Ah, the wisdom of children.

I'm sitting here with my son asleep on my lap (in his sling) saying that I'm thankful he's unconscious rather then screaming in my ear. (Teething is so much worse then it's presented as. Don't let *anybody* fool you!) So, I decided to sit here and read the news on CNN's website. At which point I saw this iReport article about a father taking his kids' XBox and nailing it to a tree because he was sick of their constant fighting and general bad behavior with this toy.

Reading the comments yeilded much hilarity. I think it was the comments from intamesalvag that did it for me. I have to say, it's really priceless how teens can claim that they know more about parenting children then the parents do. As a kid, I got ticked off when my parents got on my case for my attempt to make what I thought were intelligent comments in the conversation. Looking back on it now, I realize that my comments were intelligent but woefully lacking, to the extent where they had to be disregarded. What my comments as a kid lacked was a combination of a full comprehension of the situation and the type of knowledge that comes with experience.

I think I'm not going to necessarially snap at my child when he gets to the age where he thinks he can give adequate input on topics such as disciplining a child. I believe that I'm probably going to ask him to leave the conversation and then come back to him later and explain what his ideas were missing. I know that I hated the experience of being chastised and dismissed by my parents when I tried to get involved in the more 'grown up' discussions. I don't want my son to feel that he's being castigated. I think, however, that using the situation as an opportunity to teach him would be a good idea.

Sometimes, kids do have really great and innovative ideas that can lead to some interesting solutions to problems. They also need to learn how to navigate the territories of adulthood at *some* point in time. There's alot of stuff that can be learned in the safety of the home, where there is the support structure of family, and the greatest risks are generally to one's pride. Perhaps this is one of those things that can be brought up, explored, and taught to some extent before the child is out on their own in the world.

i'm not happy.

right now, i feel out of the loop. i want to be involved in stuff going on in the game i'm a part of but i can't really because i now have a two and a half month gap. i can't seem to get the stuff for another game i want to be a part of figured out.

and i feel like i maybe should scrap stuff and start over again on all of that. i don't know. i feel so horribly disappointed because it seems like i'm always trying to get things taken care of, cleaned up, or something else done around here. sure, i've got small projects that i can throw a little time at but i feel guilty for it because so much else needs done.


i don't know what to do.

forgotten fun from the interwebz

here's something i forgot about. go ahead, click it. ;)

I don't know what to do... (pt.2)

So, I suppose I should probably take a moment to state directly just what the hell is going on right now. Please bear with me as I engage in this rather rambling recap, I'm dealing with alot of emotions here and I'm half distracted by keeping an eye on my son as he is eating his breakfast.

About six years ago, my youngest brother got married. It was a small, quick wedding. I was the only person from my side of the family that got invited. I essentially guilted him into telling my parents about it, mind I had never even met the girl. No one in the family had met her. It made things tense between him and my parents for a little while. He told her some fairly terrible stories about my family, which really didn't help things much. Some of these stories were true and others he were exaggerated or out right lied about. Myself being one of the people he lied about to his new bride for a while before she and I met.

I kinda wonder if my insisting that he let our parents (at least) know that he was getting married (which he did the night before the wedding) is part of the reason why there's problems between him and I. I honestly don't know because there's been a strange gulf between him and I for years now. So, he joins the military. His wife has a tough time of it at first, but it's pretty clear that it's due to some communication problems. This, however, becomes even more of a problem as time goes on. He gets back on leave and he spends his time at my parent's house rather then at his in-laws house, where his wife and children are living. She's rather obviously hurt by this blatent rejection by her husband. It's not pretty.

She tries to forgive him this but he then does things like call our mom rather then his wife when he's got time to make phone calls while he's on his tour. Financially, it's a mess too. He just wants to spend 'his' money like he wants, no real regard for things like buying diapers for the kids back home. It reduces his wife to essentially begging family (hers and ours) for finaicial support for herself and the kids. This sets the tone for the rest of the relationship up to today's point in time.
And, yes, that includes the year and a half he was out of the military. During that time, he spent money willinilli and lived in our parent's house rather then with his wife and children at his in-laws or getting them an apartment or a house of their own.

