Yeah, it's been a few days...

I'm not going to say how long it has been since I've written in my off-line journal. That'd be a bit longer, and it's all I'm going to admit to. At some point in time, I should probably copy what I've typed up on here into there, so that I've got a 'hard copy' record of it as well. I'm pretty sure that project will be at about the same point as the one I started to make a digital copy of my journals.

Alot has happened over the last several weeks. My darling Stargazer has lost several people in her family over a short span of time. You know that you are in the hearts and thoughts of everyone here in this house. Please, call me if there is anything we can do to be of help to you, love. If anything, I've got plenty of stupid human tricks I can compare notes with you on. I swear some of the people in this town just don't think at all!

I've been forced to admit that my youngest brother is an unrepentant asshole of the first order. His wife is on the verge of divorcing him because of his failure to stand up and act like a man. You know, uphold his end of the bargain to be a husband and a father to their three little girls. And all of this is even as he's shipped out to Afghanistan for the next year. I believe the most excruciating part of all this is the fact that I am torn between feeling like it'd be a good thing if this misogynistic bastard that shares the same genetic background that I do get's whacked in combat and feeling like my goofy little brother that helped me blow up model rockets to tick of Dad is going to die, and being terrified of that.

To say that I feel like I'm in a moral quandry is an understatement it so say one that is beyond my own masterful ability to commit such outrageous understatements. I love my family deeply. They are my own flesh and blood, and one of the few things that I feel you need to be able to count on in life. After all, if you don't have your kin behind you, you're going to be losing a lot of history and alot of support. At the same time, I find myself feeling that the ties of kinship pale in comparison to the abomination that my brother has become over the years. I don't even recognize this man.

I could add more but I don't believe I will.

I'll focus on happier things in another post. I need a little break before I get angry or upset.