an associate they knew with type 1 diabetes and asthma, describing them as "medically fragile" and how they were stuck in their house for months because of this business.

Most everyone in the room was somehow aware that I have diabetes and asthma. But they conveniently forgot it for the sake of their ranting. And then were baffled by the fact that I was upset with the entire conversation. At least no one said anything funny about the fact that I was limited in what I could eat. They've just decided that I am on a diet or something. Because I don't look sick.

This was also the second Thanksgiving with out my paternal grandparents around. The only reason why I'd have considered going back to the farm. But, I think conversation would have been the same. The FB posts of relatives have been along those lines and calling people who mask up cowards. These are the same people who say that instead of psychiatric care, I need a pair of running shoes and a daily routine of exercise to cure my bipolar. They're the same people who would say emotionally harmful stuff and then gaslight me about it. So, as per the last decade or so, I did not bring my family to the farm.

I'm seriously tempted to say fuck the holidays. But the kids are looking forward to the 13 days of Yule that I've done just about every year. They want to decorate. They want to make cookies. They want to have holiday fun. I just want to disappear into a black hole and not come out until it's spring.