So, he joins the Army Reserves. Mom goes into a coniption fit and immediately starts to panic that her baby is going to die on some foregin battlefield somewhere. We've been all doing our best to ignore this ongoing fit, as the rest of us accepted it was part of the risk for a while now. Mom's still having difficulty with it and is on the verge of yet more of a fit over his serious talk of joining the Army full-time. It appears fairly clear to my husband and I that my brother is doing this to avoid being an active part of the life of his wife and children.

...

I can't do this. I can't just describe this. My words don't do justice to the magnitude of injury that has been done emotionally to my brother's wife. I can't find enough to say for how confused my brother is...

My brother has created a horrible mess. His wife feels that he doesn't trust her. She's convinced that he wants a divorce but won't do it because:

1. It's too much effort.
2. He doesn't want to spend the money which can go twords his drinking, video games, or collection of anime.
3. He doesn't want to have money taken from him to pay alimony.

My parents are insisting that I'm looking at the situation like there's too much blame on my brother. I don't think they see how my brother's wife and children are living right now. I don't think they realize that my brother's eldest daughter keeps trying to run away because she believes that the whole family hates her and blames her for her father being gone.

...

It's just... It's just ugly. And in all of it, I feel like my heart is getting torn to peices. I love these people, I don't want to let the go out of my life. In their own strange ways, I know that they love me. If they didn't my brothers wouldn't have shown up when I had that appendictomy back when I was pregnant with my son. My youngest brother wouldn't have driven up from the base where he was stationed for a day and a half with out sleep to try to get to my wedding.

They seem so damn intent on hurting each other and destroying their lives, however, that it's just ... it's breaking my heart and leaving me with the terrible feeling that I'm going to have no choice but to let them go. Though none of them area aware of how I feel about this situation or anything else. It's... It's hurting like hell for me and I'm realizing just how much emotional baggage I have surrounding my family... I don't know what to do because I can talk to them and hope they will listen to me or expect them not to listen and let them go.

I don't know what to do... (pt.1)

I had a nightmare last night that woke me up feeling like I got punched in the gut. I honestly expected to be crying when I woke up this morning. I honestly don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. I sit here and look at the situation and my heart is just breaking all to pieces. In the meantime, I feel that I should keep a smile on my face and act like I'm mystified by the entire mess going on in my side of the family.

My brother who is serving in the Army in Afghanistan joined the Army Reserve because he was having a tough time adjusting back to civilian life after he finished his tour with the Marines about two years ago. A year and a half after he was done being a Marine he signed up for the Army Reserves. He's talking about re-enlisting, this time in the Army. This fact by itself is kinda tragic and says something about the way we're treating our military service members when they get home at the end of their tour of duty.

I can't help it. I worry about him everyday. I try to live my life like everything is ok, but there's the fear that my youngest brother won't come home. He's half done with his deployment, if they don't extend it. I don't believe that he's going to come home on time because looking at the situation, I genuinely expect his outfit's deployment to be extended. I have his address via the military, I don't know if I should write him or not though. There's alot of stuff going on here around my brother that I'm hurt, angry, and deeply disappointed with him over. At the same time, he is my youngest brother and I love him deeply. It hurts and it... It has me feeling incredibly conflicted right now.

And then there is all of the other crap going on which just... I'm at a loss for words. It's the proverbial shitstorm that has resulted from my brother being an idiot. And I think that it's going to just break my side of the family apart. It's something that is painful as hell for me to think about. As I sit here writing, I look over at my son and see him playing with his piece of zweibeck toast. I ask myself, what is the right thing to do by him? I can't keep doing this on the basis of how I *feel* about the situation.

My heart, however, keeps making it's pain known as this proceeds. So, I do need to act with consideration to these emotions and how I view all of this mess. The really stupid thing is I am questioning what on earth I did wrong to cause this. Never mind the fact that the moral accountability test of the situation shows clearly that I have no form of responsibility here beyond my immediate response to the situation. It's root and origin lies in other people's decisions and actions.

Missing.

A dear friend of mine is in a terrible situation right now. Her mother has gone missing. If you are in Anne Arundel Co. MD and you happen to see this woman, please, for the love of everything holy let the authorities know!

