I forget things. It sucks.

For example, LARP was tonight. I forgot. It sucks. I kinda wanted to go be social. On the other hand, I realized that I don't have the spoons for being social. So, now I am worried that my friends think that I've just dropped them from my life. I've a friend that moved recently who has invited me over to her new place. I can't bring myself to go there because I'm kinda terrified I'm going to get lost. It is literally two or three turns from here to there, including the one out of my driveway to get on the road. I'm afraid to go significant distances driving right now. I worry about what I will do if my blood sugar gets too low. I worry about what I'm going to do if I have a panic attack. And then there is the practical worries that go with driving at night.

I'm not doing too great. I know that there are some who are going to read this and get a chuckle out of it. To those souls specifically: FUCK YOU. I'm fighting a war in my head every day that has me struggling to function. I've been depressed now for a year. So, laugh it up while you can because it will come back on you at some point.

In the mean time, I need to go drink another bottle of water and contemplate how to get rid of spiders with out murdering them all.

Monday Menu 8/6/18

I have forgotten the link for the table generator. I also have misplaced my notebook with the menu in it. I just have my notes in my planner for dinners. It's been a bit hectic over here trying to get my stuff back in order. I realized I'm still not quite at 100% right now. I need to make a few phone calls to see what can be done to resolve that. Until then, I am trying to get myself ready for the start of the school year. One month. I think I can make it that far with out losing what's left of my sanity.

Monday dinner: Hamburgers and carrot salad

Tuesday dinner: Tacos, refried beans, and mexican rice (and a taco salad for me)

Wednesday dinner: Spaghetti & meatballs (and zucchini noodles with sauce for me)

Thursday dinner: General Tso chicken with rice (riced cauliflower for me,  ez mac for the kids)

Friday dinner: Chicken jalfrezi with peanut noodles (more veggie noodles for me) and naan

Saturday dinner: roast chicken with pasta salad.

Deb's Gazpacho bastardization

I'm experimenting with a gazpacho recipe that I found in a diabetic cookbook. Here's the most recent incarnation. Gods bless the soul who came up with the concept of a food processor.

Ingredients:

3 medium tomatoes
1/4 med sweet onion
1 small cucumber
1 clove garlic
1/2 green pepper
1 dill pickle spear
1 tbsp Worcester sauce

Step One: In your food processor, process all the vegetables until smooth.

Step Two: Add worcester sauce and mix until blended.

Step Three: Chill at least 15 minutes.

Serves 4

Approximately 8 carbs per serving.

Menu for the Week of 7/29/2018

Post is up a day late. Sorry about that. Yesterday got super busy when I didn't expect it. In addition to what you see here, I am also working on a big pot of chili to go in Hubby's lunches. I'm also looking at making up some paleo bread for breakfast stuff for me. Because I have to admit, it was kinda tasty. If the weather doesn't get too hot, I may actually get some baking done.

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sun	scrambled eggs	sandwiches / leftovers	pizza
Mon	kids: donuts me: scrambled egg, sausage, muffin coffee	Kids: sandwiches & chips Hubby: chili leftovers & Me: leftovers	hamburgers coleslaw
Tues	kids: donut me: breakfast bar & coffee	Kids: sandwiches & chips Hubby: sandwich, chips cookies, cheese Me: salad	chicken fajitas refried beans riced cauliflower
Wed	kids: cereal & fruit me: blueberry-egg bake, chia pudding & coffee	Kids: sandwiches & chips Hubby: chili & 'rice' Me: taco salad	macaroni salad / zucchini salad & teriyaki meatballs brownies
Thurs	kids: waffles me: zucchini hash w/ eggs & toast & coffee	Kids: sandwiches & chips Hubby: leftovers Me: leftovers	gen. tso chicken cauliflower rice veggie sticks & dip
Fri	kids: cereal me: mason jar omlette & toast & coffee	Kids: sandwiches & chips Hubby: sandwiches & chips Me: leftovers	pork korma cauliflower rice naan kids: ez mac
Sat	eggs, bacon & fruit	leftovers / sandwiches	roast chicken & leftovers

Things are getting interesting.

The kids are doing summer school again this year. I have had them telling me more facts about recycling and local wildlife I than I ever wanted to know. Billy's birthday was today and he got two presents he had been really hoping for. I'm going to probably have a struggle to get him not to take them with him to school tomorrow. The argument that rain will not be good for the toys may help. Who knows. I can't believe that Snuggle Bug is nine now. Where did the time go?

