Struggling.

Yeah, I guess that's the word for it right now. I finally cried. That was last night.

I'm torn between deep anger at how the doctors blew off Rose's concerns and those of her husband and just ... wordlessly deep grief.

So many years of friendship on this green earth that were waiting are gone.
Making up for missing the wedding by throwing the baby shower... that'll never happen now.

So many other things that I had hoped for and looked forward to seeing, like going to the big 50th wedding anniversary party for them...

It hurts to realize just how many things you hoped to see and it may hurt as much as realizing how much you didn't say because you got in your own way.