Not sure what to do.

Ever since late April, I have been off of Keen. I've been busy minding the kids and falling behind on housework. The distance learning thing was a challenge but I think we made the best of it while we were working through it. Now, summer school is over and there is preparations being made for the school year to begin.

I'm honestly nervous as a cat in a rocking chair factory over the idea of sending the boys into school. At the same time, I know that I don't have the ability to keep providing educational support for them. We're in the process of acquiring masks and discussing the safety features of the different varieties we're considering. It's frustrating because they're all so different. I feel woefully underequipped to handle any of this. Some of this is my anxiety kicking me in the teeth and some of this is I'm depressed right now.

I've been contemplating attempting to do stuff on Keen again. At the same time, I'm concerned that I'm going to be neglecting responsibilities in doing so. I'm back at square one when it comes to this stuff. I theoretically have a customer base waiting for me to return. I post weekly updates on how things are going over here. I just can't get over the feeling that I am not going to do as well as I was before becasue of COVID-19 killing people's income. I have the impending sense of dread that I have been out of the loop too long and the customers who were beginning to come to me on a regular basis have found someone else to patronize. 

It doesn't help that the busy time of day is when I need to be winding down for the night and getting ready for bed. I tried staying up a bit late last night to see if I could possibly do the chat thing for a little while after dinner. I was so burnt out this morning that I was stumbling. I just can't be up for that 7pm to 12 pm window that is when they have the highest caller to advisor ratio. It robs me of my time with my husband and would completely disrupt my sleep pattern (which would be a very bad thing).

At the same time, Keen provided me something of an outlet in the midst of this COVID19 business to do something productive. It gave me a social connection. And it allowed me to make a little money off of my hobby (understatement) of tarot reading. I want to do more on Keen. And yet, I am afraid to try because I am afraid of what the results will be. I'm cautious of abusive clients (because they're out there and they'll treat you like dirt if you don't read their mind and confirm their biases). I feel bad about the pricing scheme that Keen is using because they've gone from taking about 30% of my fee to a little over 50% of it. I could switch to a different method of doing tarot for hire but I don't know the first thing about marketing. And I tend to rely on Keen to drive customers to me (though they're less effective at that than they were in the past).

I don't know what to do. I have this dreadful feeling that we're going to need extra income. I have this anxiety that we're going to need to find away to get more shelf-stable goods into the apartment before winter. I am afraid that someone is going to get sick and we're not going to be able to get the help we need. To say the least, my anxiety is running riot at the moment. This does not put me into a conducive headspace for doing tarot readings. I feel self conscous asking any of the friends I know who do readings for one because I don't know how to repay them. I feel like the days of trading a reading for a reading are behind us.