His birthday dinner was pizza because it is is his favorite. I have this thing I do that I make the person whose birthday it is their favorite thing for dinner and try to get them their favorite cake. Didn't work so well for hubby's birthday because the cake recipe just kept coming out wrong. Today, I picked something up at the store just because I was fed up with cooking. But, operation birthday was a big success. Operation birthday number two next month will be equally as much of a success, I think.

I have hit the point in my novel writing for this month that I am a the required word count to validate between two projects. At the same time, I am at a mid point on the larger project and finished on the smaller one. I feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about as I am writing. This seems to be the time when I do my best work. It is indescribably creepy. But, I have found my way through the block that ate up a good portion of my time.

I am starting to feel a bit better after a roller coaster ride of a month. Modern medicine is a wonderful thing and I am deeply grateful that I have access to these medications. I'm trying to remember that it is ok to be like this and that this is normal. It's kinda rough though. The diabetes thing has a steep learning curve. And it seems that getting stuff like a cold or being stressed out makes your blood sugar go wonky. My blood sugar is beginning to get closer to the normal range on a regular basis.

So, progress is happening. And weirdness. In January, I was wearing a size 9 shoe. I am now down to a size 7 shoe. This is confusing me. The scale hasn't moved a whole lot but I started out in January wearing size 22 women's and I'm now down to a size 16, which is starting to get a little big on me. I have been doing a lot of walking and trying to strictly keep within the diet guidelines I've been given. I'm hungry most of the time, but I'm getting to where I can ignore some of it again. As long as I eat according to schedule, I don't have too many problems. If my schedule gets knocked out of wack, however, the whole day gets thrown off and my mood and everything gets weird.

Those of you who have known me for a long time would know that me and schedules and organization wasn't really a thing when I was younger. I didn't resist schedules, I just didn't really use them. Now I am super organized with a bullet journal for my writing, a mental health/health log, a day planner, and an office in a bag (for lack of a better description). I'd be using digital versions of tracking everything but I don't trust Windows not to eat my information. I'm not good with spreadsheets. Still, me from ten years ago wouldn't recognize me today.

Monday Menu

My life is beginning to get back to normal thanks to a number of things. As evidence of this, I have a menu for this week. :)

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sun	scrambled eggs	sandwiches / leftovers	pizza
Mon	kids: cereal & fruit me: scrambled egg, sausage, chia pudding coffee	Kids: sandwiches & chips Hubby: pizza leftovers & pasta salad Me: leftovers	hamburgers carrot salad
Tues	kids: waffles me: blueberries & yogurt w/ hard boiled egg & coffee	Kids: sandwiches & chips Hubby: sandwich, chips hard boiled egg, cheese Me: soup & salad	ground turkey tacos refried beans salsa & guacamole
Wed	kids: cereal & fruit me: blueberry-egg bake, chia pudding & coffee	Kids: walking nachos Hubby: burrito bowl Me: taco salad	pulled pork apple slaw buns brownies
Thurs	kids: waffles me: zucchini hash w/ eggs & toast & coffee	Kids: ez mac Hubby: leftovers Me: cobb salad	sloppy joes cauliflower rice veggie sticks & dip
Fri	kids: cereal me: mason jar omlette & toast & coffee	Kids: sandwiches & chips Hubby: sandwiches & chips Me: leftovers	chicken korma cauliflower rice naan kids: ez mac
Sat	eggs, bacon & fruit	leftovers / sandwiches	spaghetti & meatballs

Untitled.

I have been struggling. My lack of writing across all of my blogs and conspicuous silence on social media may make that evident. I am still depressed. I have my ok days and my bad days, but the depression is still there. My symptoms are slowly getting worse, but I am confident that I can make it one more week before I see my psychiatrist.

I am aghast and despondent over national events unfolding. I am especially pained by the behavior of this administration and its agents regarding immigration. I dearly wish to help the people who are being harmed but I see no means for me to do so and my own issues bind my hands yet more than I can put into words. This is true on so very many fronts.

People who are dear to me are struggling mightily in their own lives. I wish to help them but I can not take concrete action because I haven't the ability, means, or the slightest idea how. I can not help but wonder what will become of us. I genuinely fear for the future.

Run on the Water

I watched as they raised their hands to their face. It could not stifle the agonized scream of horror and grief but it sheltered their eyes from the unfolding events. As ash sifted down around us, I could hear others giving similar cries. I turned my face towards the east. The journey called out to me. As I began to take my first steps, I felt the weight of the shield upon my left arm. I set the helm upon my head, ignoring how the shield made movement awkward in doing so.

