[keyboard mash] IT IS STILL A PANDEMIC!

 Here's a pretty picture to distract you for a moment from the horribleness of the world. If you can not read the text on the image, it says 'Chasing Hope' and the image is a series of blue butterfly stickers arranged around the text. The sparkly stickers are pop-up stickers, though the pic doesn't do a good job of demonstrating it.

Rant in-coming, if you're faint of heart or can not handle coarse language, focus on the butterflies.

I get why he did it. Dr. Fauci is under incredible pressure to declare everything is fine and that we're done with the pandemic. He said it because if he didn't he was probably going to lose his job and someone more malleable would have replaced him. Still, it's a dirty fucking lie that's going to get people killed.

There's 23 counties where people should be masking in my state. My county isn't one but is surrounded on all sides by them. It's only a matter of time until the CDC says we should bring back masking. My family didn't stop masking when the mandate got dropped. This goddamn disease mutates like nobody's business. It's killing people. It's just not killing them quite as fast. This is why we're still wearing masks and maintaining social distance despite the strain it puts on relationships.

I now understand that the Influenza Pandemic didn't truly go away. People just cast off their masks and accepted that people were going to die as a cost of being comfortable and living life as 'normal'. There is no fucking 'normal'. Until they come up with a damn vaccine that this cursed virus can not evade, I will be wearing a mask because this disease can fucking kill me. My children understand that I am in the high risk group for lethal complications and they're wearing masks because they don't want me to die.

I want you to think about that for a minute, Reader, a 12 and 14 year old have to consider their parent's mortality every morning they go to school. They're part of a very small population at the school still wearing masks. Everyone is real good about not giving them shit. But I'm waiting because at some point there's going to be an issue. My sons shouldn't have to worry about my dying because they brought home a 'common cold' that turned out to be Covid. They've been more anxious about my diabetes since Covid has come into the picture. Every morning when I check my blood sugar, they ask me if it is a good number. I always tell them it is a good number, even if it is running high, because I am not going to have them worried over if I'm ok when they have typical teenager shit to worry about.

I want my kids to be ok. I am working my damn ass off to keep my anxiety about the effects of long term Covid and the fear that if my boys get it, they'll be long-haulers, or dead. I see my neighbors and relatives casting their masks away and going 'It's all over now.' When, no, it is fucking not over. This is how we wound up with surges that killed a lot of people. 

There are mass graves in NYC of people who died from Covid. Over 1 million people in the US have died from Covid. But we're supposed to ignore that and focus on things like what Susie is going to wear to Prom! And the OMG!DISNEY IS GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE FLORIDA?! I'm sorry, but that shit doesn't matter. Coordinate the prom dress with the mask. Let the professionals hash out what's going to happen with Disney. Focus on trying to be hygienic, focus on trying to be safe, and start thinking long term with this mask business.

Because there's a lot of people who are dead or permanently disabled due to Covid because of stupid shit like people saying that it was 'just the flu' and getting their ass up in the air over the fact that they had to cover their mouth and nose. Let me tell you something, masks are a hell of a lot more comfortable than bras. You can actually breathe with them and you don't have a damn wire digging into your ribs to make your breasts look more socially acceptable (larger). If I have to wear a goddamn bra so that you're not offended by the fact that I have nipples (when every-fucking-body has  nipples, we're goddamn mammals), you should wear a fucking mask so I don't catch whatever disease you're carrying.

Fucking hell, people, we've had two and a half years of this shit. And you're crying about your freedoms? Your freedoms end at the tip of your nose. Social responsibility is part of being in a society. If you're sick, you get it taken care of and avoid people until you're better. It's common sense when something this damn contagious is running around. By the way, the biggest proponents of throwing the masks away and dismissing the vaccines are the generation who saw major national intervention for Polio and Measles. 

The death rate for Polio is the same as the death rate for Covid. But because Covid looks like a cold or the flu, they scorn it. Fuck those assholes. Polio was damn near eradicated because of intensive research and the public realizing that something was seriously fucking wrong. Why can't you morons do the same damn thing? Because you feel uncomfortable and irritated with a fucking mask? Grow a hair on your ass and put on the damn mask. You're going to kill people with this attitude and possibly even die yourself. If you don't give a damn about dying, that's fine. Eat a fucking bullet and get it over with so that you don't kill other people in the process.

Glory to Ukraine!

 The war in Ukraine broke out and I started to panic. I grabbed some embroidery materials and started stitching. I wish the war was done as fast as this sampler was. It's on 14 count Aida cloth. I have learned it doesn't lend itself well to long back-stitch with the same issues as satin stitch. That's why some of the lettering looks funky. The smudged area is where I tried to wash off some pencil marks. It's just wet. When it dried out, the smudge mostly went away.

The garden at the base of the image is hope. The light brown fence represents the troops who are defending their homes and their hopes. The dark brown field represents Ukraine's importance as an agricultural center/breadbasket for the region. The central figure is Ukraine. The sword represents their willingness to fight for their homeland. The flower represents their willingness for peace. The crown is their sovereignty. I tried to incorporate traditional Ukrainian elements into the sampler. My counted cross stitch skills are filled with fail.

My feelings on all of this is the Russian army needs to get the fuck out of Ukraine, all of Ukraine, and go home to fix their own country. Vladimir Putin needs a kick in the teeth, literally. And I'm terrified that WW3 is going to break out. So I stabbed the shit out of some fabric to make something that showed my support for Ukraine and mentally was stabbing the dictator of Russia in the eye with each stitch.

Proof of Life.

So, here's a current pic of me just trying to get by. I am still depressed. My head still feels like there's a committee arguing in it, but they shut up when I tell them to. Or at least get quieter. 

I'm not doing well, to be honest. I try to sleep at night but I keep waking up around two to three times. When I do sleep completely through the night, I don't wake up rested. I stumble around as I get dressed and then make breakfast for the kids and I. I manage to stay awake long enough to see them get on the bus and then I pass out on the couch for an hour and a half.

After which, I stumble around making Beloved's lunch for work or just trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. I haven't been doing creative writing. All of my writing has been focused on therapeutic work. I've been having lots of memories from my youth coming up witnessing this war in Ukraine. My parents told us things like the Russians were going to enslave us and that we were going to have to fight off people like our neighbors to keep the farm safe. 