Here's the news story about it from the Examiner.

Lady_Cinnibar, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. While there isn't much I can do for you from up here in western NY, please, call me as soon as you know anything. The time doesn't matter. *hugs*

from the interwebz comes my new band...

Your Debut Album

1 - Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Random quotations: http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.

3 - Go to flickr's "explore the last seven days" http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Put it all together, that's your debut album.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

for mine...

Japanese holdout ~ when we're in love

[click here for the pic, because I can't seem to make it show up here]

Now, here's the question:

what kind of music would my band play?

What! You don't have Starbucks!?!

I'm pretty sure that all y'all have read about the great Starbucks closures going on right now. As I read the list of locations that are being closed, I chuckled because the one that opened up in my hometown is closing. It's only been open for about a year and a half, and now it's gone. When they opened, my husband's sister was absolutely delighted. She felt that our little town was finally beginning to become something of a respectable place.

She's always been in love with the city. While I enjoyed the city when I was at college, I didn't want to stay there. She, however, would love to go back and live there. So, when our small town got a Starbucks, she was on cloud nine. This happened at about the same town that the eastern end of town started getting some of the stores that are more associated with the suburbs. For example, there's a Sears there and we've got Peebles too. It's a big difference from the small village shoe shop and the clothes store next door where if you wanted something different then what was in stock you had to order it out of a catalog.

Now, the influence of the city is starting to go away. The Starbucks is leaving. Some of the new stores are having difficulty and will probably be leaving soon also. On one hand, the loss of business is a sad sign and an indication that the economic down turn is affecting more people today. At the same time, it's an indication of what I knew the whole time. A small farming community can't afford to support the overpriced glitzy services that you can find in the city. I say over priced because stuff like $4.00 for a cup of coffee is overpricing. It'd be one thing if the coffee was worth $4.00 a cup.

It's not, though, because the coffee that I make at home with the cheap coffee that I got at the grocery store tastes better then that stuff from Starbucks.

self-soothing...

It's something that I've yet to master. I've found, however, that working on learning how to spin has been doing wonders for that.

I have a drop spindle that's just like this one:



It's been surprisingly soothing to sit and spin the wool that I bought with it a few weeks ago. I actually went out and bought more last week. Now, I have been working on learning to make yarn that is even and relatively fine. Some day, I want to spin my own embroidery thread. As of right now, however, I've managed to make a bit of yarn that will be useful for something crochet. I'm not sure what, though.

I hate this right now...

I'm so upset and fustrated right now with so many things that I just want to cry. I try so hard to make things more settled and easier to deal with right here in my home but I feel like I'm making no progress. I'm struggling to just keep my home clean. I simply don't feel that I can do this successfully because I've got no apparent room right now. I realize that I'm probably looking at this all the wrong way. It most likely makes me an idiot.

The mess with the damn car... I hate that car. I really have begun to hate this things with a passion. And I'm beginning to hate the entire mess surrounding locating a new car as well. I'd add more but I think that would just spawn another argument with my husband. He reads this too and I think he knows where I stand on this, so I won't hit the matter on the head again.

I'm so upset and fustrated with the way things stand right now that I feel torn between crying and throwing things. I wonder somedays if there is a point to my continually attempting to do things like get my home clean or anything else like that. All it adds up to is an attempt. I feel like I'm not really treading water here. Each dish I wash winds up dirty later and needs washed again. Each scrap of clothing I clean needs to be cleaned again later. Folding up and putting clothes away is just not possible right now because of all the crap piled up everywhere. I can't put things away because I have no place for them. Why?

Because stuff is packed in boxes. Because the damn boxes are piled up everywhere. Because I can't carry shit into the damn storage shed between it being too heavy and I have no way to secure it in the shed. Why can't I secure it? Because the stupid lock that I had in the kitchen has gone god knows where after I put it on my husband's desk almost a month and a half ago when I asked him to move a few boxes out there.

So... what the hell is the point?

I spend my time during the day attempting to find some way to balance keeping the domestic concerns in check with raising the boy and also getting back into my writing, and possibly even attempting to run a business on-line doing tarot readings. I feel like all of the effort I'm putting in is futile at best, worthless at worst, and at the end of the day I don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong.