The baldric sang its song as I walked, a soft jangling like that of a woman's ring of keys held in her right hand ready for a fight. A person stepped in my path and I continued forward. Sensing death attendant upon me, they fled my shadow's passage. The sun was moving lower into the west behind me as I continued on my road. The screaming and weeping of the civilians no longer filled the air around me but it echoed in my ears. Hidden within the folds of my cloak was a parchment inscribed with holy words. They were supposed to be my guide through the dark land before me. The cries of my country illuminated the shadows the grew deeper around me more than the scroll I carried.

Night rose up like startled birds when I reached the ocean. No bark awaited me there. I stooped and fixed the lacing of my sandals and pulled my cloak tighter about me as fog rose. One against untold numbers was terrible odds. No one said that I had to go. No holy person told me that I was chosen. They simply gave me a scroll to bear to the Queen. When I came to the village of my birth and I found it burning, I knew that my road was far longer and different from the royal road that wound its way to the north.

I stood at the ocean's edge and waited for the first moon to rise. The great Mother would be full as would be her Children. If the horologists calculations were correct, tonight would have all three rise in order of size. If the scroll was correct, a path upon the waters would be revealed with their rising. So, I waited. The first shimmer of light broke the horizon and sparkled over the tops of the waves. I was unsure if there were stones in the water that would be revealed or if some wonder was to unfold. I stood at the shore as the tide rose higher and the waters moved towards my feet.

The Mother had cleared the horizon and the sea turned smooth as glass. The air turned curiously still and my heart hammered. Something was about to happen, my body screamed at me. I couldn't pull my eyes away from the ocean and the light shimmering on it. As the Son rose and the Daughter peeked over the horizon, my feet moved of their own will. My foot settled upon a beam of light and the water beneath my foot was firm. I took another step and found it to be the same. I began to run, my shield slapping against my back in its harness.

My gaze remained focused upon the moon and I felt as though I was rising into the air as I ran. I began to feel chilled despite my great effort. Knowing that countless lives depended upon me, I continued running. I fell into the rhythm that carried me from the temple of the oracle to my village and time blurred. In the darkness of night, I felt like I was running for eternity upon some strange narrow bridge. I stumbled when my feet were upon land again. I looked around in amazement. I stood upon some foreign shore where green trees swayed in a warm breeze. The sky was growing light.

A man walked forward from a thicket of poplar trees. He raised his hands in a peaceful gesture. “Greetings and well met, fair traveler,” he said in a thickly accented voice that sounded like gravel tumbling from a barrel. His broad brimmed hat fell over his right eye and shaded his face from the gloaming's light. His cloak was as gray as the clouds scudding overhead and yet as pale as the sea bird's feathers. “You have come from a distant world of my lost children,” he said as he motioned for me to follow him, “Their dreams and hopes lay in you and what you carry.” I walked after him noting he seemed to be an older man though he moved as though he was in the prime of life. I wondered for a moment if the was truly the god of my ancestors' ancestors. Old stories spoke of the wandering god of the famous spear and storm voice. “I shall bring you to my storyteller. She shall reveal what you must tell your queen.”

We walked together to a hut. It looked as though trees had been woven together to make a weather tight building twice as tall as the man at my side and just as wide. A leather flap was pegged down across the entrance. The old man rapped on the hardened leather three times. A shuffling on the other side happened and then the flap was lifted. A ruddy light like firelight came from within. “Go in, speak with the seer and the truth speaker. They've been waiting for you.” I ducked my head and stepped into the hut. As I did so, the parchment tumbled from the folds of my cloak and fluttered to the ground. I didn't need it anymore. Daylight had come and insight awaited me.

Converting recipes from metric not so much fun.

In my quest to find a bread recipe that I can actually eat despite my diabetes being basically out of control, I've been looking at recipes from sources outside of the USA. Everybody else does not use 'standard' and I am bad at math. Thankfully, Google has reference material and a handy converter function. Still, going from grams to tablespoons is super annoying. I find myself missing the days where I could measure everything in metric because I was in the lab and all the equipment was set up for that.

I am currently trying out this recipe for paleo bread. I honestly have no idea how this is going to come out. I'm hoping it will be at least passable fare. I'm not expecting it to be just like regular bread because it's basically a mass of nuts baked and held together with eggs. I expect it to have a strong egg flavor. The nuts I used were not what was specified in the recipe. I didn't have pumpkin seeds.

So, basically, I used three cups of mixed nuts with a handful of sunflower seeds thrown in. I briefly thought about throwing some dried cranberries in there but I remembered that would raise the carbohydrates. But, if this comes out reasonably well, I will probably be adding this protein heavy thing to part of my breakfast. My goal is to get to where I am going through the day on only three meals. Right now, it is three meals with two small snacks.

