Yarn stuff # 2!

I haven't gotten much spinning done this week. Or at least, not of the producing yarn variety. I have been getting a lot of things done right now. This is good, but my time for fiber arts has been reduced. I aim to rectify this as soon as I get the other projects (like putting together a budget for this month and finishing setting up my writing outlines for the month) done.

I sat down with some yarn and a crochet hook. I backwards engineered a bonnet pattern, sort of. The first attempt came out pretty cute. It is about toddler sized. I used baby sport weight yarn remnants I had kicking around in my work basket. I haven't written up the pattern yet. Or should I say, I haven't typed it up yet. I have it noted down in my notebook. It is a step farther along than what I have been doing in other projects.

I am in the search of a good (free) gnome hat pattern. I've seen a few on Ravelry. They're ok. But they're not quite what I need. I may wind up just coming up with one on my own. Who knows how that is going to work out.

In other news, have you seen this thing that is trending? If you look up 'knitter's are ...' on Google, one of the top auto-fill suggestions is 'knitter's are ruining America.' I proudly claim this title. Below is a picture of my engaged in this dastardly activity. (I'm making a baby sweater for a friend of mine. Pattern to come when completed.)

Beware of me and my pointy sticks and sturdy string.

NaBloPoMo # 7: Spreading Love!

So, I have been in a lot of pain due to what ever is going on with my ovaries. Yesterday, I had no writing done because I was at the hospital. After some investigation, the conclusion has been reached that I can not have any form of narcotic pain relief due to allergic response. I am not pleased with this development. As an attempt to distract myself from this, I have been knitting.

This hat is really simple. And it is pretty small, because I'm making it for one of the kids in the neighborhood who doesn't have a hat for cold weather. I started out with crochet for the top of the hat. I used a size H hook (5.5mm) and sport weight acrylic yarn. I am actually using one of Caron's Simply Soft Paints. I forget what the colorway is called. I lost the ball band in the course of cleaning last week. Using the magic ring method, I made a circle of twelve single crochet stitches. I then increased in each stitch (slip stitching the last stitch to the first at the end of the round) before proceeding in the usual manner until I had 36 stitches in total. I then picked up each stitch onto a DPN needle that was sized 9 (also 5.5mm). I started knitting in the round until the entire affair was 9 in long. I bound off knitwise.

I'm not pleased with how tense my bound off edge is. I can't quite manage to get the hang of casting off loosely or with a stretchy one. I think I need to watch more Youtube tutorials or something. Maybe I can talk my MiL into showing me how to do it. She knits socks all the time, so I know she knows the trick for that one. I am stalled on the duckie scarf. I am, however, going to pick that back up and work on getting it done.

A Sunny Spot on the Wall.

Perhaps you are familiar with Margaret Atwood's novel A Handmaid's Tale. If you are not, I strongly advise you read it. Consider as you do so that it was written in 1985, a little over thirty years ago. Also, consider how closely those themes run to that which is espoused by the supporters of Donald Trump. The parallels are fundamentally disturbing. I could devote a whole post to this, an analysis of the book, and how it seems that people have taken it as an instruction manual. (I feel as though similar arguments can be made regarding George Orwell's 1984.) This, however, is not the purpose of my post this evening.

I have spent my day attempting to make sense of the apparent madness that is unfurling. Yes, some would argue that I am presenting a hysterical (in a decidedly unfunny sense) picture of things. Many who would decry my position as hysteria would have declared a woman who was of a mind to exercise her rights as suffering from hysteria back when it was considered a legitimate diagnosis. I pay them little heed but I do give them a small bit of time in my thoughts, to consider them scornfully and with great loathing. Given a casual assessment of what has been reported via social media alone, there has been a stark uptick in violence in both word and deed on the basis of racism, sexism, and xenophobia. I have not seen much in the way of reports of such things against people who are disabled but I would not be surprised by this.