I had a nutball teacher when I had to repeat kindergarten (because the first time around, I didn't play with the other children and I talked back to the teacher when they said something that made no sense, I set an early precedent for myself) and she had us to nuclear raid drills. Her version of nuclear raid drills was to have the short students hide under their desks and the tall ones stand beside their desks. Theoretically, if the building collapsed, the taller students would ensure the survival of the shorter students by holding it up. This is exactly what this nutball teacher told me when I asked her why. I then got booted out of the classroom to sit in the hall for talking back when I asked why I had to stand when I was literally the shortest kid in the room. The more I learn, the more it becomes apparent that this particular teacher wasn't playing by the same rule book as the rest of the school.

It was special growing up during the Cold War. The windows of that bus were extra clean. I have been dealing with 10 different parts of myself. My therapy work has been focused on cross communication between them and my conscious mind. I've learned to recognize when I space out and wander that one of them is partially 'out' or completely. It's been hard because they don't generally trust me because they expect me to ignore them/abuse them/reject them. Basically, a repetition of the way I grew up. That sense of dread has ratcheted up higher with Russian bullshit happening.

I'm pretty sure that Vladimir Putin has lost his goddamn mind. That or he thinks that Covid has weakened the rest of the world enough that he can go and start steamrolling his way through places to get what he wants. I'm real worried about how his forces hold Chernobyl. I'm equally concerned about how they're fixing to get the other power plant, the one that's one of the largest functioning nuclear power facilities in Europe. I fear that he's going to turn them into dirty bombs before exiting. A way to start a nuclear war with out having to fire something at somebody.

As you can obviously tell, my train of thought is off the rails and my ability to focus is impaired. It's kept me from blogging and writing for the last month. It's kept me from doing my tarot reading thing. I am not doing great.

At a loss for words.

 This business in Ukraine (and I learned it isn't 'the Ukraine' but just 'Ukraine' because 'the Ukraine' was a Soviet propaganda movement to delegitimize the nation to a minor extent) is making me as nervous as a cat in a rocking-chair factory. I've been trying to focus on domestic things like cleaning up for spring and my daily routine. It's been difficult.

Now, I don't have any family in Ukraine, as far as I'm aware. The family members with all the genealogical records and I are not on speaking terms right now. Still, these people don't deserve what's happening to them. And the rest of the world is doing what little they can to oppose Russia's incursion with out setting off WWIII. I can't help it, though, I'm watching these people taking a heroic and defiant stand against the Russian army when they're clearly out gunned. It's gut wrenching.

It is terrifying the fact that we are a few footsteps away from an open conflict with Russia. I don't want a nuclear war to happen. I don't want this war in Ukraine to happen. I want Russia to close up shop and go home. The fact that they hold Chernobyl is disturbing. Especially with the reports that there's been an increase in radiation being emitted at that site. Who needs a bomb when you can just throw a nuclear powerplant (that is damaged) into chaos? It's a huge threat to eastern Europe and the various Baltic states between Europe and Russia.

I'll not be watching the State of the Union address tonight. My wrecked nerves can't handle it. I'll read about it in the news tomorrow. I'm suspicious about the Republicans and their holding the 'real' State of the Union meeting right now. Things in this country are a powder keg that no on wants to admit. They want to just sweep it under the rug and say that things are going back to normal.

Meanwhile, there's still a pandemic raging. Mask mandates are being discarded left and right for political reasons when wearing a goddamn mask is what keeps you from breathing in the exhalations of a carrier or someone who is sick with Covid. Our school district said that it is up to parents if their kids are going to keep wearing masks. Our family is going to do it because this thing, even in it's more 'mild' version could seriously fuck me up. We've got people around the world doing 'freedom convoys' and using big rigs to block traffic as part of their protest of mask and other covid safety protocols that have been instituted by various governments. These fucking morons are forgetting that we're losing over a thousand lives a day to Covid. They figure it's not happening to them or their immediate circle of associates/families/etc. so it can't be as bad as it sounds.

Donald fucking Trump is out there flapping his gums and encouraging these protests. He's also talking about how great/smart Putin is for invading Ukraine. In the process, he's been talking trash about the US. And his fan base doesn't even notice that. They're too star struck and brainwashed to believe that he's damn near the second coming of Christ rather than recognize that he's a charlatan and a general bastard. We've got people in the GOP talking along the same lines (who are members of the Trump cult). It's getting ugly.

And there isn't a damn thing I can do about any of it.

Keep Calm and Carry Weapons.

 

Looking at the news, the meme above about covers it. That's about all I can brain up for today.

Please tell me it's not Monday.

 I started my day off literally running face first into a wall. No concussion or anything major, but I feel quite uncomfortable. I have really bad night vision and I am now waking up before the sun in a room with no windows (due to bad planning when they converted this building into apartments). I suppose it was just a matter of time that I had it happen, but I am frustrated.

 I didn't sleep well last night. I had dreams of watching the police brutalize a peaceful protestor who was sitting on the grassy median on some highway holding a sign that read, "No justice, no peace. Know justice, know peace." I was screaming at them to stop as they beat this man who wasn't hurting anyone. I woke up with the screaming in my throat waiting to come out. That was around 2am this morning.

I did not know the extent of the wild fires out west until this morning. It's terrifying, especially considering that I have some folks who are dear to me out there. As of the moment, they are safe, but I worry about them. I am afraid that between the pandemic and the wild fires, there's going to be a great deal of injury and loss of life out west. Like the instances of police violence and systemic oppression, I am helpless to do anything about it but pray.

The good news for today is that packages that Beloved and I were waiting on arrived safely. Cuddle Bear decided to take it upon himself to make lunch for him and his brother because I wasn't feeling well. He did a pretty good job. Snuggle Bug has managed to not make the kitchen a lego firewalk when he was building earlier. And when a box of legos fell over, he picked it up like it was no big deal.

I feel rotten right now and I'm trying not to let on to that fact around the kids. They, however, have noticed that I don't feel well. Hence my eldest deciding to make lunch and the kids attempting to independently manage the digital learning stuff they were doing this morning on their own. The digital learning was a mixed bag situation. One of the boys (Snuggle Bug) had problems with the Zoom meeting where it just wasn't going to let him into his class. It kept saying it was trying to connect and then nothing happened. Fortunately, Cuddle Bear was in the same meeting with the teacher and communicated what the problem was. So, Snuggle Bug wasn't counted as absent, but the problem with getting into class meetings persisted. We're guessing it was something internet related and hoping that tomorrow goes better.

