I lost my morning to sleeping off a migraine. It didn't work out so great. So, here I am drinking the last of a pot of coffee and attempting to do my best to be more functional than a lump on a log. I feel pretty wretched, to be honest. My head hurts, my vision in my right eye is a bit funny, and food does not agree with me. Stupid migraine is going to be stupid.
We had a big swing from warm to chilly weather yesterday. I foolishly thought that I could possibly get away with out a migraine. And then things got unpleasant. My blood sugar started running high and I was really upset because I couldn't figure out why. Of course, it happens that the symptoms of high blood sugar correlate with my aura symptoms of a migraine. So, I didn't realized that I had a migraine inbound and was frantically trying to get my blood sugar to come down.
I have learned over the last hour of researching it, that migraines can cause your blood sugar to spike. A discovery that I was not pleased with but was also relieved by because today's numbers are closer to my normal, so far. By the time evening came, my head was really pounding but the kids had been shouting at full volume all afternoon. I presumed that it was a combination of a stress headache and whatever was going on that caused my blood sugar to get stupid. So, I took some aleve at bedtime and assumed I was going to be fine in the morning.
I was not. I woke up and I was in full migraine mode. And my blood sugar was high because of the 'dawn phenomenon'. Basically, my biological clock said to my liver 'convert that stuff into sugar so we have energy when we wake up' and my blood sugar spiked. It's been a problem over the last month. I'm not sure why, my doctor has told me to keep an eye on it and we'll see what my A1C looks like when I get my next fasting blood test (late April). He says that if we have to make changes to my medications, we'll do it in a conservative fashion so that nothing else gets disrupted.
The grey, chill weather has my mood in the dumps as much as this migraine. I am not at the point of feeling like I'm useless and therefore no longer worthy of the privilege of life. I am, however, grumpy and feeling like what I do is a waste of time. So, I am well on the path towards feeling useless and etc. It doesn't help that I have chores to do and I have a pile of emotional trauma associated with most of the chores that are waiting for my attention. I keep telling myself that this is my home and that what I do in cleaning it is fine because my insane mother is not going to come, give everything the white glove test, and then punish me for any speck of dust found.
I've been struggling with trauma memories a fair amount of late. I confess, I have been having trouble with some self-care activities because they're associated with trauma. It's been hard to "get over it" and just do the thing. As such, my self-care hasn't been the best because I'm afraid of getting punished for taking too long bathing, being assaulted in the shower, and/or being verbally harangued for the way my feet look (because I have crossed toes that my mother insisted were ugly and I kept them crossed to piss her off, when it is because the joints are malformed and I literally can not straighten them out, but for my mom it was a personal insult some how).
I've been lurking on Facebook and noting that other people are struggling with similar things for similar reasons. I've been wanting to post in reply but my scumbag brain insists that it will net me a personal visit from my parents and harassment. It's not been an easy time to be social. Something I've been seeing on my Facebook feed is a mixed bag response to Covid-19. All of my friends who have some form of chronic illness or are in a minority community are going "please for the love of everything holy, wash your damn hands and don't cough on me." A good number of the ones who are not chronically ill and not part of some form of minority community have been making jokes about it and saying it's not that bad. Meanwhile, Italy is under complete quarantine as of yesterday.
All I can think is this is like the black death all over again. Some people say it's like the flu and they forget that the Spanish Flu killed off about a third of the US population. No one really knows for sure what the death rates are on this virus because there's so much misinformation and so much missing information (way to work with the WHO, China). It looks like it's higher than 2%, which is what I have seen the confident bandy about. I'm kinda afraid of this. I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to start wearing gloves everywhere and toss 'em in the wash at the end of a day out.
Where everyone is raiding supplies of toilet paper and hand sanitizer, I'm thinking about things like where can I get those cotton gloves for moisturizing your hands, should I get the nitrile gloves, and just how much are we going to need in the way of canned and dry goods if our region gets put under quarantine. (I'm thinking about planning for about the amount we'd need if we lost power for two weeks. Right now, we'er good for about a week because of storm supplies.)
I am also considering what we may need to do if we have a hard time getting my medications. There hasn't been a run on metformin but that's because it's pretty tightly controlled with the way the system is set up. You can't just buy it off the shelf. I am thinking that we should probably get some extra boxes of test strips for my meter though, just to be safe. Considering that those things will last for a year in the package, I don't think it's a bad idea to have two extra boxes sitting in the cupboard.
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