This behavior does not behoove us as the descendants of statesmen such as the ones who ironed out the principles that lead to the development of the Consitution of the United States. Or does it? Thomas Jefferson, famed for penning the cherished Declaration of Independence, argued that a white man was of greater value than a black man, specifically slaves. It was known as the 3/5ths compromise. It is a shameful chapter in the history of this nation, among many. Just because our ancestors (both ideological and literal) behaved in a manner that denied the humanity of their fellow people and promoted hatred against them, it does not mean that we can do so as well.

We are supposed to improve upon what was done by they who came before us. The Civil Rights act of 1866 was supposed to rectify the gross errors of our government and people. The Civil Rights act of 1964 was supposed to rectify yet more of those gross errors. This is but one example of how we were supposed to improve and propel our nation towards a more just place wherein all citizens enjoy the protections and liberties explicit and implicit that came by virtue of being part of this nation. And yet, what have we done in electing Donald Trump? We have taken a step backwards.

Still, perhaps we were not as forward thinking as we wished to tell ourselves and present ourselves to the world at large. Donald Trump tapped into a deep vein of hatred that runs through this nation. I can not say this is a great nation. I have not been able to say that for over a decade now. And I think that when I said it when I was younger, it was out of ignorance and believing the pretty stories we told ourselves about how good we are. I suppose one good thing to come out of the horrendous train wreck that has been this election cycle is that the seething, putrid wash of hatred that was fermenting beneath the surface has been revealed.

It has revealed how brother has turned against brother and the way that people wish ill upon others for merely existing. Some are concerned that we are a heartbeat away from a civil war. Others are afraid that the country is headed to ruin, with the likelihood of greater warfare happening within months of Donald Trump being sworn into office. In the meantime, no less than eleven people committed suicide within the last 24 hours with fear that they would have been murdered because of their status as part of the LGBT+ community. And this is only what I am aware of through my relatively small social circle. Gods only know what the final tally will be when sunrise comes tomorrow. I have lost count of how many people relating how they have been harassed and threatened with violence on the basis of their beliefs, their apparent racial background, and their gender presentation. This is but the tip of the iceberg that the good ship America has run into.

I will not attempt auguries to divine what manner of disaster awaits us. My heart can not stand that. I have spent my day feeling sick and horrified. I have been afraid for friends of mine who have moved from being in an abstract position of danger to one of real danger because Donald Trump's ascension has emboldened the people who threaten them. I sit here and question what I can do to oppose this rising tide of fascism. Do not let anyone tell you that this mess is something different. It is perhaps by the perversity of the Divine's humor that the election was decided upon the 78th anniversary of Kristallnacht.

I don't know if I will need to make plans to hide friends from some manner of governmental oppression. I don't know if I should carefully consider how to present as something I am not to ensure the safety of my children. I don't know where this leads. I only know that nothing good comes of this. I know this in my bones. I fear for the future. People who are dear to me have tried to assure me that the apathy that has run rampant through this country will insulate us from the greater dangers that lie about us. I question this assertion. When not even a full day after this man has won the race people are having their very lives threatened with impunity, I suspect that apathy will not save us. If anything, it will be further damnation.

I do know this, I will find away to stand against this. I will find away to resist the hatred. And, when the day is done, I will do my best to ensure that my children and the generations that come after them live in a nation that is closer to being more just and humane. Or at least die trying. Because sometimes, the war that is fought is in our hearts and minds, not with guns and forces of might. I will not be silenced.

So, save me a sunny spot on the wall. And I am sure we will have good company to hang in chains with if all things truly go to hell.

Shoveling from a sitting position.

It has been a week of a lot of writing. I am on one hand pleased with all the progress I have made. At the same time, I keep catching myself worrying that I am going to run out of things to say. I am doing my best to just put those worries into my little 'box' and set it aside for the gods to deal with. There is getting to be a bit of a pile of proverbial boxes. It makes me glad that they're not physical things because I would have a stack a few feet high by now.

The other thing I keep putting into my boxes is the negative self talk. It has been pretty hard. I didn't realize how much I did that until I started actively monitoring what I was saying to myself. I discovered that when I am depressed, I am truly horrible to myself. I felt guilty for it when I realized it. Then it was explained to me that it was how I was taught to treat myself. It helped some to hear that. I am trying not to let myself get caught up in guilt over it. So, the guilt is going into a box as well.

