The first time was after my mother decided it was a good idea to threaten the welfare of my nieces in order to force me not to allow their mother (who is a good and decent person despite whatever garbage you've possibly heard my mother spew) to watch my young children. I literally couldn't sleep that night because I was so distressed by her threat. So I emailed my father and explained in great detail what happened and stated that if anything happened to any of my nieces and I had reason to believe that they were involved I was going to go to the police.
My wonderful mother proceeded to bad mouth my sister-in-law even more and told the rest of the family that SHE had said that, and that SHE had driven me away from the family. Cue five years of not speaking or dealing with anyone on that side of the family except for an aunt and my grandparents. Then my grandparents got sick and I was told by the dead relatives that the family needed me. I put out an email to my parents asking what was going on (they didn't reply) and I went to my grandparents. I informed them that I was back in contact with my parents. My grandfather wept with relief. This was right before he informed me that he inoperable brain cancer.
An awkward year followed with Mom doing everything she could to keep me out of the loop. When my grandfather died, I was literally the last person she called and she made sure to tell me so. I stuck around for my grandmother, whose dementia was so advanced that she was in bad shape and barely recognized me. That was when Mom started taking shots at me again and doing stuff in an attempt to trigger my PTSD symptoms. It didn't work, she was clumsy about it. I got mad. I then decided that after my grandmother passed on, I was gone. Because my mother was still trying her damndest to psychologically abuse and manipulate me.
I stayed connected with her for a time on FB because I worried that I was literally going to be the last person to know if my dad dropped dead. Then I stopped giving a fuck about that when they showed up after the fact and informed me that he had heart surgery and she was having him carry a heavy box full of random shit (christmas presents and whatever else) as he was in the recovery phase of it all. To make it even more grotesque the goddamn woman was all but laughing when she was talking about my father's surgery. They then lamented about their financial woes and dropped hints that I should plan on taking care of them because they have no retirement. They looked around the apartment to try to figure out what valuables I had, but nothing was on display. They assumed that because I was writing and publishing books that I had money to give them.
They thought I was their meal ticket. The same people who called me a failed investment when I couldn't get work immediately after college came sniffing for money. They tried to pull on my heart strings and they got nothing. They said that they were having financial difficulties and I answered, "Yep, it's rough out there." They went radio silent until my 40th birthday, when my mother sent me the present of a guilt trip for my birthday via FB. Again radio silence.
My eldest niece moves off the farm with her fiancee. A few weeks later, my insane mother sends me a Trump rally video. They're straight up Trump supporters. It is an embarrassment and a shame. My paternal great-great-grandfather saw the writing on the wall during the Weimar Republic and took his family and fled to the US right about the time that things were preparing the stage for the rise of the Nazis. My great-grandfather fought in WWI. My grandfather would have fought in WWII except for the fact that he wasn't permitted due to regulations (he was a year too young for the draft). My paternal side of the family here in the US did not support the Nazis or the German-American Bundt (the pro-Nazi wing here in the US).
So, to see my parents supporting a fascist piece of garbage like Trump is humiliating and I am glad that my grandparents didn't live to see it happen. I don't know what I am supposed to expect out of this rally video. I don't care either. I've decided that I am going to block them on FB. This will likely cause ripples. I don't care about that either. Only a few relatives have reached out to me from that side of the family to see if we're ok in the midst of these years of silence. A cousin of mine is getting married, we got an invitation. We're not going. Because my mother will create a scene. This is, after all, the woman who told me that everyone would think I was a whore if I wore a red wedding dress (which I wanted since I was a girl) but decided to wear a chinzy, cheaply made, tacky black "evening gown" to my wedding and attempted to gaslight me into believing it was navy blue.
I'm sure that there's a statistically good chance that she might read this. I've posted links back to my FB with public rants. If she is reading this, I hope she realizes that she's as good as dead to me and so is my father for supporting and encouraging her to continue to abuse people at her leisure. I tried twice to have a serious relationship conversation with my parents about their behavior and the toxicity in the relationship. It got turned into "you're crazy" and "look how you're upsetting your poor mother" with a few threats to possibly throw me out (this happened while I was still living under their thumb).
But you know what, when I got really sick and lost my job because of how sick I was, they threw me out. And had the gall to claim that it was because I wasn't contributing financially to the household. Never mind that my brother could sit on his unemployed ass and play video games all day. Never mind that my other brother could ignore his family when he was over seas or on leave, choosing to stay at my parents house and play video games all day. And when he was over seas he was drinking away a paycheck that should have been getting bankrolled to support his wife and three children. But I was the "problem child".
So, in short, fuck my parents. To Hel with them and everyone else who says I should forgive or reconcile with them. I don't fucking support abusers, especially MY abusers. I don't truck with wanna be Nazis who bring shame on the entire damn family with their bullshit. And I sure as hell am not going to allow them access to my children. Not over my dead body. Go fuck up your lives, mom and dad. Go make everything about you when your lack of effort and drive, your lack of responsibility, and your tendency to blame everyone else for your fuck ups comes back to bite you on the ass. I'm done with you. I don't care if you die or not. You can take all of my stuff that you've been holding hostage (including my inheritance from my grandparents and my great-grandmother) and fucking burn it. My dignity is worth more than that pile of stuff. My sanity is worth more than that pile of stuff.
I'm sorry, mom, I turned out a lady instead of white trash like you. I know you tried your hardest but you couldn't break me.
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