I don't think they pause to breathe.

My kids have been talking all day. It's distracting. I don't think they pause to breathe. If they're not arguing, they're doing "what if... ?" scenarios and sort of coming up with shared stories. I try to just ignore it but those shared stories turn into arguments pretty damn quick. It's really frustrating.

School stuff has been challenging this week because they're getting more work that's challenging them. It's hard to provide the academic support they need because there's only one of me and two of them. And they're working on different subjects at different levels at the same time. It's exhausting to keep switching between material. The school has started entering what they call phase 4 of the distance learning work. This is where the students are to demonstrate compentency in the subjects.

I got a letter all about it in the mail. It was detailed about what the expectations are for the elementary students. I'm pretty sure the letter about what the middle school is doing will be arriving in the near future.

I am having an incredibly vexing day. I just want everyone to leave me alone for a little bit so I can get some stuff done but I can't make that happen. My youngest child got himself grounded on the basis of his poor judgment and apparent lack of safety awareness. I have to basically monitor his behavior through the day to make sure there isn't another lapse. This is stressing me out. The fact that I'm juggling their academics and trying to make sure that they get their work done for the week is stressing me out.

I worry about the fact that Beloved is out working while COVID-19 is flying around. Fortunately, he is not in a position where he has to meet the public, but I still worry. I have my anxiety ratcheted up by the fact that all of our neighbors work in jobs where they meet the public. I find myself concerned that we might get sick because of the shared space of the entry way. My anxiety is just this side of out of control. There's not a damn thing I can do about it because all of this is stuff beyond my control.

So, I'm honestly pretty miserable right now. I'm at a bad headspace for doing stuff on Keen right now because I am distracted by the question of what bad decision is my child going to make next? I had thought that we had the basic safety awareness nailed down. Then he decided to go and try to get into the cleaning chemicals. My anxiety spikes when he goes into the bathroom because I worry that he's going to get into a cabinet with medicine in it or something, ones that we can't lock or secure in a way that he can not get past. Thankfully, he's too short to get to my psych meds, even with the step stool. But that doesn't stop me from going "Oh, dear gods, what is that boy going to get into next?"