I have a big pile of laundry waiting to be dealt with. I haven't folded a thing yet today. I just didn't feel up to it. I am going to try to get some done this evening after dinner, provided that Cuddle Bear doesn't have homework tonight. I am trying to steel myself for how tiring this weekend is going to be. My freezer is so full, I can't prep a meal and keep it in there to pop in the oven later. It is not a bad problem to have, but it is a little exasperating.

I am hoping that the weather will be decent over the weekend. The boys have a four day weekend this weekend. I am going to try to get them down to their friends's house. It has been a little while since we have visited them. With the cold weather coming, visiting gets a bit tricky because the one sidewalk in town doesn't get cleared off. And yet the paths at the park are shoveled? I don't understand that but I'm not going to try to make sense of what the local government is up to.

I'm making progress on losing weight. I just realized I hadn't said anything about this in a few months. I'm down 20 pounds. I have dropped two pants sizes and I can fit into a lot of my clothes from before I got pregnant. I am about fifteen pounds away from my goal weight. I think I might just manage to meet my goal of being 150lbs by the end of the year.

Fine weather for ducks.

From Here

It rained hard today. So hard that the end of my street by the fire department was flooded. It made walking to Cheergirl's tutoring session an adventure that Cuddle Bear loved. Cheergirl (this may be a new moniker for her, because I don't remember if I had one before or what it was) has been a friend of Cuddle Bear's since he was in the Head Start program a few years ago. Her little brother, Hot Rod, and Snuggle Bug go to Head Start together and will be starting Kindergarten this fall. It looks like they're not going to be in the same class room but I think that is to the benefit of the teaching staff to be honest.

Put Hot Rod and Snuggle Bug in the same room and mischief ensues. They're thick as thieves, as my Grandma K. would say. The boys were off at Head Start today and Cuddle Bear and I were off to Cheergirl's house for her tutoring session. As I tutor Cheergirl in math and english, Cuddle Bear usually plays with her family's cats or is busily showing off for Lily (Cheergirl and Hot Rod's mom) what he can do on the playground, when the weather is nice. During the last few weeks, Cuddle Bear got to play with Cheergirl's half brother, D. and he was real pleased with that.

But, I digress, Cuddle Bear and I were on our way down to do our tutoring/play session. We do this Monday, Wednesday, and Friday over the last month now. (I can't believe it has been a whole month already. Where has this summer gone to?) At first Cuddle Bear was really excited by the fact that he got to carry an umbrella just for himself. Then we crossed the street and he noticed the water running in the ditch.

He decided that was awesome and proceeded to tell me all the reasons why he loved the water. By this time, we had reached the parking lot of the railroad line/lumber yard. There was a LOT of standing water. I foolishly thought it was just a series of really big puddles and that it wouldn't be so bad. Oh, how wrong I was! We splashed through water up to our ankles to the train tracks. Then, as we crossed the tracks, the water came up about an inch higher.

Much to my dismay, what I thought was a series of big puddles was a large flooded swath of the road. It went from the edge of the treeline of the property by the rail line down to across from the firehouse. It was close to 50 yards wide from east to west and around 25 yards wide at its widest point from north to south. We started to traverse this and the water kept getting deeper and deeper. As we were walking, I noticed that there was a bit of a current to everything.

Deciding that we were a quarter of the way to Cheergirl's house, I continued on but did my level best to remain at the edges of the surprise pond. We carefully wound up on the street for a few yards (fortunately with no traffic in sight for a good long ways). It was as we were making our way back to the sidewalk where it emerged from the muddy water that I stepped into a low spot and had water up to my right knee. Cold water and shorts does not mix well. The fates were in my favor, however, because Cuddle Bear was in the ankle deep water

The rest of our walk to Cheergirl's house wasn't as bad. It was a bit breezy, however, and I think I felt every puff. It was when we were going past the runoff ditch that went behind Cheergirl's apartment complex that things got a bit interesting again. The water was again ankle deep and moving at a pretty good clip. I had Cuddle Bear keep a firm hold on me and I kept a firm hold on his wrist when we crossed it. The street was pretty well flooded. When we got to Cheergirl's townhouse, the property groundskeeper was going around telling people to move their valuables up from their basements because basements had started flooding.