I am feeling somewhat distraught about some bodily issues I have going on related to perimenopause. The doctor has ordered some blood work and next week I get to go have an ultrasound to make sure there are no abnormalities with my uterus. I'm experiencing more aggressive perimenopause symptoms than most women my age. The distressing part is how it is impacting my ability to have sex. I have a high pain tolerance and I do have some kinks involving masochism but the pain after we've accidentally gone too far or pushed things a little too hard, that sucks and reminds me of horrible things at random moments. Yay ptsd. (It can die in a fire.)

Another Black Man Murdered

 In a city north of us, a black man was murdered by police. It was covered up by the city officials. The details about the murder was brought to public light by the family of the deceased. Now there are protests happening. There was one last night. The people were peaceable but approaching the barrier that was set up around the public safety building where they were protesting. What did the police do? They shot pepper balls into the crowd.

There's another protest today. Tension is high as the mayor's made a statement that was patent bullshit and the seven officers who were involved were put on leave. I'm furious. The mayor said that when she was made aware of the murder that she was using her 'legal mind' instead of thinking about it 'as a mother or a sister.' I'm sorry, but if your 'legal mind' says that covering up a man's death at the hands of law enforcement officers, you're complicit in that death. If you don't immediately get suspicious when you're told that a person who died under police watch died of an "overdose" then you are not doing your job. Too many police brutality deaths have been attributed to "overdose" that it's laughable (as in laugh so that you're not screaming).

If I could go join the protest, I would. But there's a problem. The government is responding to peaceable protestors with violence. If they decided to drop tear-gas on the crowd and I was in it, I'd quite likely have an asthma attack, a potentially fatal one. If you can't exercise your right to peaceably assemble and demand redress of grievances, you don't have that right anymore. They've taken it away. Just like they took away that black man's right to due process by suffocating him.

When you strap on a badge and a gun, your duty is to protect and serve the community. That includes the safety of the people you arrest. That includes the safety of the people who are yelling rude things at you. If you can't handle people yelling at you, you shouldn't be in this line of work. You sure as hell can't be trusted with lethal force if you lack the self control to restrain yourself from applying it egregiously. Police officers are charged with keeping the peace. That doesn't include murdering black and brown people. That doesn't include harassing black and brown people. And that sure as hell doesn't include assaulting the people who protest your abuse of power.

"Blue lives matter" is bullshit. It's racist. You can choose to be a cop. You can't choose your skin color. No one deserves to die because they're not white enough for your tastes.

No spoons left, only knives.

I have been taking an unplanned hiatus from social media recently. It started when I was hypomanic because I didn't want to say or do something stupid, offensive, or cruel because in my disordered thinking it was 'clever, funny, or honest.' I continue this hands off approach towards the internet right now because my tolerance for the garbage flying around everywhere is really low.

Listening to the news makes me super anxious. It generally tends to low key trigger me for the day. Which is why I ceased my previously resumed habit of listening to the morning news as I fixed breakfast. It's hard to scramble eggs and make bacon with two small people running around. It's even harder when listening to how the nation is on the brink of nuclear war is bringing out the ugliest aspects of the nation, up to and including rabid white supremacists whom I have such a deep loathing of that it reaches into a visceral urge to vomit when I hear their trash talk.

Watching the disasters unfolding around the world breaks my heart and has me deeply concerned for everyone and everything involved. Hurricane Harvey, the flooding in India and Pakistan, the other man made disasters such as the chemical spills in major waterways responsible for providing drinking water for entire communities and regions... they're all enough to again make me feel ill, especially the ones that are created out of humanity's gross disregard and disrespect of nature.

Thus, I am weary into my soul on these fronts. I had this grand idea of starting a feminist oriented news blog where I and a cadre of similar minded female identified people kept others abreast of the threats to us all. I haven't gotten even the first post done because of how awful everything in the news has been. You don't need someone to point out where the problems are. It is slapped in your face daily.

It also is something that has made it hard for me to write. I literally am struggling with this awful feeling that all of my written work is pure vanity. This is not depression talking here. (I'm at a fairly neutral mental state, actually. This is because the medication is actually working.) It is a sense of being very small and watching the sea draw back for a massive tsunami and having no high ground to retreat to. I look at it all and go "What can I do to help? I am but one woman. I don't even have the spoons to manage all of the balls up in the air in my own household. How in the nine worlds would I manage to do other stuff?"

Horace said "Nil desperandum." Never despair. I am attempting to follow the sage's wise words. It is, however, very difficult.

Indigenous People's Day.

I spend my day trying to figure out my new small sewing machine. I picked it up at Aldi's last weekend. It is the Easy At Home Mini Sewing machine. Upon inspection, it is surprisingly robust for its petite size. It seems to work well with most of the generic bobbins I have kicking around here. It also looks like it will take generic standard sized sewing machine needles.

I wasn't impressed with the needle threader. But it is a style of needle threader that I generally dislike. Unfortunately, it is the only one that will fit through the eye of the needle. My vision is such, now, that even with my glasses threading that is hard.

I took the boys out to the park this afternoon. Snuggle Bug picked flowers and gave them to Gregg the pizza guy over at Pizza Pauls (the pizza shop that is right next to the park). I brought my spinning with me. As the boys played on the swings and then played freeze tag with the other kids their age that were present, I did some spinning on my petite turkish spindle. I charmed people with my work and explained how it worked to the curious. I will say, spinning on a suspended spindle is a lot easier to carry with me when I am out and about. I even was spinning as I stopped in the hardware store to see if they had full spectrum light bulbs. (I think I will need to take a trip up to the city to get some. It is my hope that if I set up some lighting with full spectrum light bulbs, perhaps I will have a reduction in the severity of my depression symptoms over the next several months.

I did not do much for activism today. I wanted to do something for the oppressed peoples, especially the oppressed indigenous peoples, but my day got sucked up with domestic tasks and all that went into keeping the boys out of trouble today. Beloved and I, over the weekend, did our best to explain why Columbus Day was not something we celebrated or acknowledged in our house because Christopher Columbus did some awful things to the people that he met when he came to the Americas.

