Ugh. Diabetes can die in a fire.

I hate diabetes. If I eat later in the day than 6pm my morning blood sugar runs high. If I eat earlier than 6pm, I feel like I am starving for the rest of the evening. I find myself in this position where I am stuck with a schedule I don't like dictated by circumstance and hunger. I am finding that if I am not up by 6 am every morning, I get things mixed up and I forget to take my medications. That screws up my blood sugar numbers for the rest of the day and part of the next. And I feel like hell because my blood sugar numbers are screwed up and I didn't get my anxiety meds at the right time.

If I eat breakfast at 6am, I have to eat a snack by 10 am. If I don't, I feel terrible and get hangry. If I eat lunch at noon, I have to have a snack by 4pm or the same happens. But this makes me have less of an appetite at dinner time. And I have to eat dinner by 6pm this way my blood sugar numbers are not too high when 9:30pm hits and I am having my bedtime snack.

Now, you'd figure with the regular snacks and meals I wouldn't be hungry all the damn time. But I am. And I can't eat the food that I know would satisfy that feeling of hunger because my blood sugar runs high when it happens. Because carbs and I don't get along well now.

I'm getting exasperated with all of this. And, since the diabetes diagnosis my night vision (which wasn't that awesome to begin with) has gotten worse. To the point that I am avoiding driving at night because I get blinded by headlights. The bitter irony that I, the kid who wanted to be an astronomer, can't see worth crap in the dark is not lost on me. I'm going to be scheduling an appointment with my optometrist when I know the insurance will cover it. Because the insurance only covers one eye test per year unless it is medically necessary. And I don't think my bad night vision requires I get a new pair of glasses because my distance and close up vision haven't changed.

On a clear night, I look up and I can see the stars. As long as there isn't any street lights or car headlights around. But, I live in town. So, I can't really do any stargazing now. I have a telescope that I can't use because of my vision issues. It makes me feel awful. Because I can't even stay up to do much stargazing anyhow. My night time medications knock me out in about 30 minutes. And if I don't get to bed by 10, I am not going to be functional at 6 am.

This was not how I envisioned my life happening.