Screw Valentine's Day.

 Everything in the stores are pink and red. Hearts all over the place. Oversized plushies and boxes of chocolate damn near spilling into the aisles. It makes me grumpy. So much emphasis is put on romantic love that all other forms of love are pushed aside. It only matters if you have a Hallmark Movie moment. Fuck that noise.

I'm too busy to do that shit. My husband is too busy to do that shit. We don't do well with the social pressure to put on neurotypical/socially conventional displays of affection at the drop of the hat. We never have. As a result, we kinda have a hatred for Valentine's day and just about everything it stands for. The commercialization of love is disgusting and repellant. I'm sorry, but my relationship is unique and your cookie cutter mold of how we should express ourselves and what we're supposed to give as gifts to each other (on demand) isn't going to fit. It's just awful and it is horrid to see this pressure put on young people.

My kids struggle with the concept of Valentine's day and romance. There's a lot of subtext there that they can't read. As a result, when they try to fit in, it fails because they read the script literally. And when they choose to ignore it they're considered to be aloof and not interested in socialization. My 15 yo would like a girlfriend. Partly, it's because of the desire to fit in with his peers. Partly, it is because he sees the relationship that my husband and I have and he wants to build something like that for himself.

I'd prefer that he look for a partner that he can have weird in-jokes with and count on to be there for him when things get challenging. I think that would be healthier for him than hopping into a relationship so that he fits in better with what he sees his peers have going on. I did that and it had horrific results. I don't want him to experience the pain and manipulation that goes with an abusive partner who snaps you up because your lonely and desperate to fit in to the social mold of high school.

I worry that will happen to the kids because they read everything literally. So, when that person says 'I love you.' they are going to think it's genuine when it's actually a line of bullshit to strengthen the social bond that the abusive person is building between them before the honeymoon period ends and bad things happen. So many people think Valentine's day is harmless and romantic. It's not, but nobody wants to shatter that illusion.