It occurred to me the other day that dressing as I am now and wearing a mask, my parents wouldn't recognize me from anybody else on the street. There's be some muttering about 'face diaper' or something, and possibly some scorn about my being a 'freak' but that'd be all directed under their breath with no idea that it was me. Going goth, I realized, is more than a 180 in my clothing style. It completely changes how I look to the point that people who knew me 20 years ago are not going to recognize me, unless they've been following this blog or the other places on the internet where I've been active.
This feeling that comes with this realization is dizzying and wonderful. I feel like I'm free. Some would comment that my wearing a BDSM collar doesn't exactly go with that concept, but they don't know a damn thing about the dynamic between Beloved and I so their opinion doesn't really matter. My new collar hasn't arrived yet but should be soon. It's a combination of pink and black. It is actually rather understated and elegant. I plan on posting pics when it comes in and I get to wear it.
I worry a little bit that the dye is going to transfer. I also worry about the vanilla people in my life getting into an uproar equivalent to the one that my father did when he saw the bondage bear keychain. As such, I'm thinking about getting a second collar or choker made from stainless steel that I can wear. It'll have the weight similar to the leather one and look like a funky necklace. A part of me wants to say 'fuck it, they just have to deal with it.' But, I can see that there is some mild discomfort on the fact that I've gone all black in my clothing styles.
I haven't really gotten anything fancy yet. I plan on someday having a fancy black dress for special occasions. Right now, the black dresses that I own are really simple. I am waiting and saving money for that special occasion dress. If I'm lucky, I'll find something black with bright pink accents. I've seen some Lolita style stuff that was cute but the Lolita concept kinda doesn't work when you're a bit over weight because most of the people making that stuff are focused on the 20 year olds who haven't had two kids. I have been thinking about the style icons of Morticia Addams (as played by Angelica Huston) and Elvira. The problem there is I'm not as busty as they are. I know I'll figure something out, I'm just having fun window shopping right now. Next year, I'll buy myself something fancy.
Right now, I'm focused on practical and comfortable. I hit that goal. Now I just have to figure out how to make my accent colors work and have fun with it. Also, I need to mend my shorts because I hate the distressed jeans style and hem my jeans because they're about two and a half inches too long. If I were just a little bit taller, they'd fit me perfectly. Or I have to go out and get combat boots. If I am getting boots, I'm going to find glittery ones because they have to exist. Then I can have my stompy boots for looking cool.
As it stands, my kids right now think I look cool. So I must be doing something right.
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