Cuddle Bear was having a hard time trying to understand it. Beloved was doing his best to explain that it was stuff to horrible for him to describe right now because Cuddle Bear wasn't old enough to understand, and, quite frankly, we didn't want him to have nightmares of invaders bursting into our home, killing us, and enslaving him. So, we just said Christopher Columbus was a man who did very bad things and we don't celebrate him. I'm pretty sure that there are going to be a number of discussions and angry conversations with the kids at school.

Who knows how the teachers are going to take it. We even had a discussion, briefly, with the boys why we don't support zoos. (Animal cruelty is not something we condone in even the remotest sense.)

Standing Rock in the News.

Sara Jaffe writing on the website Bill Moyers and Co. gives a very succinct explanation why the matters occurring at Standing Rock are so important. She explains the perspective of the indigenous peoples and gives a glimpse into some of what they are facing in this situation. Her article Standing Firm at Standing Rock: Why the Struggle at Standing Rock is  Bigger than One Pipeline is eye opening if you're not even passingly familiar with what the indigenous peoples have dealt with in the USA.

Now, some would be upset with me for using a source that is not traditionally considered unbiased. I just have to ask one question. Can you find me a source that is traditionally considered unbiased that is reporting this? I've been looking and finding stuff out about what his happening at Standing Rock is difficult. If you look at what is presented on Facebook, you find tumult. Over the last week or so, there is this dichotomy of material. One group presents that the people at Standing Rock are possibly violent and a group of degenerates. Another group presents that the people at Standing Rock are desperately engaged in an attempt to halt more environmental devastation and a continued rejection of their status as a sovereign people.

Given what I know about the history surrounding the way the native people have been treated here in Nova Terra, I am more inclined to believe the second group than the former. When there are reports of private security firms setting dogs on the people at Standing Rock, I am not one to reject it. You see, there are videos being posted of the dogs attacking and videos of the people after the attacks have happened. They are being suppressed. Because it is inconvenient to say that this group of people are having their human rights casually disregarded. Who is it inconvenient to? The people who are trying to make this pipeline happen. The people who want to perpetuate the racial bias against and the subjugation of the indigenous people of the USA.

Why is there so little in the major media outlets about what is happening at Standing Rock? Because it presents as much of a threat to the welfare of the status quo as the growing awareness of insitutionalized violence against people who don't fit the WASP profile. There is an illusion being sold to us that what is happening at Standing Rock is not a major thing. It is being played down and outright ignored.

Things, however, can change. Standing Rock can be the tip of the proverbial spear that forces the nation (and other nations around the world) to honor their treaties with the indigenous peoples. It can be the beginning of the change that effects true racial justice within the USA. But for that to happen, all of the rest of us need to stand up and demand it. We can't just sit off to the side and tolerate the rank injustices happening while we drink pumpkin spice lattes and try to figure out the bitchiest way to describe the millenials.


If you want info about what's happening at Standing Rock or how you can help, follow these links:

News from the Standing Rock Souix Tribe (Official)

Advice from Greenpeace (I'm not a fan of Greenpeace. I actually rather loathe them, but they are a recognizable organization that many others support. My reasons for not supporting Greenpeace is their refusal to treat world heritage sites with respect. They are also questionable with respect to their use of violence. I can not find enough information to make up my mind if they qualify as eco-terrorists. My sharing this link is not an endorsement of them.)

A question.

So, I'm looking around on Facebook and I see people posting these memes about how a person who has committed a crime previously are essentially worthless people. I see memes posted about how if you have ever been charged with something (including things as paltry as parking tickets or jaywalking apparently) that you deserve what ever violence is meted out to you by law enforcement (or people who present as some kind of law enforcement lite - ie private security firms with weapons). I see people talking about how violence on the part of protestors negate their complaint and 'never solves anything'. I see people posting stuff about how if a person has been accused of a crime, not even charged, that if it falls into a certain category they should be executed.

At the same time, however, I see the same people posting things about how we should reject the demands of others to limit our self expression. I see them posting stuff about how they would tool someone up for looking at their significant other in a fashion that they disapprove of (as in the poster, not their partner). I see them posting things about how they have the right to reform the government by force and they need to stockpile munitions in the event of that necessity. I see them posting things about how we need to get all the details about the violence that is done before passing any sort of judgement when the perpetrators are doing so under color of law. I see them posting things about how much they admire the civil rights activists from the 60s and that the activists of today are nothing like those people.

It makes me sick.

Do you support seeing the just application of the law of the land? If someone is accused of something, are they innocent until proven guilty? Is law enforcement to be held accountable for when they break the law themselves? Do people have the rights that are secured for them by the Constitution of the United States as citizens of the nation or not?

If you answered yes to all of the above, why in the name of anything holy or decent do you say that these people who are being killed by the police deserve it? We are protected against unreasonable force and unreasonable search and seizure. We are protected in our rights to free expression and to peaceably assemble and demand redress from the government for our grievances. There's a long list of other things here that we're protected on the basis of judicial precedent even.

Let us not forget the international laws that are supposed to protect us on the basis of simple human rights.

We are a nation of laws. We are not ruled by pedagogy and popularity contests. We are not ruled by a dynasty of monarchs, dictators, or similar figures. Our opinions and feelings on things come second to the rule of law. And when the rule of law is wrong, we are supposed to come together and make changes to it as a people, via a representative system.

Even then, our individual preferences are second to the needs of the people. Or at least, that is how it is supposed to work.

And yet, we have black and other minorities being gunned down in the street by law enforcement (and law enforcement wannabes) because the people with their finger on the trigger are scared. We have families that have lived in this nation for generations being harassed and told to 'go home' by others because they don't fit the white-christian-productive citizen trope. We have a towns and cities with water that is undrinkable because of rampant pollution and government failure to ensure the safety of this most vital of resources.

I am the one who is said that they're wrong because I look at all of this and say it is not right. I'm sorry, but being poor is not a crime. Being black, latino, gay, or of any other stripe of minority is not a crime. Being disabled is not a crime. Not understanding what law enforcement is saying to you is not a crime. My list of things that are not crimes could get very, very long. I think, however, you get the picture.

Stop punishing people for not fitting your stereotype. Stop saying that their problems don't matter because it doesn't disturb your comfortable bubble. Stop saying that these people some how deserve the on going, systematic atrocities being done to them by people who are supposed to be upholding the rule of law. Having a badge and a gun doesn't automatically make you a hero or judge, jury, and executioner.