I recognize that protein heavy and carb light meals are helping my situation. So, I'm working on finding a way to continue to do that and make it easier to put meals together. This is why I am doing things like learning to make my own riced cauliflower (I will figure out how Green Giant does the garlic flavor for theirs! I haven't been able to duplicate it yet.) and trying out twists on familiar recipes such as zucchini hash. I am getting bored with eggs and bacon for breakfast every day.

This reminds me, since the weather is still going to be somewhat cool tomorrow, I will be cooking up a package of bacon so that I have bacon to use in cooking for the rest of the week. I keep putting it off, but I really have to learn how to cook bacon properly. It's become a breakfast staple and it is going to be less expensive and healthier to cook it myself than to buy it precooked. I'm not feeling brave enough to try out baking it in the oven right now. One cooking experiment at a time, thank you very much.

Slams the REBOOT button on today.

This weather is bananas. High heat and humidity does not make me happy. And with all the pollen in the air my fate was to have an asthma attack this morning as I put the kids on the bus. Now it is + 75 degrees in here with windows shut and curtains drawn. It is sweltering in here and I'm trying to summon up the energy to get some dishes done.

Yesterday wasn't quite as bad but I was busy running errands all day. Still, I managed to finish the alpaca yarn scarf that I was knitting. This was fiber that I spun on my Navajo spindle and put aside for months unsure what to do with it. Well, let's call it a year, if we're being more accurate time-wise. It is grey and a very chunky heavy weight yarn. It will make for a very warm scarf when the weather gets cold again.

All this humidity has put spinning on hold until we get the air conditioner running. I have been debating spinning silk but my hands are rather dry. The irony of dry skin problems while you are breathing soup is almost as painful as the breathing process right now. I have decided to start finishing up projects that I had sitting around waiting to be worked on. This lead to my working on the scarf I started back in February (the alpaca one). I finished the shawl I had started last month. It was difficult going at first because I couldn't really see what I was doing. I'm debating if I'm going to add any sort of fringe or anything on the narrow ends of it or not.

I also finished up last week the huge granny square scrap afghan I was making for Beloved's birthday present. I made some good progress on the shawl I am calling amythest. It is in shades of purple going to white. It is a more shaped shawl than what I have made in the past. It is a heptagon (7 sided shape) with a split on one of the corners.Once I had it large enough to sit comfortably on my shoulders, I have begun working in straight rows to make it hang straight down from that point. I'm not going to make it any larger in diameter. This is not going to be a very large shawl. Probably more of a shawlette that reaches to my elbows.

I have a tablecloth that I'm crocheting out of the teal thread I won in the silent auction at spinning guild last January. That is light enough that I can work on it despite the heat. It is, however, rather tedious. I am still on the boring part of the pattern, though. I'll probably be working on that a bit later today when it is too hot to do much of anything at all. Right now, I am going to go wash some dishes, make some gazpacho, and set up some tea to steep in the sunshine on the back deck. Sitting in front of the fan had something of a restorative effect, I suppose.

Monday Menu

I am having an odd day. Mood started out pretty awful. Then I was angry at past issues. So I burned my anger out doing things like scrubbing the tub and washing a ton of dishes. I'm still angry but it is not like it was earlier where I was contemplating going and getting into a fight with someone. Now, I'm calm and my anger is much calmer. Like being angry that I dropped a stitch when I was knitting something. My brain is weird. Hopefully this means that my mood is going to be better now.

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sun	scrambled eggs	sandwiches / leftovers	pizza
Mon	kids: cereal & fruit me: scrambled egg, sausage, avacado pudding, coffee	Kids: school Hubby: pizza leftovers & pasta salad Me: leftovers	hamburgers carrot salad
Tues	kids: waffles me: avacado pudding boiled egg, toast & butter coffee	Kids: school Hubby: sandwich, chips hard boiled egg, cheese Me: soup & salad	ground turkey tacos refried beans salsa & guacamole
Wed	kids: cereal & fruit me: blueberry-egg bake, avacado pudding & butter coffee	Kids: school Hubby: burrito bowl Me: taco salad	homemade pizza & salad
Thurs	kids: waffles me: zucchini hash w/ eggs & butter coffee	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers Me: cobb salad	sloppy joes cauliflower rice veggie sticks & dip
Fri	kids: cereal me: mason jar omlette & avacado pudding & butter coffee	Kids: school Hubby: sandwiches & chips Me: leftovers	chicken korma cauliflower rice naan kids: ez mac
Sat	eggs, bacon & fruit	leftovers / sandwiches	spaghetti & meatballs

Friday Fiction: The Time Machine Is Broken

I wound the key on the mechanism. The quaint sounds of a music box played with the whirring of gears and uncoiling of springs as counterpoint to it. Then the music skipped and began to play again from the beginning as the key twisted backwards. Father did not tell me what to do if this happened. I watched with some curiosity as the music than began to play backwards. The music skipped and the mechanism whirred somewhat louder than before.