I guess we got about a dozen math flashcards down before the guy got to their place. Then tutoring was put on hold to emergency move stuff up out of their basement. I was happy to help because I didn't want Lily to sprain her ankle again. She sprained it pretty bad about two months ago and only recently been declared healthy. It was then that I discovered that I am a pretender to the crown of doll collecting. Helping Lily and Cheergirl move boxes, I found that Lily has a fantastic collection of porcelain dolls. I am not ashamed to say that I envied a few of them, especially the one in the lavender Victorian dress. It was a really splendid doll and even had the box still.

As we were winding down from the fast bit of cardio (and I was quietly thanking the gods that my knees weren't complaining too badly from the stairs), Lily looked up how the weather was effecting the area. That was when we learned about the next town over having a section of road washed out due to the flooding and a good portion of the western part of town (ironically beside the same rail line that starts down the road from me) was getting evacuated because of it. I was impressed with this and decided that perhaps a tactical retreat homeward was the best option.

Cue the mile trudge back home through the same conditions. Cuddle Bear was six kinds of excited and happy with the whole walk. I was a bit more cranky because I was cold and concerned that the flooding might prompt Head Start to send the kids home early. We got home, changed into dry clothes, and ate lunch. Then I tried to call Head Start's transportation office to make arrangements for Snuggle Bug to get dropped off at home rather then at Lily's place. I was curtly informed that such arrangements needed to be made a day in advance, at minimum, and then the woman I was talking to hung up on me. I get that she was probably having a rough day with the weather being what it was. I wasn't exactly impressed (and honestly a bit annoyed) with her lack of customer service skills, however.

So, we make the trek back to Lily's place a bit later. It was a huge relief to find that the massive pool had diminished to a series of large puddles that were a quarter of an inch to an inch deep. We still had to go around one very large pool, where the poor guy living by the lumber yard had his whole lawn flooded and about a hundred feet of sidewalk submerged as well. We were most of the way to Lily's place when we came by the spot that the runoff ditch was spilling into the street.

I was honestly surprised to find a fish laying on the sidewalk. I wasn't sure if it was alive at first when Cuddle Bear pointed it out. Then I leaned down and saw the poor thing's gills flapping. As I didn't know where the nearest body of water was, aside from the lake that was a quarter of a mile away, I felt a bit bad leaving the fish there on the sidewalk. When I saw Lily I mentioned the fish and asked if there was a pond nearby. She stated that there were two. One was at the western end of the runoff ditch on a bit of a rise and then there was one on the eastern end, across the street.

We walked back and I picked up the fish. It was so stunned and unwell that it didn't do anything other then flap its gills when I picked it up. I tossed it into the pond across the street. It made a pretty hefty splash. I couldn't tell what became of the fish after it hit the water. I'd like to think that it recovered because I didn't see it on the surface of the water when we passed by later after Snuggle Bug and Hot Rod's bus had dropped them off.

Snuggle Bug and Cuddle Bear had lots of fun jumping in the small puddles on the way home. We did a little bit of listening to random music on the internet before I set the boys up with some videos on Youtube while I did some dishes and made dinner. We had hamburgers, cheese crackers, and salad for dinner. Cuddle Bear just about had a meltdown when I put the salad on his plate. I told him, however, that he had to eat at least one bite of it before he could get more crackers. To his credit, he didn't take a single piece of lettuce and declare that is one bite.

Snuggle Bug surprised me and ate all of his salad, cheering after each bite that he loved salad. I think I am going to have to hang onto this particular variety of salad dressing because the salad wasn't any different from the ones I have made before. The dressing was Kraft's Red Bell Pepper Italian dressing. I think I am going to have to stock that in my cupboard now. I wasn't terribly impressed with the pretzel rolls that I had gotten when I went grocery shopping at Aldi's last Saturday. I didn't think they were bad but they didn't go well with the burger or the grilled portobello mushroom. I had planned on saving the mushroom for my lunch tomorrow but I was too hungry to pass it up.