I am not going to hold up the law enforcement officers as automatic heroes because they're law enforcement. Yes, they do incredibly hard work for the community. Yes, they function under a considerable amount of strain and are called on to make decisions that can cause life or death for others in the community. Because they are in that position, they should beheld to a higher standard. If you are in law enforcement, your rules of engagement should be no less demanding than those for the military. Indeed, I would argue that they should be more so because you are dealing with civilian lives at all times. Even the 'bad guy with a gun' is a civilian. Last time I checked, civilians rated higher than enemies on the list of people to keep alive since armed conflict began, especially when they are the civilians in YOUR OWN NATION.

So, to boil this all down to that single question:

If you are going to claim that you are a 'patriot' and a 'real American', why are you refusing to demand that all of these people have their Constitutional rights protected? Why are you silent and complacent with all of these egregious abuses happening all around?

The 'no true Scotsman' argument isn't going to fly here, folks. Just to let you know.

Long day is Long.

This heat and humidity is making me miserable. I am tired because it is hard to sleep from it. I did a ton of laundry but I feel like I accomplished nothing. Which is perverse because I managed to keep the kids out of the really high heat, entertained, and engaged in educational activity with out spending a whole lot of money. (That's a hard thing to do it seems judging from what I see lots of other folks posting about their summer.)

I narrowly dodged the migraine that was threatening this afternoon. Beloved was awesome and he watched the kids while I took a cool shower. Between that, a dose of aleve, and a hefty amount of coffee, I just had a bad headache for a few hours. I wish it was that easy to avoid migraines other times. I didn't do any walking outside today really because it was so horribly hot. (My friends from the tropics, the desert, and pretty much anywhere else that has temperatures of 90+, I recognize I am a lightweight compared to y'all.)

My mood has been going back and forth between cranky and upset. I think part of the problem is just the physical discomfort of all this heat. I am pretty sure that I would also be a bit less upset with things if I wasn't premenstrual. I am still having some difficulty sleeping and not having intrusive thoughts pertaining to the murders that happened last week. It has brought up a mess of unresolved stuff pertaining to things like when my uncle was murdered as well.

It's just been rough.

As Seen on Facebook

ok i am going to make some people angry. i will be honest, i don't give a damn if it does right now either.

people should not be gunned down by law enforcement if they are not actively shooting or putting people in a state where their life and limb are in danger. stuff can be replaced, so property damage is something i give functionally no fucks about in this case. why? because you can not replace a person. when someone is dead, they're a corpse.

i know there are people who are pro-law enforcement. that's cool. law enforcement serves an important role in our society and, when functioning properly helps everyone. there are a lot of good cops out there who, i suspect, are mad as hell about the stuff that the bad cops do. i'm pretty sure that there are people who would be happy to take the ones who make the rest of them look bad out behind the woodshed for a long conversation via morse code and a bit of applied force.

my problem is not with the good cops. my problem is with the society that says that this crap of people dying in police custody is acceptable. my problem is with the society that says if you have any sort of arrest record, you deserve brutality because you must clearly be guilty and deserve all forms of systemic oppression because you were arrested at one point for something. my problem is with the society that says that if you were, gods forbid, ever imprisoned for something that you are worth less than everyone else because you must continue to pay for your crimes long after the courts say you're done. my problem is with the society that turns a blind eye to systemic oppression for minorities and are quick to label the people who are not of the 'chosen' socioeconomic and cultural markers as deserving of essentially all forms of abuse that can be heaped on them by people who are from that chosen group and their agents (including but not limited to governmental agencies that are treated as serving said chosen group).

i have an enormous problem with the fact that people in this country have forgotten about habeus corpus. i have an enormous problem with the fact that people in this country have forgotten about the presumption of innocent until proven guilty. just because you have a gun, you are not judge and jury. and you are sure as hell not executioner. the sheer number of times that these rogue elements within the agencies that are charged with keeping law and order get away with gross violations of the rights of the people they are supposed to be serving is repulsive.

the people who are saying 'stop killing us' and 'our lives matter' are not doing it to make your life inconvenient. they're not doing it to be dramatic. and they're sure as hell not doing it for funsies. they're doing it because their blood is in the streets and it has been shed by the people who are supposed to be protecting them. when law enforcement edges towards failing to not only obey the laws set upon them by their own nation but the rules of war, there is a big fucking problem.

last i checked, the rules of war said you don't get to murder people you have taken into custody. (take a second and review article 3. then ask yourself, just how well have people been doing on following that bit of late?http://hrlibrary.umn.edu/instree/y3gctpw.htm ) maybe i am a wild person with mad ideas. i know there are people who manage NOT to act in this sort of horrific fashion. maybe we should do something about these motherfuckers who are failing to recognize the most basic of human rights as covered here.

anyone who seems to think that the arrest history of the dead justifies their killing, drop me off your friends list. anyone who seems to think that the color or socioeconomic status of the dead justifies their killing, drop me off your friends list. anyone who seems to think that we should accept these people in positions of power failing to uphold the FUCKING GENEVA CONVENTION with respect to MOTHERFUCKING CIVILIANS, drop me off your friends list and go fuck yourself with a sideways cactus.

My thoughts on Orlando.

It is a very ... meaty post. I tried to give a little bit of a crash course in philosophy in my post. It is at best, the beginning of a discussion on what is happening and how to handle it. At worst, I will have managed to single handedly offend a laundry list of people through the use of my philosophy and religion minor's being applied in my writing.

Here's the link: Atrocity, Evil, and the Gods.

Thoughts on Terrorism.

I have been thinking about lectures from a philosophy class that I took at college wherein we discussed terrorism. We redefined the term into asymmetrical warfare; warfare wherein one party targets civilians and non-combatants in an effort to disrupt the defense of the other party through the creation of divisive social responses, such as fear and xenophobia. We examined the logic of such tactics and what concepts they were rooted in. (Huge simplification, the terrorists don't see civilians, they consider the entire population as legitimate targets.)

One of the things that I came away from the class with was the understanding that you can not fight terrorism like traditional wars. You simply can not overwhelm them with force of arms. A lot of people make arguments like we should 'bomb the terrorists back to the stone age.' This is really saying that we should treat them like a traditional enemy. It plays into their hands because they want the collateral damage on their side because it creates a population of people who are ideologically ripe for recruiting. If a nation bombs another nation in the attempt to root out terrorist cells, they kill a lot of civilians. That angers a lot of civilians and they want to strike back at the nation bombing them.

