Keep calm and carry on.

I've been spending some quality time at my altar praying today. It has been a particularly trying time over the last few weeks for reasons that I'm not entirely comfortable talking about here. What I can share, however, is pretty big stuff all on its own.

I may or may not have mentioned it before now, but I am diagnosed with Bipolar II, social phobia, and complex post-traumatic stress disorder. With all three conditions, the more stress I am under, the more problems I have with them. Over the last few months, Beloved and I have had more then our share of stress to deal with.

Some of the stress is just the run of the mill nonsense that goes with being a parent and dealing with the current economy in Western New York. (I swear bread and milk get more expensive every other week.) Some of the stress is from the challenges of getting the boys appointments taken care of.

As a result of all this scheduling and running hither and yon, we now have a diagnosis for Cuddle Bear. He's been diagnosed as autistic. This will, in theory, make it easier for the professionals to help him out with stuff at school. At his parent-teacher conference a little while back, they were telling me how they are lobbying for him to get a 1:1 aide. I'm hopeful that this diagnosis will help them obtain what additional supports he needs.




 All of that said, I'm scared.

I'm scared that the developmental delays will become worse as time goes on. I'm scared that I am somehow contributing to their problems by trying to compensate for the difficulties that they have.

Most of all, I am scared that autism means that my boys are going to be developmentally disabled for all their life. The doctors tell me that Cuddle Bear is on the moderate to high functioning end of the spectrum. This should give me hope. For some reason, though, I only feel dread and fear right now. Thus, I pray.