I tapped upon the brass back plate wherein the key fitted. Something within rattled. The key began to turn in the proper direction but the music was silent. And then I looked up and saw something most curiously disturbing. Everyone in the station around me had stopped moving. A child hung in midair suspended by possibly some gossamer thread I could not see but of incredible strength. I moved to get up and discovered that my body did not obey my will. I cast my gaze down to my right hand resting beside the device.

It felt as though an incredible weight was upon me, thrusting my hand down into the very wood of the counter it sat upon. Though my limbs could not obey me, my eyes could. I looked over at the device. The key turned slower as that crushing weight became unbearable. My vision began to blur and become spotted. Desperately, I tried to lift my hand to wind the key back to its proper position.

If it were possible, I believe that sweat would have been profuse upon my brow. Instead, everything became cool and colors grew dim. Oh, Father, what should I do? As the key's turning came to a stop, silence and a terrible cold overcame the whole of reality. All was dark. I had no voice with which to cry out for help. I had no body to move. Only one thing remained, my awareness and memories. But even the memories are faded.

Fiber fluff: Working on Presents.

I have been working on presents for Beloved's birthday next week. I finished the box and handed it to him night before last. Today, I just finished the scrap granny square afghan for him to use when he decides to nap on the couch in cool weather. The thing needs a good wash but it is finally done.

I just have two more things to make and/or acquire and I'll be finished. I figure four presents over the week leading up to his birthday means it is no big deal if I get the exact date wrong, again.

I am making slow but steady progress combing fiber and spinning it. M.K. sent me a wonderful rainbow of blue faced leicester locks that I have been using my mother in law's viking style combs to process it. I'm almost finished with the white. Next is going to be the bright sunshine yellow. The grey alpaca fiber that I was going to spin on my navajo spindle is going to wait for fall. That stuff felts so easily, I'm going to stick with my current project. That is a silk-merino blend in all the colors of storm clouds. I'm spinning it on my small turkish spindle. I haven't decided how I'm going to be plying it. I still have the rest of the braid to spin into singles before I have to worry about plying though.

I'm waaay behind on the sheep study stuff. I'm going to try to wash fiber this weekend if the weather isn't too bad. My hope is I can wash it and then dry it in lingere bags out in the sun. Keep each bag labeled and I should be able to tell which sample is which. I think last breed we got samples from was Hog Island. I have at least six samples to wash and then comb or card depending on the staple length.

I have decided that I'm going to make notecards with the details that I learn in the spinning process for the different samples. On the notecard will be a sample of the cleaned fleece showing staple length (which will also be noted). Then there will be a tiny sample of singles and a plied yarn made from each sample. Notation will include the weight of the spindle it was spun on, wraps per inch, and total yardage I got out of the sample. I'm thinking that the final skeins of each sample will be knitted together into a shawl. Just a basic triangular shawl.

Menu for the Week of 5/14/18

The last several days have been busy. Just the usual household stuff going on. I am not entirely sure what to say about how things are going on the diabetes front. I've been attempting a ketogenic diet while waiting for my health insurance company to approve a medication they denied earlier. This has not been a pleasant time for me. I've found somethings I have enjoyed (zucchini hash and butter coffee) and some that I can tolerate (egg 'muffins'). It is still hard and I am still spending a good amount of time feeling hungry. I don't know if it is because I'm eating less carbs, because of the diabetes, or because of my other medications. I honestly don't know.

I'm trying not to set myself up for cooking three separate meals at a given time. It is leaning towards that happening. Just because what I am doing is so radically different from everyone else in the household.