Fortunately, I have more of those big, tasty mushrooms in the fridge. I can still zap one in the microwave and have it tomorrow for lunch. I haven't been posting pictures of the salads that I would have been making for myself of late because of two things. One: the software to upload the pictures from the camera to the computer hasn't been installed yet. Two: I have been eating sandwiches and soup rather then salads. I'm still doing alright for keeping breakfast meat free. My lunches, however, have been featuring more cold cuts then I want. Today, though, I manged to go vegan until dinner time. I'm not planning to do the vegan thing every day but once in a while isn't too bad of an idea.

Today, I walked 4 miles. Tomorrow, Snuggle Bug gets dropped off at home. I think it will be an inside day again. I am going to try to get some exercise in by way of housework tomorrow. My living room is literally a train wreck. The boys set up a monstrously huge train track through out the living room and it is in pieces now. Between that and matchbox cars, I don't think I need to fear any ninjas breaking into my home. We have lots and lots of caltrops for them to step on. Thank goodness the legos are regulated to being table toys.

Celebrating Independence day is optional.

It has been a few years now since I have felt the pull to celebrate the 4th of July. It is less a matter of not enjoying fireworks and barbecues and more that I feel a deep sense of disconnect with the folks around me who get whipped up into a patriotic fervor. It's not that I don't love my country. It's not that I'm not proud of the good that we have done as a nation. And it is most definitely that I don't appreciate the sacrifices that have been made so that we might live in relative freedom compared to the rest of the world.

I appreciate all of these things. I enjoy a good fireworks show as much, if not a little bit more, then the next gal. Family barbecues are often the highlights of the summer. My problem, however, is that I can't blithely celebrate all of these things while there is so much that is very, very wrong in this country. Celebrating our 'freedom' while our nation has one of the highest incarcaration rates in the world strikes me as a sick irony. We're tied with Seychelles for the number one position on that list. When people cheer about USA being number one at something, I highly doubt this is what they have in mind.

I can not in good conscience celebrate the military when the military does such a poor job of taking care of veterans. The VA is infamous for the poor quality of their hospitals and of their poor quality of service to the veterans. When there are veterans dying as they are waiting for assistance from the hospital and that this is reported in news story, after news story, after news story, there is something terribly wrong with this picture. This is not something to celebrate. This is something to get angry over and demand to be fixed.

I can not in good conscience celebrate the 'freedom' of the nation when rulings are made that strip liberties away from the people and encourage discriminatory practices by the Supreme Court. Rulings like the most recent one on the Hobby Lobby case, the one a few years back regarding eminent domain, or the other one from recent past wherein portions of the restrictions on how spending was used in an election were struck down. I can not look at these things and say that my nation respects my freedom and rights with these kinds of decisions.

The Hobby Lobby case has established that one's employer may pressure their employees against medical treatments that the employer finds distasteful. One might say that I am blowing this out of proportion because it is merely telling them that they can choose not to consume health insurance options that permit contraceptives (in this specific case) but they have always had that option. The case establishes that it is in principle tolerable and legal to discriminate against women who use contraceptives, regardless of the cause and medical need for said use. I said something about this a few days ago. You may want to take a peek at it to get my full opinion on the implications of that ruling.

The eminent domain ruling has essentially ended private property ownership, when it comes to land. It has created a situation where a business can, on the promise of creating more tax revenue for the municipality, take your property under color of law. It may not be the business itself taking the land, but the end result is just that. There's a reason why many people hate Walmart. It is because since this ruling, Walmart has been utilizing this legal process of ejecting people from their property on a regular basis. The only reason why no one has really heard much about it in the news is because the business is big and brings in a considerable amount of money, compared to the private property owners who are getting shafted. Also, the law hasn't been used to force people out of their houses, for the most part.

No, people losing their homes have been a result of financial bubbles collapsing and shady business practices in the banking world. Another thing that I can not say makes the 4th worth celebrating. The 'American Dream' is to own your own home, have a vehicle, and a reasonably secure job that you can retire from once you've become old enough that you're not particularly apt at it any more. That dream is not a reality for most of the nation. Most of us are going to be working until we're well into our 'Golden Years' and I don't expect Social Security to provide much of a safety net.

