I'm tired. A rant.

 I know that my cousin got married on the original date. I know this because of the pics that got posted on FB. I know that my family and my niece got the snub for the original wedding because of cards that were sent out asking us to save the date for the postponed wedding. My niece got her card in the mail. I got a blurry photo sent to me via text. 

Now, look, I've got a lot on my plate. My cousin wants to do a vow renewal, that's fine. It's a bit unorthodox to do it not even a full year after the wedding but whatever. Covid happened and made shit weird. But they're presenting it as it's the 'real' wedding and acting like the other one didn't happen. Straight up lies.

I'm tired. I haven't got the time to run around and chase people down to have a relationship with them if they're not going to put the effort in to reach out to me. When it's been almost ten years since we last spoke and you contact me to come to a wedding, snub me, and then tell me you want me at the 'real' wedding, you don't want me there. You want me and my family as a prop to say 'look the whole family is together again.'

I'm nobody's prop. I'm not going to let a damn person on the face of this world use my family as a prop to make themselves feel good at the expense of our time, welfare, and sound mind. I know that mixing with my side of the family is putting a lit match together with gasoline. It's been long enough. I've grown secure enough in myself. I'm not going back into that damn toxic box they expect me to fit into. And I'll be damned if I let them attempt to push my kids around.

So, no, we're not going to this farce. We're not going to participate in this lie and perpetuate the fiction that the family is 'normal' and such. It's not. It's toxic as fuck. There's a reason why I walked away and every day I see and hear more evidence that it was the right decision for the sake of my health and the welfare of my children.

You want to have a relationship with me, you reach out to me once in a while. I'm too damn tired and too damn busy to go chasing everyone down to make them feel better that Debby talked to them. Sorry, but no. It got made real clear to me when I was down in Wellsville who gave a damn. And of the four of them, three are dead.

Go have your fancy fucking party and bitch about how high handed you think I've become. I never said that I thought I was better than you. You keep saying it. Maybe you're just now recognizing that maybe I am. Because your behavior is proving your point. I don't cause drama. I walk away from it. I post about it anonymously and make generic statements because I know that at some point one of you are going to stumble across this blog.

I never thought I was better than you. It took me years of therapy and help to realize that I am better than you. You made me think I was subhuman because I was born without a penis. So, go fuck yourselves and leave me and mine alone. You never wanted me around before. Fuck off into the aether and complain about how I broke the family.