So, I'm reading the news on CNN's website and I see yet another article about cheating husbands. I see in these articles so many, many stupid ideas that are being perpetuated for no reason other then bullshit. It disgusts me to see so many people saying that if you fall in love with some one they must be your one and only for life. The heart doesn't work like that. You fall in and out of love with people all the time.
It is the relationship that needs to endure this and you need to decide if you want to continue the relationship as time moves forward. You can't force yourself to feel one thing or another because you think you should feel that way. It's wrong to do that and it's ultimately harmful to your psychological well-being. It's not your feelings that determine how you act. They can be a factor in it but they don't decide it. Yes, your feelings are a part of you, but they're a part of you like your arm. If you start beating some one to death, it is because you chose to act in that fashion.
I've got to admit, I'm utterly disgusted by the people who say that they cheated because of their feelings. You cheated because you chose to act on the feelings. You cheated because you believed it was in your best interests to act on those feelings rather then not do so, perhaps because you believed the relationship you had at that moment was not in your best interests at that time. You may be wondering why I'm bringing up the matter of an affair or cheating on your significant other in a post about polyamory.
It's actually connected. The predominant culture looks at polyamory as open invitation to orgies, disloyalty, and debauchery. It's possible to be polyamorus and not cheat. If you choose to maintain your relationships and openly address any issues in them, you're not cheating. It's the same as if you're monogamous. And cheating in polyamory is the same as cheating in monogamy. It's actually an equal risk. Because it all is dependent upon the decision of the individual to choose maintaining their relationship over acting upon their feelings for the person outside of the relationship.
It also gets me angry when people try to say that being polyamorus means you're amoral or otherwise morally deviant. Quite frankly, your morality and mine are different because they're rooted in two entirely different world views. We may have points that we agree are morally wrong or morally good, but we don't think the same way because we don't have the same beliefs. This country has religious freedom which should allow for people who's religion states that polyamory is permissible to engage in it. The real question with the marriage debate is not over the sanctity of marriage.
It is over the social construct's definitions and the rights and privilages accorded to people who are in a committed union. Gay marriage, straight marriage, polyamorous, or monogamous it doesn't change the question. Marriage law shouldn't be a question of the gender or the sexuality. Polyamory may complicate things, but perhaps we should rethink the focus of family law (which is where the question of the role of marriage arises) to more accurately reflect the reality of the situation.
That, however, is my thoughts, feelings, and opinions.
Either way, polyamory isn't as bad as people want to make it. And I'm getting sick of watching people demonize others for the fact that they can love more then one person in their lives. We can love our parents, our siblings, our friends, and damn near everyone else on the face of the earth. Are we supposed to turn that off when we get married? It's not a question of who you love but what your relationship with them is.
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