Sure, one could say that I'm trying to do too much but it doesn't change the fact that it needs done.

I'm not bitching about how my husband doesn't do anything to help. He works and brings home the money we need to put food on the tables, to make the car run (and to even get us a car), and to keep the roof over our heads. I can't say that's not enough because it's all I can ask of him. It's the reasonable thing to ask of him.

But... gods help me, I don't know what I'm going to do on keeping up my end of the bargin because I think I'm doing it wrong. My anxiety problem is making it hard for me to sleep at night and for me to write. I'm having difficulty feeling safe because the constant cat-fights next door are aggrivating my PTSD and I keep feeling that I need to be ready for some one to assault me. Everytime I look around here, I see constant reminders that I'm falling down on the job here, even if it is in my own head.

~ Edited To Add: ~

I've spent a little bit trying to get a few things done and I've since found that lock. Maybe I'll be able to get a few boxes over to the storage shed this afternoon. We'll see.

Ugh!

I love my family, I really, really do. My grandmother is driving me nuts.

I am having some difficulty planning my son's first birthday party. I admit, I am a bit nervous about this. At the same time, however, I'm not looking to go nuts.

I made some phone calls and found out where I could get a free cake. I have a set of invitations and a set of thank you cards to send out. I'm in the midst of planning the decorations and everything for it. The guest list has been made and I've even resolved the potential scheduling conflict that was going to come from his birthday being the day after his cousin's. All I really need is a location.

I thought that I could get it taken care of easily by calling the village offices. There's a park just a few minutes away from here that is a place that we go to often. It's larger then our townhouse and would be a great location for a party. Unfortunately, the pavilion at the park is booked until the beginning of September. There's been some drama surrounding finding another place to hold it. My grandmother said 'yes, you can have the party here' only to change her mind about 72 hours later. Since then, I've found myself getting increasingly frustrated with the insinuation that I'm planning a party that's too complicated and just too much for my son.

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that some cake, some ice cream, and giving him the opportunity to play with his cousins while his father and I visited with his uncles, aunts, and grandparents was just right. Make the party no longer then an hour and that leaves plenty of time for him to enjoy himself without it being too long with too many people.

Seriously, I want to beat my head against a wall right now. Cake, ice cream, and family is not the same thing as renting a tent, a pony, clowns, and god knows what else. I'm thinking that this thing can be done for around $50. That's a hell of alot less then what alot of other people I know spent for their kid's first birthday.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that I can actually do this?

So, I thought I was losing my mind...

First, I need to open this blog post with two different things that make sense only to the people involved.

Stargazer, thank you so much for talking with me last night. That call helped me alot. While I'm still feeling incredibly anxious, I am not quite as ready to fly apart with it all.

Stormcrow, I'm sorry that my recent e-mails have been ... well... have like they have. I think this may help make sense of some of it.

For years, I've been terrified that I was crazy in a bad way. It's only recently (within the last 10 years) that I have begun to understand that even if I was, it's not a terrible end of the world thing. And, it wouldn't make me a bad person. It'd be like saying that the person with a bad head cold was somehow morally deficient because they caught the cold to begin with. Morally deficient people are not the only ones who get sick. Crazy in a bad way, by the way, means not able to really function.

I suppose I really should start at the beginning here. When I was a kid, I was regularly threatened with being insitutionalized by my parents, specifically my mother. This was the same woman who talked about me as though I wasn't her daughter when I didn't behave the way she wanted me to. She still does that to some extent and still even will talk about me as though I'm not even in the room. To be honest, I have always hated that and I think it is a toss up between which of those two I hate more. I was regularly accused of being a hypchrondriac, by both my parents and several others in my family. I was also reminded on a frequent basis that I was a difficult and expensive birth, that I was an investment and I had better not fuck up. The last bit of that statement was generally implied most of the time, but on occasion it was said to me by my mother.

If you're seeing a pattern here, it's not a coincidence. I found myself frequently in the position of having the blame for alot of different crap shoved on me and when blame wasn't shifted to me, I found a great deal of encouragement to blame myself for it. As a result, I lived alot of my childhood in my head. I've a fantasy novel that I'm working on that is based to a large extent on those years of retreating to inside my own head to escape the misery that I faced frequently. I feel terrible to admit it, but I was psychologically abused as a child. And I'm still struggling with the effects of it today.