According to theory, on paper, my family is middle class. Functionally, we're at the bottom of the middle class spectrum. We have health insurance through charity programs because we can't afford it otherwise. We've used up most of our savings on medication to manage my health problems. We are mired in debt because we did what we were encouraged to when we finished high school: went to college. There are people who have college degrees who are working multiple minimum wage jobs to keep a roof over their head. Why? Because the jobs that we were promised before we went to college aren't there.

The nation is living paycheck to paycheck. In some cases, they're hanging in the best they can until they get their benefits check at the beginning of the month. I can not celebrate this. I don't celebrate Independence Day because there's too many things wrong with this country. I don't feel that I or the rest of us have the right to rest on the laurels collected by others and perform in public rituals of mental masturbation, ignoring the work that needs done.

Between the unjust wars that we have entered into and the plight of the nation becoming clear to me, I simply can not celebrate the nation in that unanimous orgy of fireworks, hot dogs, and beer that so many of my countrymen do. It is the same as spitting in the face of my neighbors who count themselves lucky if they can afford those hot dogs this week. I refuse to do that.

Update (2/2)

Now, if you feel like you are jumping in at the middle right now, it's because you are. Please, read my last post to clear up any confusion. Otherwise, enjoy the ride! :) My story of the last several months is about to get a lot more interesting.

So, I stopped with August. It was early September when the fecal matter hit the artificial wind machine between my Mother and I. This, however, was after I went to my first Fiber Festival. I had an absolute ball and I lack the words to express how much I appreciated my mother-in-law bringing me with her. Having the day free from the children and getting to visit with her was just what I needed at that time, her generously buying me a small tapestry loom and a niddy-noddy was just absolutely over the top amazing! Everyone I met there was so warm and inviting. It was an absolute surprise (and delight) when I was invited to give a presentation at next year's festival on how to spin using a wrist distaff. I was so excited I could hardly speak! Then, when I found my words, I just couldn't stop saying thank you.

That wonderful moment in September was then followed by the worst. First, one of my aunts, whom we had learned was diagnosed with esophageal cancer back at the beginning of August, died. This was a woman who was a picture of grace, civility, and kindness. I have admired her for a long time and have always been thrilled that she and my uncle (who was a generally frustrated bachelor before she came into his life) were so happy together. They were the couple who still acted like newlyweds even though they had been married for almost 25 years. We were unable to attend the memorial services or the funeral. I still feel badly that all we were able to do was to send a card. It felt like such a cold thing to do. I was really looking forward to introducing her to her great-nephew this year. (I really want to find the ornament that she had given me for Christmas years ago when I was a kid to put it on the tree in her memory. I haven't found it yet in the box, however.)

Almost a week later, Mom and I had our heart to heart conversation. A conversation that had fully convinced me that my Mom had finally and completely lost her mind. One that also lead me to the conclusion that it is best for my psychological well being and the well being of my children that we have nothing to do with her until she changes her behavior. Mom rambled on for almost four hours about how my brother's soon to be ex-wife was psychologically abusing him and psychologically abusing me, how she believes that I am manic-depressive, and how my friends are degenerates that I shouldn't be allowing to baby sit or otherwise influence my children's lives. Now, Beloved had a good point. Four hours is a ridiculous length of time to listen to such nonsense but I was too busy being baffled, flabberghasted and trying to figure out just what her point was in all of this to put a stop to it.

Amazingly enough, I wasn't offended. Though her stating that I was a good mother in between criticizing how I am raising my children, my house keeping skills, and my choice of associates (most of whom she doesn't even know and hasn't met) really should have offended me. I guess my being too busy trying to figure out what was going on in her head made me impervious to her efforts to offend. I'm not sure but what ever it was, I am thankful for it. Because it gave me the clarity of mind to first not have the upset reaction that she was expecting when she told me that she thought I was headed for suicidal depression and that she was cutting off all contact with me because she couldn't handle my highs and lows. She was expecting me to become extremely upset and pliant to her demands. Instead, I simply said, "Well, you do what you think is best for you."

