Being a Responsible Adult is mightily vexing.

I officially am done adulting for today. Fortunately, my Beloved just got home from work. I have spent my day doing my best to drop kick life into order. Took care of bills, folded up some laundry, cleaned up some of the disaster the kids left in the living room before they went off to school, the usual. It weighs on me.

I feel pressured to make things for the holidays but having just over two weeks to go, I know that I am not going to accomplish handmade gifts for everyone. I'm having difficulty finding things for the 12 days we celebrate Yule. It's primarily a thing for the kids. Still, I am struggling to find little stocking stuffer types of toys for them. I've got stuff for peg dolls. I made two yesterday. My hands shook pretty bad as I got going on them. They really didn't come out as planned. Aside from peg dolls, I don't know what else to do. I need to go shopping. The prospect of battling the mobs of people at the store makes me extremely uneasy.

I spent my day today fighting with the computer. We had to completely wipe it and reinstall windows. In the process, I have lost all of my bookmarks and the passwords to the websites that I have been using, like Facebook. Fortunately, my notebooks were mostly accurate in what I had written down. And I was able to create new, stronger passwords for the sites I use. That, however, ate most of my day. And my patience.

If it weren't for the fact that we really need to be frugal with our money, I would have ordered a pizza for dinner tonight. If it weren't for the fact that I couldn't eat it, I would probably have done it anyway. Still, I am a responsible adult and I made what I had on my menu for this week, tacos.

I'm tired. I am exasperated. And I am upset. I have enough life circumstances happening, that I can't go out to the Yule party that my friends are holding. I am frustrated with my limitations that have come because I am sick. I am frustrated with the fact that my night vision is getting worse. I am tired of not being social because I'm so anxious about judgment.