I am exhausted.

 First, the good news. My old meter was reading approximately 11 points off. I did my first test this morning with the old meter. That read 126. Not a horrible number, but higher than I wanted to see. I did my second fasting test with the new meter. That read 115. A much better number and made me rethink what I had planned for breakfast. (Breakfast was diet yogurt, biscotti, and coffee. Total carb load was 35 carbs. I still have to establish if I am doing my math right on total carbs vs. net carbs. Because the net carb load would be lower.)

Next, the meh news. I just haven't been sleeping well for the last month. The bags under my eyes have bags. I'm not sleeping so poorly that I am putting my mental well being into danger. It's been things like the rapid shifts in the weather causing migraines and my arthritis to act up and make it hard to sleep. Or in the case of last night, hard cramping due to my period making it hard to sleep. Mainly, I'm finding it difficult to remain asleep. My prazosin (aka anti-nightmare pill) wears off around 3 am. That's been about when I've been waking up. I don't know if I'm having nightmares too because I don't remember them. It's a surreal experience still to have gone all my life able to remember my dreams and now because of a little pink pill, I don't recall them unless they're especially horrific.

Finally, the wtf news. Cuddle Bear (I'm going to have to come up with a new nickname for him soon, he is 13.) is having some difficulty at school. He's been perseverating on his fantasy life to the point that it is impacting his dealings with peers, teachers, and his performance at school. The teacher is concerned that there's a disconnect with reality here. Beloved and I don't think that he's delusional but that there's something going on that needs to be addressed. I suspect that he is diving into his fantasy life to escape some sort of stressor. It's become more prevalent over the last three weeks. 

At first, I thought it was just a thing happening at home because school had stressed him out. It was the time when classes for that semester were doing final exams and such. I figured that was what had him going. But the teacher called me today to explain that he's having these difficulties. She voiced concern that he was not as grounded in reality as he should be. I didn't dismiss that outright, but noted that he tends to do it more when he is stressed out and as an escape from a situation.

I've no idea what situation he's trying to escape. We've been strict and not allowing boundaries to get pushed, but we're not traumatizing the kid. Beloved and I work very, very hard not to use the parenting skill set that we were handed by our respective parents. I don't know if the stress of Covid-19 is getting to him. I don't know if he is having difficulty with someone at school. I don't know if he is having difficulty with a subject at school. I don't know where the stressor is. If I could track it down, I'd be able to provide him with some guidance on how to handle it.

I allow him free reign to play how he chooses through the afternoon. I figure it lets him let off stress from school. But, I think I am going to have to put my foot down on some of his imaginative play and tell him that his desire to express his fantasy world is going to have to be via some medium other than spoken word and performative action. That's going to suck. And I am going to have to police his dress code for school because he is sneaking to school garments that he uses for imaginative play again. I'll be calling the autism center to ask for guidance on this. I'll be talking to my psychiatrist for guidance on this. And I'm going to probably be trying to find him some manner of therapist that isn't affiliated with the county clinic (who are sufficiently infamous that the school is telling people DON'T go there). 

This is just a huge headache and a mess that I don't know how to sort out. I know that my son is not disconnected from reality. He's not demanding extra plates be set out for his wives or smuggling food into his room for them. He isn't behaving in a delusional manner. He just gets very angry when you confront him when he is hyper focused on his imagination versus reality. (I.e. when he wants to play firefighter and has been directed to clean his room.) I don't want to remove things like the toys he associates with this stuff, but it might be a necessary step to box them up until he can play appropriately with them. I don't know.