I'm too young for this shit. I'm defnitely perimenopausal. I'm having sexual difficulties and that's being compounded by the fact that I suddenly have a rather significant sexual appetite. It wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that lubrication is a problem. When we got silicone based stuff, that helped some but we still have had incidents where I've begun bleeding in the process of things and everything has to stop.
I can almost tolerate my hair going grey and thinning out in spots. But this business of my sex life (which was kinda on life support to begin with because I have kids, nature's most effective form of birth control) being problematic again is bullshit. It's beginning to look like I physically don't have the capacity to engage in sexual activity for the length of time it takes for me to achieve satisfaction because I injure myself somehow in the process and begin bleeding.
I have no words for how upsetting this is. It took me years of therapy and hard work to get to where I could enjoy sex. There are positions that we can't use becasue they trigger flashbacks, still. I feel like I'm damned some how to never get what I desperately want - a healthy, passionate sex life. Here I am, trauma is swept out of the way by hormones thanks to bodily changes. I feel like I can pursue sex and nothing bad is going to happen to me because of it. It's a liberating feeling. And yet, my body is failing me in this department.
I don't know if it is because everything there has become more sensitive. I don't know if it is because no matter how much lube we use it just won't be enough. I have no idea. I could theoretically bring this up with my gyno, but I don't think there's much she could say to help with that matter. I'm frustrated and sad. I feel like I'm broken, again.
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