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sun	scrambled eggs w/ bacon & fruit	sandwiches / leftovers	pizza
Mon	kids: cereal & fruit me: zucchini hash w/ egg butter coffee	Kids: school Hubby: noodle bowl with muffin Me: leftovers	hamburgers carrot salad
Tues	kids: french toast sticks me: mason jar omelette & butter coffee	Kids: school Hubby: chinese leftovers Me: soup & salad	ground turkey tacos refried beans salsa & guacamole
Wed	kids: cereal & fruit me: blueberry-egg bake & 1/2 muffin	Kids: school Hubby: burrito bowl Me: taco salad	meatball stroganoff & salad
Thurs	kids: french toast sticks me: zucchini hash w/ eggs	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers Me: meatballs & zoodles	broccoli salad chicken salad sandwiches potato salad
Fri	kids: cereal me: mason jar omlette & 1/2 muffin	Kids: school Hubby: sandwiches & chips Me: leftovers	pad thai stir fry & spring rolls kids: ez mac
Sat	eggs, bacon & fruit	leftovers / sandwiches	sloppy joes cauliflower rice veggie sticks & dip

Monday Menu: Week of 5/6/18

The menu plan for this week has me eating some type of egg thing every blasted morning. I'm not thrilled with this, but so far it is the lowest carb form of breakfast I can come up with. I'm going to try making chia seed 'pudding' tonight to see if I can tolerate the stuff. If so, it will be added into the menu as per needed. Sunday went off the rails menu-wise because my kitchen was a disaster. As such, breakfast was cereal for the kids and half a banana and some meatballs for me. Lunch was foraging for leftovers in the fridge. Dinner was salad and a sandwich. Well, sort of. Beloved didn't have the salad part and the kids refused any of it in favor of macaroni and cheese.

I'm trying really hard to do this low carb meal planning for myself and avoid having to make three meals for any given meal. It's been challenging. The hardest part of going really low carb is the fact that I feel hungry all the time and I'm finding myself struggling not to skip meals. Sounds contradictory, but feeling hungry all the time is triggering my almost anorexia behaviors. It's been pretty awful. I've been emotionally a mess through out all of this.

I'll find away to make sense of it all, somehow. I tried butter coffee today. I'm struggling to see what the big difference between putting cream and butter in your coffee is. I'll be trying it with a little coconut oil in it tomorrow. Who knows, maybe this could do me some good. I've been limiting stuff like red meat so I'm not getting much in the way of cholesterol from meats. But the eggs every day.. that might be problematic. I don't know.

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sun	scrambled eggs w/ bacon & fruit	sandwiches / leftovers	pizza
Mon	kids: cereal & fruit me: egg-bacon 'muffins' w/ toast and sugar free jam	Kids: school Hubby: noodle bowl, cornbread muffin, boiled egg Me: leftovers	hamburgers apple salad
Tues	kids: french toast sticks me: zucchini hash with egg and toast	Kids: school Hubby: chili & cornbread Me: soup & salad	pulled pork tacos refried beans salsa & guacamole
Wed	kids: cereal & fruit me: blueberry-egg bake & 1/2 muffin	Kids: school Hubby: Cuban sandwich bean burrito bowl (small) Me: taco salad	meatball stroganoff & salad
Thurs	kids: french toast sticks me: egg-bacon 'muffins' w/ 1/2 muffin	Kids: school Hubby: garlic bread pizza Me: leftovers	sweet-n-sour meatballs w/ barley tropical fruit salad kids: pasta & meatballs
Fri	kids: cereal me: blueberry-egg bake & toast	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers Me: leftovers	pork korma naan cucumber salad kids: ez mac or sandwiches
Sat	eggs, bacon & fruit	leftovers	rotisserie chicken roasted baby potatoes roasted brussels sprouts or broccoli

Menu plan, posting about menu planning, and deviating from the plan.

I have a new blog. I'm posting about the stuff I do to run my household. A lot of what I know I learned from my late grandmother and my mother. I have also been something of a nerd about it and researched ways to make things more effective. I may also be one of the few weirdos you know that will sit down and read a cookbook. (This past time has resulted in my learning a lot more about the culture of the 1950s than I really wanted. I'll write about that at a later time.)

This week's post was about menu planning. Then I deviated from my menu plan for this week today. As I mentioned in the post I linked to, I forgot to get out the chicken for dinner last night. So, when it was around noon, I checked on how my bird was thawing out. It was still a frozen brick. It was a slightly squishy potential murder weapon. Instead of roast chicken for dinner, it was sandwiches and soup.

The menu I had planned for this week was pretty basic.

Pizza night on Sunday, as per ususal.

Hamburgers and salad on Monday, again as per ususal.

Tuesday was tacos, but I had a taco salad because carbs in the tortillas were over 15 grams.

Today was supposed to be roast chicken with barley salad. It was instead sandwiches for the kids and meatball soup for Beloved and I.

