Well, I feel... crushed.

My dreams of a house to move into kinda went poof in the last 15 minutes. I spoke to the mortgage guy who was recommended to us by the Realtor who is a friend of the family. We might have qualified if we didn't have the issue with the student loans and we did things in my husband's name. My problems with the damn credit card company has made me ... well... definately not a candidate in any fashion at all for a mortgage, even one of these nifty ones that the government has set up for people with low credit ratings and such.

The fact that our student loans are in forbearance... Well, that pretty much was the kiss of death. We're welcome to get a hold of the mortgage guy after we get our student loans out of forbearance and paid on for a year. The mortgage guy told me that it would be a functionally insurmountable strike against us on applying.

I want to cry right now. 90% of the places listed for rent and roughly the size we need we can't afford. I don't know what to do. We can't stay in this place that we're living in right now. We can't afford the new rent they're going to charge us. We simply can't afford that.

I don't know if I should plan on going back to work or not right now. I don't know if we're going to afford to feed ourselves after this new baby is born. I... I thought we were going to be able to do so. But now... Now I don't know. If we have to move into a place that we have to pay rent that is 100 to 200 dollars more a month then what we are paying now, that makes finances really difficult. Adding my son into the picture added roughly two hundred dollars a month in expenses to our bills before he was born. I figure the new baby is going to do about the same thing.

I just want to cry. I'm so psychologically fucked up with other shit that I can't manage to get my head screwed on right to work from home. I'm barely managing to keep things running relatively smoothly here. I'm scared and feeling a little ... a little desperate. I don't know what to do.