I know she didn't expect me to call her on what she did when she threatened the lives of my youngest brother's daughters. You see, I would have let her comment about how if something untword happened to my children when they were being babysat by my sister-in-law or her mother that my mother would kill everyone in the house. I would have been more then happy to let that go as bluster, except for she made a point of repeating this several times and directly mentioning that this included the three little girls over there who are her granddaughters. At the time, I was too stunned to do anything.

I didn't sleep well that night as I tried to decide what to say or do about it. In the end, I sent an email to my father. In the email, I recounted the conversation. I then proceeded to explain that my mom wasn't allowed to be alone with my children ever again and that I was going to have nothing to do with her until she changed her behavior. I clearly stated my opinions on her efforts to coerce me and her pathetic attempt to make me feel as though I would be morally implicated in her actions if she did such a thing. I also made very clear that if she did something to harm any of the children in the family, I would be one of the first people at the police reporting that conversation to them. This got a predictably unpleasant reaction from my parents.

Beloved, however, screened the email and has advised me not to read it because he knows how upsetting it would be for me. The short version that Beloved gave me is that my father all but accused me of lying and doing this to either hurt my mother or to seek attention. To say the least, I am not bringing my family to the big Christmas or New Year's party held by that side of the family. We didn't go to the Thanksgiving dinner this year because we knew that my parents would be there and it would turn ugly. Already, this has rippled out and my youngest brother is upset. Most likely with me for a few different reasons, the first of which being that I didn't tell him directly but rather I told our parents and his soon to be ex-wife. That was because I knew that he wasn't going to believe me. The second reason being because it's made the arguments between him and his wife all the more acrimonious. Knowing my vindictive and insane mother, I am fairly certian that she is going to if not is actively working on doing her best to poison my relationships with the rest of my side of the family for what I have done.

I simply can't stand by and take the abuse anymore from her. And she crossed a line when she threatened the life of some one I love to coerce me into doing something she wanted. She crossed a second line when she threatened the life of a child to coerce me. And she crossed a third line when she threatened the safety and life of a family member. Now, if mom decides to get her head straightened out, does a complete 180 to this behavior, and gives me an honest and genuine apology for what she has done, I may consider speaking to her again. Until that happens, however, I am not going to be in the same room that she is in, not even if it's because my cherished grandmother is dying and has begged for it to happen. And that is something that I think is going to happen some time over the next few years.

October was relatively quiet, except for the fact that my PTSD kicked into high gear. It was then that I realized just what the reason why I didn't remember about 5 to 10 years of my life. Flashbacks to being beaten by my parents and various other rather... awful things along those lines became the norm. Oddly, and reassuringly, enough these didn't happen during the times where my husband and I indulged our shared delight in BDSM. I don't think I'd be able to handle having flashbacks during sex again. It was too horrific before when I was recovering from the abuseive relationship in high school. To go thru that now... It would be just too painful to endure, I think.

Snuggle Bug's colic finally began to resolve near the end of October. It made getting sleep a bit easier for a few weeks. Then Cuddle Bear's 2 year molars started coming in. That was not much fun, but we all got thru relatively unscathed. Holloween was a washout. Thank goodness that our friends out in Buffalo had that party. Snuggle Bug didn't go to the party in a costume but rather a Holloween themed outfit. (Purple is definately not this child's color, neither is orange.) Cuddle Bear was a cowboy and we've got some really cute pictures of that also. Again, I hope to post one of them up soon. When Holloween came, the weather was too foul for the children to go out trick-or-treating. Fortunately, however, Cuddle Bear didn't mind it too much.

November arrived with blustery weather, as per usual for around here. It brought another attempt to write a novel. I didn't win NaNoWriMo this year, though I did make considerable progress. I did find, however, that the preparation work that I had done in October was incredibly helpful for me. I am now working on finishing the novel this month. I am pleased to say that it is not like The Red Chair (my attempt last year) but rather a final version of the first novel in a series that I have drafted out. I am rather shocked by how much darker this version is but it finally rings true.

