NaBloPoMo 20

So, there's controversy in the Filianic community. I weighed in and now there are figures backpedaling and saying that I have taken what they said out of context. I suppose it was a matter of time until this happened. I kicked over a rock and all things come skittering out. I'm weighing how to respond.

I don't know why this keeps happening. I get involved with a community. At some point some hoity-toity garbage gets spewed and I can't help but respond. It's a visceral 'wait a second, that's weapons grade bullshit going on" response. At the same time, I've gotten an anonymous question in my ask box inquiring if my position on TERFs (trans-exclusive radical feminists) remains the same. I have a feeling that my "down to earth" style of communication may wind up with my getting asked to leave the community.

I am of a bad feeling that this is going to go like the last time I got involved with a "organized" group of witches. Someone says something that sets off my bullshit radar. I speak up. They get into a collective snit because I called out someone that they decided was above being called out. And I either get booted from the group or the situation becomes hostile enough that I just leave so I don't have to deal with their shenanigans.

There were people, back when the TERFs matter initially came up a few months ago, who tried to argue that we should be tolerant of TERFs. I blasted that argument to pieces with scripture quotes and logic. This time around, it was logic and a linguistics lesson. I'm sorry, but when their sources say that the term "lady" means "loaf kneader" and "lord" means "loaf warder", I have to correct that. I love the English language too much to let that slide.

NaBloPoMo 19

It is a cruel and bitter irony that yesterday, I woke up feeling rested and ready to take on the world, whereas today I am exhausted. I forgot to take my evening medications on Sunday. I woke up several times in the night, had some surreal dreams that I couldn't quite chalk up as nightmares but just confusing, and laid there worrying about some of the most random things before I fell a sleep Sunday. Last night, I woke up a couple times but I slept most of the night. And here I am, ready to crawl back into bed and sleep.

I hate these damn pills. I hate that I need them to function. I hate the guilt I feel for taking them and questioning if I am a 'druggie' for it. Being a 'druggie' was being one of the lowest of all people in the eyes of my parents. They didn't care if you legitimately needed the medication. They tried to talk me out of vaccinating my children because of how entrenched their loathing of medication has become over the years.

NaBloPoMo 18

I'm out of coffee. It is a bit before 7:30 am and I'm doing my light therapy thing. I think I have figured out the correct angle for this thing not to be causing my eyes a lot of grief. My eldest child is off at school and it is almost time for us to go out and wait for the bus for my youngest child. My NaNoWriMo story still has no title because I wasn't able to think of a good one. I'm up to 70k for my word count. This thing is going to probably end up somewhere in the range of 100k when I finally get it done.

NaBloPoMo 17

So, I finally have my planner for this month set up. We're only half way through the month. Not a big deal, right? I have done nothing with my writing bullet journal. I have done very little journal writing. I have been focused on NaNoWriMo in an attempt to just finish one damn story. I am getting frustrated with it because it is taking me so long to get through plot development points. It's like playing a game and you don't get to choose to take the side quests or continue on the main quest, you automatically take every side quest.

It is almost as mentally fatiguing as trying to figure out the right way to finish book seven. This thing I'm working started as fan fiction. It has turned into gods only know what now. I think that working on this is giving me ideas for how to solve some of my book seven problems.

I'm not a big fan of this light therapy lamp but I'm using it anyways with the hope that it will do some good for me. It still gives me a mild headaches and makes my eyes unhappy.  After using it, I don't come away from the experience feeling energized and ready to take on the day. I find myself tired, still, and ready to take a nap. It makes me wonder if I am using this thing right.

NaBloPoMo 16: meme edition

NaBloPoMo 15

I am now at 71k on my project. I still have no idea what I am doing. But, hey, I finally hit one of my vague plot points. I've been struggling to have the discipline to sit down and write for the big word count days like I had back in the beginning of the month.

It is less a question of motivation and more a question of how to deal with my frustration with this project. I'm still at about the middle of the story, it seems. And when I am at this point, I feel like I am writing garbage and no one's going to want to read this thing. It happens every time. I suppose it is like second sock syndrome in knitting or crochet. You get one sock done and then you must summon up the energy to get the second one finished.

I'm still working out the ideal placement of my light therapy lamp. Right now, it is sitting on top of the stand holding the router and modem that is on the desk. It sort of works. I really have no idea what I am doing with this. I haven't seen much of a change in my mood right now. It takes around two weeks using it for the first signs of a change in mood shows up.

NaBloPoMo 14

I don't like my special SAD light. It hurts my eyes and I can't manage to find the right way to position it so that it doesn't. I can't help feeling that I am missing some crucial part of the process here and that is why I am struggling with how to use it properly.

NaBloPoMo 13

Today's my third day of trying out light therapy for my seasonal affective disorder. I hate it. It makes my eyes hurt and gives me a headache. My blood sugar has been running high. I don't know if I am coming down with something or what. It would be funny in a decidedly not funny way that this light therapy stuff was the reason why my blood sugar is running high right now.