So, between high levels of stress with this whole crap with our apartment, my on going anxiety over money, and dealing with a bit of depression, I kinda freaked out over the last month. I was corresponding some with a person who has dissociative identity disorder/multiple personality disorder. As he was describing his experiences, I saw alot of parallels between my own situation. Then, this whole bit of hogwash started with the new apartment. I found myself in a difficult place.

I had found myself suddenly facing the echos of my mother's bullshit with the question if I actually had another personality. I looked at the 'voice' in my head and I became terrified. Did that monster in my head of my repressed shadow-side actually have a 'life' of it's own? What of the other 'aspects' of my personality? Did my bit of minor gender identification issues (which again are due to how I was raised) actually indicate a split personality?

These questions have been there for a long time. In the past, I had dismissed them as foolish. Or I simply refused to look at them. I was building up to something of a crisis on this matter and I think all of the stress in these other areas came together to reveal this. Between my having difficulty sleeping and dealing with some of my PTSD issues, I found myself suddenly flailing around in terror over a new possible problem. Last night, I had a conversation with Stargazer and I found reassurance that even if I did have multiple personalities, I was ok.

She then proceeded to explain to me that I never did manifest another personalitiy in the years that we'd known each other, and that being a cranky and surly person in the morning didn't count as that either. We talked for a while. Alot of the conversation revolved around my mother, as they frequently do. I came away from the conversation on stable ground. Suddenly, it didn't feel like I was just going to fly to peices.

It also left me feeling more then saddened by things between my mother and I. It had taken me almost two years of therapy to recognize that I was abused by my parents. It's something I've been struggling with ever since that recognition came to me, almost 10 years ago. It seems like there is always something new revealed as having it's roots back in my childhood.

My massive guilt complex, the anxiety problems, and my attempts to be superwoman all go back to that. I know that I've a long standing problem with depression. While some elements of it may be neurophysical, more of it is just because of how I was raised. I realize that my fears regarding not having enough money to buy food is rooted in my childhood when we had times like that. Sure, my mother may act like my brothers and I didn't know it, but we knew when she and my father didn't eat so that we could.

I don't know how to break away from this stuff. Stargazer suggested talking to a psychologist. I don't know if we can afford that or if it's even something that'd be covered by the health insurance that my husband has thru work. It is such a struggle not to just go find a corner and cry in it when the enormity of it all hits me. At least I can say that I'm not as bad off as I was afraid I was. After all, I manage to take care of my son and our home reasonably well. And I don't have mpd/did, just a lot of bad messages to get out of my head.

You know, somedays, I'd kinda like to be wrong.

So, anyone else been following the news about that HPV vaccine? You know, the one that they've been advertising that girls who are about 13 should get and that some states are seriously contemplating mandating?

Well, here's the latest chapter in the saga:

It appears that it has a 'causal' connection to several girls and women who've received the injection getting seriously ill and a few deaths.

Perhaps it's just me, but it's pretty damn suspicious when the government starts screaming about how a brand new vaccine must be implemented. It's even more suspicious when there's a huge blitz of advertising of the same slick variety as the stuff that's designed to sell erection enhancement pills. Especially when they're using scare tactics.

I think that the FDA knew these vaccines weren't fully tested. I think that somebody bought off the FDA's approval. Yep, you heard me, folks, the FDA, who're supposed to be our safeguard against such things most likely are complicit in this bullshit. Now, here's the question...

How long before the FDA attempts to sweep this crap under the rug or some how attempt to make the complaints of these people look illegitimate in the eyes of the media?

I *so* don't like the way this looks. I've a feeling that something else equally unpleasant is on the way from the same source.

hmm... so, the gods have a sense of humor.

Why do I say this?

Because there was a rather unexpected development today. Just 15 minutes ago, I met with the landlord of where we live. She's just gotten the note and the check from last month. I hand delivered the check for this month and I've been assured that the lease agreement went in the mail today.