Terrorists come in and basically play on the fears of the civilians that are angry. They set up a scenario in the potential recruit's mind where the nation they are in are either unable or unwilling to defend them from the other nation's aggression. Robbed of the venue that is traditionally accessible during a state of war for the angry civilian to strike back at their enemy, they get persuaded that the terrorist route is the only feasible option. This opens them up to the idea that the terrorist organization will enable them to prevent future assaults on their home nation by attacking the enemy nation until they are defeated.

Terrorists will make it a culture war concept in the minds of their potential and actual recruits. They spread propaganda in the regions where they are well entrenched to strengthen this idea. A culture war concept suddenly makes the targets for attack no longer strictly military. In a culture war, every person from the opposing culture is viewed as a combatant. It is probably the height of the US vs THEM mindset. Terrorists benefit from the target nation having this kind of mindset as well.

The target nation's increased fear and anger with the terrorists serves three goals. First, it creates a scenario where the culture becomes increasingly focused on the terrorists to the detriment of their own culture. (Don't believe me, take a look at how many rights have been undermined in the USA since 9/11. Take a look at how the culture's view of people from the Middle East has changed.) Second, it encourages the culture to become increasingly militarized which serves to legitimize the claim that there are no non-combatants. Third, it perpetuates the attacks upon the nation where the terrorists are operating which creates a larger pool of potential operatives.

But wait, this is not the only way that terrorists gain operatives. They actually have that population level off after things hit a certain ratio because of the amount of the civilian population that will flee the region increases with the increased aggressions against the nation where the terrorists are operating. The terrorists gain operatives in other nations and regions by demonstrating how the target nation is assailing the country they operate in. They gain operatives by way of spreading the culture war meme through a population that may potentially be sympathetic to the terrorists. They gain operatives by way of presenting the allies of the target nation as potential enemies and scaring their prospects into joining out of fear that they will be targeted by said nation and allies for various reasons. (This is where the culture war thing is really the terrorists strongest recruitment tool.)

Now, if you can't fight terrorists by way of traditional warfare and the terrorists are successfully recruiting operatives from people who have been taught that your culture is a threat to them, how do you defeat them?

There's two things, I think, that will be effective. First, resist the creation of fear from the terrorists and the erosion of culture that comes with it. This shows the world (and that population that the terrorists want to recruit from) that there is a distinction between civilian and military targets. It makes the people in the target nation and culture more human to the viewers. Second, actively work to cultivate the good will of others within and outside of the target nation. People will be less likely to take up arms and attack you when you present yourself as their ally or at the very least a non-threatening presence.

The real war in terrorism is not fought with bombs or bullets. It is fought with ideas. And right now, I am concerned that we are losing. When I see increased fear of terrorists and xenophobia in my neighbors, I see people who are fitting the mold that the terrorists are creating for them. I refuse to do so. Am I afraid of the idea of a bomb going off when I go out grocery shopping? No. My grocery store really doesn't make a good target for attack. Am I afraid of a bomb going of during Black Friday? No, because there is no logical reason for someone to attack shoppers. (Except for the insane shoppers who cudgel each other over toys. But, they're just acting in accordance with the brand of insanity that overcomes them in the scenario.)

Will I be afraid if something like that happens? No. I will be disgusted. I will be angry but I will not be afraid. I've got two reasons for that. Number one, I really don't enjoy when people tell me what to do (except for in specific circumstances with specific people). I'll resist it out of pure stubbornness and irritation with the concept. Number two, the terrorists, I have decided, are beneath my standard of people to worry about. They are almost always a small population and lack the formal organization of a traditional military to truly do any damage.

Because, terrorists can only do a small amount of damage in the terms of physical harm and loss of life. They don't have the numbers to do it. They want us to think they do. They want us to think that they could strike at any time, but realistically, they can't. They simply don't have the organization or forces to do so. If they did, traditional warfare would be an option because they would have a structure to disrupt, supply chains to break, and troops to eliminate.

You want to fight terrorism? Go about your day unafraid. Or, even better, go out and help someone and cultivate that idea that we're human after all and give a damn about the rest of the world.

On the Baltimore riot

NOTICE: Re-posted from my Facebook account. I was inspired to write this after the umpteenth time of seeing people saying that the riots are BADWRONG and not conducive towards effecting change to resolve the problem highlighted by the death of Freddie Gray. Flame me if you will, I'll just ignore you and continue in my merry way.

riots are the language of the oppressed. it has been the case for as long as there have been people oppressed in *any* society. you can find examples on the matter of race going back at least to the Civil War era (if not longer). some of those riots were not termed such, but rather 'slave rebellions' (because the rioters were slaves).

have there been riots by those who are in the dominant group? yes but the majority of riots that have happened over the course of history are the oppressed attempting to force change. and they get called riots by the dominant group because it belittles what the rioters are moved to violence over and their acts of rebellion.

if you are going to say that a riot isn't the way 'civilized' people effect change, you are taking an exceptionally narrow and elitist view on history. sometimes, the only way change happens is because of the pressures placed upon the dominant group through the uprising of the oppressed group(s) and one of the ways the oppressed puts pressures on the dominant group is through violence.

when they've been stripped of 'legitimacy' and 'credibility' by the dominant group (who systematically undermines peaceable efforts to effect change by the oppressed, because that's what oppression does), the oppressed people are left with a limited range of ways to force society at large to take notice of their situation and demand redress of grievances. in an ideal world, people could peaceably assemble and air their grievances with the expectation that just action would be taken to rectify the problem.

that, however, is not the world we live in. when systemic oppression reaches a limit where it is intolerable, people will violently move to throw off the limits of oppression. this is part of the reason why the American Revolution happened.

don't like it? then actively work to see justice done for the oppressed and give them back their voice, legitimacy, and credibility in our society. if no one does anything, this will continue to fester and get worse. not because rioting is bad but because oppression is like cancer and will spread to other areas as the people who are in positions of power attempt to expand it.