NaBloPoMo 12

My feels right now:

NaBloPoMo 11

I'm burned out after yesterday and this past weekend. Still searching. Status report below:

NaBloPoMo 10

It was a long weekend. The kids have today off because it is Veteran's Day. Saturday was busy with errands and visiting family. I didn't get much writing done on my novel. I got even less knitting on my current charity scarf. And zero spinning done. At this rate, I don't think I'm going to have met my goal of spinning a mile of thread/yarn by the end of the year. Things keep coming up.

I did my first session of light therapy and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't feel like a zombie right now but my blood sugar isn't sky high either. I do feel weary, but I woke up several times in the night feeling thirsty. I don't know what is going on that my fasting blood sugar numbers are creeping up higher again. I am hoping that it is just the stress from having to replace the Impreza and the general anxiety issues I have causing it. I don't want to be getting sick again when I just got over a sinus infection.

NaBloPoMo 9

NaBloPoMo 8

Don't know what to write at the moment. Still stuck trying to figure out how to finish my damn manuscript. It is driving me bonkers.

NaBloPoMo No. 7

It's my birthday and Beloved got me an awesome gift. It is one of the Queer Seer pins. I had to get a pic with it on. I'm probably going to add it to my pins on my soft sided and very beat up green canvas briefcase/satchel that I've had since high school.

It's a great pin because it lets me show off my pride in my being bisexual and my pride in my hobby of tarot reading (and other forms of divination). I'm sorry for the poor picture quality, I didn't have the best lighting conditions.

NaBloPoMo No. 6

I have hit 50k on my project for NaNoWriMo and I think I am about half finished with the story. I still have no idea what the hell I am doing. It's a fantasy novel based off of some fanfiction I've been writing. Now I have this debate, do I try to finish this novel or do I pick up another project and work on it. I am leaning towards finishing this novel. Because these characters are stuck in my head. Excerpt of what I'm working on beneath the jump.

NaBloPoMo no. 5

Red Heart has a brand of yarn that is supposed to color pool in a way that it works up with an argyle pattern. I bought a ball of it a little while back in neon colors. Because argyle in neon would be pretty cool. They lied. It looked like neon clown barf. I'm still giving it to charity, but I am annoyed. I wanted to make a neon argyle scarf with out having to buy six balls of yarn and knit the thing. I am not good at intarsia knitting. The fact that I could have gotten argyle pattern with super simple crochet had me all excited. Signs are pointing towards I may need to start learning more advanced knitting techniques if I want to make interesting things.

NaBloPoMo No. 4

I'm trying to get started a trend on Twitter. I have two things. One is my bad pitches thread "Hey Agent!" The other is to get the others who are of the Filianic faith more active on Twitter and spread some sunshine around. There's a lot about Twitter that can be described as a dumpster fire. But the Filianic community, at large, is a kind and compassionate group. I'm trying to coax them back to Twitter to push back against the dumpster fire element with random acts of kindness, sharing favorite quotes from the holy texts, and be their lovely selves just as they are over on Tumblr. And Tumblr has the dumpster fire element in equal parts to the element that can be found on Twitter.

I was just hoping to see a little bit more kindness going forward on there. Maybe some cute cat pics but mostly inspiration and hope. Now I'm not so sure if this was such a good idea because I seem to be the only person doing it.

NaBloPoMo #3 I hate legos.

I hate walking them. I hate the gods awful mess they make. Most of all, I hate the noise of my son digging through the bin full of them to find parts to create something. That sound is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. At the same time, Snuggle Bug could play legos for hours and not cause any mischief.

I still kinda hate them, though.

NaBloPoMo #2

I'm actually attempting NaNoWriMo this year despite being depressed. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I took a partial manuscript from earlier in the year that I was just messing around with and put it in as what I'm working on now. My characters are that meme. I'm beginning to think that the meme is my stories in a nutshell.

NaBloPoMo #1 - Fuck Depression

So, I'm going to attempt National Blog Posting Month (that bit of alphabet soup in the title) this year. I was looking forward to doing National Novel Writing Month but I'm super anxious about it. I have no plan. I have no outline. Nothing. And I'm afraid that I would continue to write word vomit about my trauma as I did last NaNoWriMo and Camp NaNoWriMo. Beloved tells me that I shouldn't hang everything upon writing a novel this month. He's correct in saying that I work on such things on a regular basis year round.

But I was looking forward to the project all year. But depression ate my brain so I have no plans of any sort for writing this. Which makes my anxiety go off the rails. I am just going to open a word document and put down 1.7k words today. We'll see if it turns into anything, I guess. I just feel like this is a hopeless effort and that my writing career is a joke because I don't know how to manipulate social media enough to get anyone to buy books.