Tomorrow is scheduled for split pea soup. I will be making chicken then because the damn bird will finally be thawed enough to go in the crock pot.

Friday is going to be pork korma for Beloved and I with some naan. The kids are getting pork chops and mac & cheese.

Saturday is a mystery. I had nothing figured out. If things go how I suspect they will, I'll probably be whipping something up out of leftovers. Like chicken stew. Or maybe chicken salad sandwiches, depending on if it is stupidly hot or not. The weather has me confused.

Arthritis and allergies, go away please.

I don't know about the rest of you, but the allergies have been pretty bad around my place. The boys are both having symptoms and my sinuses have been nothing but trouble. On particularly bad days, Beloved gets the sniffles too. With the weather being all haywire and swinging between snow, rain, dry but cold, and dry with some seasonal warmth, my joints are not happy. Nor are my ribs or my shoulder from when I fell on the snow shovel.

It's made sleeping difficult. My knees randomly deciding they're going to lock up or give out hasn't helped me get much done today either. I would be thrilled if I woke up tomorrow and I didn't feel so awfully stiff. I think I could tolerate the sinus stuff if I could just get things done. I spent much of today trying to get things done but my knees kept acting up. Not being sure if your knee is going to drop you on the ground tends to encourage you to sit down before you fall down.

I guess this is part of the price of getting to see just shy of 39 years worth of sunrises. I thought I'd be older before I was this uncomfortable. Of course, I have had arthritis since I was a kid, so maybe I'm lucky it wasn't this bad before now. I don't know. I just know that I'm uncomfortable and I can't take a lot of the over the counter stuff for various reasons. Ibuprofen worked great until I developed an allergy to it. Now I have to be careful taking naproxen or I am going to have lots of hearburn problems due to how it interacts with the laundry list of other stuff I'm on. Aspirin doesn't do much for me. Tylenol works half as well as naproxen but it's hard on my stomach if I take it too many times in the day. (As in, more than three times a day and I get the wicked heartburn like I do if I take naproxen with out food or right before I go to bed.)

It's all a string of minor annoyances. I try not to blather and complain about them. Today was a series of minor annoyances getting in the way of getting stuff done. Hence my bit of a rant here. I feel like today was a Monday on Thursday. At least the kids had a good day at school. And the parent teacher conference went well over the phone. I just have a kitchen full of dirty dishes that I must scrub.

Screw that guy anyways.

So, I was going to be staff at a local paper. I was all set to do it and then red flags started waving. No payment. No indication of any reimbursement of any kind for writing articles. The chief editor has a history in the community of being a pushy guy to the point he was invited not to be part of the library's board of directors. And, it turns out, I met this guy before and didn't realize it. The person who set off my creep radar at the writer's group? Yep, same person.

I turned down his offer to make me staff. Did it with plenty of professional sounding buzzwords. Because this guy like buzzwords. I've taken my concept of a weekly column at a local little paper and turned it into yet another blog. Here's the link. I'm going to post weekly and it's going to be things like household management stuff that I've learned over the last several years as a housewife and some recipes at random.

I'm starting with weekly posts so that I don't get overwhelmed in my blog efforts. My thinking is to eventually monetize that blog and keep this one more personal. I'm in the process of shutting down a separate blog project that is not working out for me. I am also in the process of backing up another blog project and using it a little differently. A lot of housekeeping on the digital front is happening. My vision is clearer which means I'm trying to get back to work on stuff.

My menu post will be going up in about an hour. I have a few other things to take care of first.

Crochet my anxiety away.

I can see a bit better now. As such, I have been crocheting less by feel and actually seeing what I'm working with. It makes it a lot easier. I'm almost finished with the scrap yarn blanket. I have about a foot to add on to it. Since that is nearly complete and Cuddle Bear's hat is almost complete, I have started a new project.

Using sport weight acrylic from Red Heart that wasn't super scratchy, I have started a shawl. It is going to be a little bigger than the last time I made this very basic shawl. It is 60 stitches in half double crochet until it is as long as it is for you to reach from fingertip to fingertip with your arms spread wide. The last time I made this pattern, I was in a state of crisis. I worked on it with woolen yarn, that soon was felted by the kind staff at the hospital where I stayed. I am still a bit irate that they ignored me when I told them my shawl was wool and they were surprised that it shrank.

I only have the first ten rows done. When I get it finished, I'll post a picture up.

Monday Menu & thoughts.

