Mixed episodes suck as much as depressive ones.

 That's my thought here and I'm sticking with it. It's been about a week now that I've been slogging through a mixed episode. The mood tends towards depressed but I'm finding myself ready for a fight. As such, I've been avoiding social media and not posting content on any of my blogs (mostly). I know that when I am mixed, I have the tendency to say stupid shit just as I do when I'm hypomanic. Throw in the irritability and it's just a bad time waiting to happen.

I'm still trying to figure out what the hell is going on with that report for Cuddle Bear after the meeting with the psychiatrist from Strong Hospital. Our family doctor doesn't have it. The autism center doesn't have it. I tried calling the chair of the CSE office for the middle/high school. First attempt, I got dumped into a full voicemail box. Second attempt, they hung up on me. I'm not pleased. I am at a bad headspace for people to be playing stupid games like this with me. It ratchets up the anxiety and the irritability. It sucks.

But, like I said in the title of this post, mixed episodes suck as much as depressive ones. I have this feeling that I must do ALL the things and none of the energy to do it. My brain is cranking away but on bad shit instead of on the 'I must clean EVERYTHING' that runs through my head when I am hypomanic. It's hard to focus but I feel like I have to do shit and I get frustrated because I can't focus well enough to do it. I don't quite know what to do with myself. My usual calming activities aren't working so great.

And, in the midst of all of this, the kids have spring break for the next week and a half. Then they're doing distance learning for the remainder of that week. I'm trying not to be surly and snappish but it's hard. I want to be alone but I don't want to be alone at the same time. And my head is still haywire, which is exhausting by itself. Fuck bipolar with a chainsaw.