My suspicions regarding the previous manager getting fired were correct. At either the end of this week or the beginning of next week, maintenance will be by to look at the various issues that are problems for us. We shall see how this plays out. First order of business is to review the lease when it arrives. After that, I think we'll either be having a conversation with the owner or exchanging letters back and forth.

I hope that this will be resolved quickly and painlessly.

I still have a sense of foreboding here, though. I could see that she was a woman who was overworked and disorganized. I'm hoping that today was just one of those crazy post 3 day weekend mondays for her. I'm not entirely sure, though.

It gives me a feeling that something's off.

Where do *I* stand? I'm glad you asked...

I suppose before I launch into real discussion on the matter of politics I should try to give you a picture of where I'm coming from. Some of this you may have gleaned from my earlier posts on different topics. Other elements of this is going to be new and possibly seem contrary to what you expected. Either way, I hope this isn't going to be a boring, "Let's hear about ME" post. If it is, I apologize.

To begin, I suppose I should tell you how I was raised. Not every detail mind you, but the political climate within my home as a child should be considered because it does have some significance to my views today. My parents are registered as Independent. For a brief period of time when I was quite young, my father was registered as a Republican and my mother was registered as a Democrat. Then they became disgusted with both of the parties. I believe they've since changed their affiliation. I'm not entirely sure, as it has been a while since I discussed the matter with them.

I was taught that the rights explicitly protected by the Constitution are vital to the health and well being of the nation. I was also taught that there are various other rights that are implicitly accepted and we need to use our explicitly stated rights to vigilantly defend them. What is an example of this? Well, the Fourteenth Amendment protects our right to due process. The Roe vs. Wade decision falls under the protections of this amendment. This is because it protects our privacy which was violated in this case by a violation of due process (the privacy matter could make it possible that it also that this decision is under the auspices of the Fourth Amendment as well).

Now, one may ask, how is this an example of using an explicitly stated and protected right to defend an implicitly accepted one? Well, this is a clear case of the First Amendment being applied to defend an undefined right (the right to privacy). The act of demanding redress of grievances is protected by the First Amendment and that is precisely what happened by the plaintiff in the case of Roe vs. Wade.

If the plaintiff in this case had not exercised their right to demand redress of grievances and appealed to the Supreme Court, the implicit right to privacy regarding one's body would never have been upheld by the Supreme Court's decision to overturn the initial findings in the case which argued that abortion was illegal. Now, I won't get into the abortion debate at this time, because it'll take me far afield from the main topic of this post. I may do so at a later time, however.

On some issues, I could be described as a conservative. I strongly uphold that minimal government involvement in the daily affairs of the people is best. To put it bluntly, I believe that the role of the federal government is to regulate interstate commerce and to preserve the nation at large in the face of foreign threats, by taking action that is approved of and supported by the people. I believe that the best economic policy the federal government can take is a laissez-faire one, allowing the market to adjust according to it's internal forces. On other issues, I could be described as a liberal. I believe individual freedoms is vital to the well being of the nation. In this respect, I am a classical liberal. I also believe that all people in the nation have the right to adequate education and to live with out fear of discrimination. This could place me as a social liberal.

I believe that the Second Amendment is specifically talking about the right of individuals to own and bear arms. This right is vital for the people to maintain their liberty and the prevention of tyranny. One may ask why and my response is relatively simple. If you look at the Declaration of Independence, you find that the framers of this document upheld that the people have the right to change and/or abolish their government if it become oppressive. The right of the people to bear arms ensures that if the people can not change and/or abolish their government by peaceable means when it becomes oppressive that it is then required to do so by force.

I am opposed to the current military engagement in Iraq. I believe it is empire building, that the war is illegal, and it is unjust. I also believe that the current administration has sanctioned war crimes, including but not limited to the torture of prisoners of war, the abuse of non-combatants, and the establishment of concentration camps. I am infuriated by the President's suspension of habeus corpus and I fully support the calls for his impeachment. I also believe that the President should be tried for treason on the grounds of his actions and the actions of those who operate under his auspices are directly injurious to the rights (explicit and implicit) of the people of the United States and actively undermine the nation's well being.