Repost from Facebook

As I said elsewhere tonight:

today is a strange day for freedom of speech. in France, there was a terrorist incident that resulted in the deaths of several people and the injury of more. and then there is this yahoo Kirby Delauter, in saying his name i add myself to the list of mythical offenders to his 'good name', and the way he has been verbally slapped down for his nonsense. (look him up if you want to see that trainwreck, some of the responses are glorious.)

as an author and a person with a liberal education (if you jump to conclusions about my politics based on that statement, kindly exit stage left), i cherish freedom of speech and find it vital to the proper functioning of our republic here in the USA. it pains me to see people attempting to curtail it by violence or censorship. you may say something that disgusts and offends me, but i will defend your right to say it to my last breath. because *somebody* needs to keep their principles.

as The Good Reverend Roger said (or whatever moniker he's using today): or kill me.

Conservative values bear strange fruit.

Over the course of the last week, I have seen more and more evidence that the political movement of 'conservatives' has become ethically questionable. Indeed, I see that there are many who have become down right repugnant. I try not to think about the vitriol that gets spewed about by people in the increasingly polarized political climate of the USA. It makes me heartsick, gives me heartburn, and at times makes me nauseated all at the same time.

I've got a real problem with people who seem to think that their First Amendment rights absolve them of responsibility for their actions. I think that Phil Robertson was given an appropriate response by A&E when he said what he did. They had to send a clear message to him that his actions, as a public figure and de facto representative of A&E, were not appropriate because they were not inline with the views of the corporation. If you walk around waving your fame as a television star, you should expect that you are going to be viewed with more scrutiny then your neighbor down the street.

A wise person would conduct themselves in such a manner that it doesn't reflect poorly on their employers *ON NATIONAL TELEVISION* and in major media outlets. If Phil Robertson had said what he did in a private conversation, it would be an entirely different ball of wax. He said it as a public figure conducting an interview. The cameras were on. If they were off and he said it off the record, it would be the same as if he said it in a private conversation. Then, in those circumstances, I would have been inline with the folks saying that A&E was in the wrong to take the actions they did. But he didn't do that.

I've a problem with people who seem to feel that their religious beliefs must be the law of the land. I have a BIG problem with that. When a "religious freedom" bill that is designed to perpetuate the discrimination against a minority population in this country is waved around as how people are going to be practicing those religious beliefs, that's wrong. Let's look at this from two separate angles.

First, the Constitution of the United States has this one little section that a lot of people keep forgetting. That First Amendment that those Conservatives I'm speaking about love, they're as selective about that as they are about their Bible. Because if you take a moment to read the bloody thing, you'll notice something really big here. For all y'all who don't have it easily accessible, here's the text:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

That "religious freedom" bill and related ephemera that is getting thrown around in the halls of the legislative branch in damn near the entire nation, it is taking a value set from a religion and making it law. This is a clear violation of the separation of church and state.

Now, there's one other angle to keep in mind here. This kind of proposed law is a blatant violation of civil liberties. You know the ones that say that people can't be discriminated on the basis of gender, creed, etc. Yeah, those rights that people want to wave around when it keeps them all cushy and comfortable but don't want to extend to those people who they find unsavory... You know who I'm talking about. I won't even mention the C- word here.

One other big thing that has been bothering the hell out of me, when an advertisement on nationally syndicated radio says that they're going to inform us about what the "bible says about interracial marriage" that tells me that we've got a big problem with discrimination. What color your skin is doesn't determine if you are a person. Attitudes that there is something somehow wrong or questionable about interracial marriage shows that you're a bigoted asshole.

Additionally, when I am out and about in public and I over hear casual conversations wherein people don't think anything about saying "not that I'm racist or anything, but so-and-so is a Jew and you know how they are" or that people of Arab descent are "sand niggers" I get torn between the urge to verbally eviscerate the person who dropped that kind of comment and to go off into a corner and quietly vomit. Who in the name of Hel has decided that this kind of behavior is 'ok'? You'd be fighting mad if someone was talking about you in this fashion or your race.

And then there's the topic of sex. I could rant on that one for a while. But I want to narrow my focus on one specific incident. Maybe you haven't seen this news story yet. I'll warn you, it's disgusting. A 5 year old girl is raped. The mother is told 'boys will be boys' by the county attorney's office. This is wrong on so many levels I have no idea where it would be best to begin. Let's start off with the fact that a KINDERGARTENER was raped. Not 'merely' molested, but raped.

The fact that it was done by a teenager really doesn't excuse the matter in any sense. For the county attorney's office to take such a cavalier attitude towards this kind of case is beyond reprehensible. This is a crime that has, quite possibly, caused this little girl physical injury that she may carry with her for the rest of her life. Why? Because her body isn't as developed as an older child. To put it plainly, she's built smaller so the act of rape will have greater likelihood of causing tearing within her body. And let's not forget the psychological effects this will have. And those will last for a very, very long time.

Next, when sexual assault is lumped together with consensual sexual activity and viewed as something to be moralized in the same fashion, you start to see things like this happening. People take the word rape and assume that on some level the victim wanted it or it wouldn't have happened. We have had people on the floors of Congress go so far as to say that the body could reject the semen of a rapist if it were a 'legitimate' rape. (Which completely defies logic and biology, but we will just let that lay because we've got bigger fish to fry here.)

Consensual sex is worlds apart from sexual violence. The 'rape culture' that people talk about, this is what the attitudes of 'boys will be boys' comes out of. This is where the question of what the rape victim was wearing comes out of. This is where the question of if the molestation victim orgasmed came from. Rape culture ignores the fact that a person has been victimized and instead focuses on diminishing their humanity so that culture doesn't have to feel icky about the idea that anyone could be victimized.

No one asks what the victim of a robbery was wearing. No one asks if the victim of a beating was drunk. No one asks if the person who was knifed enjoyed it. These are questions that no one would dare to ask such obviously victimized people. But the double standard that sex crimes are fair play for these kinds of questions is beyond the pale. To have people in the position of power and have the capacity to get justice for a victim of such a crime be so dismissive is beyond my ability to express bad.

Circling back to that video I linked at the beginning here, I just have to say, for people who claim to have the values of this nation at the core of their political ideology, these Conservatives are doing a damn bad job of it. We just went backwards fifty years. You know what was going on then? Lynchings. Murder for being black in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

We should never as a nation go back to that. It was and still is wrong.

Government shut down thoughts.

