Hopes and waiting

INFANT JOY
~ Wm. Blake

'I have no name;
I am but two days old.'
What shall I call thee?
'I happy am,
Joy is my name.'
Sweet joy befall thee!

Pretty joy!
Sweet joy, but two days old.
Sweet joy I call thee:
Thou dost smile,
I sing the while;
Sweet joy befall thee!

I will have to wait for that joy. Test results say not yet.

On the one hand, I'm a bit disappointed. Partly because I was hoping to be pregnant. Partly because I was hoping for a simple explination for the odd behaviors of my anatomy.

On the other hand, I'm some what relieved. Financially, things are not easy right now for my beloved Husband. Summer's coming up and I need to find a summer job. Pickings are somewhat slim right now, but we do what we can. I just hope that I won't have to go and suffer in a factory job. I absolutely detested doing that. It was one of the most painfully boring jobs I ever had.

In it all, I have but two fears.

1. We will not beable to adequately provide for our children when they are born.

2. Our children may have some of the severe genetic problems that are present in our family.

I generally do my best not to think about the things that scare me. Most days, it doesn't go through my mind more then once or twice. Other days, like today, I can't hardly stop thinking about it unless something distracts me. Like a rough day at work. :p