Some people may insist that my beliefs and feelings on this matter make me a traitor to this nation or an apologist for the 'terrorists.' If anyone says that, I'd like to contend that they are fools. Yes, my words may be argued as encouraging insurrection and sedition. If that is the case, it is because it is the only way that the efforts of the people who founded this nation can live on. I was raised to have a keen understanding of why the Revolutionary War occurred.

As the proud descendent of people who fought in the Revolutionary War, I know what the word patriot means. I get angry when I see it bandied about and put as equal with the term nationalist. I get angry when it is thrown about as a synonym for a veteran or active member of the military. I am made especially angry when the political pundits throw the term around for any person who agrees with their views or use it for other propagandists. Some may say that I hate this nation because of my political views.

Nothing can be further from the truth. I love this place. It is my home. My roots run deep here and I want to see the nation prosper and flourish. That, however, can not happen if we tolerate tyranny. Facisim is a form of tyranny and I believe that is what is in the midst of being insituted here. I am obligated to oppose it not only on the basis that it is opposed to what the ideological principles that lead to the founding of the nation but on the basis of my family's own history.

Aside from my being the descendant of a true Patriot, I am also the descendant of people who left Germany to escape the facisim of the Third Reich. Opposition to such things is demanded of me by my blood, you could say. I am deeply troubled by the changes that have been coming over the country in the last decade. I do not wish to see another civil war happen in this nation. At the same time, if that is the only way to preven the nation from becoming a different version of the Third Reich, then so be it.

So, I'm going to ramble on the topic of politics.

Ok, I haven't said much about politics here. I think, however, I am going to start blogging some on that topic. After all, this is my soapbox here on the internet and I have a captive audience. [insert evil laughter here] So, I figure, why not give y'all a taste of what's on my mind when it comes to this topic as well. I recognize, there are going to be people who oppose what I say and even be disgusted and/or insulted by my perspectives on various political issues.

That is perfectly fine by me because I know that there are issues and viewpoints that I will feel the same way about. I promise, I will do my best to be inoffensive in language and respectful of everyone. Flames that are vulgar will be deleted. Flames that are ad hominem attacks are also going to be deleted. It doesn't matter if they're directed at myself or at others who are posting comments. Hitting below the belt is just unsportsmanlike and has no real grounds in any kind of debate.

On the matter of politics, I will do my best to make sure that any discussion that pops up in the comments along this line of topic is open. I recognize that people are going to want to attempt to dictate to me how I should reply to issues and possibly get offended when I don't follow their lead. I'd like to remind people that this is my blog.

If you have a response that it longer than three to four sentences, please blog about it on your blog and provide the link to mine. When you do blog about it, post a link to my blog, so that your readers can follow the whole story. If I have a response that is longer then three or four sentences, I too shall blog about it and either specifically reference your comment with a link to my blog entry that the comment is attached to or reference your blog reply/rebuttle with a link.

I feel that it is only fair to attribute things to their proper sources.

All of this said, I hope that you enjoy this line of discussion. I have a feeling it is going to get lively.

A little politics with my morning coffee.

This is reposted from a forum that I'm a part of.

Well, I found this entertaining and interesting. It appears that the Senator is educated to some extent about his own faith. It also appears that the evangelist minister whom is getting referred to in this article by CNN isn't that well educated.

I think this is going to be an interesting little sidebar to the rest of the matters being highlighted this election. I also suspect that the evangelical christian voting bloc may find themselves forced to either support McCain or be unrepresented this presidential election.

I must say that the comparison between Al Sharpton and James Dobson to be quite entertaining. I also think it is quite telling of Senator Obama to make that comparison. Sharpton and Dobson are at seemingly opposite ideological ends of the evangelical christian movement, or at least in the more aggressive (possibly militant) part of the movement. And yet, putting them side by side in his speech points out that they're two different versions of the same political animal.

I figure any day now, I'll start getting spammed with how Obama is a 'false' christian and a servant of the DEBIL because he isn't slavishly obeying the calls to heel by the loudest voices of the more militant element of the evangelical christian movement. I look at this and I am inclined to say that Senator Obama is a moderate christian who focuses on the New Testament teachings, specifically the Sermon on the Mount.