So, I have been following the matters of the government shut down here in the USA with some interest. There has been several crazy memes flying around on Facebook. I won't dignify them with reposting but I can summarize them pretty quickly.

1. It is a vast plot to overthrow the government.
2. It is because of some sort of conspiracy to defraud the people.
3. It is because President Obama is ... [fill in racial/politically oriented slur]

Now, some people, like the local media big shot Bob Lonsberry have been very 'hey the government shut down is a good thing!' and they treat the whole affair like it is some kind of joke. I think his position on it all can be summarized really well with one statement he made about this business. "All people M-16 qualified are essential [government] personnel." Some people are deeply troubled by it all and have expressed their distress over the fact that important programs are not getting funding.

I think it's reckless of people like Mr. Lonsberry to make this thing out to be a joke. After the first day or two, it stopped being funny. We're at the beginning of the third week. I thought that somebody was going to blink last week. I was wrong. I'm now hoping that my Anam Cara was not prophetic about this not being resolved by the 17th.

I know that this mess is getting taken seriously when I see people on food stamps doing what they can to stock up for possibly going without food for a period of time. When I was in Wegmans today, I was in line behind two men who were pooling their resources (I had heard them discussing how to divide their respective purchases between themselves) to buy big packages of meat. At first, I didn't think much of it. Then I happened to overhear the discussion as to if they had enough funds left on their EBT cards to pick up vegetables.

One man had a minor panic over the cost of the package of meat he was getting until the cashier explained to him the effect of his Wegmans' card on the purchase. Some people may just scoff at these two men. Some people may say that they're some how bottom feeders and that they deserve to have their funds cut off. (I'm looking at you, Mr. Lonsberry.) It's hard for me to believe that attitude. These men looked like people who worked hard everyday. I could tell that they do some sort of manual labor. I think they were probably farmhands judging by the fact that one of them was wearing a John Deere hat and neither of them seemed to have roofing tar on them.

You see, programs like food stamps don't go strictly to the 'welfare queens' that people like Mr. Lonsberry like to crow about and insist are a blight against society. They also help out people like poor working folks who are having a hard time making enough money to feed themselves. They help out people who are disabled and can't work due to the severity of their disability. This government shut down is going to hurt a lot of people if it goes on much longer.

It's not just the 'superfluous' government workers that are losing money here. I would also go so far as to argue that these jobs are not 'superfluous'. If they were, then they wouldn't exist. Somebody needs to cut the grass at the national parks. Somebody needs to clean the bathrooms at the Smithsonian. Somebody needs to make sure that tax fraud is getting handled. Somebody needs to run the printing presses at the mint.

And each of these people who are not working right now, they're not able to put money into the economy. People want to crow about how much money is getting 'saved' by these 'non-essential' government workers not being at work. What about how much money is not going into the economy on this basis? The government shut down is not a good thing.

I don't know if this is the beginning of an ugly chapter in the history of the US. I just know that my gut is telling me that the winds are shifting and not in a good way. So, I do what I can to prepare for possible problems and hope that this doesn't turn into a disaster.

It's called Separation of Church and State, moron!

I don't generally pay much attention to the Christian Science Monitor. There was something about their article about Texas Governor Rick Perry that caught my eye. So, I sat down and read the article. I was fully prepared for someone to be softening his very 'conservative' views in an attempt to make him more palatable to others. I was prepared for a bias in his favor because he is a highly visible and politically well connected individual who supports the aggressively evangelical face of the Christian faith in the United States. Thus prepared, I read the article and my jaw hit the floor.

I then did a little digging to see if they were actually sugar coating just how far to the 'Right' he was. Then I read what Forbes had to say about him and this prayer rally that went on today. I read the official 'about Rick Perry' page, the Wikipedia entry, and several other pages (including his Facebook page). As I learned more about the man, the more disturbing the idea of his having influence over a state, let alone on a national level, became.

Sure, he has done some impressive things. He's got a squeaky clean image and the camera seems to love him. His positions on economic matters are interesting. This, however, doesn't make up for the fact that he endorses the concepts espoused by the American Family Association of Tupelo and similar organizations:

• The protections of the First Amendment apply solely to Christians.
• Homosexuality is a moral threat to the nation.
• Abortion should be illegal.

I could go on, but these are the three big turnoff's for me. The protections of the First Amendment are inviolate and extend to all citizens of the United States regardless of their religious affiliation. Any movements to some how curtail this should be regarded with great resistance. It is the First Amendment that makes our nation great. I'm not saying we're perfect, but the fact that you can, among other things, speak your mind freely and practice your religion freely is a strength.

I highly object to the argument that homosexuality is a moral threat to the nation. Homosexuality has been around for a very, very long time. The idea that it is suddenly this new threat is preposterous. Among the minds that lead to the development of this nation, were most undoubtedly homosexuals. Their sexual orientation didn't undermine the establishment of this nation. It's pretty safe to assume that there's a percentage of the population who fought to establish and maintain this nation through out history were homosexuals.

I think it's safe to say that homosexuality is a non-issue on the matter of the welfare of the nation. Logic aside, the argument of moral threats to the nation should be suspended. Why? Because moral issues are religious issues. Please, refer back to the First Amendment on this issue if you need to have that position of mine clarified. It's pretty simple.

Abortion is not the problem. It has been made out to be the problem when the majority of abortions are performed for medical reasons. As a matter of course, the idea of abortion for the sake of birth control is not going to be the preferred method, unlike what many of the anti-abortion folks insist. Making the medical procedure illegal returns us to where women are at an increased risk of dying during pregnancy. Depending on how the law is phrased, a naturally occurring miscarriage can be illegal.

As a woman who has six miscarriages, I take great offense at this prospect. The idea that a woman who has already been traumatized by the loss of her child could then be facing murder charges sets my blood boiling. Unfortunately, the anti-abortion groups that have the strongest lobbing presence support laws that would criminalize women like myself. The medical community doesn't fully understand why miscarriages happen. To take something nebulous like that and criminalize it sets the precedent for greater injustices for the sake of the 'social conscience.'

I am dearly hoping that Rick Perry is just a flash in the pan. If, by some weird happenstance, he does prove to be the Republican candidate, I'll be one of the folks doing their best to get people NOT to vote for him. People like that, who regard the Constitution as applying only to them, are dangerous. It's only a small ideological jump to fascism.