Here's this week's menu:

Date	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Sun	scrambled eggs w/ bacon & fruit	sandwiches / leftovers	pizza
Mon	kids: cereal & fruit me: cereal, fruit hard boiled egg	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers Me: leftovers	hamburgers carrot salad tater tots
Tues	kids: french toast sticks me: oatmeal w/ fried egg & bacon	Kids: school Hubby: beef noodle bowl Me: soup	turkey tacos salsa & fixings mexican rice
Wed	kids: cereal & fruit me: cereal, fruit & walnuts	Kids: school Hubby: burrito bowl hard boiled egg Me: taco salad	spaghetti & meatballs w/ salad & garlic bread
Thurs	kids: french toast sticks me: oatmeal w/ yogurt & bacon	Kids: school Hubby: garlic bread pizza Me: leftovers	kids: ez mac salad and/or leftovers
Fri	kids: cereal me: poached egg w/ fruit & toast	Kids: school Hubby: leftovers Me: sandwich & salad	kids: ez mac or sandwiches leftovers
Sat	pancakes, bacon & fruit	leftovers	ham, roasted potatoes, green beans/salad

My day has been fits and starts of activity. I have gotten most of my to do list done. What's left are small tasks that I can complete in the evening. I discovered that in losing weight, my shoe size has changed by half a size. Those snow boots that were too tight at the beginning of the season fit me properly now. Oddly, however, my feet hurt like I've been standing on them all day. I don't think I spent that much time on my feet. I don't know if it is the fact my shoes are the wrong size, I don't have enough support in them, or if there's something else entirely different going on. But my achey feet are not making me happy. They're annoying me almost as much as the effects of drinking tons of water today.

Today was a tough day diet-wise. I had a small breakfast that was mostly protein and the required number of carbs. I was still hungry, but 1/3 cup of cheerios really isn't that satisfying so it made sense. I made myself wait until three hours later to eat a small snack of a cheese stick. When I was looking up possible salad recipes for dinner tonight (I wound up making a cucumber onion salad and eating a third of a head of romaine lettuce.) I saw that one of the goals with diabetic diets was to have three meals a day and a snack at bed time. I felt somewhat demoralized by this bit of research. I have been hungry all day. It made me sad to see that I apparently should be feeling this way as per the 'experts'. I did my best to stick to the 30 carbs per meal rule and 11 to 15 carbs for a snack. I think I did a reasonable job of it. I think.

I'm still trying to figure out this stuff about carb exchanges and the wonky math that goes into finding out how much makes one serving. I was before doing the 'plate portions' with a 9 inch plate. After being so hungry, I moved back to a regular sized dinner plate and made 2/3rds of my plate vegetables.The scale didn't move much when I started doing that, but I found that I felt less hungry and my pants size started to change. I am now looking at the very small portions that equate to single servings and realizing that the 9 inch plate makes the portions look larger. The care coordinator told me that 30 carbs can mean two starch servings. The difficulty is everybody has different measurements for what is a serving on their packaging. And the serving sizes all have different amounts of carbs.

So, I have started a new binder of recipes that I can eat with out worrying too much about it. Just prepare everything as per recipe and I can eat the serving size listed with the amount of carbs and everything listed. It equates to a good amount of research that needs done. I've a section just for notes and I'm going to be making a list of carbs per measured amount for ingredients in that list. Thus, if I am having a salad with two tablespoons of homemade ranch dressing on it, I will know it has 5 carbs and point whatever protein plus whatever amount of fats because I will have done the math already and have it noted down. One problem with this process, honestly, is I am overwhelmed by how much I don't know.

I was originally planning on using this cute little binder with the roses all over it as a mini-home binder. Not a new cookbook. I have a shelf full of cookbooks. I didn't think I needed another one. Then I got this diagnosis and found the diabetes cookbook at the library. As I was reading it and I saw the notation about the recipes, I realized that having a cookbook like that with different recipes would be helpful for me. So, I'm making my list of foods with all their data. And copying a few choice recipes from the diabetes cookbook. At the back of the notes/reference section, I'll be making a list of what cookbooks I reference. At the front of this thing, I have a page where I note my dietary goals. It's a really rough looking page because I don't have a complete picture of what I need to be doing here. We're still figuring that out.

I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark. It's cold and unpleasant outside. My feet hurt. I'm hungry. And I still can't see straight, despite the fact that I'm taking a mouthful of pills every morning and afternoon to correct various issues that contributed to this problem. I'm trying really, really hard not to fall back into the starve-binge eating pattern I had as a kid. This measuring everything and constant hunger is making that difficult. But, at least Cuddle Bear's orthodontist appointment went ok and my parents-in-law were able to help us out with getting to it and minding Snuggle Bug.