Ever notice that those christians who focus upon expressing their faith in a reserved manner and are in some political power are decried by those who are more militant in their expression as either not doing enough or being false in their beliefs? It's enough to make you wonder if they're practicing two entirely different faiths that are united only by certain elements of mythos and ritual.

Looking at this on the whole, I think that McCain is going to 'sell out' and court the evangelical christian voting bloc. I suspect that it may be the only way that he could possibly manage to oppose Obama's popularity. After all, the machine of the evangelical christian voting bloc is a huge part of what is pushing the pro-America propaganda and highly nationalist/burgeoning facist pedagogy over the last several years. I also think that as that little machine begins to chug out a spew of racist garbage and bullshit accusations with respect to Obama, it will become suddenly alot easier to spot how pervasive that influence is in the population.

Who knows, this may even serve as a way to find the weak points in the propaganda machine. Wouldn't that be nice?

fie on it!

I'll admit it. This whole business with the apartment has me feeling somewhat depressed.

I don't know what to do about it.

Seriously, I hate this.

Well, I don't know what to do.

I sit here in front of the computer torn with this debate and no one seems to be able to give me any advice on how to proceed.

What do I do here in the face of this mess we're dealing with? Specifically, do I continue to unpack or do I try to rearrange boxes in a fashion that we can tolerate?

I can't stand this.

I really do want to unpack and get us settled in here but I don't know if that would be wise because we may be moving in a month or two.

What on earth do I do now?

This is so upsetting.

I rather hate it.

Baby Books.

So, I decided that I was going to give my son books. I firmly believe that a grasp of language, and written counts as much as oral, as well as a grasp of basic mathematics are needed for children to succeed as adults. I recognize that giving him books when he's a baby is probably a bit over ambitious and maybe even a little silly. Still, I've been getting him books and I read to him everyday.

I plan on teaching him to read with these books and some flashcards when he's around three. Sure, some people may say that it's a bit much to be teaching a three year old how to read, but that was what my parents did with my brothers and I. We turned out not half bad, so I'm going to be doing it with my boy. As I've been getting him books, I found that I really wanted him to have the Little Golden Books that I loved as a kid.

I didn't expect it to be quite so much effort. Now, I have not, mind you, been looking at garage sales and such. I thought I could just walk into a book store or a used book store and grab a few copies easily. That has not proven the case. The older books are collectors items and can be quite expensive if I'm getting them in good condition. I, of course, feel that I need to have the books in good condition to help my boy learn how to read and to have them for when he grows up.

I rather regret giving away my favorite picture books when I turned 13. Since then, I've been having a devil of a time replacing them. My favorite rendition of Sleeping Beauty has been the hardest to replace. I suppose that should have warned me that I'd have a hard time finding the Little Golden Books that I wanted, but I thought that those were more popular and should be easy to locate. As a result of my search, I've found some of them. I'm still looking for the rest.



This was my second most favorite book from my childhood. The illustrations are ones that I absolutely adore and I can't help but smile everytime I see them. I think the one that is my favorite in this book is the illustration depicting Scuffy with the cows and the washer-women. It's just barely ahead of the image of saw-mill and the rainbow. Those two pictures are just burned into my brain and filled with warm and happy feelings for me.



The story of the puppies always charmed me. It also reminds me of my brothers and I sneaking out of the backyard to run around the farm. It was at about this time in our lives that we read this little book countless times. When I hold this book, among the memories that come to mind is the feeling of climbing over the wire fence and jumping into the long grass on the other side, with that wild rush of freedom and excitement that came from the landing. It's a feeling like nothing else and a part of me wishes there was some way for my adult self to recapture that feeling
again.



Another book that I love for the illustrations, I think this is my number three favorite of the Little Golden Books that my paternal Grandparents had read to us. (They still have these books, which are enjoyed by a third generation. These books were read to my father as a boy, myself as a girl, and now to my nieces. I'm surprised the bindings haven't fallen off.) The story here is such an uplifting one. I'm glad that I found it again because when I have days that I feel badly about my appearance, I can now read it again and feel better. The message in this charming story has always warmed my heart and done wonders for my self-esteem.

I'm still looking for the other books, but I hope that my little boy grows up to find these books as heart warming as I did.