I just need to get out of my own way and write the story as it is revealing itself. This, however, is very uncomfortable. I have already written some rather graphic and disturbing scenes. I'm not even a full third of the way into the plot that I have drafted out for this novel. I'm making progress, but there are some twists and turns to the plot that are both proving surprisingly important and uncomfortable to write.

Early November/late September also brought tragedy to some relatives of my sister-in-law. Their house burned down and they were lucky to get out with their lives. The baby had some problems with smoke inhalation and the father had torn some muscles in his heroic action of throwing a full dresser out a window so that everyone could escape. Aside from that, however, all injuries were minor and everyone is in good health now. I was doing my bi-annual closet sorting and we sent over multiple boxes of clothes. I also found a Moses basket. It's funny, I found something I had wanted dearly for my own child and I gave it away. I feel a small pang of disappointment that I gave it away but I couldn't have kept it in good conscience.

Thanksgiving was with my husband's side of the family for reasons mentioned earlier. Cuddle Bear had a ball playing with some of the children of family friends. It was a very good thing that I had prepaired a bag of toys for him, because it proved the surprise hit of the night. The toy truck and the blocks being knocked down terrified the poor cat more then an exuberant Cuddle Bear's excited cry of "KITTY!", however.

We're now into December and it's going to be a hard month for me. Fortunately, I have enough going on that I am going to probably be too busy to get truly caught up into a funk. A dear friend of ours is going to be going to jail for a crime that was breaking an unjust law out of ignorance. The poor man was functionally forced to plea guilty because of how the whole mess is setup. It's been an excruciating year to watch this unfurl. Beloved and I love this man like a brother. It breaks our hearts that we can't do anything more for him or his lovely wife then what we are currently doing. We are all hoping that the sentencing date which is later this week brings something surprisingly wonderful. A foolish small part of me hopes that the judge will call it 'time served' on the basis of our letters, but I recognize that is far beyond wishful thinking. If it does happen, that will clearly be an example of divine intervention and I think my life is going to become incredibly more interesting then I was even daring to consider as a remote possibility.

I have been working on making Christmas gifts for the children of the family. I was going to make Snuggle Bug another blanket, but he has been given several blankets as something of a surprise gift. So I suppose the sweater that I'm making for him is going to be his gift. I'm at a bit of a loss for what to give Cuddle Bear, but I'll figure something out over the next few days. I have the gifts for my brother-in-law's girls done. They're currently crazy about Disney princesses, so they're each getting a personalized pillowcase with the princesses on it.

My eldest neice is getting a crochet purse in her favorite colors. I'm thinking that I'll include a nice little bit of jewelery in it as well. I'm not fully decided as to what to make for her, though, but I am leaning towards a bracelet and necklace set. For my sister-in-law (my brother's soon to be ex), I have a necklace that I'm going to be making soon. As she loves elephants, I think she is going to really enjoy this necklace with an elephant charm on it. When I got the parts, I was going to make it for my mother, because mom loves elephants too. I am not doing that now because she's never going to get another thing from me again, I suspect. For my sister-in-law's youngest child (and my youngest neice), I have been working on a crochet doll (at the request of Cuddle Bear). He also asked me to make 'something pretty' for her two older cousins.

As I have an army of fabric, I am looking into my options. The girls are all about coloring right now and their mother is talking about starting to teach them how to cook. So I think we're going to be giving them aprons with fabric crayons to make their own designs for them as well as canvas bags to make nifty as well. I need to come up with something to surprise Beloved with, and I do have a project in the works. Hopefully, I can get it done on the sly.

That, however, brings everything up to date. I am now going to go make lunch for a sick Cuddle Bear and get some cleaning done in the kitchen. I'll post about some other irons I have in the fire in the near future. I promise, it is not going to be months before I post again.

Missing.

A dear friend of mine is in a terrible situation right now. Her mother has gone missing. If you are in Anne Arundel Co. MD and you happen to see this woman, please, for the love of everything holy let the authorities know!

Here's the news story about it from the Examiner.

Lady_Cinnibar, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. While there isn't much I can do for you from up here in western NY, please, call me as soon as you know anything. The time doesn't matter. *hugs*