It's that time of year!

NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow. I am picking up a project from a little bit back (the fetish novel) and working on it this year. I have decided that it doesn't matter if I'm technically 'cheating' at NaNoWriMo this year. I am just going to work until the manuscript is finished. I am also going to attempt to do NaBloPoMo this year as well. The blog entries are going to be short but I am going to make a concentrated effort to get more disciplined in my blog posting.

This is in addition to the journaling that has been a bit hit or miss over the last two weeks. I want to try to get myself back into the swing of doing serious writing. Over the last several weeks/months, I have been struggling to get things down on paper. My bouts of depression have been robbing me of my voice. I am going to do my best to push through this and get serious about this again. I have four different manuscripts languishing. This really needs to be corrected.

A stable mood...

I'd really like to have one for a little while. Today's mixed episode SUCKS. I've been swinging back and forth between depressed, cranky, and 'normal' all day. As the day has worn on, I've been trending more towards the depressed and cranky end of things. This is bullshit. I just came out of a depressive episode. I don't want to go into another fucking one. Seriously, what the hell?

Took the plunge...

I just mailed out a submission package for my children's manuscript. We'll see what comes of this. In the meantime, I've got other stuff to type up and edit before publication. I hope I remember where I put my notebooks of poetry.

Stumbling forward.

I've been having a rough week or so. It started with Snuggle Bug getting sick the weekend before last. He recovered and Beloved and I thought that everything was fine. Two days later, Cuddle Bear gets sick. We keep him home from school and then I come down with the bloody thing. That was a long and miserable day. I am beyond thankful that Beloved took the day off from work to mind us. Snuggle Bug, was, of course, feeling perfectly fine and a ball of energy.

Cuddle Bear seemed to have improved and gotten over the bug by the time the next morning rolled around. Later in the afternoon, we get a call from the school nurse. He apparently has been crying, complaining of an upset tummy, and had a fever. So, with some help from Beloved's parents, I went and picked him up. Then came the four day weekend.

That started with a great deal of fanfare and excitement. Beloved's parents brought the boys a bunkbed set. I tried to help my FiL in assembling the bed but he refused all help. (If I had any questions where Beloved got his stubborn streak, they've been clearly answered now.) The boys were thrilled beyond belief that they had new beds. They are still very excited about them and it has been almost a week now that they have had them.

As a thank you to Beloved's parents, I made homemade pizza. The kids, both fully recovered from their illness, were again excited to be having homemade pizza. When their aunt showed up for dinner too, they were bouncing around the room like pinballs in a machine. Somehow we managed to get them settled down and off to bed. Then, after the guests left, Beloved took off to the airport to meet his girlfriend.

She managed to get lucky and find some time to fly out to visit. I kinda wish that I had the opportunity to visit with her some as well, but I recognize that her time was at something of a premium. She may be coming out again in a few months. I hope that I get to have the opportunity to sit and have a cup of tea with her. She's a really sweet lady and I'd like to get to know her better. I recognize, however, that part of what I need to do is get past my shyness and actually initiate a conversation or two as well.

So, that was the weekend. While Beloved was out entertaining his gal, the boys were off the wall crazy. Monday they were such a handful that I was ready to scream. The crochet snood that I had been working on for one of my online sisters got destroyed by the kids while I was in the bathroom. They ripped out 85% of my work. This was something I had been working on over the last few months.

Now the crochet hooks are missing. I have no idea how I'm going to get this thing done. I confess, I've been in a bit of a panic to find everything. Because I have yule gifts that I am going to be making by way of crochet. It has not been easy to keep my cool. I look at the snarled remains of that snood and I get so down right sad. That's ok, I have thread and if I have to, I will go buy another hook. Now that I have figured out the pattern, I can get to work on it and get it done.

I have slid down into a depressive episode and that's been making things difficult. I am writing this with some sense of trepidation. I feel very anxious that this blog entry is just going to bring nothing but criticism. My home is a mess because I haven't had the energy to stay on top of the cleaning. I have been feeling physically unwell. I think part of the problem is the depressive episode and part of the problem is that I started my menses. The cramping has been horrible. Thank goodness I've got raspberry tea and tylenol. I am just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'll get through this one day at a time.

I keep telling myself "Baby steps. FlyLady's right, this didn't happen all at once, I don't need to fix it all right now."

Yule list.

I've gotten the hat that I promised Beloved's brother done. It is, I fear, a size too small. So, I am going to make it again, a size larger. I figure I can give the smaller hat to someone else.

I have started work on a hat for Rocker Chick. It isn't coming out quite as I anticipated but I think it is because the variegation in the pink yarn is of a shorter length then I expected. It still looks quite nice and I am sure that the hat will be well liked. The nit-picky part of my brain says that it doesn't look right. I am actively telling it to hush.

I have a pair of books for Energizer Girl. I am going to make her a filet crochet bookmark as well.

I am at a bit of a loss for what to make for Energizer Girl's sisters. I need to talk with their mother about that.

Trouble 1 and 2, I think, are going to get a joint gift. I want to do something nice that they can both enjoy. But I don't think hats would go over very well.

Danger Duo have me stumped. I need to talk to their mother for ideas. Fortunately, I've got a few months until Yule.

I am at an utter loss for what to make for Beloved. The hat I made him last year has been sitting in a safe place where the kids don't run around the house with it. I suspect if I make him another hat, it'll have the same reception.

Cuddle Bear and Snuggle Bug are going to be getting amigurumi cars or trains, I haven't decided yet. But I think they'll love the idea of a plushy toy they can take to bed with them.

Publication? Me?

I'm getting exhorted to publish from several different directions. I'm currently freaking out a little bit over this. I have been having people I don't even know now telling me to get my work published. Apparently my Anam Cara has set into motion a chain of events that seems to be conspiring to having me write adult fiction. This is what happens when you decided to randomly write something for someone in the hopes of helping make life a little less boring. It WILL take on a life of it's own.

A part of me is screaming that the genie needs to go back into the bottle.

I am, however, only going to focus on my writing. I'll let the rest of it settle out as it will.